Some have very long lasting relationships with SOs, raise children, etc.

The way it works is to learn how to love.  It's the same for providers, nurses, doctors, firefighters, etc.

As far as keeping their work and professional lives seperate, people learn how to do that too.

Do providers fall in love?  If so, can they ever have a lasting relationship?  I know there are porn stars who are married with kids but I don't know of any provider who is married with kids.  Any providers out there who have a successful relationship?  I would like to know how you make it work.

I've been providing for a year and a half. My clients don't have a clue that I'm married unless they ask. If they ask me straight up I tell them. If they don't then I usually don't mention it.

Luckily, we have a great realationship. Providing has NEVER caused any issues or problems.

Of course providers fall in love. We are human just like anyone else. As far has having a lasting relationship ...that im not sure about. Some girls can and do have great relationships outside of this profession. I personally don't "date" at the moment simply because I don't think it would be fair to the other person and I wouldn't be able to provide without any guilt. Im having too much fun at the moment to consider throwing it away for a boyfriend or marriage. But thats just me. Every provider is different.

Dear Taylor:
Although it is possible to fall in love while being an active provider, I have just got to ask what kind of men do you seek when you not active in the business to men you seek while you are active in the business? What would be the make up of the men psychologically since this would usually be a non-traditional job that could involved emotions and attachments that could be extremely unwanted? I would imagine it would cut down the pool of men that you would persue because I am sure the business would be a topic of conversation at some point. This would be a critical question because I am sure that one of the things couples discuss that would be in mainstream jobs is their occupation.  That is why it would take a certain type of mature person who has been in several relationships where the woman has a job where she interacts with a lot of men and who has been in similar types of relationships with woman who have been in this type of entertainment industry.

if i am aware of that i prefer to avoid. it tends to be too dramatic. if it is concealed discreetly perhaps it does no harm. there is a wonderful lady in my profile, Amy, who, if you read her reviews has a family. she's a sweetheart. she seems to be quite competent at keeping her personal life and work separate. another favorite of mine is very good at this.

often the provider will do her best to keep that SO discreetly out of sight. but the SO (or perhaps even just a preferred client who is a would be SO) will intrude with completely unnecessary drama and try to manage the relationship from a distance. i find that unacceptably offensive.

whether a lady herself is responsible for an indiscretion or it is only a clever fire starting attempt on the part of a jealous SO or client, it is not my business to sort out. it is too much bother and not my business. so i strongly recommend that as soon as you know of a third party intruding into your dealings with a lady.... call a time out. go elsewhere. when i re-emerge from my present poor health to hobby again i am likely to avoid ladies who have seen certain clients who i know to be intrusive.

Ladies are pretty good at it. With all your reviews you've never had a post sex conversation about this?

frankly i wish i had zero reviews. of course i have had conversations about this with ladies i've been attached to in some way. i have ongoing conversations with a retired favorite about how things work.

my problems arise not so much from the ladies themselves but from some of the clients who think they have a superior claim to their attentions than i do. it's the guys who fail to compartmentalize.

if a lady innocently shares with a longer term or "better" client an appreciation of some of your qualities for good or bad things can get messy. if that client is possessive or thinks you are "unworthy" of that lady watch out.

because the reviews provide a possessive client or SO with intel as well, i wish i had never written one. it allowed my little affairs to be effectively interfered with.

I mean, what kind of question is that? No: providers are incapable of falling in love. None of us know how to have relationships. And how are (some) hobbyists capable of having relationships when they're out screwing around on their wives?

We make them work however other people do it- with love, commitment, and hard work. If you're talking about ladies who work while in a relationship, frankly it's often the men they are dating who have the issues, and not the women.

"Yeah, but does your husband know that you provide?"

 As long as he gets his percentage without working his own "ass" off, no problem.
Hey honey, show me the Money .
Oh Yeah.I love you too.

QUOTE[know there are porn stars who are married with kids but I don't know of any provider who is married with kids.]End Quote


Do you really think that the one's who are, advertise it or something? Do we really know whether or not a client is really married or not.. unless he tells us outright....no. I'd say more providers than not have children... some of us have been married at some point, some still are..

Outside the hobby I've managed serial monogamy for double digit years. Inside the hobby I tend to concentrate on one lady at a time. My problems in the hobby are as noted above. It is not that I am jealous of 'more important' clients. It is just that I don't feel good about seeing a lady whose more important client or SO plays games.

-- Modified on 11/10/2010 6:36:45 AM

and have kids, lol!  We are just as human as everyone else! Whether a relationship can last while the woman is a provider, that differs with each relationship.  It didn't work for me. But then again, I dated a hobbyist.  Will never do that again!

scoed"I know my wife provides and I don't want a dime of her earnings.""I make more than most escorts and pay the bills myself."  I would hate to be as jaded as you"Why don't you go fuck yourself as you seem to think so little the ladies in this profession"I found your post insulting


  I found your post ignorant.
You totally misunderstood my previous post as it was directed at the sleazy guys who take a  cut of the money with provider Gfs or wives.
Show me the Money.
Love wasn't mentioned.
Not only do you know your wife provides, so does everyone here.I deduct you will announce it again tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after,and on and on and on.
Did you buy her car?  Do you pay for "all" the household bills? Do you buy her clothes? Do you pay for vacation? Do you help her Mom out? Does she have her own account where she keeps the money she works her ass off for? Have you offered to rent your wife six days a week , so she doesn't feel the need to work but one,just for fun and lunch money?
I hold  ladies in this profession in high regard. Its the shallow leachy men who sponge off their love, I hold in contempt.
It is possible you are not a spongy  man like many strippers and providers BFs and husbands, but you sure were defensive. I didn't think of you when I posted but since you brought it up with such defense, I wonder of yuor motives.
If I am wrong with my suspicions ,and you are merely ignorant of as the world turns, I apologize.
If you really love and respect your wife, give her a massage next time,instead of blowing your imaginary horn on TER, writing essays about her and her friends. Look in the mirror and think  about your foolish jaded self.
I hope you got my drift this time.

The nature of such an illicit business attracts a certain element to it, if ya know what I mean.

I've known guys like that, "friends" of my BM's former friends - suitcase pimps. They don't do anything to earn their keep, they just say I love you until the money runs dry and then they pack their suitcase. 9 out of 10 times they'll go and shack up with one of her other hooker friends who is still earning. Dumb bitches. Pathetic assholes. They deserve each other.

My BM never forked over any cash directly into my hand but I did benefit from it. She'd pay for vacations that were out of my price range at the time, and the x-mas, B-day, Valentines, anniversary gifts she bought for me out shined the ones I bought for her by a long shot. Frankly, she made me look like dog shit, though inadvertantly. We were in two completely different tax brackets (if she actually paid taxes lol) and I had to tell her to slow it down.

But she paid her half of the bills, and I paid mine. She offered plenty of times to pay them all because she made hand over fist way more money than I did working part time pursuing a second degree, but FUCK that. I know better. I never quit my job, never stopped paying my own way.

Ya gotta pay the cost to be the boss, any thing less and you'll find yourself being a doormat to her whims.  

I dated this stripper when I was 19 and in college the first time, and she was banking like 800 a night. Told me to move in with her so I didn't have to pay rent, said she'd take care of everything. I was a 19yo piss poor college student, so I was like HELL YEAH! Sounds GREAT! Thanks baby! BIG mistake.

That girl RAN me... ragged. I couldn't tell her no to ANYTHING or I'd get the 'who pays the bills' lecture, who pays this who pays that, I take care of you and you can't even blah blah blah...get a fucking job. And I'd be like, 'But you ASKED for this!'

She was right though. If you can't stand on your own two feet you can't expect her to see you as a man. It was my fault for naively thinking that things could stay the same between us with her carrying all the financial weight. Lesson learned. Never again. Never. Ever. Ever.

What type of mind frame you have. Some girls are able to juggle the two (biz & civie life) and others have a problem seperating them.

I personally am a no strings kinda gal. I like the thrill and believe I'm young enough to play now and settle down later. But then again, I wouldn't mind having a sugar daddy though

Well I haven't gotten to the point of seeking any man outside of this. So I can't answer the question. Although I can say doing this has definitely changed my outlook on what attracts me to someone in general. If down the road I do end up in a committed serious relationship I would be honest about this being a part of my life,whether it be past of present. I think honesty would be crucial in making something work and last. Like I said though, not going to happen at the moment considering I couldn't be doing this and have a relationship outside of it.

Yeah, but does your husband know that you provide?  

I know my wife provides and I don't want a dime of her earnings. I would not feel right about taking it. I make more than most escorts and pay the bills myself. Are you really that shallow to think that a man could be with a lady who happens to provide for any other reason than money? The women who do this are just like any other women out there and they are just as worthy of love and are just as capable of returning said love. I would hate to be as jaded as you. I found your post insulting. Why don't you go fuck yourself as you seem to think so little the ladies in this profession that they not worthy of love. Fuck you.

some providers have had SOs that are content to live off the "easy" money (as if it WERE easy to provide) and even put them through school or help them out. then they (the providers) sometimes get disappointed and feel used. i've heard some stories from several ladies. of course there are providers who manage their relationships much more successfully.

Very few people that know me call me mature yet I am making it work with my wife. And to tell the truth my wife was only the second person I have had sex with. And before meeting my wife the only thing I knew about the hobby was the one time I tried it I was robbed and what I got off of TV. All it really takes is for the guy to really love the lady and accept her as she is. Maybe my marriage is doomed, but right now my marriage is as strong now as it was before she when back to providing. I know it was not asked for but there is my two cents.

But you're right. You're proof positive. Don't let the assholes like that get to you. You know who you are, and your relationship with your lovely wife.

BTW, when did you turn into such a pottie-mouth?!

I don't like it when people imply ether that guys that are married to providers are pimp in disguise or that providers are some how less than other women and not worthy of love. You know I am fairly even tempered, but somethings makes my blood boil. Crap like that is one of the biggest.

Do providers fall in love?
   Yes, they are women first providers second. Women fall in love.

If so, can they ever have a lasting relationship?
   Yes, I am married to a provider. She retired about a year after meeting me. I was never her client. After she retired we started to date a year later we got married. After about 5 years later she returned to providing for reasons I don't want to get into to day but have posted in the past. Back in April she confessed to returning to escorting. It has been rough, especially at first, but it is getting easier and I am making it work as is she.

Any providers out there who have a successful relationship?
   Yes, see above.

I would like to know how you make it work.

   First, it takes understanding and love on both parties part. Every guy has some insecurities, I more than most, and the hobby makes them much more in the for front. The lady needs to understand this and be reassuring as he works trough them. Also the guy must understand that it is her job to give her clients her "A game" and sometimes it is not always possible for her to do the same with him as no one can be their best 24/7. Also he must make peace with the fact that other men are doing his wife. This is a though one for me that I struggle with. The guy must not use her job as a weapon against her.

   Second, it takes a willingness to put the need of the one you love before your own. If you are only looking out for own needs any relationship is doomed. This does not mean you let anyone walk all over you, but it means that you need to be willing to go out of your way to do something kind each and every day without expecting anything in return. Both people must do this or over time feelings will get hurt. Both parties need to put the other first and other thing like their job second. Both must be there for each other.

   Third, both parties must make time for the other that is exclusive set aside just for each other. My wife and I go on weekly dates. We talk, play games, joke, eat just like we did when we were first dating, just the two of us. Also we try to eat dinner as a family and have a weekly family outing. We also set aside a time to talk just for a few minutes each day (except over the weekends as she is working and does not come home) to talk about our day and any issues that come up.

   Fourth, communication and honesty is the key. Talk often. Both parties should be honest with each other and not hide things. Every time I tried to hide something form my wife it hurt her. Every time my wife hid something from me it hurt bad when I later found out. This does not mean you state every stupid thing that come in your mind, like she looks fat in that dress, just don't hide the big things.

    Fifth, and last but not least, both people must learn to forgive. Hurt feeling will happen.  Everyone has moments weakness, selfishness, and dishonestly both must be able to look past this. No one  is perfect, mistakes are made and if ether person holds on to them for to long they will doom any relationship. Forgiveness is key to repairing the damage done in moments of weakness and stupidity.

   As you can see it is not that much different than other relationships. Every relationship takes hard work and commitment to maintain. The relationship between a lady who is a provider and her SO is not that much different. It just has more issues do to the nature of her job. It can work if both people work at it. I love my wife and she loves me.


P.S. Why are you asking? Are you falling for your ATF? Just wondering.

Just thru me for a loop is all. But I'm feeling ya.

No, no that way.

If you don't bring your professional life to bed with you at night, there's no reason it can't work.

IMHO anyway...

Now before you all jump on me, lets face it, this is a very different life style very different world and requires two very different ppl involved in a relationship to make this all successful.
Of course we love laugh cry and live the rest of our lives like the rest of the world.
I too get fed up with ppl asking stupid questions as if we don't live in the real world. I do though undrstand this is not the norm and get the jist of his curiosity.
It DOES take a very secure person to be involved with a provider. Not everyone is comfortable in this rhelm.
Many relationships soon as they are told, end right then and there. Trust is important and they need to be 2 very strong ppl.
Plus many are NOT interested in sharing their loved one and will not tolerate it.
For the most part I have found its rare the Ladies who are successful in maintaining a healthy strong vibrant relationship. It is possable does happen but for the most part its a lot to ask of someone.

never again.
started out AS just dating so felt no need to throw my whole life out there if it wasn't serious.
There was a point when it was time to tell and we slipped Past that point and then I felt i couldn't tell. So eventually things unraveled and it got out of hand, he did find out, I admitted it not in detail though. Soon as it was out there the relationship was over, he was angry, more than angry and it was a total nuclear disaster.
I think its a lot of work on top of the work a normal relationship is I don't have the energy for all that BS so for me until further notice I am taking a pass.

Finding a man who can "deal" with my line of work has proven to be next to impossible here in this conservative state!  The mindset here seems not to be "Minnesota Friendly" when it comes to ideas that are out of the box.  I've given up even trying to date a civie.  I've tried it every which way but loose...

Here's a few ways I've tried this thing:

1.  Meet a guy, but don't tell him what I do right away (wait until I think it's "safe").  Doesn't work.  He get's pissed off that you "lied to him, and cheated on him", or just won't date someone who "sleeps with other men".  

One man said "I love you, but I won't share my bed"

OK, how about if I don't use "our" bed...I never entertain clients in m own bed.  I use my massage room, which has a table and a bed in it.  


2.  Tell them right away, when I think they are interested in seeing me again.  

They think about it, wrap their heads (both of them) around the idea of a relationship with a "lady of the evening"...

Nope, won't work.   Now they see me as hot, sexy, irresistible, and they just want a sexual relationship.  Been there, done that (for 20 years, while I was married)....there's more there, boys.  Between the ears.  Not just between the legs (if you want a relationship, that is).

3.  Don't tell them at all.  I even tried this one!  The man was not committed to me, but we dated (not exclusively) for two years, every now and then (mostly for social dancing, but we had sex and were very fond of one another).    That's why I didn't tell him what I do-he wasn't ready to commit, so why would I take a huge risk and tell him what I do for work, only to have him never call me again???

When I started to grow very fond of him, I told him that I wanted to see him more, and wondered how he felt.  Well, turns out that he found out about Alantra (he had a feeling about it), and he hasn't called me since...

It's a no win thing for me.  If I tell them, they run.  If I don't tell them, they get mad when I do tell them!!  

Is it just Minnesota?  Do I have to move to another part of the country, or out of the country in order to be with a man while I am still a working girl???

I've given up for now.  Any ideas?






-- Modified on 11/11/2010 1:05:33 AM

First off you made a very broad blanket post that did not state that there was those that where not leaches. You lumped all provider's SO as a bunch of pimps. Almost every time someone new learns what my wife does I get ether "She is a gold-digger there kind just want your money. They aren't capable of love." or "Why do  you let her do this do you need the money that bad? What are you her pimp?" It gets old. I thought I you where spouting that same tired BS that even my dad tried to feed me. If you were not, I apologize. You asked some questions so I will answer.

- Did you buy her car?
Yes, I payed for both of her cars, I get them maintained, and pay for her insurance.

-Do you pay for "all" the household bills?
Yes, I pay 100% of the house hold expenses.

-Do you buy her clothes?
I buy some of her clothes, I would buy all of her clothes if she wanted me to.

-Do you pay for vacation?
I have not went on a vacation sense I met her other than a week for the honeymoon, That she paid for but was not a provider at the time.

-Do you help her Mom out?
I hate her mom for what she has done to my wife. I would help her mom out if my wife asked me to, but I would only do so for my wife not her.

-Do you help her Mom out? Does she have her own account where she keeps the money she works her ass off for?
Yes, every dime my wife has made escorting is in an account only in her name that I set up and have been putting the money in. She did not know of this account until a few days ago and when she found out she was not happy. That account was one of the biggest mistakes of my marriage. It hurt her. It was selfish of me.

-Have you offered to rent your wife six days a week , so she doesn't feel the need to work but one,just for fun and lunch money?
I have offered to let her stay home and not work. I have offered her a job in my company. I offered to find work in the field she is trained in. I have even offered to bail out her failed company and get her business running again. She wants to provide.

I am defensive because everyone who finds out what my wife does is always thinking I am her pimp. Truth be told I would give almost anything if she would quit. I hate pimps. So I am a bit touchy. I do admit to being both jaded and foolish at times.

I know of guys like this as well. They sicken me.

I know many girls are comfortable with having a relationship at the same time as being an escort and I so wish I was one of them!

I've tried and it always ended in a disaster so until I retire I've made the choice to stay single.

I was a provider, 13 years ago, and met my husband. He paid for 2 sessions and then I stopped charging him because I knew I was going to marry him one day (he still doesn't believe that). We have been married for 10 years, have a child and an incredible life. I have recently gotten back into the hobby as a provider and he wholeheartedly supports me (he enjoys the juicy details). Life is Good!

I would recommend taking a very long break from your ATF if you have feelings that are not mutually desired. Being in a romantic long term relationship with a provider is difficult. If you are not sure you can handle it, it is better that you end it quick. I think your choice to listen to your brain is wise. Now, I don't think it is a matter of conscience that tells you to avoid a romantic relationship with a provider, as they are much like non-provider women in their needs and desires but more so a self awareness that you can't handle that relationship. I love my wife but I struggle with her choice of work.

Must have been a bad guy.

Sure makes things tough for us nice guys.

Not at all.  Takes 2 to Tango.