The other three were miserable experiences in which he went soft for one reason or another. Looks like he needs to learn how to read a review and do his homework, rather than criticizing how other people write theirs. If he'd read more than a few reviews he'd know most of them are over-written and read like "Letters to Penthouse."

"Okay, so I arrive at her hotel, take a giant dump in her toilet (huge), ..."

 
I skim reviews for deal breakers: attitude, appearance,  etc...no real interest in some other dude's porn experience.  Regarding the quoted passage,  I probably wouldn't see the provider because she didn't throw the slob out.

"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness." - Edward Bulwer-Lytton

information if the reviewer had described how the provider reacted to all of this.  Reviews that only give a laundry list of sex positions or describe how the session went ONLY from the reviewer's own point of view have little value for others who are trying to decide whether to see a particular provider or not.  I don't mind reading anecdotal info like this as long as the reviewer also describes with the same specificity what the provider did in response or how she acted or contributed to the experience.  Was she passive or was she enthusiastically engaged in making this happen as the reviewer describes?  We can't tell from this unless there is more that you left out.  Every session has both a physical and social component.  Many reviewers make little mention of the social component and how active the provider was and what she did specifically to ensure a great time for the customer.  From this one phrase, it's possible that the provider was sleeping while this guy was having the time of his life.  We need to hear both sides.  

 
When you get more experience, you will come to realize that with reviews, too much information is better than too little.  It's up to the reader to decide what parts apply to him and what he is seeking out of a session.  Not all mongers are looking for the same experience.  

Some mongers think they are Hemingway. They are not.

They inevitably comes across as someone seeking validation from readers that they are indeed Pulitzer prize worthy writers. It's comical.

I try to write a review that is descriptive of the provider, is informative, some interactive play by play, some humor, some social interplay and a rating of some kind.
A spell check, grammar check and proofread is also something I do.
Too bad a lot of reviewers don't try to clean up their reviews, I understand that English is not their first language, but spell check is in the TER system!  
I might not always hit the mark, but I am always looking to improve my reviews to benefit the Mongers that read them.

I prefer the graphic details because without it, it reads like every other cut and paste review of; I texted and went up to her room, gave her the donation, showered, we kissed, then she gave me the greatest BBBJ I ever had, licked her pussy, we fucked, talked then I left.

Some providers don’t like and/or cannot handle guys like myself on the larger side, so while it may come off as vain a guy talking about the size of his junk, it’s helpful to guys like me that have been disappointed when meeting a lady, that had I known upfront she cannot handle large cocks. I would not have seen her to begin with.

as well.

 
Key things for me were confirmation of menu, atmosphere, style (more pron/pure physical or more GFE/sensual), basic opinion on looks and performance as I tend to discount that due to variety of taste and standards people have.

 
I do like to hear something about personality and interaction at the interpersonal level but can generally get a reasonable gauge off the other information above.  

 
But if I'm reading something that sounds like an erotic novel or attempt at some screenplay for a porn scene I'm generally uninterested. I'm just not in to voyeurism via prose or video. If that's all I'm really getting from a review I would not use it as more than a second or third level source for making a decision.

Something like “getting head from her was like taking a bong hit with my dick”. Sadly, I can’t remember who I said that about anymore, but I was proud of my description at the time!

And they don't want to be reviewed  here. My guess is that most ladies think that guys actually review in this nature and want no part of it.  
Just my .02

Different strokes for different folks

The filthier the better, for me! I like my smut extra juicy...