This is not really a question, it is a situation I was not aware was a problem until today. I am ok, not really sure what I could have done to prevent this from happening, or if I even did anything wrong. I absolutely respect and honor my client for doing what he did.

I got "fired" today. I am so grateful to be fired and that this man knew this was about to become a problem.

I have a client I have been seeing for a while. I thought we were remaining purely professional. Never even breached the topic of bareback anything, no haggling, no contact between appointments, no staying over, nothing off the clock. However, when we do have a session it is always multi hours, and we always have a really nice time.

He sent an email and subsequently called to explain his decision to "fire me" He literally said he "forgot it was a service" To avoid any potential issues he thought it would be best for us to not see each other anymore.

I think I would rather be respectfully fired, than to have a really out of focus client on my hands. I respect the fact that he was man enough and in touch enough with his own emotions to step up and control himself. I am glad he was able to not think my feelings would be hurt or I would turn into a drama queen because he "fired me".

I am posting this because I cannot be the only provider on the planet who can appreciate a hobbyist being up front and honest about why they cannot continue a business relationship.

I am posting this because maybe there is one guy out there who can feel himself giving a provider a  "9" and knowing that "9" has taken on a whole other meaning. Maybe he does not have a clue how to tell the provider he has to cut their sessions off because he is afraid of hurting her feelings. I would prefer to have my pride temporarily hurt and take a hit to my business than to have a client flipping out on me emotionally.

Thanks for allowing me to vent!

-- Modified on 2/22/2010 6:19:40 PM

If only people could learn to live with something so great under their nose without screwing it up.

It strikes me as an especially American kind of tragedy.

(Apologies to M. Dreiser)

Sometimes people need to move on whatever the reason. I don't think the kind of relationship you had was healthy for either of you.  Emotion is a natural consequence of shared experience and while I personally take a dim view of these trysts, I am happy that this guy gave you something and you him. He obviously is better for having known you. I suspect he's moving on to someone new and he'll probably repeat this because he may have a need to be "in love" until he can't reconcile why he goes home at night, perhaps to a lifeless marriage or something worse. You should move on too. When its over, its over! Memories being what they are should be treasured and sustaining. Good luck!

Last year, I had to make a hard decision.

I have a client I simply adore! He's one of the greatest guys I ever met in this business.

I knew he was in a deep need of a mentor, someone to guide him to accomplish his dream.

The perfect person to do this for him was my husband, so I sent my client over to my hubby.

I was really firm saying I could not see him anymore if I did put them in contact with each other...he said fine, he understood and thought it was fair enough.

Since that happened, I have been avoiding to meet him face to face like a plague, because when we exchange cordial mails he always gives a hint about how he misses me.

My husband understand my business and respect my decisions and he told me he would not mind if I still see him.

But I can't mix and I don't think is right for me to see a guy as a client once he's having not only a professional relationship but also a friendship with my husband.

To tell you the truth, I do miss him too, not only he's the nicest guy on the planet but also the hottest man alive in my book too.

If I was single, I would have him all to myself...seeing him now would feel to me like cheating on my husband and that's a dangerous game to play at this point.

Is hard to "fire" someone, trust me, been there!

BDG

Smart guy.  Probably as he said, was nothing more than breaking it off to avoid what was surely inevitable heartache for him.

I'm there myself.  My provider does not know it yet, but we've got two more meets scheduled, and if I keep my wits about me, they will be the last ones.  We've kept it mostly professional for almost two years at this point, though some boundaries have been crossed on both sides.  Some big ones...some small ones. Problem being is we get along fantastically, and she's consumed just a bit too much of my thoughts lately.  Far too much.  It's gone too far for me, she's not avaialble, and it's time to end it on a good note and take nothing but great memories away from this whole thing.  

Plus, I am ready to move on to something more.  I need more than she can offer at this point, so I'll be moving on.

Take it for the likely compliment it is...you got to him.  Be thankful he's mature and intelligent enough to handle it straight up and at an appropriate time in order to save you both heartache.  IMO nothing you could have done to avoid this.

First of all, I don't think your post was a "vent" at all.  It read as a heart felt message from you to others on both sides of the business.

I've been there twice, once doing the fiering and once being fired.  It didn't feel good either time precisely because we had become very close.  Reflecting back I know it was the right thing both times, but we were losing touch with what was real and what was not.

Both were exceptional women, exceptional people.  We knew each other a long time, but when it started to be more than friendship for one of us but not the other it was time to end it.

by yourself and BDG... I have a lot of respect for your characterization of this, and for sharing it (as well as backdoorgirls response). You both sound like the kind of providers I would enjoy, ummm, knowing.

I suppose this is a danger, as we know the old saying about familiarity breeding (not sure I agree it's) contempt.

It's part of why I disagree with the characterization of the 9 rating, even though I know it isn't meant literally. I am sure some clients are not susceptible to this and are going, "Huh?" and others need to beware. The problem, is neither really knows which category they fit into.

If only we had such reasonable folks, say... on Capitol Hill. What a difference it could make.

That desire/attachment is the cause of all human suffering.

It's a shame that we are so emotionally retarded in our culture that we have such difficulty separating affection from attachment. Life would be so much easier and more fun.

it's a good thing to feel desire and attachment, otherwise there wouldn't be many, if any, little Buddhists running around (see John Bowlby). Attachment just needs to be kept in the proper context. P4P, is a very poor context.

I had a regular I saw twice a week for almost 3 years.. It was perfect.. like yours, no out line anything. I trully enjoyed seeing him, and actually looked forward to the no BS sessions..Then he made an appt as he reguarly did, I got there and smiled and he handed me the donation as usual..I asked him what was wrong and he said, I can't see you anyore. If I do, I will leave my wife for you and you wont ever talk to me again. I sat  there with a definate "stuck on stupid" look on my face. I never saw this comming. No hints, no nothing. I said I understood and got up and walked out the door, and politely left the donation on his desk..
I never saw or heard from him again, but many times have wanted to call to see if he was ok..I have no clue why..

Did I put those to and too right ?

No gentleman calls an escort looking for love. He's looking for an escape from reality for a short time and then back to his living, breathing complicated life. Even the single gentlemen you see are looking for convenience not a relationship.

I have many friends that I have been seeing for a long time. I listen to their wants and needs and try my best to give them exactly that...I have feelings for many but never get too involved. I am a respite stop not a permanent destination. I will not say I don't fall in love but try to put things into perspective. I open myself to those I see, some are interested in being close and others just in the physical aspects of our time.

I'm not here to break up a marriage nor would I ever consider such a thing. It is hard to offer intimacy and yet not carry it too far. To care about someone but not lead them astray.

We ladies are human too and many of our friends are very kind and comforting to us. Sex is the very basic part of the hobby and can get the best of all of us confused. The intimate part, when you peel back any pretence and open your emotions, is something that can be very problematic for some.

Many gentlemen in the hobby have never felt this before but when they do most will back off. They are searching for answers and relief from a less than perfect marriage but are smart enough to realize feeling for a provider can only make a bad situation even worse.  

Sometimes it is hard on both the provider and the gentlemen, but is best to walk away.

Hats off to your friend for knowing the right thing to do for him.

Kisses Haley

Yep, attachment is needed to ensure the continuation of the species but the greater the attachment, the greater the suffering which results. This is more true in the hobby than almost anywhere else.

But, all this is an illusion anyway, according to the Buddha. As illusions go, it's a pretty fine one!

indeed in the moment of the illusion we want more than anything to forget it is a service...  If we can not remember the reality when we come down off the sexual high, we're across the line.  It then becomes decision time.  
I DID cross this line many years ago with a civie affair (she was married).  We tried to end it repeatedly.  It took me 5 years of joy & misery to make it stick.  
There are some real words of wisdom here.
skb

of the parents, particularly with the mother, but with the fathers help, is to gradually reduce the child's dependence and attachment to her. If done right, the child feels frustration, but if done too drastically s/he feels trauma which can affect future relationships, and if not done at all will make interacting with the world outside traumatic.

Of course the attachment never goes away. Just watch all the newest college athletes, and who do they say hi or thanks to, on camera? Mom!

I agree on the illusions part. There's not enough said about the benefits of truly good illusions.