I have thought much about what was said in the threads below and realize that in truth, sex is an addiction for me.

I don't really have any other significant vices. I don't drink at all, don't smoke, no drugs ever, no gambling.

None of these things even interest me.

But in truth, I am addicted to the things of sex and the problem with my addiction is that my appetite for it grows rather than receding as I meander though the various experiences of the Hobby.

Each new experience is exciting but quickly becomes passé, the thrill fleeting. With an addiction you're not satisfied with yesterday's high. You want something new and different.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I have the funds to hobby so there is neither the financial restraint nor fiscal debilitation that some fellow hobbyists have incurred simply because of the inability to say “no".

It is an interesting dilemma ... I may simply have to determine some method of abstinence.

Because like a drug addict, for me one small taste … I am all the way back in.

Considering your admission in your earlier post, nevrmind about getting a gun and shooting me.

I'll take care of it myself!!

Sheesh

I know the LMAO part but what about IROF?

need an additional "A".

-- Modified on 1/17/2007 5:07:12 PM

You can probably find a link to them on a search engine easily enough.

I recall that there were some threads about this not too long ago on The Erotic Highway also.

As for me, I'm staying addicted for a while.

are great places to meet chicks.  Not hot looking chicks, because lets face it, only on the Sopranos is Juliana Marguiles hanging out at AA meetings, but chicks non the less.

In fact if you could combine the two, you might get a nice chick who will go all "sexaholic" on you for a beer.  What a bargain.  Then to spice things up, in the middle of sex tell her you are going to take her beer away and hold on for dear life, cause you will be in for a ride.  

If you don't believe me, go to any bar in America and try and take a beer away from a drunk and you will see a guy who hasn't exercised since Nixon was President hurtle chairs and tables to get his beer back.  Then think of what a sobering up sexaholic could do...Food for thought...LOL

Mr. Idiot, please refrain from using an addiction to sex from getting away from your previous mistakes. I have some intimate knowledge about addiction, and I have know what addiction can do to a person. But in regards to your addiction to sex and the constant search for something "new and different", let me tell something: you participate in an environment that allows you to have something new and different on an almost limitless basis. There are providers out there, as well as dominatrices, submissives, and swing clubs, etc. that offer you more variety than I can imagine. If you want to "practice" unsafe sex, and continue to enjoy the fruits of this hobby, then marry one of the providers that you had unsafe sex with. Then, you can have that free and easy feeling, and yet still pursue something new and different. I am sure she will understand your dilemma, and would be more than happy to contribute to your situation. Just remember, the consequences for your actions can be extremely dangerous to you, your loved ones, and the community. Someone in a previous post suggested that you seek counseling or professional help. I don't think you could have received better advice from anyone. You have a responsibility to yourself, as well as the others here to do something, but you have taken the first step. Admittance that there is a problem.

Take care,

bigliguy

I'm addicted to drinking too much and having Mrs. Luethor tell me how worthless I am. Frankly, it's not as fun as it used to be.

This addiction can't hurt anyone unless you stop paying your other bills and get your family put out on the street... or worse, you become injurious to yourself and begin beating it against wooden spikes to get off... yikes. Take some valium and call me in the morning.

now can anyone help me?
I'm freekin' starving over here!

I have an objection to referring to every repeated activity as an "addiction."  It seems to me if you look at your body and the way it's constructed, sex is more like something that should happen.  

Not to say that people won't frequently make gross misjudgments about it, especially when it's tied to money, especially when there are real psychiatric problems involved, too.  

Restrain yourself if you see it's hurting you or anybody else, but don't abstain just to be abstaining.

I call myself a sex addict in denial.  Of course, denial is a symptom of addiction.  Problem is, the people who aren't addicted will deny it too.  I'm just pointing out, think twice about all the things society will urge you to call an addiction.    

-- Modified on 1/18/2007 12:18:47 AM

I'm right there with you, Anal idiot!  I'm addicted to big asses!  Damn, I really could go for a large ghetto booty about now!

Remember, big asses make the world go around!

If you check back to my messages in reference to Anal Idiot's previous posts, I have not been too derogatory, though I will admit to some bashing. I have tried to bring some information to light, as well as offer some assistance to Anal Idiot.
However, it is my understanding that you are being serious about this addiction, as it pertains to other posts that you have made in regards to practicing unsafe sex. If you think this is a joke, then you have problems that go far beyond addiction. You are just an asshole that has no regard whatsoever for himself, or anyone else for that matter. I'll admit that you have received comments that range from sincere to ridiculous, but those comments that were written with sincerity should be obvious, even to you. If you have no respect for yourself, or the community that you obviously belong to, then why don't you just do us all a favor and leave. PERMANENTLY!!! We as practicing hobbiests and providers would be better off without you, as would society in general. Your departure from this world would deepen the gene pool of this community dramatically. You can make a choice, whether to be an active, and safe member of the community. And by the way, this goes for the providers that you did this with as well, but this all depends on YOU, and whether or not you can realize the gravity of the situation that you have put yourself and others in. And to any other IDIOTS out there that think this is a joke, I pity you. This jackass has decided to take a risk that puts people in danger for their well being, something no one should do, regardless of the scenario. We live and play in a world that has enough risks as it is. We don't need ASSHOLES with no regard for themselves, or anyone else for that matter, putting people at risk for no apparent reason other than they don't care about it, it is an "addiction", I can't control it. That is nothing but BULLSHIT.
I may be on a soapbox, but this is one topic that has ONLY ONE CORRECT REPONSE, NO IFS, AND'S OR BUTS. PRACTICE SAFE SEX!!!! That's it.

STAY SAFE and HAPPY HOBBYING!!!
bigliguy

My definition would include behavior that is very difficult to restrain yourself from and which causes serious impairment of your normal life activities.

I may have a problem with the first part, but so far, no problems with the second.

Next, you'll be telling you hit up funerals, like in the Wedding Crashers.  Better stick to the hobby, or that karma will catch up with you (but you were just kidding, right?)

Some of you get it. Some of you don't. I don't mean that derogatorily just as a matter of fact. I appreciate Saltspring's responses particularly and those who made an effort to truly address a problem I termed an addiction.

I would like to point out to Bigliguy that "Anal Idiot(.)" the AI followed by a (.) was not my post.

I started this year purposing to limit myself to seeing only two providers a week. I have already seen three providers in this week alone. So … you can see how long that lasted.

Not wanting to prolong this thread or your own angst's in this matter I will end by saying I am going to work toward getting a grip on this "habit" because regardless of your opinion it has a significant grip on my life.

Sincerely

AI with no (.) period  

-- Modified on 1/18/2007 6:36:38 AM

has been raised.... unprotected sex.  How common, who does it, under what circumstances and what decision process is used to arrive at the conclusion that one will survive a round of Russian Roulette?

I too, have watched these threads and am constantly amazed at the number of people who claim to have had unprotected sex... heck, if I get in with a gal who I suspect is even not clean.... I opt for minimal interaction... let alone unprotected sex.

I guess that question that comes to me most would be the cross over to civie life.... what I learned in the "end of my marriage" is that when it comes to sex, you cannot (and therefore should not) assume that your partner is completely candid with you.  How candid they are is, at best, a judgement call.  So, if with a provider and they offer BBFS - saying "only with you baby"  can I believe that?  or worse- here is my last STD results and I have not had sex since the last blood draw.... right!

you get the picture.  but a candid discussion with providers honestly (but maybe annomyously) weighing in, would be welcomed - so far - I have not seen that!

You say that you have been to psychiatrists and psychologists.... etc.  Sexual addiction may mean that you enjoy things of a sexual nature... heck - that is hard wired.  Look at the number of hormones and glands involved in regulating and defining sexual behavior in both humans and other species.  It is like the manual to my DVD recorder....

What I wonder is if you have self-destructive tendencies.  Unprotected sex, with escorts (no offence ladies) is not the most self-protective act you could imagine.  If you do see a psychiatrist again, you may wish to discuss your self-destructive tendencies with him/her.  Just because you choose to destroy yourself in a highly probablistic manner with a sex act, does not mean that you are addicted to sex, there may be another issue at work here... and I think that it would be worth pursuing.  ie, a desire to self-destruct.

I have not been to a therapist of any kind with regard to these matters.

AI without (.)

I mean sex is pretty normal, Mr. Fisher.  I guess what I'm trying to get at is how people try to abnormalize activities they disapprove of with the word "addiction."  

It's a point that has been made many times, though, but I'll give it a different slant now:

It's easy to see where substance use becomes abuse.  Moreover, it involves manufactured chemicals.  Those chemicals have been processed, concentrated and altered chemically from their native forms.  The same with overeating: question how much trouble it would present without manufactured foods with extra fat, sugar and flavor enhancers added?  These all have in common an intensification of pleasure-- through manufactured commodities which circumvent the normal judgments that would come into play.  With gambling, it's a side effect of having money.  How much of a problem would it be if there were no money and people bartered?  People would still gamble, obviously, but there would not be the problem of losing so much.    

Now the difference is: if things were bartered, there would still be prostitution.  Men would still trade material goods for sex.  There's nothing distorted about that.  There's nothing in the brain that's been circumvented.  It's obvious, and the pleasure of it pretty direct.  

The reason why you don't see this angle brought into it is that it would question the social system itself. It would no longer be "bad apples" that are the problem, but the fact that some legitimate industries can make a lot of money producing "bad orchards."  Not that I think the problem is solvable by attacking industries.  It's finally a matter of Darwinism: individuals have to protect themselves and adapt to these things because these novelties in pleasure are not going to stop.    

Most people would say the hobby itself is an addiction, because for men at least, we give up money to participate.  Doesn't that mere trade-off of material goods, arguably, make it something harmful to us?  It comes out of our retirement account, doesn't it?  For most people, that's thoughtlessly the only test.

Others would say that only sex in marriage is non-addictive sex.  To me, marriage looks more like an addiction compared to anything in the hobby.  Why is that thought of as normal?  It certainly does impair normal activities-- sex being among them.  

In conclusion, I think a word like addiction should be used in clear cases-- a matter of innocence till proven guilty.  It involves a short-circuit of the normal checks and balances in the brain, usually from something in the social environment untested by our evolution.

I stopped hobbying totally for more than a year now.  Why?  There were other things I needed to do with my time and money.  Other things that I wanted to do.  I definitely haven't robbed to support it.  My life didn't crash down around my ears-- well it was a bad year last year, but not because of sex.  

Limiting for the sake of limiting is never going to work AI, whether you think of it as an addiction or not.  What would you like to do with your time instead?  If it's detracting from something you want, I think you'd limit it, regardless of whether you call it an addiction or go into rehab.

There are ways that a sex addiction will screw up your life, to wit:

1.  If you need to steal money to pay for the addiction.

2.  If you skip out on work to see a provider and get fired.

3.  You end an otherwise good marriage because you just can't give up seeing escorts.  (Note, I willingly gave up my marriage to continue to hobby, but I didn't think it was a very good marriage to start with.  I also got to keep my kids, a circumstance that without which I might otherwise have given up the hobby.)

There are probably others.  I don't think that most of the hobbyists I have met here or other places have a sex addiction problem, so I don't think it is very common, but I am sure it does exist.

I agree with the gist of your other points.

as many now as in the past.... why? Same reason Z!  other things... and other pursuits.  and that limits my time!  Z - you are an interesting dude.!  lol  Enjoy!

I apologize to you for mistaking you for the other Anal Idiot. I did not see the period at the end of his alias. Obviously, this topic has struck a nerve with alot of people, especially me. I don't want to sound like a preacher on a pulpit, but we must take as many precautions as we can to continue pursuing this hobby in a safe and healthy way. I hope you are successful in getting help. It ain't easy, but you are making steps in the right direction.

Good luck,

bigliguy

And it could also be a problem of another mental illness.  

For myself, I am bipolar.  I'd have spending binges combined with a suicidal lack of concern for my own interests.  

If sex were the only thing I spent too much money on, I'd say it was an addiction.  As it was, when I was medicated, all of the excessive spending stopped, not just in the hobby.  In fact, I've become absolutely frugal in my discipline on spending.  

Many times, bipolars do become addicts simply from the fact that they try to self-medicate.  I am happy to say that I judged very early that drugs  would complicate the problems I had.  

I would say if someone appears to be sex addicted, there is another problem driving them besides the craving for sex.

CRAZY!!!!!!!!! I have gotten a few emails of guys asking for Bareback..and I wish I could slap them silly..LOL..it really is disgusting...because in this hobby..if anyone has unprotected sex..then they really have quite a few problems,and NO self respect..I have also know of a lady or two that has had unprotected with a cleint or two , and I just cant believe it or understand it....It just blows my mind that especially in "this" type of hobby that anyone would have unprotected sex.....why do it and then put everyone else you see at risk?  When I say "you"..its not pointed to anyone in particular.

 Please STAY SAFE...BE SAFE ..or then DONT CALL ME..

 Hugs, Sidney Starr