I have a number of providers that I see regularly ... as in once every two to three weeks.

In the last month, I have had two of the providers contact me and ask me if I would consider paying for a session or sessions in advance.

One of the providers wanted to take time off to be with a family member. I knew the circumstances because she often talked about her plans during our previous sessions.

The second just has "plain old financial problems".  

I am capable of paying for the sessions and I am not concerned about being ripped off. Rather, I just wonder about setting the precedent.

I would appreciate your feedback.

OFF

-- Modified on 6/8/2006 7:00:10 AM

If so, ask ourself is it worth the business risk to do that?

Do you see them off the clock as friends? For me, sometimes I'd love to help a friend out once in a while. Even so, I hesitate about giving help which involves money.

-- Modified on 6/8/2006 7:18:10 AM

-- Modified on 6/8/2006 7:19:01 AM

Loan her the money if you can afford to write it off as a gift b/c that’s probably what is going to happen. If she makes good on the offer she is a keeper or she is setting you up for a bigger fall. I have done it twice. One time she delivered the other was a write off. Just my experience.
The Cynical One

In other words, this will become a situation you cannot turn back from. So be warned that you may hear from these girls again and again asking for favors.

However, you seem confident that the girls will hold up their end of the deal. If the risk is managable for you, then it would be good for your karma to help them out.

I, perhaps, would stray from lending/advancing money. Greenbacks are the source of many dissolved relationships/friendships/partnerships.

-Vanica

There's no reason you can't make an excusivley bennefical arrangement, as long as you think with your dick, and not your heart.  Remember she's not looking at you as a friend she's looking at you as the bank.  Loook at her as the provider.  Tell her your a little tight now yourself, but if she could give you 2 hours for the price of one.  Or would she be willing to provide a new service that you hadn't gotten before?  Keep it light and friendly, don't push let her make the call, and I'm sure that given her curcumstances she be thrilled.

If you want to do this, assume it is a "gift" and do not expect to see it return to you (either in cash or 'services').

DO NOT give money excpet for services rendered or as a gift.  You will NEVER see it again in cash or services.  Smokey speaks!

I have even scheduled a session when asked... (not much arm twisting was involved).  I have also done the same for stripper friends...  hey - a friend is a friend.  But I also know that the quickest way to loose a friend is to lend them money - I've done that in civie life - with civie friends (male) and to this day, we ain't friends.  (I did eventually get the money back, but I did loose the friendship)

So, I let the age old litmus test be: "if a civilian MALE friend were to ask the same, would I do it?"  yes or no.  That simple enough...

Oh, with respect to scheduling an appointment - imagine that there are tickets to some sporting event... and he asks you to get them and the two of you go together... would you?! My gauge there is - do I want to go and if he backs out, what will I do and would i want to go anyway...

oh and if he backs out.... I can call a provider!  to boot!  what a wonderful world... GOOOOOOOOOO EAGLESSSSSSSSS  

once everything worked out and I took it out in trade so to speak.  Person is still an ATF of mine and it made our relationship closer.

The second one pulled a nutty on me shortly afterwards and I didn't even want to see her again.

It's a crap shoot either way.  Go with the gut.

...go with your gut!  If you trust them, loan them the money.  Chances are it'll strengthen your relationship with them and you'll be rewarded.  If your gut isn't so sure or is telling you "no", then say, "sorry, but my A/C went out and it's going to cost me a few grand to get it replaced as it's too far gone to get fixed.  I don't even have enough cash around to keep my regular appt."

Consider what you give as a gift and if you get anything in return that is only bonus... just a little cynical after my experience!! Had trusted my gut and still got burned in the end...

At the risk of sounding maudlin, if you're capable and it isn't of concern to you, why wouldn't you?  Yes, yes I know all that was said before this post and most of it is true I suppose.  But why wouldn't you help someone when you can and its of little cost to you?  Personally, the biggest kick in life that I get (well, maybe SECOND biggest kick) is helping someone.  Only you can decide if you can really afford it (consider the money lost at that point) and if it won't hurt your perspective on the persons or profession.  Just my .02

Would you give money to your mechanic, if he said ' give my an advance for the next time your car needs repairs'?

A loan now will undoubtedly spawn more requests in the future. (them)

(Now you) Did you make any declarations or promises to yourself when you started this activity about not getting emotionally involved with providers?  If so, you have already crossed the line by considering the request.

Draw the line.  Just my $.02

Just remember though, a friend is not bought. How many of them would truely be friend's if you weren't shelling out the greenbacks?

I've done this a few times, too, and have never been disappointed.  Maybe I'm just a good judge of character, but there have been three ladies and I've remained friends with all three and have a great business relationship with them, too.

family member ill then it was financial problems and like a fool i gave more $. Haven't see her for 5 months now but got an email around 3 weeks ago she wanted to meet around the first week of May. Said she would call me around noon the day we were to meet. Good thing I didn't get my hopes up to much and sure enought no call and no email. So all I'm out is 4 or 5 sessions with other local girls and it could have been worst because I offered to help with her with her rent and phone bill. I guess I'm licky because she said you have done enought already and I can't take any more money from you. Nice girl. Let your heart tell you what to do if you if you want to help her do it but expect nothing in return.

Your call, but as you have written that these are regulars, and I presume [correctly?] of long-standing acquaintance, I think go ahead and be a gent and follow the better angels of your nature.

"Ask for a favor" I initially thought was going to be something like water the plants while she's away, help paint the bathroom,  move some furniture, set up the computer, etc...

tickets to see them play are NOT my buds!  hey, next thing you know you'll be tellin me TO plays for Dallas cause they offered him more money!  lol

advance money to them.... that seems to be the universal solvent for friendship... no matter what kind.  It was even a factor in my divorce - go figure.  I helped pay off student loans... financed her lifestyle... until I could not... and then poof.... dissolved marriage... with another guy's bun in the oven.   yea... providers.... to me they seem refreshingly honest...  AT lease I expect "whatever"!  

A tad cynical.... nah... but I can see that from where I stand.

but from a little different slant is that a provider not ask, but DEMAND help. Going through the screening process reveals the hobbyists indentity, and a married businessman is an easy target. I hope I'm just a little paramoid, I haven't run into anyone that I fear this from, has it happened to anyone?

Do your provider friends know you as OFF?

lol,

No, I'm not Officer Crusr. More along the lines of a classic muscle car enthusiast...

-- Modified on 6/9/2006 10:34:05 AM

She was on her way to a real job, but need gas money to get there. Gave her $ and never looked back.  To this day, I consider her a friend and feel a touch of pride for not being the stingy slob I can be...BTW, I was/am single...Flyrod

I typically say...

"Uh...I think you might have mis-speed-dialed. This is Lex...you know, the guy who can barely afford to hobby once-a-month. Unless your problems can be solved by a couple of Lex Luethor t-shirts, I'm probably the wrong guy to be asking. Good luck, sweetie."

What people tend to forget is that providers and clients all fit into the same category, human beings. As long as the trust is there, one wants to do it and one has the means to do so, why not help a provider. I thing at this stage, the provider is more than just a provider. She is a friend.

I've done it and got paid back in trade with a discounted rate. She was grateful and I've never been disappointed.

I have loaned money to 2 different providers when there was a crisis.  Maybe I just got lucky but in both cases there was an element of friendship that went beyond the typical client provider. In one case the provider left the industry after the crisis and in the other the provider was back in business within 2 weeks. You have to go with your gut. ps in both cases it was a real sacrifice for me but i have always felt that what comes around goes around