You have a great weekend with your ATF in Vegas and over beers at MNFootball you spill your secret life (we're both married) to what you thought was your best friend. And then you get the lecture. Especially the one "Man, you NEVER pay for it! I never paid for it - ever!" You tell him the great time, the no strings attached... blah blah.. but he still sees every provider as a slutty street hooker from a bad Corman flick. Unless you've been there you have no real idea what the hobby is truly like. Now our conversations are much shorter as if I've been judged and condemned. So we married men do share one thing with the providers we share time and money with - we're both leading secret lives with dire consequences if the beans are spilled. Maybe that's why some of the connections with these girls seem so great - we're both living a fantasy.
The survey question now on the frontage really strikes home. I have wanted to share this hobby with some of my best buddies, but fear what they might think.
On the other hand, a few of them are miserable in their marriages and if they knew what I knew, they could be so much happier in life.
I have rationalized my silence by thinking that they must not be desperate enough. I sought out this hobby on my own, did the research and now reap the benefits. I guess they will have to do the same. But it sure would be fun to share!
Happy Hobbying!
GG
I've actually made a few friends (male) because of the hobby. We started communicating via the TER mail and one thing led to another. It's cool to be able to discuss your adventure (and mis-adventures) with guys who also indulge. My friends who I've known all my life are married and would never understand in a million years.....
I have told all of my friends about the hobby, my married friends enjoy looking at the websites of the girls I've nailed.
Most of them have expressed envy for my lifestyle, and not a single friend has belittled me for my endeavors.
I have even told a few of my women friends, and they ask the most (and best) questions.
carl
You have some wonderful friends, that they don't judge you even though you behave in manners they might not personally espouse for themselves. Cherish them.
I couldn't tell most of my acquaintances (note, that I don't call them friends) about my hobbying. I am sure some of the men might secretly be in the same position as I am, but in "general" society they and I both have to keep mum to keep up appearances. It's unfortunate, I'm not necessarily happy about it, but that's the current way of the world.
Pastor. He now has become active in the hobby and posts as
"Desperately Seeking BBJTEOKUS."
His wife, Ellie Mae Bureaugard, is so uptight she won't even eat bananas, much less kiss Mr Happy. But then, her mouth is very small, although her bottom is quite large and she has to purchase two seats on Southwest Airlines.
You have a great weekend with your ATF in Vegas and over beers at MNFootball you spill your secret life (we're both married) to what you thought was your best friend. And then you get the lecture. Especially the one "Man, you NEVER pay for it! I never paid for it - ever!" You tell him the great time, the no strings attached... blah blah.. but he still sees every provider as a slutty street hooker from a bad Corman flick. Unless you've been there you have no real idea what the hobby is truly like. Now our conversations are much shorter as if I've been judged and condemned. So we married men do share one thing with the providers we share time and money with - we're both leading secret lives with dire consequences if the beans are spilled. Maybe that's why some of the connections with these girls seem so great - we're both living a fantasy.
I agree with Melvinator.
I told only my two closest friends. One never married the other married with baby. (I started the hobby after my divorce.) Ironically the single friend (who's quite the liberal player) doesn't approve and says you should NEVER pay for sex. Well, sex is never free. My ex-wife was much more expensive than providers! After tiring from his lectures and negative comments I told him this topic is no longer open to discussion. On the other hand my married friend (who wouldn't use a provider) is very supportive and probably likes to live a little vicariously through my stories. I guess you just never know how people will react.
I have decided not to tell anyone else since odds are they won't approve. I am however glad I have a friend to share those great experiences with like spending the weekend out of town with my ATF!
Once in a rare while a long time friend turns out to be narrow minded or really dumb on something like that.
It's time to replace that friend with a smarter one.
He sounds ineducable and the subject is an easy one, not rocket science. I'd guess that the percent of men with such narrow views on hobbying is low, like under 10%.
"Maybe that's why some of the connections with these girls seem so great - we're both living a fantasy."
Personally, I think the secrecy adds to the excitement.
I too cannot tell any of my friends/acquaintences about my activities because 1) I don't have any open-minded friends/acquaintences and 2) I'm married. As for being judged by your buddy, I'd just tell him "If I had to explain, you wouldn't understand" and leave it at that.
This, of course, is all fictitious and under no circumstances should you believe a word written here.
I wasn't sure how to answer the question. Most of my friends would be shocked -- except, of course, for the ones I would be shocked to learn are also hobbyists.
But one friend is way beyond me in this hobby, so I've told him and we've discussed this stuff. In fact, I introduced him to TER.
For some of us, we've told our obviously hobbying friends, but not family friends and such. Duh.
Outside of a few acquaintances I've made through TER, I never discuss the hobby, prostitutes or any other related topics with any of my friends or acquaintances. If a friend should happen to bring up the topic with me, I'll smile, nod my head, and make appropriate noises. I simply have too much to lose and, in my experience, most people are indiscreet,particularly after a few drinks. In my profession, I have to keep many secrets. I'm not about to blab my own deepest secret to anyone. Period. Any hobbyist who does is taking an insane risk. While some people feel the need to confess, I'm not one of them.
Although spending many a day enjoying the comments and views on this site, I have never participated, but your question intrigues me.
You don't mention whether or not you are married, goodguy, but I'm going to assume from your post that you are. I AM married, and I can tell you that I would never, NEVER tell my buddies about the hobby. WAY too much at stake, no matter how close of a friend they are. Don't assume that they would be so much happier in life if they were to discover the hobby. They may not be able to handle it as well as you or I, or may fall on feelings of guilt once they make that 1st visit with a provider. That guilt could cause their house of cards to tumble (and their house of cards may tumble onto yours). I can understand your feelings of wanting to share, but if you must, then share with another hobbiest that you may have met. You may find that sometimes those feelings of wanting to share are simply an urge to brag about the beautiful woman you just spent time with, and not really about sharing your knowlege of the hobby. It's a small world, and just a misspoken word by one of your friends to the wrong person could get back to a spouse so fast it'd make your head spin. If I were single, I wouldn't have a problem about discussing this hobby, but I'm open minded and could care less what others might think of my position on the subject, but being married, I would simply be inviting a disaster.
I'm not married or in any other way attached, but I've never told anyone that I'm a hobbyist. I think a anyone who is attached in any way is taking an awfully dangerous risk (and what's the reward for this risk?) if it's ever discussed with anyone not associated with the hobby. Like many of you, I'm sure, I've met people..both guys & gals..in this hobby that I now consider as friends, albeit a different circle of friends.
When any of my civilian friends makes inquiry or discussion about my dating practices or if I'm seeing anyone currently, my reply is always that I don't want the entanglements of an exlusive relationship & am therefore seeing quite a few ladies whom I've met that feel the same way. Naturally I don't mention exactly how I met them...instead I offer plausable scenarios whenever they ask.
I can’t imagine married men sharing their hobby adventures with even the closest of friends. Talk about inviting misery into your backyard! I tell my best friend everything about my life (and I mean everything!) EXCEPT my penchant for providers. That is one “burden” he does not need.
On the other hand, I have made numerous new friends through TER. One member has the exact same taste in women as me and we share stories of our exploits. We satisfy our need to confide in someone without burdening a friend that may not want to know the sordid details. My choice is to keep my hobby stories confined to TER.
This is the loneliest part of this hobby. I often want so desparately to tell my friends but know it would not be long before my "secret" gets out. TER is the best outlet I have for "bonding" with others like me.
Now here's the joke I promised...
A guy and a beautiful blonde are stranded on a deserted island after a plane crash. They are alone and after a while, nature's course takes over and they begin making love.
This goes on for several weeks when one day the man asks the woman if she will go along with a little role play. She agrees and the man asks her to wear his clothes, put her hair up and wear his hat to cover it up. He then asks her if she will pretend to be "Fred."
She is pretty puzzled but goes along with it. When she is all ready the guy asks her to walk with him on the beach. So they go walking and the guy turns to "Fred" and says,
"So, Fred, you won't believe who I've been fucking."
Ba-dum-bum.
Firstly, your friends, much as you trust them, may find this offensive behavior. It may effect your relations.
Second, if you're married your friends may feel conflicted or burdened, particularly if they are friends with your wife. Don't put your friends on the spot like this. They may feel some kind of strange-to-you desire to "help" your wife.
Third, it's none of their business. Even if they are your friends. You may think it's fun to kiss-n-tell, but you have no idea how they are going to react. Trust me. Even if you have shared other intimate details with your friends, this is not the one to include. Even if you are single, don't tell your friends.
The only, only circumstance in which I might tell a friend (after having learned the hard way) would be if a friend, completely out of the blue, were to mention his involvement or interest in the "hobby" (I loathe that word). And even then I probably wouldn't say anything.
It is far too dangerous to impose on what may be someone's deeply held if unspoken moral convictions. Plus, why tell anyone? What good does it do?