Hi guys, I've used this site for reviews, but not the board usually.

Anyhow, my wife found out about my hobby. She's going to stay with me, but demanded that we do counseling and stuff, and that I stop. I think I gave her an std too, the HPV virus that causes cervical cancer. I guess condoms dont' really prevent that one.

Anyhow, I feel like shit. There is a part of me that wants to quit my hobby. I'm trying to figure out why I do it. My wife is great. I want to stay married. I've had some great times with my hobby. But sometimes I just feel empty afterwords. I think it's a self destructive impulse.. I do it when I'm stressed out and feeling lonely (on a business trip, etc.)

Why can't I control it? I think I do it as a distraction from "real life", and maybe I just need to learn to deal. My wife thinks I'm a sex addict. I don't know.

Anyone else get caught and try and quit? Anyone say you're a "sex addict" for having this hobby?
How do you deal with guilt from cheating, guys??
Why is monogamy so hard??
Thanks!

While you're travelling you feel loneliness!So, meeting with an escort mitigates your loneliness for awhile....Bring up to the surface why you feel alone and you'll conquer it! Worth trying...Good Luck!

I don't have guilt and I don't feel the need to stop because hobbying is something I enjoy.  If you are feeling badly about it, and NOT enjoying it, you should be seeking professional help.

I don't have to stop, because I am single...the only risk is to me at the end of the day!  You state that you love your wife, wsnt stay married to her, have transmitted an STD to her (extremely uncool), and feel empty towards yourself after hobbying?  You need a major gut-check!

I have a friend like you who eventially imploded all aspects of his life because he was unable to control his issues.  His strategy, going to NA, SAA, din''t work out in the end.  My suggestion, FWIW, schedule a long vacation (over two weeks), and reconnect with your wife.  Have the parents take care of the kids..if you explain the issues involved (keeping secrets, secrets), you may have a chance at fixing your problems.  Best of luck to you!

My suggestion: If you haven't been treated~THAT IS THE FIRST PRIORITY! 2nd, seek some professional help along w/wife. You need to start asking yourself: What is most important to you?  Your health? Your marriage?

The last thing that you should be doing right now, is hobbying. Also, if you haven't been treated for your STD, and are continuing hobbying, that is NOT fair to those ladies who do meet up with you. Also, they could catch something, and then spread it around not knowingly.  This is so sad.

Anyways, seeking medical treatment and professional help, is in order.

God bless your wife. She sounds like a keeper that she is willing to hang in there with you, for most women would have left.

why would you want to stop?  Just make sure your wife doesn't catch you again!

You are sometimes using sex as a narcotic.  it is fun and temporarily satisfying but it's a substitute for something else you want.  What that is and why you pursue short-term resolutions in the form of sex [instead of, say, alcohol], no one here can say since we don't know you.

Human beings are normally sexual but there are many social barriers to easily having sex.  Just as having a drink occasionally does not make one an alcoholic, being in the hobby does not make one addicted.  I'm not familiar enough with addiction to speak more about it but it's important to try and make the distinction.

Why is monogamy hard?  That's like asking why life is hard.  It's too general a question for anyone to provide useful answers.  For a lot of people monogamy is not hard at all.  What's important is why is monogamy hard FOR YOU [sorry for "shouting" but they don't allow html tags for emphasis here].

That empty feeling is strong.  I truly regret almost every actual sex act I've ever engaged in in the hobby(only two times was it anything near "worth it").  And none of them compare to spending time with my wife.

It's one of the reasons I am probably only ever going to get massages in the future- if I do hobby again.

I've focussed on the shitty feeling after- and its helped me stay away from doing any actual hobbying.  But I still love to lurk and kibitz- on this site- that is still fun...