If a hobbyist gets an STD and is reasonably sure he got it from a specific provider, is he obligated to contact her and urge her to get tested?

I'm not talking about a major STD but one that is highly contageous and could be spread to her other clients - some of whom might not handle this with the tact that I plan to.

Would a phone call be a better way to break the news or would an e-mail be better?

Would you wait until results are confirmed or contact sooner thinking that every day counts?

For providers, how would you handle such news and would you inform your other partners since then?

For peace of mind's sake, I'll mention the provider in question does not frequent TER so there is no need to connect this with the ladies you've met here.



-- Modified on 9/11/2006 9:43:42 AM

I would contact her by E-mail and inform her of your predicament but I would careful not accuse her or urge her to get tested even if I was absolutely sure as opposed to being just “reasonable sure”.

sure seem to leave room for the possibility of jumping the gun.  I would wait until the test results are in.  If a positive STD result is confirmed then that 'reasonably sure' feeling needs attention.  If you have been with more than one sexual partner then one way or the other the provider you are talking about is impacted as either the person who gave it to you or the person who may have gotten it from you.  If you have only been with her since your last known clean test result period then of course she is a likley candidate.  Either way you should follow up with her tactfully as you suggest to share your news.  A phone call would allow for 2-way dialogue and an information exchange that might be limited in an email message.        

-- Modified on 9/11/2006 10:00:14 AM

You'd want to know? right?  the sooner you know, the sooner you can be treated, the sooner you will feel better, the more able you will be to protect those you love and make love to....

all good things....

Yes, I'd like to be told but, other than my health, there are no other complications for me. For her, it might mean no income for a couple of weeks and possibly having to inform several men.

and depending on the STD, it could mean the permanant loss of income.  If a provider called me, and said, I have preliminary results from a test, and it indicates that I may have X, believe me, I call my dr right after we hang up, cause as stated, sooner is better, and I would need to be tested in anycase!

hope this helps.

"hope this helps."

Yes, it does. Thanks. I'd still prefer to hear what a few providers think about it.

Well, as a woman and as a human being, I would most certainly want to know if anyone I had any intimate contact with has any type of an STD.  

A phone call would be best.

Probably would want to know sooner rather than later.

If you have an STD, it's the right thing to do to tell anyone you've been intimate with so they can be tested and treated, if needed.

Kate

well for me  as a provider   I'm really worried about getting STD    I know most guys that do this like BBBJ and  that kind of  scares me I wold rather do CBJ  than do BBBJ becuse   it put me at ease   and I fell safer  I offer GFE but I would   never do BBBJ with a guy you can still have a GFE and  have  safe sex with  out  the BBJ becuse a GFE  is not just is BBJ its kissing hugging   for playing  spending time together with out putting  you or myself at risk

Email her, and call her, and leave a message on her voicemail, whatever it takes to get the information transmitted. Don't wait for your test results, sure, it could just be a UTI, but that could mean she has subclinical BV she really should have checked out. It's always easier to apologize for jumping the gun than it is to apologize for collateral damage. Yes, her income stream is impacted, but guess what, if she infects a BUNCH of people before you let her know there might be a problem, it's going to be impacted a LOT MORE. A few days off while she determines if there is a problem or not is nothing compared to contacting the last (however many weeks/months) clients to send them all to the doctor and then convince them to come back when everyone is cured.  The less time she spends potentially infecting others the less impact on her business there will be.
Not to mention all the others in the community who may be sharing her client base.

The only thing is this would depend on how often you hobby for you to confirm exactly who gave you the STD. If you hobby once a week you will not be able to pinpoint who the culprit is. If you hobby once a month or once every two months you will have a better idea who gave you the disease. Before you contact anybody I think you should be certain the provider you are making the accusation against is the one who is responsible.

The direct contact by phone/e-mail certainly appears to work for independents, but what about providers employed by agencies?  The only contact info is the agency, so how does one pass the word about a potential STD to the provider?  Do you tell the agency and let them inform the provider?  If the diagnosis is wrong, that would seem like the "kiss of death" for the provider.  I don't have this situation now, but I am curious how to handle that situation with an agency.

Crown Royal

Reude, dot your i's and cross your t's

Since I don't hobby often and have no other partners, it is not hard to pinpoint a source. I agree, the guys who hobby frequently have a much more difficult time pinpointing who was the source.

FWIW, I'm not interested in passing judgement and certainly wouldn't blame anyone before I had all the facts. We all know there's a risk when we get involved and I accepted that as part of agreeing to meet providers so I am not angry or upset.

The provider in question is also not a high-volume type (one reason I chose her). She told me she does 3-4 appointments a week but said she also has a boyfriend on the side.

I should have test results tomorrow and then I can decide what to do/say afterwards. My physician urged caution until then.

Informing the provider whom you think might have given it to you is important, but if you're a one-a-week hobbyist, it's equally important to notify those providers to whom you might have given the disease.  

The way that you describe it, I'm guessing that it's herpes, which can generally be contained through safe sex practices but thus far has no cure.

and the cow and any one else and so on...

You're wrong on both counts. I've had no partners since seeing this provider and (as far as I know) it's not about herpes.

The STD tests came back negative. It appears this is a UTI infection and the doctor is starting me on anti-biotics.

For anyone who thinks I was being alarmist or overly dramatic, the symptoms I have are the same as the CDC lists for gonorrhea on their website although medical websites also said the symptoms could be other things. The problems began 2-3 days after seeing the provider which is consistent with the timeframe for early gonorrhea symptoms to show up in men.

The provider seemed to be very clean and even washed herself while I was there but the symptoms for many common STDs do not show up in women although the long-term effects for untreated women are likely worse than men.

I did not contact the provider and am now relieved that I don't have to.

Thank you, everyone, for your concern and advice.