Being young and naive, I thought I would throw this question out to the more experienced board members here.

I haven't dated anyone seriously for a year.  Last year I was in the process of shopping for an engagement ring when things "fell through"  The breakup happened because she thought I partied too much not because of my past.  During the nine months I was seeing her I didn't see any providers.

I'm thinking about jumping back into the dating pool but I'm worried about the dreaded question.  I know it won't come up until much later in the relationship but how do you handle something like this?  I'm not embarassed about my past.  I've met some wonderful providers who were not only physically beautiful but some of which I've connected with on an emotional level.

I just read that Charlie Sheen is marrying Denise Richards and I guess she doesn't mind his notorious past.  Somehow I believe movie stars are in a different world though.

Thanks for the time.  You guys and girls always give great advise.

I can only speak from my own experiences, but I've always been very open with all of my friends and family about seeing providers.  Some of the best people I've ever met are providers and I don't share the negative attitude some have regarding these wonderful, giving women.  Although I did lose a life-long friendship with 2 people because I brought a provider to my 50th birthday dinner, I think it's their loss, not mine.  The truth shall set you free!  Of course that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.  Sedagive.

Who is going to ask you if you have ever been with a provider???

No one has ever asked me this.

If you don't want to admit it, you can always say 'no'. Unless they have videos, I think you are pretty safe.

if ever asked. No need to lie - not good to start a relationship with lies. If she loves you she will understand, besides, what is wrong with meeting providers? I don't feel ashamed one bit of being in this hobby, do you?

Most of these women do have and show class, brains and discretion as I am sure you have witnessed.

These are my .02 if anyone cares to read.

The Good Doctor

-- Modified on 1/9/2002 10:21:39 PM

Is she asking a sincere question or is she seeking reassurance that you have not or ever would see a provider.  If she is seeking reassurance and you tell her the truth, then watch out because its gonna be a bumpy ride.

I know a guy, a really nice guy whose girlfriend asked him if he had ever been to an MP.  He told her the truth that yes he goes but only when he is between relationships and never while involved with a woman, which was the honest truth.  

His GF told him that men who go to MPs are sick in the head and can't be trusted an then she dumped him.  She couldn't handle the truth.  Its too bad because he was honest with her, even if it was not the answer she wanted to hear.

Veronica

Reepends On How She Means The Question

You hit the nail on the head there Veronica.
I am also one of those who has never been with a provider when I was in a relationship, or even maybe approaching one.
At my age I think I have finally decided that honest is the best policy and if we break up over something in my past then something in my future would have probably done as much damage and I would be better off without someone like that.
Love and tolerance, sound familiar?
JM2C
LM

Deny Deny Deny.

It was not me Sugar! I SURELY would not pay just for sex! Why, what man would?

O.K., O.K., enough of this. From my many years on this earth, I have learned that if a girlfriend or fiancee were to ask such a question (and I promise you, she would not use the term "provider"), you should simply say, "No". I.e., lie like hell. Otherwise, your honesty will come back to haunt you.

Only me and my maker know what I do.Admit to nothing!Who is it going to serve?
Late

Veronica is dead on. Many, if not most, women think that a man who would see a provider is a pervert and wouldn't want to have anything to do with him. (Of course those of us who participate know better. We know that we're some of the finest human beings who have ever walked the face of this earth, by golly.) Anyway, I'd be damned careful before considering telling anyone the truth. Some things are private and should remain so.

I remember a line from "The Simpsons" (a much better moral guide than Charlie Sheen, I think) in which Rev. Lovejoy's naughty daughter says to Bart shortly after meeting him, "Do you ever think anything you don't say?" It's good to keep some things to ourselves.

All really wonderful responses.  A female friend of mine is arranging for me to meet her friend this weekend for drinks.  Feels kinda strange to be going out again but I guess I'll give it a try.  

I wanted to respond to everyone separately but there were too many to respond to.  Even got the female perspective from Veronica Franco.  I love this board.  I guess the honest route is the way to go if it comes up.  You guys/girl are awesome.

I don't tell friends every intimate detail of my other relationships, so I don't feel the need to tell them that I paid for a woman's companionship in cash (as opposed to dinner, drinks and concert tickets).

Lustman and Sedagive are more open and than I am, I guess.  Maybe someday I'll be as comfortable as they are, but right now I agree with hpygolky, what's to be gained?

Sedagive, that was pretty harsh treatment by your friends on your 50th.  I have otherwise "liberal" friends that are in the stone age when it comes to sex (the great "liberal" paradox).  I got interrogated once for a half hour when I told them I was dating a woman who had previously worked as a sex surrogate with some psychologists in a sex clinic.  They were disapproving to say the least and I basically decided that I would have to compartmentalize my friendships and dole out information only to those that could handle it.  That's why I love TER.  It's the one place I feel I can be totally open and honest.

If a wife/SO ever foolishly asks you if you have ever been attracted to any of her friends. (And for most of us guys who's lives don't resemble outtakes from 'Hannah Does Her Sisters', this is not a prelude to her suggesting a threesome!).

Answering honestly, most guys probably have been attracted to their SO's friends at some time or another. I know I have! But if I had never laid a hand (or anything else) on her friends and had no intention of doing so, what good is going to come from answering in the affirmative.

There can be such a thing as too much honesty.

If I were dating someone casually and they told me they have seen providers (recently),  I would wonder why I am for free.  If I was dating for love,  I think it would not bother me at all as long as it was not going to be an ongoing activity (without my permission).  In fact I think guys who see providers instead of dating casually, have a lot of respect for women.

Guys who see providers don't lie to get laid and  they don't pretend to care.  They ask for what they want and they are honest.  I could completely handle a guy with a past like that.  Then again, I am a provider, so of course I would feel that way.

My thinking on this is to always be honest and share everything. If the lady you’re seeing can't handle the truth and is judgmental about something in your past, then you don't want her in the first place and what happens down the line when you make a mistake and ask for forgiveness?  You wouldn't want a lady like that in your life. (But maybe you would who am I to say.)  There are more underlying issues there and need to look closer if that’s the type of lady you want to spend the rest of your life with.  You’re an open-minded person and wouldn't you want your lady to be like you and, maybe, even to partake with you?  ( Nice thought eh Gentleman).

I read some of the other post and what keeps coming in my mind is how most of the politicians are in DC.  In front of everyone they are good wholesome people and condemn anyone that partakes in a different lifestyle but get him behind closed doors and he’s just as wild as the people that he’s condemning.  Sound familiar? ( But I’m not saying you gentleman are like that, its just what comes to my mind, so please don’t take it that way) You also see that a lot in Churches too. Hence why I don't attend.

I have learned that life’s too short and if my friends can't take my life style and then they don't really want to be my friend.  I'm very cautious who I let get close in my life and it’s because of narrow-minded individuals like the gents in DC. Non of us likes to be judged.

Sedagive, what your friends did to you was down right wrong. And they weren't really your friends in the first place, I know how it’s like when friends turn on you and become holyier then thou.

I like me and I like the way I have grown in the last 5 yrs. I'm much more open, honest, and understanding then I ever was.  And you don't become this way without dealing with closed-minded people and being hurt and shunned.  I am just being me and if you don’t like me that’s ok.  I’m not out to force anyone to like me.

OK so I have rambled, Bottom line is, be with someone that you can be open and honest with and it just might surprise you and open a whole new world to you.

Have a good day.

RED

If they ask that question:  Plead ignorance, Look at them in total shock, Tell them you are offended they would even ask you such a thing.  Never, never admit you know anything about this to anyone. ever.

DOITAGAIN is absolutely, indisputably, irretrievably, incredibly, inspiringly, indubietly correct in his advice to you.

Disregard all the other posts concerning this subject.

You have your answer. DOITAGAIN has done it again.

Etellier

I've been dating the same gal for over half a year now.  I told her pretty much everything when we got to that "point" (week one in our case!).  She suspected that I had dabbled in the MP scene, but I think she wasn't prepared for the sheer magnitude.

Luckily, I'm not being judged on my past.  If I were, then it would have been over as soon as it started.  I am not a good liar, so I'd rather throw everything out ASAP so it doesn't come back to haunt me later.  I'd hate to waste a long time a relationship that would fall apart as soon as my hobbying past became exposed.