First off, sex work is not for everyone. This is no different from any other occupation. The average adult switches occupations (not just jobs or employers, but *occupations*, like giving up accounting and becoming something else) six times between 18 and retirement. There is absolutely no shame in switching careers -- no matter what your career is. Times change, markets change, interests change and sometimes an occupation just gets old and we need something else.
Whatever you decide, make sure it is right for you, and don't consider such decisions to be irrevocable. We are free to try something, not like it or whatever, and go back to what we were doing etc. It's your life.
But now -- some thoughts.
I do not currently hobby, but I hobbied for four years very selectively. Because of my selection criteria, my experiences were pretty good, and I met some sex workers who are pretty extraordinary people and would be extraordinary no matter what they were doing.
I am a very keen observer. There are probably only a couple of providers out there who realize just how keen, because I usually cover up well. It's just my nature because I am always looking for ways to abstract ideas from experiences and test those ideas.
Also, I am on very solid personal terms with some providers. Whether I have handled a legal case, helped with a business or whatnot, in many cases -- actually most cases -- I am not in the anonymous zone of hobbyists and therefore am much more intimately familiar with what goes on, and have enough data to compare/contrast actions and consequences.
I say this to let you know I have some background and understanding for what I am about to say, and what might otherwise be deemed baseless assertions.
--- There are providers out there that are only treated even slightly poorly on the most rare of occasions. I am not kidding. Being treated like shit, like a servant or otherwise poorly is NOT an automatic part of being a provider. I was never a high volume hobbyist but I know SEVERAL providers for whom being treated even rudely is rare. So it is entirely possible to be a provider without being treated badly or in an entitled fashion.
--- There is no such thing as a fluke. The fact that the women I am referencing can pull this off is not a mistake, coincidence or a fluke. It is a result of the law of cause and effect. That is to say, something in the way they conduct their business either biases which hobbyists book them, affects how the hobbyists who book them behave, or both.
--- Ergo, those providers are doing something *differently* from you.
Sometimes I am accused of being too subtle. Let me say it this way: Though one should never blame the victim of misbehavior, the fact that you are experiencing such levels of misbehavior points to the fact you are not properly controlling your environment in a way that is consistent with your self interest.
That's fine -- it's not like you can sign up for "Being a sex worker 402: Biasing your client pool for optimum treatment" at the local college. A lot of ladies have learned how to do this the hard way, and some have figured it out almost from the very beginning. And the specific technique that works for one girl won't work for another. There's nothing wrong with you and it is no great moral failing that you haven't yet properly biased your hobby pool.
What IS a failing is to continue the way you have been going. You need to figure out what to do. I guarantee you that if you are observant you will figure out who these girls are who don't have to field abuse -- or if they do, it is extremely rare. Once you figure out who they are, OBSERVE them. Go over their websites. Read every word. Read all their advertisements. Read their reviews.
Pretty soon, some patterns will emerge. Though each implementation of the patterns is unique to the individual provider, you will find you are able to see some commonalities. Here are some basics:
1) These women recognize their own human value. I am NOT talking about the false bravado and the bullshit putting down of hobbyists that I see so many providers do. Nor am I talking about being entitled or "base and spoiled female syndrome." I am talking about the fact they see themselves as good and decent people deserving of good treatment -- not just because they were born with a vagina, but because of their own individual values, achievements, etc. This underlying attitude therefore pervades and biases everything they write or create. They know, in their bones, they don't deserve maltreatment and they will not stand for it.
This is important. Predators can spot a potential victim from far away. And the positive self-love attitude that comes through in these providers puts predators on notice: Move along! No willing victim here! Predators are not interested in a challenge. They want the easiest possible conquest. Changing your attitude can change your life.
2) These women recognize the human value of their clients and potential clients. Once you figure out who they are, when you look at these women's websites, you'll see what I mean.
3) They portray themselves as WHOLE PEOPLE. Look, we know men are visually oriented and this is a visually oriented industry. But if all men needed was an orgasm (the purely physical need), masturbation is a hell of a lot more sensible than all of the logistics involved in seeing a provider. Ergo, whether men will admit it or not, though the specifics of the emotional need are unique to each client, providers are fulfilling an emotional need.
Look at the websites of these women. Read carefully and read between the lines. These women are in some cases utterly brilliant. Notice how, without ever explicitly saying anything about the man's emotional needs (because men would shy away from it) they are nevertheless able to convey exactly the sorts of not-strictly-physical needs they are prepared to meet?
Keep looking, and you will find more. Each woman biases her client pool into areas where she feels most comfortable and competent, etc.
In aggregate, the effect works like this:
Abusive and demeaning clients don't even try to book these women. They are turned off and move on.
Men who DO book these women see them as complete people who could be their sister, cousin, etc. They connect with them in such a way as to feel protective, friendly and maybe even nurturing rather than aggressive.
Finally, as side benefits, these women tend to have very high rates of repeat clients (making them overall less reliant on chance business); and because their clients and potential clients see them as more all-encompassing than merely sex partners, their hourly rates can be higher than they would otherwise be based strictly on location, appearance, etc.
This is all a very nice way of saying: you're doing it wrong. Find some women who are doing it right, pay attention, and tailor it to meet your own needs and you'll be fine.
Good luck!
