I was seeing a lovely young lady. I have seen this lady multiple times as she is a good masseuse on top of a good lay. She always is very polite and I have never to my knowledge heard her curse. Anyway I was eaten her out, and you can tell she was getting into it. In our previous times together I don't think she came, but I could tell she was getting close this time. All of the sudden I hear her half moan, half shout,  "aughhh... Ohhh Mmmmy Gosh...... CHEEESEEE annn CRACKERRRSSSS, CHEEEESE aNNd CRACKERRRSSS!!!!! FUUUDge!". It startled me as usually she is on the quiet side so I looked up. She looked embarrassed. I started to laugh even as I tried not to as she was plainly a bit embarrassed. But damn,  it was funny to me at least. And I guess she got her "O".  

It's sort of a vanilla version of "Jesus Christ!"
The funniest thing a girl ever said to me was, "I love you!  I LOVE you!  Marry me!  MARRY me!"
I broke out laughing but kept on pumping.
There are more but they've all been told.

"OLD" being the key word in your question. Very out of place out of a 20 something year old sex worker in this decade. Now if she was 80 years old nun or the was the 1950s I would expect it.  

I thought it was funny as fuck.  Only a "humorless fuck" like you would miss that, LOL.

..... start cursing me. "You fucking prick!", "You arsehole" etc as she was cumming.

Sounds like she is into the Keebler elf..

... at least she didn't yell out "Kelly Clarkson!" (lol)

The nastiest I ever heard come from a gal was "nutty fudgkins".

The first one that stands out is her uttering, "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God!"  Another one was more direct: "You're gonna fucking make me cum!"

I was doing what I thought was a pretty good job at mish....
The girl encouraged me to faster, so I obliged. Then after a another 10-12 strokes, she goes, “harder, harder!”. I again do my best to fulfill the request. Another handful of strokes (at my max!), she comes out with “deeper, deeper!!”..... it took s split-second for me to realize I just fuckin’ “do deeper”! So I abruptly stopped and said, “Sorry lady, that is as deep as I got”! Of course we cracked up, I rolled of and we just laid there and laughed!  

with a beautiful bush riding my lips I heard, "you keep doing that and you can stay all night."

And there is solid evidence we fuck more than the rest of the nation too. Birth rates don't lie. So not only can we say fuck, we do it. How is that for such a conservative state? Fuck.

-- Modified on 11/28/2017 1:18:41 PM

But as a humorless fuck I find your response hilarious. Just saying.

I got beat pretty hard when my mom heard me repeat it. It was very lame so I will spare everyone it. Anyway it reminded me of said joke and a sense of nostalgia make me smile. Thanks.

maybe.

the birth rate is actually connected to how much sex people have?
Or is this evidence you've grown some sort of strange sense of humor?

women are on birth control and most young american men are taught to use condoms. Everyone is fucking as usual.  Smart men and women who fuck random people should practice "safe sex".  

Like there is no law against coffee in Utah. This is a fun thread in my mind. I can't believe I have to say this but lighten up. I am having fun. Smile more and quit letting whom ever is pissing in your cereal, piss in your cereal. It is making you cranky. God, I thought I would have to say this but did you have YOUR sense of humor surgically removed? Cheese and crackers!

First of all it's "tongue IN cheek."  
Second, please return the sense of humor you bought to the charlatan who sold it to you.  It is defective.  As is your sense of "fun."
Another thing that's defective is your reading comprehension, as you seem to have missed the part where I said: "Or is this evidence you've grown some sort of strange sense of humor?"
I guess your new "sense of humor" failed to detect this was said "tongue in cheek."
Cheaze 'n crakkerz!