I'm wondering if prostitution were ever made LEGAL in the U.S.A. wouldn't a lot of these wives who are not interested in sex make a real effort to remedy their lack of interest in sex. There is one thing most women hate and that is easy competition from other women for their mate.

....the married women wouldn't change much. One would hope, if they did close down shop, they would just send them to the ladies for safe sex while they're shopping or at the spa. a win win for all!

remember too, alot of these guys in these sexless marriages still do love their wives/life style, they just don't want sex w/them either, or keep it to a minimun....for whatever reasons.

Modern marriage gives partners an enforceable legal monopoly on each other's access to sex (i.e. authority) without a compensating obligation to provide it (responsibility). Anytime authority without responsibility exists; that authority is more likely to be abused.

However, let me explode a myth. Most marriages are NOT sexless. In fact, the average married couple has sex (with each other) 2-3 times a week, even after they have been married 5+ years.

Remember that you are dealing here with an extreme case of selection bias. You are dealing not just with men, but a sample of men that has paid for sex with professional sex workers. So a lot of things will be outside the norm.

One thing about averages, you could have a large subset of couples having sex every day of the week and a second subset of couples having sex zero times per week. Thus averaging out to about 2-3 times a week. These averages don't tell us the whole story.

An average never tells the whole story.

But it DOES tell you that, overall, sexless marriages are not the norm.

range, mode, median and std dev?

who are in sexless marriages, who never dreamed that they would find themselves in sexless marriages

I would have to agree with Jimmy.

I think the hobby has a lot to do with keeping some marriages together. If two people love each other and it's only the sex that is missing, what's wrong with the man (or the woman) being able to have those needs met (anonymously of course) at the local brothel or massage parlor and taking the pressure off of the partner in the marriage that is not longer interested in sex.

Sex is only one, albeit one very important part of a marriage.

... I bet if you did a little digging on Google, you could find the data sets!

Contrary to popular belief, most marriages are pretty decent.

Maybe the guys in sexless marriages are lousy in bed.  Maybe they have no idea how to approach their wife.  Maybe she has issues of her own that have never been addressed.  Maybe women who are raising children are so overwhelmed with the responsibility that they have forgotten what it's like to take care of themselves.  Maybe the image of the sexless marriage is so prevalent that it's become an expectation rather than a cartoon.  I don't think competition for a mate is a remedy for any of this, and this is a list off the top of my head.  Relationships are complicated and it's gonna take a lot more than legalizing prostitution to address this.

Wise response: "Relationships are complicated..."  My marriage was not always sexless, but unfortunately became so over the years.  Unfortunately, the sexless dimension for my spouse was not considered a problem; I considered it to be one.  However, she had no interest in dealing with the issue--my issue, not her issue--by joining me in counseling. I eventually just dealt with it all by wandering off the reservation after more than 30 years of fidelity.

Quite specifically, we agree that legalizing prostitution would do nothing to help. That is because marriage as it is understood in this country is monogamous anyway, so the introduction of competition in that fashion is not possible.

Furthermore, while in some relationships the woman avoids sex for reasons of power, control or spite; this is by far the exception. There are, in fact, cases in which the man loses interest. And in most cases where the woman loses interest the causes tend to be complex and inter-related, involving a relatively pervasive failure for her other emotional needs to be reliably met.

Basically, as a man, I can't expect a woman to meet my emotional needs if I am not meeting hers.

Personally, I believe a large social benefit would be realized if stupid sex education classes (how hard can it be to learn how to use a condom?) were replaced with relationship education classes, and classes helping to understand the motivations and behaviors of the opposite sex.

For whatever reason, and I know its different, and complicated, for each and ever guy, but for whatever their reasons are, the chose to remain.

I wont sit here and say I even begin to remotely understand, or that I think I know their situation, because I dont, and I am not judging, in any way.

But for whatever their reasons are, a lot of guys chose to remain in their sexless marriages.



-- Modified on 6/19/2010 7:23:16 PM

Put escorys aside there is already far more "competition" out there.  Women at work, women in bars/hotels while traveling.  the neighbor, the woman at the gym or at the store.  There's far more competition for a husband looking for other options.

The number of low sex marriages (not sure they are all totally sexless) is probably more than most people think.  Sex is only one piece of why people get married.  Friendship, love, social status, money, a good future, pressure from family/friends.  Given the number of factors I don't find it surprising at all that in some cases sex is not the biggest part.

many of the men I see are still having sex at home but just want more or something a little different. They are happy at home and love their life and even if more sex was on the table they still would search for something different. Seeing a provider and paying for the freedom to walk a way and not turn back is what works best for them and is safer than picking someone up at their office or a bar.

Sad to say that I hear some men say their wife doesn't appeal to them any more after 10 or 20 years of marriage. Any women who feels they are not appealing to their mate will not be open to any form of affection. These women may hunger for affection themselves yet feel life is passing them by.

We are women ourselves and although it may seem the cards are on our table it's only for a very short time. One must look past the dollar signs if you want to have a full life in what your doing and don't think that a pussy has so much control in a man's life. You yourself might land up being a true failure in future relationships if not homing the skills of true partnership between a man and a women.

Kisses Haley

Legal or not, the hobby is always going to be stigmatized until the day of enlightenment comes, and I'm not anticipating that anytime soon.

The legal consequences are almost nil to anyone who takes half a modicum of care in selecting their escort partner.

The fear of being caught by the SO is the much greater fear, and legal or not, that will continue.

I guess you mean in every city....it's legal in parts of las vegas i think.

I've met men who have told me that for w/e reason them and their wives weren't having the sex that the wife in a sense told them to go and get what they needed....but unless they aren't one of those wife then lol heck yeah they'd definitely make the effort.

We've been together 10 years, 3 married. I see a therapist and I'm getting my shit together again after nearly having a career induced nervous breakdown (stress!!!).

She stopped taking care of herself. Put on 80+ pounds. Doesn't shave her legs. Has bitched at me about $$$'s for the last 3 years because I make a third of what I used to (Me then: 210K, now: 70K, her 65K). The economy killed my business. She always seems to forget that I paid off the mortgage completely before I turned 35 years old. We have less than 40K debt and we just redid the kitchen for 30K. No car payment either. I'm not making nearly as much but we are not strapped at all. So I guess I'm just a cock attached to a paycheck.

So she'll drive me up the wall about the same things over and over again then she'll say in all her neurotic, self centered, Italian American Princess, selfish glory, "When am I gonna get laid?!?!?!".

Never wants to go out anymore. Always tired. Just wants to sleep. Not interested in anything social or cultural. I'm very social, love art, museums, music (I'm a 25 year guitar player).

When we met I took her to all the coolest places in NYC, I played in 3 rock bands. Had a fun life. My life was one great everyday party.

Now everything is a big fucking deal. We live a 5 minute walk from the supermarket and I get texts at work to pick shit up on my way home. Now I tell her to get off her ass and do it. Pisses her off. She's lazy.

I can't get it up for her. She's good in 5 minutes because I can ring her bell like a poolshark. She's not reciprocal.

I like to, you know, make love, passionately, for hours.


Now......... I do. Me and my ATF have an amazing chemistry, the works, multiple O's, simultaneous O's......Sex as art, transcendentally good times, we play like little kids, brings a tear to my eye when I think about how good it is. I'll never get the mindset of men who are only in it for themselves, stay home and jack off, much cheaper!

I get a similiar satisfaction out of music, both pursuits (Sex & Music) are intensely deep and passionate for me. Rocking a gals world and being rocked by her makes me feel profoundly at peace.

I just despise the fact that I've had to surrogate the affection and passion I crave via P4P. It is the very essence of what I need in a relationship. So....my marriage is a sham and I live a lie everyday.

Divorce.......When my stepdaughter can handle it. She's my pride and joy and my most important life's work. She's only 13 and doing great. I'd hate to fuck her up. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt her.

*** "When am I gonna get laid?!?!?!" ***

When you lose the 80 pounds, fat ass!