Sandra,
He was never interested in seeing you. Just wanted to get a rise out of you and waste your time. Screw him. No loss to you.
Just do what we all do...hit the delete button and block his email.
Shane
I didn't want this message to get lost in my original post from October 9th, so I chose to make a new post.
Here is the rest of the story...
My response:
While I understand your ambivalence to submitting personal information over the internet, I am curious as to what makes you think that I would I agree to spend 12+ hours with you or anyone else for that matter without proper screening beforehand? While this may be the way some other ladies operate, I personally refuse to neglect those measures which I deem necessary to ensure my comfort, and safety. The fact that you are reluctant to provide me with even a reference is a "red flag", which I am unable to ignore.
With that said, thank you for your interest, but I cannot meet with you next week. I'm sure there are probably others here on the "Gold Coast" that might be willing to meet you based solely on your physical attributes.
Best of luck,
Sandra Alexander
--------------------------------------------------------
His response:
Hi Sandra!
The tone in your e-mail suggests a paranoid freaked out crack head. Thanks anyway, I will look elswhere. Its about fun, not the dramatics your displaying.
Good Luck!
-------------------------------------------------
FYI- The reason I chose to submit a private email on this forum (personal information removed of course)is because I felt screening was a very important subject to discuss. After reading this guys final email to me, I steadfastly stand by my choice to have prospective clients submit my screening form. I shiver at the thought of what could have happened with this guy had I not insisted on it.
Thanks everyone for your feedback.
Sandra
You don't need an Asshole jerk like that anyways. In our Hobby security is KEY and he just doesn't understand how we work around here. Let him pout and move on to guys that appreciate you and think that the required forms are for your safety and ours.
You could be doing something more constructive.
You will always get time-wasters in this business -figure out how to spot them to minimize your risk.
xo Lisa
-- Modified on 10/23/2007 4:20:07 PM
It is quite obvious you made the right decision by not seeing him.
Good for u Sandy. For his info, paranoia is an unfounded or irrational fear. Fear of LE or psychotics seems reasonable to me. Besides I know from experience that he missed out.
You absolutely did the right thing. Good for you. Proper screening is not only prudent IMO but essential.
Sandra,
He was never interested in seeing you. Just wanted to get a rise out of you and waste your time. Screw him. No loss to you.
Just do what we all do...hit the delete button and block his email.
Shane
I agree in this circumstance, you did the prudent thing and passed. He provided no reference at all?
What if he were a TER member with whitelist entries and multiple reviews? (no one hit wonders eiter)
IMHO, that's where being a TER member should be advantageous.
I am afraid I can't begin to understand anyone who writes such nasty and gratuitous insults. You wrote him a perfectly appropriate note. He could have, and should have, either not responded or responded with a polite equivalent of "that's that."
I like to think I have a pretty good read on people simply through reading their emails to me (or others) Their tone, word choice, cooperation, or lack there-of.. While written correspondence does lose the inflection and tone of voice that is used to interpret verbal speech, I have said before that I can usually tell from a guy's first email whether I'll be seeing him. Of course, references must check out, and the proper channels take, but I can usually tell from square one.
I think your intuition was right on as well. Always trust your instincts.
Sandra, you are clearly MUCH better off not having anything to do with this "gent," if one could call him that..
Stay Safe~
XoXo
Marea
-- Modified on 10/11/2007 7:10:44 AM
I too am somewhat skittish on "Forms" because I feel that they may go directly into a database... that would be searchable... or fall into the "wrong" hands....
HOWEVER, I DO not mind providing ALL of the requested information on the form (usually in a friendly e-mail), references and in general MORE information than is usually requested. Some of the ladies on this board are well aware of that. Having said that, usually ladies that I have seen are satisfied that I am legit and neither a stalker (or problem hobbiest) nor LE.
What I do find curious, is that this guy wants to spend 12 hr with you - sight unseen.... longest date I have had with a provider for the 1st meeting is 6 hours... and then there was a LOT of give and take on e-mails and phone calls! We knew a LOT about each other and our likes and dislikes before we met. In that manner, I felt comfortable enough so that if I was not physically attracted to the lady - I knew that at least we could do other "fun stuff" (dining, movie, sight seeing etc.). From the "tone" of his e-mail, it seems like he is totally not interested in your personality. And for a date that long.... well, that spell trouble... so while the "form" thing kinda is not good for me, you did make a great call IMHO.
-- Modified on 10/11/2007 7:09:13 AM
I can't speak for everyone else, but my understanding is that some gents prefer the convenience of forms, some the security of email. As long as all the info is provided, this should be acceptable to most providers. In fact, I prefer email (as long as the gent takes care to include all of the correct info) because the guys who write emails generally write a bit about themselves as an introduction, which makes it more real and personal, whereas the form usually comes with one sentence at the bottom stating "I'd like a two hour date this week." Everyone has their own style, and I don't mean to generalize, but my absolute favorite emails are the ones that go above and beyond the basic screening info and share a more personal introduction. Also see my post in response to Sandra's first thread, "Comments on Forms."
XoXo
Marea
via a post form or email (the traceability of email/forms is very high, its not illegal for someone to retain old emails on purpose, emails and routing info to verify the sender can be easily forwarded, and most email/forms data remains on computer drives/systems even if the provider deletes it); then I offer to provide it via telephone. As least via telephone, you do not have the same data retention on a hard-drive issues (and who knows who may buy the old PC when the provider upgrades or who else may intercept/access it). While there is no zero risk means to convey certain info, verbally conveying it in person or by email leaves fewer traces than email/forms and even if the info is recorded, its in the providers handwriting, and not directly traceable.
Usually the informations from the forms go straight to email and are not handled in any database other then form of email. Or at least thats how me and my freinds websites work.
Most women dont save clients information unless they are black listing them. Having information about clients who aren't blacklisted are kinda of a no-no since they can be used as evidence if taken to law enforcement.
and can't understand why you won't see him based purely on his self-recommendation. Heck, I'm sure he thinks you should be willing to see him for free!
OK, all kidding aside, what an ego-maniacal jerk!
I wonder if anyone ever falls for this?
who can give a provider a somewhat jaded viewpoint of hobbyists. Like anything else, it only takes one bad apple, as the saying goes. Sandra, I agree with what the other posters have said about this person, you definitely made the right decision about him.
I don't know what his problem is, but he sure has one. Calling you a paranoid freaked-out crackhead is just totally out of line. He is the paranoid one here, not you, besides being a total idiot.
Stick to your gut feelings like Marea said about hobbyists.
Swim
and try to analyze the unfathomable. I wouldn't mess with a person who responded like that.
And that is from Jack0, the immensely patient, merciful, all-tolerant and all-forgiving!
However I have to agree with Jack0 on this.... some of the providers that I have seen on multiple excursions, will ask me "now who are you again!???" yea, I am just that memorable.
Seriously, they retain NO records which suits me just fine.
-- Modified on 10/11/2007 9:15:57 AM
Jacko, BSD, and GG all agreeing on something, what are the odds?
While I still personally won't fill out forms, you obviously made the right call with this "gentleman"
His last reply to yours was predictable. His first email showed signs of officious pomposity. Your reply to him implied criticism of his presumptiousness (is that a word?) so he escalated it in his last. Good riddance.
Predictable to whom Rudy? And please tell me when I was accusing him of being a drama queen? The point here was to create a discussion about screening, not to accuse anyone of anything. Does everyone who posts something on this board get the label of a "drama queen" just because they are looking for feedback within the community? I hope not. Call me what you would like, but your obvious anger is quite a turn off.
-- Modified on 10/11/2007 11:39:20 PM
Sandra, I think Rudy50 is saying that THE GUY was the drama queen, who accused you of being one.
...hope that helps.
I just wanted to say that the form on my website is not always going to be for everyone. I understand that, and will adjust my rules accordingly. There have been gentleman who have provided the requested information via regular email, or even on the telephone. All this is okay with me, but if you tell me "you have all the information that is going to be provided", I will tell you to find someone else. If you act like you're hiding something, you probably are!
Thanks for all your feedback. I'm glad there are more of you out there that are "pro" screening, than not.
xxoo
Sandra Alexander