I have had feelings for a customer. It just happens.
Well, what I want a provider's point of view. When if ever has the provider ever fallen for a client? Maybe nothing came of it or maybe he left his wife and now you two have 4 children and you quit providing, or so he thinks Hahahaha. I want to hear experiences.
Aliases are encouraged here
Almost monthly a thread is started about a hobbyist who has fallen for a provider. Deny it if you want guys but I know that every dude on TER, myself included, has at least once felt at least some sort of feelings for a provider.
Well, what I want a provider's point of view. When if ever has the provider ever fallen for a client? Maybe nothing came of it or maybe he left his wife and now you two have 4 children and you quit providing, or so he thinks Hahahaha. I want to hear experiences.
Aliases are encouraged here
and she told me her best friend, which is also a provider and someone I've been with ran away with another client. She said, she just got up one night, and left in a car. The last phone call she got was her telling her friend that she decided to quit providing and be his girlfriend. Funny though, she was young, and just started hobbying for only 2 months. Guess she saw dollar signs and promises, promises. Whatever the case may be, I don't know if she has "fallen" for him or not.
I've actually had a couple that fell in love with me, or at least my sugar daddy sweets. About a year ago, met this nice girl. Saw her several times and such, and we started to see each other OTC. Took her shopping and such, and I actually gave her free money on many occasions. One day, we were suppose to hook up after she finished all of her sessions for that particular night, but she never responded. It was highly unlikely of her to not respond. She usually text me right back if she knows I am waiting for her.
Didn't hear from her for another week, then she told me she is providing in another state and ran away from her abusive pimp. I had no recollection that she has a pimp in the beginning. She told me her pimp was abusing her because he became jealous of me, and she is trying to avoid him. She said, her pimp didn't like how she was changing. Anyhow, we met up, and she stayed at my place for several months and networked her new career. I basically financed her certification, and she is doing decently.
Somewhere inside me I didn't want this relationship to last, and I told her, after she has her certificate, and save enough money, she needs to move out. I am still there for her though, and support her every now and then. She is doing well now, she has her own place, has a nice car, and we are just friends now. Not sure if that is considered "falling for a client", but it has all of the obvious indicators that she wanted me. In my heart, I didn't want it to last.
I'm just curios u say in your heart u didn't want it to last, Why? You sound like you were both having a good time & both understanding of the hobby (it sounded like she quit for you but u both knew about the hobby). That to me is a good marriage, two people caring for each other doing what is good for the other person not controlling that person to do what is good for yourself (whether its in their best interest or not), she sounds like she would have been there for the long run with gratitude yet understanding if you wanted to still hobby & have some variety every now & then. But all in all in sounds like a wonderful story, u were the one she needed to care about her on a real level so that she could get a good chance at life, it was respectable that u let her go so that she could go on & find someone without a monetary value & for yourself as well. I hope life treats you really good in all u do cuz it sounds like u r a wonderful person with a lot of respect.
Thanks for your story
it was the dumbest most idiotic and self destructive thing I've ever done in my life, and I think I've done some stupid things before.
So you can feel better about your experience being vulnerable and know it happens to us, too? Hmmmm....
Besides the fact that disclosing information like this can affect our business, there are other reasons the provider experience is different than the client.
First of all, what does "fallen for" even mean?
I certainly have had clients I've liked a lot and couldn't wait to see again. There are some I'm excited to hear from. There have been a few I have fantasized about sexually between sessions.
But "fallen in love with"? No.
I can't afford to. Why set yourself up for heartbreak?
Here's the difference... what would it take for a provider you have fallen for to refuse to see you again? A lot, right? So, if you have feelings for her, you know you will be able to see her again if you want to.
Not so with us. There are a thousand reasons why a guy may not want to see us again. Once he leaves that door, no matter how much I like him, I have no idea if he's ever coming back. Maybe he does again. I'm glad.... but when he leaves again, I have no idea if I he's ever coming back... again. You have absolutely no control over it... so how can feelings ever build to love... love includes vulnerability, attachment, and emotional intimacy. Not things you want to feel for someone you may never see again!
There has to be some sort of commitment for true feelings of vulnerability to develop... you need reassurance that the attachment won't be broken. There just isn't enough reassurance with a professional client relationship for me. Things would have to move past that to an OTC romance or it would have to be a steady regular for a long period of time and a true bond develops in that context.
I really don't want to feel that way about anyone right now. If I were in love with one man, I wouldn't want to be with any others. I think it would make it very difficult to keep doing this business.
But that's my take on it.
That was a good response. Like walking a mile in your shoes. I think the OP had a good question and you had a good answer. I've talked to a number of hobby friends about the 'falling for a lady' thing. Usually it is something that is not suppose to happen, but suddenly its there. Then what?? I figure I guy should not dream of the 'having her all to myself' scenario. She is a provider and the fella would need to accept that as a fact of life. If he is willing to accept her just the way she is with no changes then talk to her about the OTC idea. IF she is willing to move on to standard dating and he is willing to accept her totally then they just might be on to something. Of course she would have to accept him as a hobbiest. Sure the future may change all that but acceptance of the present is critical. IMHO I have never met anyone that has actually dated a provider but I am sure there are a lot of pitfalls along the way.
I know that part of removing the wedding ring is to avoid sideways glances if you are out in public.
And I imagine it can add to the "suspension of disbelief" of the whole escape/fantasy.
But sometimes you find out waaaaay later he is married, and it's like "Damn!" But I still wouldn't call it "falling in love." You just understand you are nothing, and will be nothing, more than just an escape to him.
I've found that married men will often feel comfortable opening up because they aren't worried about getting attached and it "leading to anything." If you don't know the guy is married, it's easy to mistake that for genuine interest in you or a desire to get close to you.
But there are similar disappointments in the civvie dating world. After I got divorced, I was in the habit of dating younger men and I realized I was the "For Now Girl" - the one they don't want to get too attached to because they were reserving their heart for their "forever girl" that they hadn't met yet.
It is what it is.
Finding true love that lasts is like trying to build a fire in a snow storm, it seems, so adding that it started as a provider/client relationship is just adding a lot of extra snow. It's still possible with determination and really, really hot fire!
Is it a way for him to put food on the table?
If man is dating a sex worker it does not mean that he can be cheating.
If he was paid to have sex with other people it would be another story
There are other ways to put food on the table. Most women do not provide yet almost all mange to eat. There is literally thousands of ways to make money, providing is only one way. If she is still providing, excuses be damned, it is not just to put food on the table. It may be to live a lifestyle you otherwise could not afford, but it is not a matter of survival. Being an escort is a choice like seeing an escorts is a choice.
You are ether in a monogamous relationship or you are not. If one side gets to have meaningless sex outside the relationship and the other cannot it leads to jealousy and resentment. You can't have separate rules for one partner and not the other it just don't work. It is that simple.
I enjoy a somewhat open marriage and it works, but it only works because there is a balance. If you are fucking others for what other reason and he is not, trust me resentment will build. Resentment will lead to the termination of any relationship in time.
I know a provider who is married and her husband knows what she does. Because she is only sexually involved with men for money and not because she is attracted to them, he doesn't see it the same as "cheating" or a violation of monogamy, at least in "spirit."
And that is the difference when a guy still hobbies. He is seeing women because he IS attracted to them and wants to boink them. He not only doesn't need the additional incentive of receiving compensation, he is actually paying to boink them... that's how bad he wants to. The provider, on the other hand, probably wouldn't have any interest in sex with most of her clients if there was no compensation.
So, the guy knows she's not really into most (or all) of her clients while he definitely is if he keeps hobbying. It's just not the exact same thing for both to continue.. it means something different for a guy to do it than a girl. He has reassurance that she only wants him, she doesn't.
And because of that, some guys who date providers can separate the concept of "cheating" from her "work."
But as far as her having other options for employment, what girl would be foolish enough to quit this business after a few dates with a guy to see if it would "work out?" That's just silly to suggest that she quit to try to make a new relationship work. So, during the courtship phase, you would expect that she is going to continue to do the work she is doing until it leads to something more serious with a definite commitment.
This situation is sticky no matter how you slice it.
I stopped working after two off the clock dates. Eight months later my savings are gone and I am single.
I just learned that he offered other escorts to live with him for free while they saved up to quit the business. He also was booking other escorts for over night and weekend dates and paying them full price.
You are a VERY SMART girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm impressed
Well, I appreciate you sharing your experience. And to answer your question, YES. Maybe we all can feel a little better knowing that providers are not all stone hearted, businesswomen that have the fake organm down to a science, and that they can develop feelings for a JOHN too. Wow, who would have figured that a woman can develop feelings.
I wanted expeiences and thank you for contributing. I did not appreciate the introduction though.
You missed it when we providers used to post treading in fear of being called "whores," "fat," with "scores that suck," "gaggle of skanks," "I wouldn't fuck any one of them" and all manner of personal insults just for expressing contrary opinions!
And my introductory sentence was not appreciated! LOLOLOLOLOL I'm sorry... that's just too funny how things have changed.
But, yes, many of us are very soft-hearted and have to protect our hearts to keep them from getting broken.
I want to have fun! I don't want anyone to even have the ability to make me cry.
Ahhh if it were that simple. Most of the time when people fall for someone it is not realy becaus ethey love a particular person. It usually is because that person fills a void. This explains why a there are so many bad relationships out there. Most of the guys who have fallen for a provider do so because they are more lonley than horney. While other times they are stuck in a love less and even sex-less marriage that they cant walk away from without a life sentence of payments.
Then it happens, someone hits the spot. They find someone who brings passionate sex into the picture. Although there is an envelope involved, guys tend to overlook this. The results are almost allways disastrous.
I envy the determination and strength that you show in avoiding relationships but the fear of getting hurt is a self defeatist attitude. That is like saying I dont want to go to college because it does not guarantee me that I will get the job I want, so I wont go to college.
I realized about myself that lonleyness is like chronic sinusitis and passionate love is like nasal spray. It will make you breathe for a little while but keep using it and aside from getting addicted the consequenses will be worse. So cure the lonleyness and there will be no need for LOVE.
Loving someone who doesn't love you back is going to lead you down the road of pain.
But.... IF I saw genuine interest from someone that I was also interested in and...
IF that person were single and available and...
IF there was a mutual desire to see where things would go romantically and...
IF the bond grew strong enough that it seemed it could stand the test of time and...
IF there was a mutual desire to have an long-term, exclusive commitment....
I would cash in my chips and take that jackpot!
Part of being able to be available should that opportunity present itself is to not fall for someone else who is a far cry from all of that. I fought long and hard to get my single card back. My ace. I'm not going to play it in just any hand.
Either we have to accept free loading lazy ass bums or form the relationship with former clients who are cheating on us.
Former client asked me to give him a chance in a normal relationship. I Fell in Love and could not work more. Customers, even those I loved made ??me sick.
It took several months to find out that the man I loved has never stopped paying for sex with other women while I went bankrupt and broken hearted.
Never again.
It's like the man you love is crack and you become a crack-fiend giving up everything else in your life just to have a few minutes or hours with him. You make the stupidest decisions. Ugh! I DO NOT want to feel that way about anyone right now.
The two men that hurt me the most and did the most damage in my life were the ones I loved the deepest.
The power of independence is lost when you become dependent... even emotionally.
"we broke up due to artistic differences ...."
In my case, his ex-wife discovered my profession and is effectively blackmailing him in family court for more alimony. We're waiting on the resolution of the case now. On a daily basis I question if I will be able to live with having that kind of ex-wife in my life for the long term, and the honest answer is that I don't know. I'm taking it one day at a time, keeping my eyes wide open. If/when all the dust settles (which could be quite a while), I will retire and focus solely on my other 'real' business. He can continue to hobby if he chooses (he says he will quit, but I'm skeptical lol), and we will likely continue to hobby as a couple. If it doesn't work out with us, then I will just continue my life as I currently life it, and I will be open to the possibilities wherever they arrive (whether through the hobby or not). But one thing I will not do is lie to my SO about what I do, so my civvie opportunities are probably limited.
There is another provider near me that is seriously in love with one of our mutual clients. He apparently loves her too, but he is married and has other complicating factors that make it unlikely he will leave his wife. In that case, I honestly don't know why the each "let" their feelings progress to the point of no return. No good can come of their situation.
She thought my genes would be the perfect compliment to hers, and she was approaching 40 and the old baby-alarms were going off.
The idea was that I would set her up in an apartment, and come over for quality family time and a little nooky on a regular basis, the pad being her compensation for the latter.
To show you what an idiot I was, I actually gave it serious consideration. (I was married and raising two kids at home.) I had a serious jones for this gal (In fact, I still do despite the fact that she has "issues".
Fortunately, my better sense prevailed, and that started a slow long term slide in our relationship, which has since fallen off the proverbial cliff.
This was about 15 years ago. I like to think I've learned something in the meantime.
Epilogue:
She never did marry or have kids, by the way. A provider with whom I am close knows her fairly well, and reports on her situation to me. (And I'm sure vice versa, but that's cool with me.)
A lot of you have aksed the question "what is love"...LOVE is unconditional. I know...I'm sure you have heard this before. If you had unconditional love you would not want to share that love with anyone other then your wife or husband. All of you have very good ideas and thoughts on this subject, however, this hobby is for fun and/or an escape...not to find your wife through LUST! Remember LUST is NOT LOVE. I'm a guy so I cans say this.....Guys's some times can't tell the difference between the two. That is a FACT!!! If you see a provider...you fuck them or have sex with them. You never make LOVE to them....why? Becuase you can't!!! They don't want that and you really don't want or need that. DOn't confuse sex with LOVE......my $ .2
I have had feelings for a customer. It just happens.
Well, what I want a provider's point of view. When if ever has the provider ever fallen for a client? Maybe nothing came of it or maybe he left his wife and now you two have 4 children and you quit providing, or so he thinks Hahahaha. I want to hear experiences.
Aliases are encouraged here