I’ve truly screwed myself with the hobby in general for the next month or so.  You see, I’ve run out of money, and I blame my ATF’s for bleeding my hobby budget dry.  I’m just a sucker for a sob story, so I’ve given it all to them to help with their various problems and didn’t even get laid in exchange; which goes against my ethics as a professional hobbyist.  
   
 Here’s how it happened  
   
 Moana, who’s in her eighth year of Junior College, ran into a shit storm when she finally came out as a porn star, putting her real name to her role in “She Fucks For C’s.”  She started getting all kinds of shit on social media from her classmates, the most hurtful being the messages that made fun of her for not holding out for A’s.  Those immature students even started prank calling her hobby phone.  
   
 She even got a threatening text from a professor who was highly pissed that he had given her a B for her candid essay about what it’s really like to be an escort for his creative writing class and didn’t even get a BJ.  
   
 In fact, she got so many texts and phone calls that she asked me to spring for a cash cell phone so that she could cancel her cell phone and still work.  So I bought her one on the condition that she give me an OTC session in exchange.  Unfortunately, I must not have gotten the best one because the clock on it didn’t automatically reset for the Spring Forward DST, and she was an hour late for our appointment.  
   
 Unfortunately, I was extremely irritable due to trying to quit smoking, so I got unreasonably angry and started peppering her with personal questions about her life and habits.  Well, she got just as angry, telling me that I had killed the mood with my questions and that I wasn’t getting laid that day (she later told me that she was highly hormonal due to a change in her birth control pill).    
   
 So I gave up on Moana, and called Sexy Sally, another of my ATF’s.  No sooner had she answered the phone, she started crying and bitching about this Asian guy that she had just seen.  It seems that he considers himself to be some Great Hobbyist (has a funny TER handle that I can’t remember), but was so drunk when he saw her, that he rolled off the bed, onto the floor, and proceeded to try to fuck her pet small dog, thinking it was her doubles partner.  He terrified the dog so much, that it went into cardiac arrest and died right there in the session.  And get this, he was so insensitive that he wouldn’t even wait around to comfort her as she called the K911.  
   
 Well she goes on and on about how that was the craziest session that she had ever had, and that she’s so upset now that she needs to get away and is thinking about going to the Dominican Republic to take a little working vacation in celebration of International Women’s day.  Yep, you guessed it, she hits me up for the money for the plane ticket.  I tell her that I won’t give her cash, butt that I’d buy her a ticket and reserve her hotel room for her online.  So I proceed to go online and book her trip.  
   
 Unfortunately, I had forgotten which email that I was using that month for paypal, so I went to global inbox and searched for an email from paypal to get the information.  I found the most recent one and started following the links so that I could set up the payment.  I don’t really know what happened, but somehow my hobby bank account got cleaned out of my monthly budget, and I was left there with no money and no way to pay for the trip that I had just booked.  I’ve tried to get help from the Paypal help center to figure it out, but I can’t seem to get the Captcha codes right, because the inquiry keeps getting bounced out.  
   
 Now I’m really fed up and upset, but I’ve got to call Sally back and give her the bad news.  She did NOT take it well.  To start off with, she was even more upset than before because she had just found out that she had not won Ms. TER February, which she had really been counting on. Unfortunately, she took it out on me and started screaming at me that I wasn’t a real Hobbyist, but just another John who didn’t care about her.    It got so bad that I finally had to just give her my credit card number over the phone so that she could book the damned trip herself and leave me the fuck alone.    
   
 So there I was, my whole hobby budget gone and nothing to show for it.  Some professional hobbyist I am.  To try to salvage something out of this whole thing, I called my ex-ATF, who sometimes sees me on credit.  So I call Delilah to try to set things up.  
   
 I’m not really happy to make this call because she’s an EX for a reason.  You see, Delilah is supposed to be a Squirter.  I used to really get into that, but I started noticing that she was drinking a LOT of juice before our sessions, and I started wondering if she was pissing on me instead of squirting.  I don’t really know the difference, but I have tried to learn as much as I can on the TER boards (that goes for anything hobby related, particularly if I’ve been away for awhile), but the information was conflicting.  
   
 So I get her on the phone and ask her if she’s see me on credit, which she’s willing to do, but only if I pay her double the rate when I reset my hobby budget.  I agree on the condition that she not squirt on me.  She gets really pissed off at this request and tells me that she believes that she has a medical condition related to the squirting, but that she can’t be sure because she can’t see a doctor because she doesn’t have health insurance.  I don’t want to be possibly pissed on again, so I pass on the session.  
   
 So here I am with no money and no sex.  I know that you guys are so mean that you’re going to flame me for helping out these providers, and Vern is going to somehow blame me for this even though I’m the victim, but I just had to post this so that others may learn from it.  
 

-- Modified on 3/10/2014 11:11:21 AM

Homage to you with the description of Sally 's session?

Come on back to beer!

I’ve truly screwed myself with the hobby in general for the next month or so.  You see, I’ve run out of money, and I blame my ATF’s for bleeding my hobby budget dry.  I’m just a sucker for a sob story, so I’ve given it all to them to help with their various problems and didn’t even get laid in exchange; which goes against my ethics as a professional hobbyist.  
   
 Here’s how it happened  
   
 Moana, who’s in her eighth year of Junior College, ran into a shit storm when she finally came out as a porn star, putting her real name to her role in “She Fucks For C’s.”  She started getting all kinds of shit on social media from her classmates, the most hurtful being the messages that made fun of her for not holding out for A’s.  Those immature students even started prank calling her hobby phone.  
   
 She even got a threatening text from a professor who was highly pissed that he had given her a B for her candid essay about what it’s really like to be an escort for his creative writing class and didn’t even get a BJ.  
   
 In fact, she got so many texts and phone calls that she asked me to spring for a cash cell phone so that she could cancel her cell phone and still work.  So I bought her one on the condition that she give me an OTC session in exchange.  Unfortunately, I must not have gotten the best one because the clock on it didn’t automatically reset for the Spring Forward DST, and she was an hour late for our appointment.  
   
 Unfortunately, I was extremely irritable due to trying to quit smoking, so I got unreasonably angry and started peppering her with personal questions about her life and habits.  Well, she got just as angry, telling me that I had killed the mood with my questions and that I wasn’t getting laid that day (she later told me that she was highly hormonal due to a change in her birth control pill).    
   
 So I gave up on Moana, and called Sexy Sally, another of my ATF’s.  No sooner had she answered the phone, she started crying and bitching about this Asian guy that she had just seen.  It seems that he considers himself to be some Great Hobbyist (has a funny TER handle that I can’t remember), but was so drunk when he saw her, that he rolled off the bed, onto the floor, and proceeded to try to fuck her pet small dog, thinking it was her doubles partner.  He terrified the dog so much, that it went into cardiac arrest and died right there in the session.  And get this, he was so insensitive that he wouldn’t even wait around to comfort her as she called the K911.  
   
 Well she goes on and on about how that was the craziest session that she had ever had, and that she’s so upset now that she needs to get away and is thinking about going to the Dominican Republic to take a little working vacation in celebration of International Women’s day.  Yep, you guessed it, she hits me up for the money for the plane ticket.  I tell her that I won’t give her cash, butt that I’d buy her a ticket and reserve her hotel room for her online.  So I proceed to go online and book her trip.  
   
 Unfortunately, I had forgotten which email that I was using that month for paypal, so I went to global inbox and searched for an email from paypal to get the information.  I found the most recent one and started following the links so that I could set up the payment.  I don’t really know what happened, but somehow my hobby bank account got cleaned out of my monthly budget, and I was left there with no money and no way to pay for the trip that I had just booked.  I’ve tried to get help from the Paypal help center to figure it out, but I can’t seem to get the Captcha codes right, because the inquiry keeps getting bounced out.  
   
 Now I’m really fed up and upset, but I’ve got to call Sally back and give her the bad news.  She did NOT take it well.  To start off with, she was even more upset than before because she had just found out that she had not won Ms. TER February, which she had really been counting on. Unfortunately, she took it out on me and started screaming at me that I wasn’t a real Hobbyist, but just another John who didn’t care about her.    It got so bad that I finally had to just give her my credit card number over the phone so that she could book the damned trip herself and leave me the fuck alone.    
   
 So there I was, my whole hobby budget gone and nothing to show for it.  Some professional hobbyist I am.  To try to salvage something out of this whole thing, I called my ex-ATF, who sometimes sees me on credit.  So I call Delilah to try to set things up.  
   
 I’m not really happy to make this call because she’s an EX for a reason.  You see, Delilah is supposed to be a Squirter.  I used to really get into that, but I started noticing that she was drinking a LOT of juice before our sessions, and I started wondering if she was pissing on me instead of squirting.  I don’t really know the difference, but I have tried to learn as much as I can on the TER boards (that goes for anything hobby related, particularly if I’ve been away for awhile), but the information was conflicting.  
   
 So I get her on the phone and ask her if she’s see me on credit, which she’s willing to do, but only if I pay her double the rate when I reset my hobby budget.  I agree on the condition that she not squirt on me.  She gets really pissed off at this request and tells me that she believes that she has a medical condition related to the squirting, but that she can’t be sure because she can’t see a doctor because she doesn’t have health insurance.  I don’t want to be possibly pissed on again, so I pass on the session.  
   
 So here I am with no money and no sex.  I know that you guys are so mean that you’re going to flame me for helping out these providers, and Vern is going to somehow blame me for this even though I’m the victim, but I just had to post this so that others may learn from it.  
 

-- Modified on 3/10/2014 11:11:21 AM