This will cover some of the basics in the hooker's bag of tricks. We can expand on this later. The nomenclature is similar to pro rasslin and carnivals.

I'll explain the packs, hooks, the chew. the stall, the one man band, ways to fake orgasms, Cherry-picking the reviews etc.

Packs and Hooks:

As with all showbiz, you gotta pack them in and hook em some way. In the internet era it's done with fake bios on web pages. Some poor white trash type from rural Kentucky can be given an upscale background. She's blonde so say she is Russian. Say she grew up in America and went to fine schools. Lets give her a Master's in bio-science. She plays volleyball but that's too mundane. Let's make her hobbies mountain climbing and bungee jumping. A nice upscale girl who loves sex so much she sucks the cocks of strangers old enough to be her father.  

The girl is 40 but let's list her age as 32.

The chew: Always start off with the blowjob. If you nail the guy early he may not get it up again. This is a common technique that works on a lot of tricks.

The stall: If they get lucky they find a trick who believes in the phony moans of the hooker. The guy will spend 20-30 minutes on DATY and using his hands to get her off. These guys are called one man bands.

After thinking of their grocery list for 20 minutes, they hyperventilate, hold their breath, frown and fake a screaming orgasm. Most tricks think it's real since their face turns red.

Cherry pick the reviews:

Demand real names no matter how many references the guy has. Another way of doing it is to demand the guy has 10 or more TER reviews or has to give personal info. Check the reviews to make sure he never points out that the girls are older or heavier than the pictures.  

Feel free to add to the bag of hooker tricks

Personally, I don't give a shit what she says about her background and don't care a huge amount about her exact age so long as she looks reasonably like her pix.
Pretty much all I care about is if she has a bangin' bod, sucks cock like a champ and fakes her orgasms well.
I am sorry all the other meaningless stuff means so much to you and makes you so mad.
Have a nice day!

Prozac can help.

I'm shocked to read that escort profiles might not be real!
Listed age as 32? I won't fall for that cuz, it's already 10 years over my limit!

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For an hour appointment, they talk your ear off for 15 to 30 minutes about life, your interests, your profession, your hobbies, what got you into the hobby, yada yada yada and blah blah.  When I first started it was guaranteed MSOG for an hour, now you will get one shot followed by the losing of interest in conversation and putting on of clothes.  Before you know it you're at 50 minutes and it's time to wrap it up.

Dude,

It's called consumerism
If you are that unhappy with the industry go find your fun elsewhere.  
Also, CL has a Rants and Rave section  
Go post there with the rest of the disgruntled masses.

Yeah, never got the getting to know the hooker routine. I really don't care about your degrees, where you have traveled why you ended up sucking cocks for a living..yada, yada, yada...

On the other hand, I would like to know how good you are in kissing, using your tongue and body to increase sensual pleasure, your acting abilities in ensuring that you fake the enjoyment for my pleasure, and most importantly how special are your moves when in action. In short, as they say - actions speaks louder than words.  

The best session, I have ever had was a sexy Asian that put her tongue in my mouth as soon as I entered and after 50 minutes of hot and sweaty action said: hi, how are you?...priceless..

but......am guessing that some of what you say obviously happens.  Providers are no different than other normal human beings.  We have some in this and any profession who are not pleased with their career choice.

But, as a gentleman who almost always sides with a provider, am guessing that when a hobbyist spends time with the amazing women who I have been fortunate enough to encounter, that of which you speak, only happens when these amazingly delicious and easy to please providers encounter;

1)  a crass, unappreciative, unhappy, abrasive (oh did I say that already, sorry), over demanding asshole of a hobbyist.

2)  a dense hobbyist who does not realize his breath is so powerful, it could kill a large bull elephant, and he becomes angry when she will not DFK him.

3)  a sloppy pig of a hobbyist, who thinks manscaping is something a painter or sculptor does and hangs his/her work in an art gallery, while this hobbyist expects her to enjoy her journey in the unclean, unattended, Amazon jungle of his manhood.

4)  a disingenuous asshole, who figures since he is paying, why should he get a manicure/pedicure (the very masculine kind) before his appointment, and screams the high heavens when she will not allow him to put his gorilla claws inside of her.

5)  a megalomaniac who is an hour late and can not figure out why she is no longer available for him.

There are countless more, but I will spare you as I am sure even you get the message.

Yes, I know, I know, you only submitted you post to get a reaction but in the process, thought I would be a gentleman and give you a dose of reality.  Maybe you will learn something from what I have added.  Believe me, it may surprise you just how much more enjoyable these basic, any normal human being could understand tips, can make your session.

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but being a woman i PREFER to chat for a while and get to know each other before i let some random chick put her mouth on me or my husband, and i like to feel comfortable, do i care if they fake their orgasm? no, i dont, i care if they can make ME orgasm and of course the hubby, do i care if they have a degree? nope, as long as they dont speak ebonics and i can hold a decent conversation with them i am good, and could care less about their age as long as they look like the pics they post, we have seen ladies from 25 to 45 and the 45 year old looked better than the 25 year old, but they were all pretty and I found them all atractive, as that is my main criteria in choosing someone.   i dont care if the life story they tell me is fake or not, their life is not MY business, as long as they can make me and my hubby happy i am good, BUT i DO need to feel a connection of some sort, hence the conversation.

After doing proper due diligence, I'm not much for one spending  $5 to $6 a minute chit chatting. I'll show them the money, then expect them to show me the goods.

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I enjoyed your caricatures - they brought back pleasant/unpleasant memories.

Yes, any of us who have been hobbying for decades have met every girl on your list. It is a good thing that those girls will always be the among minority of those we meet. Otherwise, we would not be here (here meaning this board).

The CV is just to add a flavor of the exotic.  Why say you are from the back-woods even if true?  

In reality NO ONE cares what is in the CV -- everyone looks at price, beauty and performance -- which are usually inter-related.

I think chatting  and DATY etc are aspects of GFE, as contrast to PSE.

I should say the even in civie-life, a woman's CV is far less important to the male than the male's CV is to the female.  Men are (more) attracted to beauty, women to status.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
You are who you hang out with.
If you're having the same problem with everybody, check the common denominator.

-- Modified on 4/28/2016 7:52:19 PM

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LOL, at least your honest!!

You know i get it...seems to me you intentionally wrote this to evoke some sort of reaction..(claps hand)well looks like youve done a good job based off the responses(myself included..i had to take a moment and edit what i had to say a few times before submitting..so your getting the polished version of whats on my mind)

With that being said...As a provider who does her best to provide an authentic experience for her guests,how dare you publish some pussy  list disrespecting and throwing shade to us providers.Now i cant speak for all females bc some of what you do say rings true..but the tone in your message,the words used, and that fact that you lumped us all in one category..is deemed as an insult.

This is how your message came across to me..or rather what its seems you were trying to say

"Hi my name is OldTimemonger .Im an Old lonely man "hince the name Oldtimemonger.I seem to have lost my dick,so ive decided to peruse escort sites, in hope that maybe one of the providers can help me find my dick...well after alot of pointless conversations,money spent,and the realization that ...well even a paid FANTASY provider cant find my dick....guess ill remain lonely and bitter

Dude you sound like a pussy! Complaning about whether or not a girls bio is legit or not..why the hell do you even care? .Your paying for a fantasy an experience,who cares if "Barbie drives a malibu car or if her and Ken ever lives happily ever after" Its your money,so you have the power to choose how ever your story (sessions)ends
..Now if your ending mostly ends with you walking out a session feeling decieved,and with a vagina between your legs while the provider you just slept with in her room,holding the dick you thought you had (you didnt have one to begin with..which essentially means shes not holding on to anything..bc she too busy moving on to the next guy while you driving home with a STANK attitude),THEN THATS YOUR FAULT! You got all this mouth disrespecting us providers and what we do by providing this  list..then next time use it to open you mouth and tell the provider your with what the hell it is you want!! How the hell you gone repeatedly seek providers,get the same results and then expect something to change?Then have the audacity to blame your lack there-of on providers?And then complain about the experience YOU paid for.its your money,do something about it.

Too often alot of what goes on during sessions stem from a lack of communication and assumptions.Both parties dont know eachother,often the guy comes in stands there expecting us to know how their body works.Every guy/female  ticks differently.But to not tell a female what it is you want,yet expect her to be your dream girl or the great experience your seeking to obtain..is LUDACHRIS! We are human despite our job title.I cant read minds just like you cant.So if you want your experiences to be better bc based of what you wrote...you dont seem to be having much luck,open your damn mouth before you open your legs and tell the woman what it is you want and if she can deliver,well you got a deal..if not...keep it moving.But dont dare come on here pumping this trash in this site about us,bc i gurantee you some new hobbyist whose nieve and new to the game ,gone feed into your bs and now we have another one of you walking around with that mentality about us providers...

 
And btw...why does what a girls bio concern your business and everyday life?Your only concern should be to bust a nut...and go back to your reality..shoot you probably dont even provide your real name when meeting a girl so hush up with all that nonsense

P.s Just bc you havnt mastered the art of "workin the dick" ..doesnt mean you have to blame your lackthereof on us providers by saying we provide fake orgasms..what you meant to say was "The providers ive dealt with ,have had to fake orgasms with me...bc ive been unable to evoke real ones from them"

If youve slept with 5women and youve noticed they all faked an orgasams while with you...no way in the world all five pussys broke..you need to look at the man in the mirror as Michael Jasckson once said and get some viagra

 
#SweetKellygonebad#YesISaidIt#Done

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-- Modified on 4/28/2016 8:24:39 PM

When I saw girls who demanded 90-120 minute sessions to start I ran into that a lot.  

Another trick is the "lights down low" or "candlelight trick." The room is so dark that by the time your eyes adjust to the light you've already put the envelope down. Then when you finally get in bed and your eyes adjust to the dim lights/candlelight you are looking at a 35 year old who advertised herself as 26.

The year round tanning trick: Tans can cover up a lot of minor skin problems and make a make a girl look thinner at least in the pictures

sound like you are getting your providers from BP.  Try moving upmarket a little bit.  Parts of the session still might be faked, but you won't know it and you won't really care, because its so good.

Twice you mention why would a monger care if a hooker makes up a fake background. It's simple. Nobody likes to have their intelligence insulted. You know perfectly well that if a girl had a marketable degree  from a good school she would be on the fast track to a great career. She would not be here.  

The rest of your post is just a personal attack. That means I hit a raw nerve. Just as a magician does not like it when somebody reveals how the tricks are carried out neither does a hooker.

I agree it's always funny, but. There is a small group of mouth breathers who don't understand that it's sarchasim (even funnier to me) unless you put a, "sarchasim Warning" at the begining of you post. They can't wait to fire off a reply saying how "dumb" you are that they don't bother reading entire posts. There is nothing funnier than someone who just doesn't get it.

You seem to be a misogynist.  Just my three pennies...how sad for you.

we can spend all day talking and making connection my love - as long as the clock starts once the action starts and yada, yada, yada stops...

Uhm, you're talking to a woman who is a paying customer. If she wants to talk, let her talk! Unless you want to supervise paying customers.
 

If you want to have the most sincere experience possible with a woman (paid or in civilian life), then remember that we do make love/have sex with our minds even if you are paying us.   You can be one of a woman's favorite clients and she will move mountains to accommodate you if you understand that how you communicate to her will dictate her reaction to you.   If you communicate to her like she is a dirty, lying, unethical whore with no value other than a convenient hole,  then that is probably what you will  get.  On the other hand treat her well starting with your first contact and she will do everything in her power to give you the best experience of your life.  It can take as little as a hot couple of minutes to be a decent person when you meet her.

-- Modified on 4/29/2016 11:06:05 PM

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the newbie board.  

Dude you don't like hookers or lies then leave the hobby as a matter of fact just check out of life. Period.  You are probably the reason why hookers become like that. Everyone starts off with good intentions and life changes that, some such as yourself become resentful, others with BALLS such as myself doesn't let life make her bitter and disgusted.

How old are you? I'm 25 shouldn't you be teaching me?

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... I don't know if it's ever been said so well.  

It's such a simple, basic concept: what we get from relationships, including p4p relationships, is based in large part to what we put into them, and how we approach them.

My post was not a newsflash. I'm not bitter towards hookers or carnival people. Understanding how the tricks are done has made it more pleasant. The people who become resentful are the ones who believe everything in this world is real.  

Hookers are trained by pimps and other hookers who know all the tricks of the trade.  

So, you are saying if I don't like lies I should leave? I'm glad you are admitting to the lies. Since I already know what the lies are it does not bother me. You can enjoy a magic show even if you know how the tricks are done.

If you don't, it's not. It all happens in your mind. Who she is and who she is to you and what you do to her only exists in your experience of the moment. So why care?

She likes you if she says she likes you. She has an O if you are convinced she has an O.

 Where the hell does truth begin?

If what you experience is a bag of tricks and a fake princess, then you got some bad stuff. Just see her different and presto! She's whatever you want!

Treat her like a goddess and she becomes a goddess. Treat her like white trash from Kentucky and she becomes white trash from Kentucky.

Go see Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady and all the mysteries you struggle with will disappear, lol