In following the "debate" about Kathy it is interesting... I have the following "notes," "questions," and "observations."
Who is Kathy?
A provider? a hobbiest? a male or a female?
At first blush, most would conclude Kathy to be a female provider... but perhaps not. What is important is that the gender and position of Kathy is irrelevant to the debate.
Who does Kathy speak for?
From the majority of posts, many providers who have expressed an opinion say that she has gotten some of the emotions and facts correct. Others, say that she does not speak for them. Most of the hobbiests, think that she does indeed strike a chord of truth... more so than the crowd that says that every time a provider meets a hobbyist they immediately fall in love! What is important, is not so much who she speaks of, but the reality of her position.
Why do her posts seem to be vitriolic? Her expressions go against the mainstream of belief - that providers fall in love with hobbyists (at least for the hour) and the sex that the hobbyist provides is the absolute best ever that the provider has ever experienced- that accompany the GFE. (Would that it was true!)
Does Kathy speak the truth? That depends on who you ask and what their circumstances are. I often wonder why some of the wonderful ladies I have met provide. I walk away perplexed more that you can imagine. To this day, I have no clue.... one lady who I first met 3 years ago, was so stunning to me that in my review of her, I wrote that I was not sure she would be providing much longer - and she is still going strong - today! I have seen similar posts of other ladies, so I am sure that I am not alone in the assumption, that some ladies DO enjoy the profession - at least enough to remain in it - and with enough skills to earn a good wage by providing. As these ladies DO have degrees and are articulate and intelligent, they can do other things, they choose not to! And yet, I know that these very same ladies cannot fall in love with me, or anyone else, every time they open the door, but they make you feel as if they could. HOW do they do that?
This brings me to my final point/observation.
Real relations, real emotions, real commitments are difficult and require work. In these encounters, the provider is doing 90% of the work. I have noted, very few providers will say anything contrary to my wishes... or my thoughts... she is a willing companion and (depending of the heft of the envelope) will provide whatever services that I may require. Few, if any, really tell of their real thoughts and emotions. But because these are beautiful women, skilled in the arts of romance and eroticism, it is very easy for the male ego to be fooled. The ease with which they please us, and do our bidding, the gentle laughter that seems genuine is difficult to distinguish without days of closeness.
When one meets any civie, in the "dating" game, we all behave in a certain "style.” Why? to continue the game. Good providers remain in that "Early dating style" to keep the business. That is reality. In Civie dating, if the lady is truly interested (and for that matter the male as well) they will prolong that "style" as long as they feel necessary to achieve a financial commitment (ie marriage)! Often a marriage will fail within the first 12 months - because the act falls apart.
Providers offer that heady first blush relationship - for a price. I have no doubt that many enjoy that aspect to this "hobby" as much as the guys do - who wouldn't enjoy it!? it is pleasurable.... but the down side - for both provider and hobbyist is the "line" - and both fear crossing it.
That fear, I suspect, has driven much of the Kathy debate. What if there is an encounter, where either party realizes that emotions have gotten out of control. Hobbiests have many safeguards in place to Not Fall for providers... and providers have just as many, if not more, to Not Fall for hobbiests... Hobbying is supposed to be about the “paying her to go away.” Kathy has just stated that from “the other side of the envelop.” And while obvious that this is the case, hearing it phrased this way, is somewhat crushing to the male ego. So, suck-up that I am, I think that Kathy is making each of us reexamine our reasons for hobbying (provider and hobbyist alike) again. Hence the discomfort. Kathy, that is not so bad, and I for one – have added you to my list of providers I would just like to have a social encounter with, not a sexual one, just a cup of coffee and conversation – The others who fall into that category? Wannarideher (Steph) and she, whose name we cannot mention! Lol!
What is possible in all of this is to realize that we are all human, and share the condition. And while the above are “generalizations” the range of possibilities for any one encounter are infinite and cannot all be defined. So peace to us all, we seem to all be adult enough to engage the debate…. And clearly it will not end with one post or many but continue… I would also suggest that it is not limited to “the hobby” but carries over into MANY aspects of civie dating and marriage as well.
Now, can we please get back to the serious stuff of this board, like why does Rush Limbaugh carry Viagra - since he is divorcing his wife (this will be his third! divorce). I mean, premarital sex!? eweeee.... not Rush, say it ain't so! lol...
-- Modified on 6/30/2006 7:47:29 AM
