Looking for serious opinions, knuckleheads need not comment though I know you will anyway. I know you can't help it.

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Like a majority (?) of johns, I'm a married man. Unlike a majority of them (?), I love my wife. I love our family. Sex quality varies, but we still do it multiple times a week, which from what I've been told is above average for our life stage. I still date my wife and have no inclination to leave her. We share a connection that I've never experienced with anyone else, but we are limited since we are both human with specific sets of traits, circumstances, histories, etc.

Call me a mangina (or an idiot or self-deceived), but the thing I don't get to do anymore as an adult/husband is meet and befriend interesting women, and that is the primary reason I hobby. It feels very taboo to still spend time alone, like at a restaurant, with an old female friend, even if my wife knows and is okay with it. But having female friends is something I value (and is natural to me, since I'm more of a sensitive type who grew up with all sisters). Hanging with dudes is easy and that part of my life is very fulfilling as is, but it only has so much emotional depth.

I've tried to be upfront about my purpose (sure sex is great! but also emotional connection!) with the women I've seen, and so far so good. Most of them respect that and we've clearly communicated about boundaries. But because of the hobby's connotations, I have to keep this area of my life secret from everyone, especially my wife and that is definitely a chore.

Am I in the wrong hobby? Should I be looking at quilting classes or something instead? Or is the price (financial, secrecy, possible legal) I have to pay to meet interesting women just something I have to accept? (because this hobby, unlike others, is full of so many interesting and varied women).

Well, Mr Mangina, my advice is to stick with P2P.  When you pay to play, you are buying discretion, you are buying peace of mind that some woman is not going to latch onto you.  What is that worth to you?  

If you want to take quilting classes, well, I wouldn't really tell anybody about that if I were you.   -- Modified on 4/28/2014 9:20:59 AM

-- Modified on 4/28/2014 12:30:31 PM

Sooner or later - you WILL get busted.  When you do - your marriage will die.  You may or may not get divorced - but you will have lost something very important, the trust of the woman you love.

I think you really need to spend an extra hour of DATY with your wife next time to thank her for still f*cking you on a regular basis and just walk away from mongering.  Some flowers wouldn't be a bad idea either -  spend the amount of time, effort and money into romancing her that you have put into mongering - and you will be rewarded.  Diamonds are good..... you can buy a pretty nice one for a few months worth of mongering.

It would be different if you weren't getting any; guys HAVE to get laid - it's in our hormones.  I get mean as a snake if I don't get laid regularly.

OTOH, if you are just a hopeless horndog - well, mongering is a MUCH better idea than having an affair.  Just try not to deceive yourself about it - it will stress you out and age you...

As I interpret your post, you're happily married to a woman with whom you have sex several times a week, and who has no problem with you having coffee or lunch or such with other women on a platonic level. Do I have this right?  

If so, I don't understand why you can't find old female friends who would want to have lunch or such, and just talk. Is your wife really okay with this?

If I understand you correctly, you're seeing providers and having sex with them, and risking your marriage, because you can't seem to find women who would just want to be friends.

Am I reading this correctly? If so, I don't think you're doing the right thing. It can't be impossible to have women as "just friends". I had many of them tell me they wanted to just that back when I was trying to bed them.  

If you're happy with your wife, your marriage, and the sex you two have, why fuck it up?  

If I'm not understanding you correctly, then [Emily Litella voice] never mind [/Emily Litella voice].

You want it ALL and that is evidenced by the fact that unlike most of the men here, your wife actually still fks you, not once a month, but several times a week, still dates you, etc. I mean seriously man... you just want other women and one will never be enough for you but you're too chickenshit to leave your security blanket which just happens to be your wife. I am sure she is bored to death fkin the same man as well, but she probably goes shopping or on vacation to compenstate for that boredom... you just see hookers. Again, nothing wrong with that. No, you're not in the wrong hobby, but you are over thinking it a bit. Just relax. I doubt the providers are that concerned.

-- Modified on 4/28/2014 2:30:39 PM

I enjoy the company of intelligent and engaging women, and much of the time I spend with providers is not in the bed but out and about while we engage in social intercourse.

Unfortunately, my now ex wife was not at all accommodating in the bedroom, so it made sense to me to meet women for sex as well as good company.

I think you should give a shot at the quilting classes.  Hell's bells, it will be a whole lot cheaper.  Try night classes also in subject that attract females like pottery and the like.  The fact that you won't screw up your marriage is more than worth it.  Divorce is extremely nerve wracking as well as expensive.

In the meantime, I think you might get a chuckle out of this short story by Woody Allen.  It rather apropos:

First, I'm not married, so consider the source.

I have several long-term "relationships" with women, some of whom I've known since the 60's and 70's. These are not women with whom I currently sleep with, and some with whom sex was never part of the relationsh. We came to know each other because we shared interests, worked together, or found ourselves living in extreme lifestyles, in close proximity, and for similar reasons. These women are VERY important to me. So in speaking of women friends, if this is what you mean, their friendship is simply a factor of your life and you have no choice as to their presence.

I ALSO have women friends, outside of the hobby still, who I have met in more recent years, romanced, seduced, and had ongoing relationships with. These women would necessarily be "forsaken" were I to marry (unlikely). The conditions that brought us together were not deeply felt causes or common interests. We were not brought together by extreme circumstances that demanded our coming together. These were flings, trysts, whatever. If these are the kind of relationships you're referring to, I'd suggest you be careful.

Now, seeing women solely to experience sexual growth, health, pleasure... This "hobby" (Christ, I hate that word!) allows me to not be troubled with tensions between me and the women I socialize with. This is mutually comfortable for us. And I am doing no disservice to anyone, not lying to anyone. My sexlife is private, but not secret. I freely discuss the activities I engage in with my doctor when I arrange tests, but I don't brag about my "exploits" in saloons anymore than I'd brag about having had a truly healthy bowell movement. I repeat, private not secret.

If you see the sessions you have with various providers as serving such a function in your life, this is rational. More rational, in your case as a married man, than romancing and seducing recently acquired lady friends.

END OF MESSAGE

Or the plural noun? I guess the first "with" is redundant. The plural noun shouldn't be unacceptable. "Many refugees filled out the fake immigration form." Doesn't imply as a mo. They filled out a single form as seen in the most pedestrian context.

I think he means it's preferable to having an affair. Less of a threat.

I won't glorify the other knucklehead responses, but this is basically what I was getting at (and that story by Woody is so great. going in my bookmarks folder).

I enjoy the company of intelligent and engaging women as well. Sure it's nice to have sex with other women occasionally, but that's not what my life is lacking. What my life is lacking is a varied depth of interpersonal relationship, that my spouse (and all the penises in the world) cannot supplement.  

Does that make me a terribly selfish person and a cheater? I suppose so, if we're sticking to strict definitions.
Does that mean I have to settle for an intellectually non-stimulating lifestyle? Hardly.

I won't be doing quilting, but maybe it's possible to find some kind of unisex hobby that will give me some other opportunities to meet different and interesting people without having to sneak around...  

END OF MESSAGE

END OF MESSAGE

END OF MESSAGE

And I feel much the same way about my time in this world. It provides me with an unparalleled opportunity to meet the most fascinating men. But I adore also having them in my mouth after an intense meeting of the minds.  

Sounds like you have it really good as you are with your wife. If a sexual relationship is truly what you're not looking for, consider taking some classes at a local community college, attend some lectures at a local university, or join a local intellectual meetup (there are always philosophical, spiritual, nature hikes, and other groups on meetup.com). But if for you (like me) an intellectual connection creates sexual desire, this will not help. It could make matters worse: as others have noted, escorts are far safer in that regard.

I do have gents for whom the physical is unimportant and often just doesn't happen. They really are there for the personal human and intellectual connection. So it's not unheard of. Nobody says you have to sleep with an escort.

He's NOT saying he wants platonic relationships.  
Why can't he meet women he finds interesting, which makes him want to bone them.
Boo hoo, why does he have to hire escorts?
Reading between the lines, i hear he sounds trapped in his marriage. Lol.

-- Modified on 4/29/2014 6:06:33 AM

Hip,  I get exactly where you are coming from, as you have basically defined my hobby life, lol.
I have the same relationship with my wife and family and have simply sought out intriguing dinner dates and meetings.  Hell, two of the most beautiful women I have ever met, I didn't even have sex with.  Great dinner, great convo over multi hours, and a hug/kiss goodbye. It is funny though, those two are the only two I have remained friends with over the years and frequently correspond with.
As I get older, the risks of screwing things up with my partner have caused my hobby activity to dwindle significantly- but that is a choice each of us have to make.  Mine came naturally, albeit after much internal debate.  
Also, I truly wonder why you would seek out advice here?  You answered your own question within the question. Step back and re-read it.
Besides that, did you really expect the mainstream to understand your issues??
AS seen by the number of snide responses, there are a lot (certainly not all, but a lot) of real jerk offs here.  And they wonder why they never get sex from their SO's.  LOL

Appreciate the feedback ML.

I was hoping for some perspective that I might have been missing and thought I'd take a chance here (where else do you go with questions like mine?)