I could be completed off track and wondered if providers will and/or want to be married?  

Here are the multiple choices I've encountered and some of my thoughts. What are your reasons (providers) and what do you think are the reasons (hobbiests based on your experience)?

Providers reasons:
A. I have too much fun (girls just want to have fun..n. by Cindy Lauper if you are old enough 😎)
B. The $ is too good (chachin$$$) for now
C. The quality of my clients made me more selective
D. My past experience  (was negative)
E. All the nice guys are married or committed  (they are clients😙)
F. I love being independent and not committed  
G. I get a variety and get paid ( Hey, that's our motive and we don't get paid 🤔😊)
H. Others....??

F - solo equals no aggravation 😁😁😁😁😜

END OF MESSAGE

Being a provider and being married are not mutually exclusive.  I've personally known a few married providers, and have come across far more on the various boards & sites.  

No, it's not common.  But I've known many providers in very long-term live-in relationships.  I'm sure some of them eventually got married.  

xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

have an SO.  People are people.

I do not miss being married  at all - as I love to be independent.

But I do admit -I am missing  this special feeling of being a couple.  
I am pretty woman and people pay attention to me - BUT WHEN I AM WITH HANDSOME MAN .. we have as double attention  
We walk as on red carpet I would say that walk alone even on red carpet is not fan.

I miss a romance and sharing and not traditional marrige

  and  yes being alone in big city is not fan
- there so much more to do when you re not alone
 - especially having character as my-  when i always want to share something, create, and have fun
- do something ( when  I am not sleeping - I do sleep a lot - that is my beauty secret - sleep, passion, love making, and artistic imagination)  
I LOVE sharing projects and have supporter to listen and help me  and advise- to share with me my love to fitness, to classical music as well as to rock music

 - it is just VERY hard  to be alone in big city - you become lazy and do not want go out alone- yet I am going to so many places and museums and clubs and opera and concerts and shows and i do travel  - yet can be better when in couple.

But marriage ??!!! Cooking ?? sleeping in the same bed?

. Yet.. yet idea of traditional marriage makes me sick in stomach when some (or clients or potential BF )

act the way that if I will cook for him or sleep with him in his bedroom then i would be happy woman.. that idea just kills me ..

 I want a companion - even  if it is a husband !!
- to whom I will be able to talk via emails or texts about seducing each other and what we will do when he welcome back home  yet I still would have separate  bedroom and washroom and he has to knock to my doors yet I can  crawl to is bed a any time even it is just for sleeping..

I love to cook  but I am not a servant  and never cook for him as his mom would do.
As well I am from Russia originally and I am very bold and strong and not any way submissive - Iraither prefer have him to be on my leash when I take him to bedroom  
Then other way around
 Ia m so strong that I will out on leash even Donald Trump can you imagine that?
So I need same man top be a companion  

 who is strong in daily life  yet at home he can be my pussy cat and my play boy for MY pleasure and would take ALL my hard pushing bold and forceful care about him  
Traditional   marriage  
 Warm and sharing companionship which may lead to marriage after few months if I be able to coop with demands of family life - yes. if he will be caring and wold marry me for right reasons which is sex and  companionship not  as cleaning  services personal,  
 
In my marriage my house has to be so big that we will meet each other in bedroom and at dining table and all other times has to be arranged

Do not like to be side by side every moment.  yet do crave for companionship and love. and have so much to offer and not afraid to say so as well  


-- Modified on 4/14/2016 12:42:51 AM

I've worked for multiple agencies where I've met many other ladies, have interacted with dozens & dozens via email/phone/text and have met lots more at Meet N Greets in days gone by.  

And in my PERSONAL experience (from that sample group), it is not common for providers to be MARRIED.

Now, I've actually known more ladies who were in a LTR (like you said, who had an SO) versus the totally single, but the OP specified MARRIAGE.  

:-P

 


-- Modified on 4/14/2016 12:18:30 AM

nobody cares if you are 300 an hour provider or 1k an hour provider...you are still a provider...while lucrative, it is not sustainable in a long-run...if you have nobody to cuddle up to every night who cares for you, life is not complete in my opinion  

i want to be a wife to an nice established gentleman who can make love me,protect me and care for me, and in return i will make him the happiest man on earth...i have a lot of love and care to give...till then i am giving my love and care to clients....

i know what i am looking for, and i am not ashamed of it...it even in my p411 profile lo

I know provider who is married, separated, but still married.  Says divorce is on the way, but nobody seems to be in a hurry.  Don't know if the separation predated entering the profession, though.  I get a very minor thrill from the fact that both of us are married.

END OF MESSAGE

I disagree.Some providers actually want relationships.I mean come on what woman wants to be single for the rest of her life?We like to cuddle we like to be loved we like to have a man propose to us and have kids one day.But it's hard when you're in this line of work.I've dated a few guys.and when I told them what I did for a living,they cut off all contact with me.I don't know about other ladies,but I would love to get married and have kids

The former Olympic Gymnast who got caught escorting was married with kids. Prior to that, her family had no idea

I 100% agree with you.People think because we are providers that we have no feelings and that we like to be single.WRONG.It Is hard to find a man who will accept what you do for a living.And the ones that do accept it,it's very rare and hard to find

one of my regulars of two years get married.  She took a month off, pared down her client list a little, and is back to work two weeks a month.  I made the cut, so its all good.

Marriage makes financial sense (if you stay married, otherwise it is a disaster.)

Marriage or cohabitation made sense when the woman in child raising years was dependent upon a provider (the man.)

Now days women don't need a "man." They still need men, but if they have kids and no provider, the state will extract provisions from men via taxation and hand it to the woman.  Or in a divorce the man will end up having to support his kids and his ex-wife's new lover.

As a consequence, fewer women have incentive to get married and men have disincentive to get married.  So marriage is declining as an institution.  

Of course women are still attracted mentally and physical to successful men.  But without marriage to lock them down,  these upper tier men have their choice of women and can put them on a rotation.  So it is very competitive for these women.  

Meanwhile the lower tier men, the 80%, are mostly invisible to 80% of the women.

Long story short, providers don't need a man even if they like men.  Like their sisters they aspire to the top drawer.  But because of the surplus of interested women, the top drawer guys no longer have to settle for just one gal.  And of course women won't marry down.  So hello lifetime of single-hood

be it that they are married or just in a LTR.  This is just my experience over the past 16 or so years.  Even have had friends(3 of them) who married 1 of their guests.  So it happens.  There are still single ladies but I would say many have a personal life that involves a Hubby/BF

Actually she was an Olympic runner, and her husband did know what she was doing.

Thanks, p'storm. I posted from memory without checking my facts.  At least I got the "married escort" part correct!

Finally I do hear proper use of word "provider" as well  as and proper explanation which comes from a  man how marriage as instution is declining  in well developed economically countries  where dollar value is assigned to everything even  to relationship of couple raising a child.    
   
 The family unit in terms of applied sociology is a micro level society.. . “Without loving families, no society can long govern itself."  
   
I think men in no any times were settling down with one woman..  
   
Men may  settle down to comfort  - so they can do their work well and  satisfy basic needs.  
   
 Yet they will still be looking for this inspirational woman  which will light up his life with meaning other then just kids.    
   
For woman - kids is all - for men - woman is all    
- it is why we see how often man leave own kids and  are raising other woman child.    
   
But man  also is human and actually more sensual human being  then females are  
   
 - the best poets are men , the best composer are men, there best writers are men,  the best painters ARE MEN !!!    
 How we can say that men are not emotional and just an animal who needs sex?  
 Woman more animal which needs security .  
   
Women  are not attracted to successful men - woman are attracted to loving man and when there is no such  and  men call women providers and count how much they would spend on providing life for mother of his child  so she be happy to raise HIS child -    
  then  for a woman nothing better to do then seek money and physical appearance of other man.  
   
 But as soon as there is loving nice man, we woman,,  becoming blind on eyes and  feel  and see ONLY WITH OUR HEARTS  
   
When heart is not responding then eyes are deciding what to do.    
Touch our hearts it will squirt so much.    
   
yet men blame us in being cold and looking only for money  
 What is strange for me - it is fact that ONLY AMERICAN men feel so insecure as if we women do not have interest in them when they do not have money or are not so handsome.  
   
Men of any other nations  pretty comfy about themselves and not count own sex appeal on dollars.  
 yet in  states here is saying - Salary is sexy, you are what you drive etc..    
People here become victims of marketing and sales values.

But think about it. F, loving being independent and not committed to another person, that's what I suspect to be the main "reason." I doubt if they think about it as choice much. Like most everyone, they take life as it is and focus on that.

I admit that when I was young I truly wanted to be married. A house in the suburbs, a decent job, a wife and two children, a dog, a woodworking shed behind the garage...that was my idea of a successful life. Yeah, half a century ago that was a great dream.

 But things ain't now like they used to be. That kind of stability now is very rare. Two incomes would have been necessary for the past 30 years just to live like human beings. Not to mention the global warming thing which means we're probably all stale bread waiting to be toasted and anyone who is thinking about bringing a child into the world now is either very selfish or simply a fool.

So marriage as a goal or as something to be desired as a state of lifestyle seems very strange.

Now, if among the various relationships to be shared and explored a situation comes along where the wisest possible next step seems a marriage, that's something else. It's like if things got really tough financially and the only job available was selling cars, it's logical to take it. But to dream of being a car salesperson someday seems foolish.

I suspect that a lot if not most providers see things in a similar way.

They just enjoy being single and free. As ought we all, IMO.

Sounds like I should start meeting your friends.

i have to agree with you. it is the reality  

I wouldn't worry about global warming.  First the science is actually pretty sketchy, despite the claims of those who see political leverage in shouting about it.  Secondly the earth has had more CO2 in the atmosphere, and much warmer temperatures than now -- causing not desert earth, but vast lush green earth.  Warm air brings more water vapor from the ocean, more rain for parched crops.  Carbon in CO2 is a vegetation nutrient.  It's all good.

And finally we are actually in an interglacial period -- between ice ages.  Now ice is a real threat.  Stuff doesn't grow under miles of snow and ice.  If mankind is preventing the next ice age -- great!!

I agree with most of your essay.  But let us divide men into two categories -- alpha 20% and beta 80%.  Alpha can exist at the top of society, or in the county jail.  And so can beta.  Alphas are the leaders in their locality.  They don't have an automatic route to financial success.  But in their vicinity they will be more attractive to females than their beta counterparts.

Alpha males can have harems.  Beta males become monks -- no sex for you.  This has always been true and will always be true.  State prohibited polygamy has been a boon for beta males, since women who would have sought the successful harem life instead have to settle.  Now as marriage wanes, sort of a virtual polygamy again arises and the chance for the beta male to land a mate declines.

I think there is some nationalistic flavor, but the underlying motivation is universal.  (As I understand it, for instance, traditional Chinese females are very materialistic seeking in mates.)  Women logically want a financially successful male, but lust for the bad boy alpha.  Sometimes they are above board in their choices, but it is not uncommon for trickery and a secret side life while under the care of a "nice guy" provider.

think age is a big factor along with prior marriage.

The thing is, after you go through marriage,  you find out that its not like it is in alot (not all) of
women's heads. Even if it's an excellent marriage, it's work... ALOT of work. Throw kids, house and the multitude of responsibilities in and bam, the personal needs of the parents go to the bottom of the priority list.  

I am very happy alone. I have evolved over the years to the point that I am comfortable alone and actually prefer it.  

I have my "friends" and my toys to take care of the physical need

A few others are less committed.    Not that it matters...love them all!  And the sex is always great!  

Independence, going it alone, right right right, on and on - sure, they're great when things are great (or at least really good).  But then there are the times when we actually need someone, want someone, or they need or want us.  

And to 'be there', or have someone be there, in a way that says 'I'm here for you no matter what' is a better feeling than I've ever had in the hobby.  But it takes time and commitment, and going through some rough times.  

It doesn't have to be through marriage, but I bet there are very few of us here who wouldn't want someone they can count on in good times... and especially bad

I would like to be in a secure,  loving relationship that is open.  I want a man who is confident enough with himself to be able to handle this.  I can appreciate that finding this needle in the haystack is going to be a real challenge. However,  giving up A-G for someone less than exactly what I want (sans d) probably isn't going to happen.  

and it seems to be the best of both worlds because we remain independent and also close (via internet and phone).  I've read that the Talmud commands rabbis who do marry to live far apart from their wives.  They were on to something.

I won't rank on marriage however because I was married to my first wife for over 20 years and we raised two great kids, and I doubt that would have happened had we not got married.  The early years were a lot of fun in any case.

You get from these relationships what you bring and build.  Looking at marriage as some kind of escape or place to just slack off is how these things fall apart.

I don't want to get married again. But I don't think it's fair to project my feelings on anyone else. I think some ladies would like to feel secure, and would like to get married. However, some, after observing just how many cheating knuckleheads (us) there are out there, wouldn't trust a man ever again.  

Interestingly enough, I know of five different hobbyist/provider marriages. That throws a whole new wrinkle in your thoughts. Two didn't work out, while three are working. One is the proverbial 'Pretty Woman' scenario. Except that the guy doesn't look like Richard Gere.

I dated a Provider for a couple of years and had no problem with what she did, as it would have been hypocritical of me considering who I frequent.  Contrarily, she felt guilty about being a Provider and couldn't reconcile that fact despite my assurances that it didn't bother me.

You can have wonderful and fulfilling relationships without having the burden of marriage.

And not all women like to cuddle, nor have a MAN propose to us, nor want any kids. To each her own.

As many have mentioned above, there are many providers who are married or in civvie relationships. Best not to assume that just because you can't imagine being in a "serious relationship" with a provider, other people also couldn't.  

BUT for me, right now, I am very content being single. I love variety and novelty, and have a very demanding sex drive, but I hate dating and am over random hookups. Providing is the perfect solution for me! If I change my mind sometime in the future, and want to partner up, I'd only consider people who are thrilled to be with me and have no hangups about what I might be doing professionally. Not likely to change my mind anytime soon, though.

I think the best way to make that work is to make sure that both partners are getting their side action.  If one is getting a lot of side action, but the other isn't, then things will blow up.  Balance in all things.

I get to keep my  gig  and he gets to keep his dick in some strange pussy   everyone is happy and nobody bitches

I have dated providers too as their RL boyfriend for extended periods, but I have found that with some, there is a double standard.  They want you to have sex only with them, but they are having sex with other men on the job.  They argue that when they do it, its strictly business and not personal.  I come back with the same argument, that if I pay a provider, it is strictly business for me, too.  Some don't seem to get it, while others do.

You can have your independence and live in your own place. I get free bbfs. I think this might work. Just to make sure we're compatible, we should just live together (apart) for a while. Are you ready?

-- Modified on 4/14/2016 4:37:54 PM

END OF MESSAGE

Realistically, it's no one's business if the client and/or provider is married. The spouse has nothing to do with this. Not all clients want to be married or are married. Same goes with providers.

Debra, that is a good question.  However the better question is what is the mindset and the experiences of a partner who can handle his spouse  working in this particular capacity of the sex industry? How many people are secure enough so that they can say that this isn't cheating? This would be a very small pool of people and I am sure at the seminal stages of the relationship they are walking on egg shells trying to discern the time to when to say that they are providers or escorts.  Then they are wondering how the other person will respond and the emotional ramifications with that.  Now in the case of Suzy Favor-Hamilton her husband did know but at least she had the decency to keep it away from her child until some of her clients started noticing her from the sport and the commercial that she did.  Also ask Scoed who is a frequent poster here.  Analyze and look at both people with in the relationship and see if they came from a place to were they had a mindset that was different and more liberal than there counterparts.  Those in relationships with participants in the sex industry especially pay 4 pay would certainly be cut from a different cloth than those in typical monogamous relationships .

I recently spent a few hours with a terrific lady for the first time.  While were were resting a bit we discussed her marriage... and even her child. I must admit that during round 2 I felt more guilty than I've ever felt in the hobby before. Odd, huh?  

Although I had a nice time, I will likely not see her again.  (I doubt if she is the first married provider I have met, but she was the first who discussed it openly.)

amazing post,Pavliena

Ver are people too lol. Some of us get married. There are plenty of openminded men out there that are okay with our job. I am not married and have never been, not totally opposed to it. Just haven't wanted to get hitched to anyone.