A not-so-funny thing happened just now. I checked out my ATF's listing here and read a new review of her -- and I suddenly realized I was really jealous! I know that's ridiculous but I can't help it. I feel like sh*t.

She's the only one I've seen in months (apart from the wife, of course). I knew that wasn't smart but why spend good money on someone else when she's the one I want to be with. I don't think I ever had any trouble accepting that she's always with other guys but somehow reading about it -- reading somebody else's explicit words describing her and his experiences -- well, it just hurt. I can't explain it.

I know this means I have to branch out -- maybe stop seeing her at all, though that'd be hard. I probably sound pathetic -- I guess I just had to tell someone and I can't tell her (she'd be pissed at me for being silly). So thanks for listening.

Sorry about the alias but she'd recognize my real TER name.

Hey, i know how you feel..I don't like to hear about other guys experiences with my atf.....but, its life.i realize she is in this for biz only myself included..anyhoo my advise is just dont read the reviews or listen to others about the time they spent with your atf...its easier yes,,,but not perfect.

Sham

Why do you think we find ATFs in a hobby that many people thing would encourage the opposite behavior?   While I have no answers here; not even theories, there are only two reasons I can think of offhand:  we are seeking another form for a  SO relationship or we want to minimize the risk of an unsuccessful or bad session.  

I think it is more complex than that.  Dpes anybody else have thoughts?

Umteen thousand years on this third rock from the Sun and our protective, possessive and territorial nature still is strong in our souls.
    You are not alone in your feelings and they are probably the reason we as a species incorporated the doctrines of monogamy, fidelity and marriage into our overall cultural practices. Although we often can't live up to these ideals the  reasons they exist are still there.

 Good luck (to us all)

This could be me but it's not.  With the singular exception of a spat in July when she couldn't come on vacation with me and I saw 3 different providers in 18 hours, I have been monogamous with my ATF.  Since then I have seen her twice for extended times (4 days, then 3 days) including Halloween which she chose to spend with me on credit rather than with her friends and family.
I am struggling right now because I am starting to get into my end of year busy period and so is she.  We live 1500 miles apart.  I have a limited time when I could see her but it doesn't mesh with her schedule so it is looking like the end of January before I can see her again.  I know she is working very hard seeing a lot of guys who aren't me and that can be hard.  I try to look at it as her line of work just like she was any other professional.

I try to look at it that she is having sex with other guys but she makes love with me.  I am the one she spent halloween with and I am the one she bought a birthday present for and I don't really care about all those other guys.

Like you, I used to have all her names she goes under typed into my favorites list. And like you I know she is popular and working hard.  But I stopped doing that because it was killing me so I don't look at any reviews anymore (part of why I considered dumping my VIP membership but didn't).

Like you, I thought about branching out, but I do have limited resources and other bills to pay so my decision is to pay bills, save what I need to see her again when our schedules allow.  I do talk to her or email every other day or so.  It is not like waking up with her in the morning but it will have to do.

I will cheer Fortitude on as he hits the 100 provider mark but that is not how I am wired.

That is how I deal with this.  You or anyone else feel to PM me if you want.

whenever i get notifed of a review posted on my ATF i experience a mixture of exhilaration (let's see what she's been up to this time) and a pang of jealousy (how dare she bang others)

except whenever i read the review and realize what a mediocre performane she puts into it (with just any ol' tom, dick and harry) i cheer up ... her scores are ALL over the map -- she's earned several 5s for performance lately

who wants an ATF that services every single guy like it was her last day on earth!  LOL

Ok I under stand your feelings i have an ATF too and felt that way ,howerer i realized my true ATF is at home. You must remember these providers are in business having feelings when some one else it sticking them is not good

Its ok to have feelings for them like if they got sick or broke a foot .

see a varity dont get attached to one here is a question for you
is your ATF feel the same way for you ??
probly not
good luck
hogan

I'm glad people post about this; I need reminders about the risk.  I'm not that far gone yet, but I already see that I have some inappropriate feelings for one of the ladies whom I visit a lot more than the others.

We know the ladies see other guys and we can *intellectually* handle that.  But we're also animals with millions of years of evolution behind us, and the winning strategy has always been: don't let other males near "my" female(s).

I think I'll try to trick my animal self, by not seeing her twice in a row w/out someone else in between.  Couldn't hurt to try.

Not Good, don't be too hard on yourself, you're certainly not the only guy ever to have felt like this.  As others have suggested, try not to read her reviews.  You don't need to know what she does with other guys, it's what you enjoy together that's important.  But also, it may be worth have a good hard think (I'm sure you are doing this at the moment) about where you are going with this emotionally and if it's healthy for you.  Good luck

I'm sorry to here. This seems to come up a lot here.

Good luck with this. I must be lucky. I've not had this happen to me yet, and hope it doesn't.

One strategy I've used with Civilians is to be quite blunt. "This is what it is." I never call them. I never ask any personal questions, unless they have opened up the area first. I've never tried to have one exclusive person I see.

Good luck.

my favorites since it usually meant that they are doing well in this biz.

I do admit that recently I confessed to a lady I was feeling jealous knowing that she had to see someone else instead of me.

Even though it could be painful to stop seeing someone one truly likes, eventually this is going to happen one way or another.  Branching out will solve your sexual craving but not necessary eliminate the other feelings you have about her.

Take care and best wishes.

GC

OK you've already taken the first step in realizing it's YOUR problem.  What to about it is not an easy thing, but it's also something which you're total in control of...& the answer lies completely within your own outlook.  Let me give an example or two, which I think is realistic...at least it works for me.    

She is not only your ATF, but likely the ATF of others for reasons similar to yours.  Why must you feel something is wrong with that?  As long as she hasn't curtailed her availability to you, it shouldn't matter...as long as you don't feel that she looks at the time spent with you as anything but a pleasure & not as "work" to be done, your concerns are more ego-driven that anything else.  None of us can be all things to all people, & if you don't realize this you're going to be in big trouble.  Jealousy is any ugly monster, & if you allow it to fester it will cause you nothing but grief.    

There will always be a guy who has something you don't, or more of it...whether it's money, formal education, the extent travel to interesting places, etc etc etc---the list can be endless.  This isn't something you should be concerned with...& yes, that extendes to bedroom activities.  Reading the reviews & placing the importance on them that you apparently are doing is not much different, given your current mindset, than an alcoholic having a drink.      

I am assuming that because you say she is your ATF, that there's something beyond those things that appear in the profile or on the rating scale, that makes her your favorite...something you see in her as a person, as an individual.  That is as it should be according to the way my own definition of the term.  And haven't you known other women in your life who were special...each for different reasons, & thus each in their own way unique?  Does that place one above the other?  Not to my way of thinking.  And from what women have told me, civilians as well as those in this biz, most seem to feel the same way.  Learn to realize & accept that, it's life & there is nothibg wrong with that.  And whatever you do, don't attempt to project things into where you are own her own list (which maybe doesn't even exist) , & you'll be much better able to enjoy & really savor the time that you're able to spend together.

Although I have not ever used the term ATF, I do have a couple ladies that I have seen more than once, and really care about.

I enjoy reading reviews of these two ladies, especially the ones where they take a fellow someplace where he has never been before, and he just can't come up with the words to describe the experience.

How can we not be happy when someone we really care about is being very successful, and enjoying her profession to the fullest?

I think it is more important that you seemingly have strong feelings for someone other than your wife.  I too am married and have found a few providers that I like and care for and also am a bit jealous when I read their reviews.  However, my feelings for them do not compare with how I feel about my wife.  

For me, it comes down to just sex with no strings.  I'm sorry to hear about your situation.   I would recommend thinking about your relationship with your wife or is that already a foregone conclusion ?

Good luck.

I used to enjoy reading the reviews of ladies I had been with. But with my ATF I now find some of the reviews upsetting, because she was clearly having such a great time with another client, or because she was being treated in ways I know she finds repulsive. I now avoid reading her reviews. I know this contradicts the purpose of the hobby, but we have become so friendly and fond of one another. She called me her favorite client before I said anything to her about being my favorite; that mutually favored status was based on the great sex. Since then we have developed a much more complex relationship, where I have become her emotional protector and confidant. But this has reduced the intensity and kinkiness of sexual relationship.  So I see other providers, while feeling jealous of her reviews.  Its almost a microcosm of male/female relationships.