If I have to take the "Hibachi grill strapped to my forearm". Do I at least get snow outside?
Thanks for the input. I'm interested in learning how others handle the ATF thing. I appreciate your input.
How do you control the feelings that seemingly build-up in the extended relationship? Is it as simple as seeing someone knew? Or is that over simplifying the whole thing?
Keep in mind, I'm not there, just wanting to prevent getting there.
I am new to the hobby and have a question.
I'll be seeing someone next week. I saw her once already and really enjoyed the time we spent together. She is the second provider I've ever seen. If I have as much fun with her next week as I did a month ago, I'll definitely see her again.
My question is about ATF's. I don't consider this girl and ATF yet. However, looking at her personality, appearance, and everything else (i.e. sex) she fits this bill for me.
What do you all look for in an ATF? If you don't, (meaning you prefer the variety) could you share why? I don't see myself falling for this girl, but I've seen how many guys do. I'm wondering, maybe she's too good and I should be more careful in the future, (six days within a thirty-two day period.) I don't want to kid myself and say, "it could never happen to me."
Prove that you are not enfatuated with her as that is an unhealthy situation...
Well,
Since you have only seen 2 providers and you like this one better than the last, by definition she is your ATF (LOL)
Seriously from a previous post of yours regarding costs you appear to favor overnights or three day periods. Since you are spending that much time with her which is similar to the time frames I spend with my ATF I look at the following,
1) common sexual interests. Do we like the same things, can we think of new things to do (my last stay with her, I was made a Jedi master of her vibrator, got shaved down below, and taught her different things to do with ice besides put it in a bucket.)
Plus we do the tried and true too(bed, shower, chairs, couch. We also average about three times a day comfortably without having to think about it or force it on her
2) Can she teach me something? She introduced me to a whole style of music I was previously ignorant of. We stay out till 2-3 in the am partying and then go back to the room and party some more. She taught me a lot about likfe in general.
3) she is the most beautiful woman I have ever been with.
4) She has many admirable qualities. I am proud to be seen with her not only for her looks but for who she is.
5) I am never bored with her but I don't feel like I have to spend tons of money to keep her entertained.
6) I have no desire to see another provider. I don't think I can get a better bang for the buck and I see no reason to try. She makes me content. Which means with out the desire to see another provider the risk for getting ripped off is eliminated. Plus money I spend on someone else is money I can't spend on someone I would rather be with.
The nice thing about our hobby is that there are many different ways to approach it. I am sure there are guys who are aghast at my viewpoint just as I can't understand theirs. You can ask other people for their opinion but only you can live your life. With out knowing your S/O status or your civilian history, how you met this girl, what her feelings are, it is way too early to start worrying about it and if anyone has said so, then tthey should be blinded and thrown out into the snow with a hibachi grill strapped to their forearms LOL.
What you need to do is decide what you want from the hobby and then figure out a way to get it. Simple as that.
So celebrate your newly defined ATF and have fun but tell us all about it.
If I have to take the "Hibachi grill strapped to my forearm". Do I at least get snow outside?
Thanks for the input. I'm interested in learning how others handle the ATF thing. I appreciate your input.
How do you control the feelings that seemingly build-up in the extended relationship? Is it as simple as seeing someone knew? Or is that over simplifying the whole thing?
Keep in mind, I'm not there, just wanting to prevent getting there.
It's not easy, but it can be done. I've known my ATF for almost 1.5 years. Like ortho I don't have any desire to see anyone else.
I think the key is to keep it in perspective. This doesn't mean you will not have feelings for her. I don't put up some brick wall between us, it's more like an iron gate. This allows some of the tender things of love to slip through, but keeps my heart from escaping). Respect is of the upmost importance. DON'T cross any boundries like telling her your falling for her, I think I love you etc.
If you do find yourself obsessing over her too much then move on. It is just not fair to put her in an uncomfortable situation like that. If the feelings are mutual that's another story. Good luck.
Like any relationship they do tend to wax and wane. I will have periods where I feel I haven't interacted with her in a long long time and then remember I just talked to her on the phone a couple of days ago. Then I will go a couple of weeks without any particular desire for contact.
The key to it as you so wisely said is mutual respect. Respect leads to trust which leads to intimacy without fear of betrayal by either party. I can tell her things and she can tell me things without fear. I did cross one of your boundaries. I have told her I have feelings for her. She doesn't try to take advantage of those feelings and I don't try to act on those feelings or expect my treatment to be any different from any of her other clients. I don't expect or even desire soemthing to come of my feelings. I have them just like any other feelings. What I choose to do about them is what keeps me sane and rationale.
It is definitely different from seeing a different provider every single time and in some ways riskier for both parties. The pleasures are also greater and in my judgement and apparently hers, works well for now until something changes.
Thanks for expressing your way of looking at things.
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