Over the past week or so he has been around a lot because of what's been going on in my life. Now with this recent tragedy he is trying to be my boyfriend and it's freaking me out. I have in no way flirted with him. I have not insinuated in any way that he had a shot at being the ONE. I have never even given him a hug. I am just not into him. I don't know the exact words to say to him. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he really is a nice person with a beautiful lake house. Lmao  just kidding  but seriously. I feel bad for him but I am not interested. I need to let him down without losing the friendship.  How do I do that?   Normally I would just tell him to screw but I like him as a person and I actually value his friendship.

Many of us have, if we have lived enough years, been on both sides of this equation.  What I have learned, for what it is worth, it is more about HOW you say it than what exact words you choose.  He could be many things....clueless, hopeful, fragile, overly confident...the list goes on.  WHAT you say would really make a difference if you knew exactly where he was coming from.  For example, does he know it was a longshot, but tried anyway because he did NOT care about the friendship? What if he knew it was a longshot but, like you, would want to save the friendship?  I guess I am saying there are too many variables to enable you to choose the exact words, but... delivering the message in a clear, sensitive way may just get the message across no matter what you say.  That is just my experience.  Lastly, the only mistake I believe you can make in these circumstances is being so concerned about not hurting his feelings, that you are not direct enough.  In short, it is all in the delivery.  Just my .02.  Good luck

There are people that will just appear in your life when you need something, then once things are sorted, the'll insist you owe them.  Not saying this is the case, but you will do him and his feelings a favor if you tell him gently but firmly that you're not available to him.  Don't mince words, don't leave any room for interpretation.  Tell him exactly what you said here. And then expect that he will disappear.    If he sticks around then he is truly a friend, if he's gone you really haven't lost anything,  

-- Modified on 5/14/2016 8:37:46 AM

Tell him you're not interested in anything more than friends . If he's looking for more then it would be best to stop seeing him totally. No need for you to have a stalker in your life.

My sense of this is that he is looking for someone to matter to him, and to whom he matters, on a much deeper level than you want.  Not because you owe him, but because he wants a more fulfilling life in general.  

J/K

Lmao that's hilarious I wish it was since NPH is gay  lol thanks for the laugh Mr. Fisher  and yes I did see the movie dumb and dumber. I actually was very honest about this in front of him though not directly to him a while back. In a group setting I intermittently like to make it clear that I am not looking to make a love connection. While that may not exactly be true. I am not looking for a connection in this group of friends. No need to explain the why here. I will say that I do spend Sunday morning some place special. 😉

You're a lesbian!

Then that is EXACTLY what you should tell him.  
Women get themselves in more trouble not being direct than most other ways.  
Guys are direct, we are most comfortable that way.  
In this case, if you do really value him, be considerate of his feelings and gently tell him what you just told us.

I would sit him down and let him know that I really care for him and value him as a friend, and wish I could feel more for him but it just isn't there beyond friendship.  Stress that his friendship is important, that it is very valued to me.  Give him a hug and then ask what he wants to do today

Was he clear about his intentions?  Or are you assuming he wants to be your boyfriend?

or just a good friend?

He said " call me I'm a very monogamous man Erin"   there's no point in saying that unless...  

how come he sees hookers?

Hot women need to understand: it's not possible for a straight, single man to only want to be "just friends" with you. He may not want a relationship, but he still wants you.

I like to fuck at least as much as anyone ever to post on this board and I have a LOT of female friends who I have no desire whatsoever to fuck. Whether it's age, looks, weight or any number of a thousand different reasons, including hot women who are like "sisters" to me, there are a lot of women in my life that are most definitely in my "friend zone" either by my own unilateral choice or by mutual choice that I am not secretly lusting to fuck some day.

Yeah yeah, you have thousands of girlfriends.  You tell us in every post.

It's a balancing act for a guy and a gal to have a Platonic relationship.  I've had them at least for a while.  Some where with providers, and some with civies.  Some went south, and some persisted for a time.

when both parties are in committed relationships and are actually only looking for friendship.  

-- Modified on 5/14/2016 3:12:54 PM

Or a word "friend" has different meaning to you. Nothing connects and at the same time separates people better as money and sex.

Of course I don't know this or anything about the situation, but just throwing out an example. It is very possible to be monogamous and see hookers. (Or hooker, I should say)

I've met hundreds of mongers in my day but never one like that!

Today I was at a big box home improvement store and I ended up behind a married couple. I'm guessing married because they both were pushing carts full of crumb snatchers. Anyway, she was loudly berating him about NOT measuring whatever they had gone to the store to get. She was relentless, "We can't get them without the measurements! ... You do this all the time!! ... This trip is a total waste of my time ... Like you!" I felt sorry for the bastard and passed them quickly. He had a look of humiliation on his face. She had a smug look on her face. Not quite a smirk, but a small smile of satisfaction. I'm not suggesting you verbally emasculate the guy in front of strangers. Just don't pull any punches and be yourself. Put the "nice  Erin away" for a bit. He will get the message. Also talk about former boyfriends and all the BSC things you did to them to get even. Nothing scares a guy away faster than crazy

Yeah, I remember a conversation like that with a girl that I was thinking about dating. She said she had "fucked around" on every single guy she dated. I never spoke to her again and was thankful that I had dodged the bullet.

One I have known since jr high school never hooked-up with him even back in the day.
Now he is married and him and his wife visit vegas often I always go see them but never any kind of romance or sexual feelings on either side.I have a gent here in the hobby I am friendly with never met him.
Probably won't unless I go to VA or he comes to vegas.But he is such a cool guy to talk to about things outside of this business.
It is not always a sexual thing between a man and a woman.There can be strictly a platonic friendship.
So I do agree with GaG it can happen.

You forgot , "Can leap tall buildings and faster than a bullet, or was that speeding train?" Oh and can drink large amounts of  alcohol  That would be  lethal to most humans (non Russians anyway)

We both lived in Atlanta which usually meant flying out and spending a couple of days at the casino together or with other friends. We NEVER shared a room nor did we ever hook up, although once after too much Champagne we did wake up in the same bed, but fully clothed.  

Back in my younger days, before I was married (and then divorced), before I started in the hobby, there would be a pattern.  Meet a young woman, there's possible interest in each other, ask her out on a date, things go well, a few more dates ensue, spending some time together.  But then, like clockwork, I would get the "just friends" speech.  (The speech would invariably happen at the end of a date in which I had just spent a reasonably large sum of money on her.)  She would say something to the effect of "I like you and everything, and you're a real nice guy, but this isn't going to the next level, so I would like to be just friends."  

Sounds just like my ex-wife!

Maybe take it a step further and start talking about not only having kids, but about your future grandkids as well and then start acting like a 100% entitled biatch. The idea of a lifetime with "that" Erin should do the trick. lol

And your impressive 202 reviews.. you write it with a passion you are writing your posts? I am impressed. xo

As was well said above, it's very possible for a man and woman to be friends without sex.  I also agree with the post that it helps if one or both parties are in a committed relationship.  But even without that it's possible.  I've had friendships with women going back over 35 years, no sex involved.  

Some people say it is possible to have friendships with opposite sex, yet another part says it is impossible. It can go deeper than this and I want believe it is possible, just not for everyone, same as some ideas are shared by one and not another.

I kept on thanking the fact that I'm single. She had his balls in her purse and she knew it.  

Maybe it was Julia?

Seems like it's a new trend.  Why?  "So" means almost nothing.  At the start of a sentence it's just clearing your throat.  Lose it.

After a response like that, how can we be anything else?

We have something in common, lol. Just teasing, have a good night. Xo

I wouldn't know if he sees hookers  he is not my client  Jake from state Farm   he is  a non hobby friend     like I said he doesn't know what I do

I know you don't know me but I am me 100% of the time and you have to be a shit tard like gagambler to get me to be a bitch. This guy really is sweet as pie.  He is not a dick to me EVER!   I  don't have the heart to even say I'm not interested. I just told him I have a boyfriend and I don't tell people about my personal life because it's not my style.  Of course nobody will read this and everyone still seems to think this guy pays me for services lol

The problem has been remedied  I will be posting pics on Facebook  soon  😂

Masochism is alive and well among middle-aged men, Greek or not.

It can be removed without any effect on the meaning of a sentence.  Yet, it somehow serves a purpose, more for the speaker or writer than the audience.  It adjusts the frame of mind, so to speak.

and watch him run screaming from the room like a man with his hair on fire.

I can't  I see this person on Sundays   read between the lines

I'm surprised so many guys on here claim guys and gals can be friends without sex. I know many girls that think that but one after one, after one, after one..they learn the hard way that guys just stick around until they get a chance to plant their seed. Thats why some girls love gay guys as friends, no future issues. Even the "really nice guy that is harmless" would jump at the chance if the situation arose.  

I have this weakness for bursting the bubbles of overly pious putzes. Call it a character flaw of mine, ok call it just one of many character flaws I have. lol

If there is ever going to be a snowballs chance in hell of you scoring because in this case  George could have saved himself a whole lot of coffees

I freely admit to being an asshole and for the record I was NOT one of the guys assuming he was a client. Why would have I suggested you tell him you are a hooker if he were a client. A client would already know you are a hooker, duh. lol