I've been with 3 providers, and each has had a different approach to a signficant other relationship:  1) No interest in a relationship, 2) Wanted a relationship but her work was a barrier to achieving that, 3) Lived with a guy, felt the hobby was a barrier, and didn't tell the significant other what she did for a living (damn gutsy and to this day I can't figure out how you can pull this off long term).

My fragile ego couldn't deal with my g/f being a provider.  

Question:  how many providers are up front with their significant other in terms of what they do?  My guess is that 90% + aren't up front with what they do for a living, or aren't in a relationship.  Ladies, am I right?

married fbsm provider here who is 100 percent honest in fact he even reads my reviews. no secrets here.

You are ALMOST right by me. But I got a ? for you. If he is my husband and not complaining about where I am when I am not at home then he got something to hid also, but If he is playing a roll as a significant other then why in the hell do he have to know all my business. If I choose not to tell him more likely he's keeping his business private from me all so. The way I see it is If I respect his privacy you bet he respect mine. "ASK NO QUESTION" I WOULDN'T YOU TELL NO LIE"

AIN'T NO SHAME TO MY GAME JUST A METHOD TO MY MADNESS.


-- Modified on 8/28/2002 5:35:02 AM

I agree. I am not into this whole SO = owner concept. Because you're my SO, you must know my every move, approve my every action; you own me. Being an SO should simply mean that you enjoy spending time together, and a commitment, like friendship, only that you promise never to turn your back on one another. Instead, it means; do my will, or else, one false move and you're outta here.

Yes riker once again we agree. I hate a controlling ass man. What you mention regarding significant other is very interesting because you can bet your money he isn't putting out any dam more then anyone else.

I bet you that when a man agree to what a women does he's controlling the situation. I bet you your pay check that if he agree he is also enjoying a 3some situation and begging you to bring all your friends over for him to enjoy when ever the hell he like.




-- Modified on 8/29/2002 1:05:36 AM

That accusation is what I assume you are implying by that statement. It's simply unfair. I have, in my life, been involved in three serious relationships and i have never cheated on my SO, this includes seeing providers. There are men like myself, who believe that when you promise monogamy, it's a promise that you keep. I don't judge others who don't feel this way (and in fairness I've never been in a relationship for longer than 18 months so I don't know what it's like to be in a long term marriage), I understand that everyone has there own beliefs, and situations. People make their own choices, and that's all right by me.
However, your post seems to imply two things, first that all men cheat, and I'm sorry for whatever your experiences may have been but that's not true. Second, that men are the only ones who "want to have their cake and eat it, too."  Women commit infidelites, too. They are capable of lying and cheating the same as men.
And no, I was never cheated on, (that i know of) and I'm not bitter at all. I hold out little hope for myself of ever finding that "one" or whatever, but i have friends and know people (like myself) that keep their word in relationships. I have friends that don't stray and wouldn't think of doing so. I feel like your post was an unfair quippy response to a fair question. IMHO LR

I agree.  Women who think all men cheat are to be avoided.  They are bitter, angry.  It's really a form of prejudice / bigotry.  I have been married twice.  The last one for 10 years.  The sex was awesome for a long time.  We made love 5 times a day for the first nine months.  Even after 6 years and two kids it was almost once a day. Yeah, I couldn't believe my luck!  One happy camper! Things got bad in year 8 and I stayed faithfull all the way to the bitter end, over two years after it got bad and there was no sex at all.  Some people mean what they say when they say "I do", some don't.  It's a contract.  You either respect it or you don't.  It has very little to do with gender.

I am amused a bit by your comment "Women who thing all men cheat are to be avoided..."  I am sorry but take a brief moment and look at the ladies you are talking to here.

Easily 70% of our clients are married... and no matter what rationalizing you choose... seeing us is "cheating".  The difference here is that we don't judge you for it.  Most of us anyway... I will admit that I have encountered from time to time ladies that DO hate men etc in this biz.  Their work and reviews reflect this.  Lucky for you gents they are few and far between.

So we ladies who think the "majority" of men cheat aren't men haters... just being realists.  And I am aware that not all men hobby... but more I think than you might guess.

What we see come thru our door are usually sweet, friendly, intellegent guys... the kind of guys most ladies would like to be in a relationship with....and usually some woman is... and yet WE see them intimately....

Surely that knowledge will make the intellegent woman question monogamy... and the intellegent man as well.

-- Modified on 8/28/2002 7:36:02 AM

i thought it was "eat his cake and have it too" (eom)

and the way we are educated by our parents/society/religious sects with regards to relationships.  

My outlook on relationships has changed a great deal since I've become a provider.  I doubt I'd ever try and create a monogamous relationship with a man after meeting so many who are married as hobbyists LOL

The system works for many, just not all.  Just as long as one doesn't judge another by their lifestyle, we should all be fine right?

It's also become apparent it's not a good idea as a provider to discuss her personal life.  Kinda hurts the fantasy for most.

I think that's highest number I've seen.  That's $10,000 @ 250 per session.  This is pretending you have always reviewed after your date.  WOW

-- Modified on 8/28/2002 9:43:01 AM

I was actually talking about women in general, not providers specifically.  I imagine providers have no choice but to be a little cynical about marriage.. that seems obvious.  I am talking about women I have met that assume all men are cheaters, just because it suits their particular frame of mind.  Makes it easy to stay mad at them.  As for the hobby, well I think we all agree that is nothing new and I don't think it has anything to do with whether or not men are more or less likely to cheat on a partner than women are.

Thank you for being respectful in your opposition to my point of view. Many people believe that sex is nothing more than a strong desire. But I've always felt it as a need, similar to eating or breathing. Studies (and forgive me for not sighting anything specific) concerning tactile deprivation have shown dire consequences in the development of children. Babies who are not held or touched suffer in their development.

As adults, that need for physical contact does not disappear, but it does translate as a need for intimate, sexual contact. If it's not a need, it certainly is a powerful instinct, designed as a survival mechanism for continuing the species. Whether it's need or a survival instinct, it can be regulated by conscientious choice, but not overcome. As with food and air, people's physical requirements for sex are different by degree. Some people are more tactile than others, by nature.

Once sex, and/or physical contact is no longer a part of the contract, the contract is more or less a broken thing. But relationships are messy, in whatever the incarnation. Where one person may have a need to be touched once every six months, the other person may have a need for hot, passionate sex at least 3 times a week. So the need/instinct has to be regulated by some choices. Do you let yourself be susceptible to some torrid love affair, giving your heart away to some beautiful dame who seems to want little else other than to make you happy? Or do you ignore your needs and your instincts to the detriment of your health and mental well-being and to the death of your commitment? Or choose any number of solutions in-between?

Seeing an escort may not be the best solution, but it's not an emotional affair, fraught with all sorts of confusion and consequences. And it’s not breaking up, where friends and family and children are involved, and everyone gets hurt. It's just your body. Giving your heart away is where unfaithfulness truly takes place.

Some people believe that having sex with anyone you're not married to is wrong. Many others believe that paying someone for sex is even worse. We all live with our own belief system and do the best we can to live our lives by it.

Misty, I've yet to me a provider who didn't talk about their personal life, relationship, kids, etc.   Intereting thought that it hurts the fantasy.   Suppose I'll be able to compare once I find someone who keeps those issues low key.

Some people believe that sex is sacred and spiritual, the mingling of souls, the end-all to intimacy. Others feel that its an animalistic, biological means to procreation, while others think it's just fun. I think we’re all still far too uptight about it.

-- Modified on 8/29/2002 2:45:04 AM

babbeo & praiaman how could you agree to something I did not say and make a statement such as Women who think all men cheat are to be avoided. They are bitter, angry.

I made a statement about controlling ass men but I did not say all men are cheater. You guys accused me of saying "all men are cheater" but they are your words not mines.  

I am not a man hater. Have we dated in the past?
"No I don't think so" So don't paint a bad picture of me here. I stand behind what I said that a women relationship in this biz should be private & discreet between her and the client.

If you are offended then you misread my statement, but I read your very clearly.


Ruth



-- Modified on 8/29/2002 1:16:20 AM

-- Modified on 8/29/2002 11:15:04 AM

I don't know you. We've never met. I posted a question in response to Riker's post simply asking if the clear promise of monogamy were made in the relationship, would it change the nature of what he postulated. Your response was, "Sure, because HE would have his cake and eat it too." I felt this response was clearly implying that man (HE) would make the promise in order to have his partner be faithful, and he would continue to run around. That's the meaning of the pithy statement you used in response.
I never said you were bitter, or anything of the like. I said I wasn't bitter. I'm not. I simply said that if your experiences led you to believe that all men cheat, then I am sorry for that. Obviously your job would do more to prove than disprove that thought and I understand that. However, all men do not cheat, and I felt that was the clear implication in your statement. If I was wrong then I apologize, but clearly others got the same thing from it.
I read your one line post quite clearly, and although you said you read mine clearly as well, there was no personal indictment in it. Or any implication that you are anything more than the opinion that you presented.  LR

-- Modified on 8/29/2002 2:34:19 AM

The results of the TER survey showed that 50% of the hobbyists are married.  I assume that Wytchcat's 70+ % is based upon her client base.  

My only experience with  significant ownership concept comes from ladies who are not providers.  After you have had sex with one for the first time she begins to exert her ownership rights.  She begins to tell you what you should do, who your friends should be, assumes you should spend every waking minute with her and begins to lead you to the altar with your prick firmly in hand.  The statement "leading you around by the nose" was just a polite way to say this.  Looking at it from the other side I usually figure that when a male friend of mine gets married that the wedding is the last time I will see him for at least 5 years.  Her friends will become hubby's new friends and social companions.  Within a short period of time hubby is totally pussy whipped.  That is why I have chosen to stay single and enjoy myself with providers instead of being led down the primrose path. LOL!  I love all you ladies who make this terrible sacrifice easier to bear.

What would change the nature of my postulation has far less to do with a promise of monogamy than with a promise of sex. If there was a promise of sex that was fulfilled, then no, I wouldn't be seeking other means. In order to be monogamous I would have to be having sex some one person.

you did not count my several repeats visit to my favourites, and two providers I see often but don't want any reviews.