My wife is at the age where she is going into menopause. Her sex drive is up and she is missing periods (pre-menopause phase). Soon her cycle will stop.

For guys who wives have hit menopause did your wifes sex drive go up and result in you having to hobby less and/or stop hobbying, hobby only when on a business trip ?

or was it the other way around ?

I never knew that menopause had an effect of increasing libido.

With the first two, libido decreased dramatically with onset of menopause. With my present wife, the libido is about the same or a little higher, but because there's a lot less drama, the relationship is much closer. So typically, I hobby when she is on a prolonged trip, and I'm staying home alone.

I have noticed that she wants more lube now.

I know another provider that requires more lube also after she went through menopause.

My experience has been that she will totally shut down any affection, sex or even interest in what you want to do.  It's like a different person invaded her body and mind.  We've tried normal hormone therapy, Susan Summer's bio-identical hormone therapy and spent an absolute fortune with no positive sustanable results.  In a word:  "It sucks!"  After awhile, you will start to get resentful and angry, as are most of my male friends in my age group.  They almost all hang out with other male friends fishing, hunting, cars, etc. to get away from home and they are extremely "grump", hence the term, "Grump Old Men!"  It's sad for both parties.

That's why I took up "hobbying" and I am so much nicer to her, as I don't expect anything from her, except our friendship and family.

She has noticed that I am much happier, even though she has no idea why.  She just likes it.

Good luck.

I thought it was generally the other way 'round.  With my wife, her libido disappeared, and my anecdotal evidence indicates this is typical.

Present wife has always had low sex drive...  totally "take it or leave it". She was approaching menopause likely from the beginning of our marriage.   Let me do the math...  she was ~45.   Don't try to figure it out...  just go with the flow, get it where you can & have fun.
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I am going through menopause process now....and I have extended periods of time when there is no such thing as enough sex. As in I want sex all the time, and if I cannot get it I will have a fit!...and the nastier the better...

My hormones actually balanced out after my periods stopped. So did my depression, the really bad pms, zits, tenderness, bloating and everything else. I have lots of energy and it was a blessing for me to stop having my cycle. I would rather have a hot flash while with a lover than to have an unexpected visitor.


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is that ALL women immediately pre, and post menopausal lose their libido. Just ask anyone in the medical community. Ask your therapist. Ask your married buddy. Hell, ask anyone. They will tell you it is inevitable. No point fighting it.

And, while I am in no way discounting the fact that many (most?) women experience disconcerting changes in their bodies, often resulting in varying levels of discomfort, emotionally, sometimes physically, menopause does not ALWAYS, INEVITABLY, herald the end of libido.

Now, I won’t presume to speak for all women. But, I can speak for myself. And, what I can tell you is that hormonal changes or not, the biggest obstacle, for me was getting caught up in the idea that “at my age” I was “supposed to be” losing my libido. And then I realized my libido and sexual response is perfectly fine. In fact, better than ever. TYVM.

But, the predominant message women hear is: This is expected. This is what happens. Everyone knows this. It is very ‘unseemly’ for women of a ‘certain age’ to behave sexually. She is no longer sexually attractive. Blah, blah, blech, yack, and so on.

Talk about a mind-fuck; and, good luck finding any substantive research into women's  sexuality/libido.

Need medical advice? Need info, research, into men’s sexuality? Not looking for judgment? Maybe seeking a pat on the back with a reassurance that what you’re experiencing is “normal” but possibly easily mitigated? Want pharmaceuticals? If you’re a man, just ask your doctor.

If you’re a woman? Good luck with that. Talk about a quagmire of conflicting, confusing information with very little empirical research to help wade through the conflicting advice.  

Should you “hobby” more or less? That’s entirely up to you. But, if your wife is going into menopause, and her libido is increasing, why not embrace that?

I’d say you’re a lucky guy.

I can't say my libido has changed much.

It has always been high to begin with (as in sometimes I wear out fresh batteries in a single night when I don't have a partner to wear out), and I still crave it every day.

So, here's the thing: were you really hobbying because of not enough sex, or because of an underlying OTHER problem (like not enough respect from her, or unending squabbles, or what have you)? If it was simply not enough sex, and she wants more, then I think you've answered your own question. If not enough sex isn't the answer, then I think you've still answered your own question.

I think there is an assumption that menopause almost always results in a woman having reduced sex drive.
That assumption is incorrect. IF a woman was interested in sex before menopause, there is a reasonable chance that she will still be equally or even more interested post menopause.

If a woman was less interested in sex before menopause, menopause can be a reason or an excuse to have even less.

Some post menopausal women have some difficulty self-lubricating sufficiently . I believe that in many cases that may be misinterpreted as disinterest, or the resulting discomfort if lube is not used can lessen her interest in sex.

According to the article about menopause I've linked -
"We have even uncovered some evidence that:
- they are also more likely to be multi-orgasmic!
- women who are interested in sex are more likely to be orgasmic after the 'change’ than younger females."

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/womenshealth/facts/sexmenopause.htm

My SO is post menopausal. She has the same or probably higher libido than before menopause. I believe that she is even more multi-orgasmic than before menopause. I feel like I am extraordinarily lucky that she is interested as frequently as she is.

Yes, I would feel the need to hobby more if she were not this way. Recently she had been mildly ill, and I hadn't "gotten any" for several days. Since yet another morning had passed without utilizing my morning wood, I decided to make an appointment with my ATF for that evening. Very late that afternoon I wound up turning down my SO's advances (felt bad, usually I would NEVER turn her down! bad timing!). I did have the excuse that I was working on something that I was in the middle of. It would have been rude for me to cancel my appointment with such short notice, and if I had been trying for a second round in that time frame there would be a good chance I wouldn't have been able to finish within the appointment time available.

I probably wouldn't have started to hobby at all, except that a couple years ago she had an unrelated medical issue (now resolved) that caused her too much pain to have sex. I generally only make an appointment once every several months now. I'm quite fond of my ATF (we consider each other friends), but my love for my SO isn't diminished. To some extent, my hobbying has actually made me appreciate my SO's sexual prowess even more. But, yeah I do get the occasional feeling that I'm being a selfish asshole.

As you mentioned earlier, it's not just the decrease in lubrication.  It's the increase in sensitivity.  My wife became so sensitive she could tolerate only the most gentle penetration, and not for very long.  Certainly not long enough for me to finish.