In a previous thread I was called a cheating bum and probably worse. Why does the hooker get a free pass? If a bartender serves a drink to a guy and has no idea he is an alcoholic the bartender is blameless. OTOH, if the bartender knows the customer is an alcoholic he is facilitating alcoholism.

Why does it even matter if the hooker is also culpable in your cheating, either you feel guilty about cheating or you don't. If you do feel guilty, does blaming the hooker really make you feel any better? and if you don't feel guilty, then there is no reason to place any guilt on either party.

and if you do feel guilty, blaming the hooker doesn't let you anywhere near off the hook. So what's the point?

It would be an SB or civi. If I guy wants to cheat he'll find someone.  

I already have a Sugar Baby. I still see hookers. You are right, if a guy wants to cheat he's gonna do it

I am in a long and good marriage without sex for as long as I can to remember ( I believe Truman has just beaten Dewey.) I have had friends with benefits which on occasion has led to unhappiness on the part of the friend who became a real lover and this was unfair to her.
Now, I hobby and have a few friends with benefits who have no interest in disrupting their marriage and I have had wonderful experiences with some providers.  I am not longer furious with my wife. Our family stays happily together. The providers offer me lovely and rewarding company and they receive professional compensation and what I hope is a pleasant experience that leaves them feeling at least 1/10 as good as it leaves me feeling.  Everyone involved seems to benefit: me, wife,children and grandchildren, and I hope the provider (in the way I enjoy my time with my parents.)  
Where is the guilt? where  is the victim?.

If a girl knows a guy is trying to stop, but keeps contacting him to tempt him to see her so she can make money, with no regard to his new direction, "oh baby, just one last time, here's a naked Selfie of me using a dildo. I wish it were you." *fishface Selfie* *sad face* "I miss you, please come see me, forget your wife for a moment"  

Based on your puritanical Judaeo Christian crap

Dick size is brought up all the time here, too.  Does that mean you're going to start a thread on who's responsible for dicks being of various sizes?

This comes down to personal responsibility, something that has seemed to leave this country.  You and only you are responsible for your marriage and the risk you take in losing it. If you get caught, the ladies whose service you chose to use isn't at fault.  Much like a bartender CAN'T get in trouble for serving a know alcoholic, they CAN get in trouble for serving an obvious intoxicated person.  (I do have 10 years bartending experience) The provider isn't at fault if you get caught.  If you go and blow money at Kohls that you KNOW was meant to pay the mortgage, the store isn't at fault, YOU are.  

And, why do you stop at putting blame on providers only with respect to their married clients?  In many religions, sex outside of marriage is a big no-no. Also p4p is illegal in almost the entire USA. So why not blame the "hookers" for dragging people into sin and into breaking the law?

and then ask whether you and the woman are equally guilty?  

Was it a hooker who asked if you felt guilty?

I didn't start my hobby until after my divorce, of all our problems I didnt feel she deserved to be betrayed. But that's my integrity and I don't impose that on others, nor do I judge those that do, far be it for me to judge anyone.  

Your logic, or lack thereof would suggest that all bakers should go out of business because they are contributing to an obese society.  

thank you for recycling topics that would otherwise be clogging up our landfills or killing the blue-footed booby

-- Modified on 7/23/2015 7:14:19 AM

By that logic, if I killed someone and got away with it they would not have been murdered.  Your "logic" is remarkable.

First of all, why do you care what other people think about you? Believe me man, that's a complete waste of time and energy. It seems that it would only bother you if in fact you think you are a cheater.

Let me try to be as delicate as possible here, "The hookers" did not make a promise to be faithful to your wife... you did. End of story. If I had a husband, I would also be lying to someone, but I don't have one.  If we did not exist, men would still find a way to get laid. You have all pretty much said you can't live without it, so you would find some other ho to fk.  

I was not comparing murder to cheating on a spouse, which is blatantly obvious to everyone but you.  I was illustrating how your statement was intellectually bankrupt.  Thanks for playing.

Do you feel any better today than yesterday? Has your life, liberty and overall happiness been elevated?

and I will repeat, "You are not returning the favor" you are deflecting. I am the one who called you a "lying cheating husband" I don't see any reason for me to back off that statement since you don't seem to want to even try to refute it. So rather than "returning the favor" for a statement that "I" made, you are trying to deflect your guilt onto the hooker/s that you claim "enable" you.  

I agree with you. Still the hooker is facilitating the cheating. It takes two to tango. That does not make the hooker worse than the monger. Just because the husband might have found some other "Ho" to fuck does not change the fact that said hooker is facilitating cheating. There are no free passes for either party. That does not mean either party should feel guilty about it. It depends on how you look at marriage. I don't consider infidelity a big deal but some people do.

as the way you go after a cock! LMAO!

I have to crawl before I walk lol. Just saying though. If I was cheating on my BF/Husband, it would not be the guy's fault. If it was not him, it would be someone else. It's just that simple. If one liquor store refuses to serve me, I move on to the next one. As humans with urges, I think we all can admit that we will get what we are after one way or the other. If anything, most providers (the sane ones) want nothing to do with a married man who is already cheating on someone else. I mean, cmon. I don't judge anyone, but I will admit to having never cheated. I am too brutally honest to lie to someone, and a part of me would want them to know just how fkin bored I was in the relationship.

No, I did not lol. YOU are on a sex board. YOU went out SEARCHING for sex with hookers... we did not come to you. It is not MY problem that you can't stay off of adult sites... it's your problem. Now, if we met in a bar and I attacked your ass you might have a point about facilitating, but I am afraid that is not the case here. I am promoting sex for money, not sex for money with ONLY married men. I don't ask if my clients are married.

I didnt think I could be any more turned on by you than I already was, I was mistaken.

Zero accountability, is more like it. Anyone claiming to not think cheating is all that bad, would not be this hell bent on blaming others or making justifucations for their actions. I don't think cheating is bad either, but I have also never done it. Hats off to any of you who can be in a relationship that long without cheating... fk, I would go nuts just being in one.  

The definition of facilitate is "to make easy or easier". On certain levels, hookers do certainly facilitate cheating, but that's only if you've got enough cash to pay to play. Hookers only facilitate cheating for tricks who can afford to cheat.  

You ask if the hookers "share in the guilt" well if there is no guilt, there's nothing to share.

That's right... I am marketing my services on a fk board that YOU had to join lol. Sorry bro, but no one held a gun to your head and told you to watch porn, read hooker ads, contact hookers and pay hookers. That's all on you, I am afraid. If I decide I have a problem with alcohol guess what... I avoid places and people that partake. If I don't want to cheat on my mate, I guard my actions and don't put myself in situations that would tempt me even more. Does blame shifting really make you feel better about what you're doing? I mean, you said you did not feel bad in the first place, but only a person with turmoil would be this hell bent on blaming others. Again, these sites were designed for men to cheat and I don't use twitter, facebook or any other non-adult sanctioned site to market my services so if you happen to come upon my ads, it's because YOU sought out such sites that housed escorts.

One day I am gonna have to deliver on that bbbj lol.

If you don't consider infidelity a big deal, then why would you start and cultivate this discussion?  

Actually, since you seem to be hanging on my every word and writing a book about all things LR, my two marriages were six months and eight months lol. And, I have an idea of the concept of being friends and a partner, but it's not for me. I don't need to smell someone's shit and wake up to matching towels every day to feel secure or still get the benefits of being friends, lovers etc. with someone. That's a joke the older generation bought into, and 80 percent of them are now on TER. Ha, no thanks.

I thought I lost out on you for good once, I'll not let that happen again. Yummy.

but I wasn't really joining the discussion as much as I just found it an amusing opportunity to plug your BBBJ skills

Here is what I will admit to.... I rent the hotel room and show up... the rest is on the guy. I am one of thousands of escorts who will allow 'certain' men to fk me for money and I keep my mouth shut about it. That's about it.  

And it looks like I am twice as smart as you as it only took me one marriage to figure out that the pan was hot, don't touch it again. lol

It will be a damn shame. Almost as much of a shame as if OTM does write one.

Or what their opinions are about anything else. Lol!

....." to forsake all others" or "to death do us part" or what other marriage vows might say. It has been so long since I took mine I can't remember. (Speaking of memory, has anyone seen my car keys? 8o) )
My point is the hooker is not guilty for actions of the johns infidelity

...don't feel the need to say so.

Responsible for my actions, and for my cheating, the people i cheated with had nothing to do with my decision. i KNEW what i was doing and i KNEW what it would do to my wife when she found out, I take ALL THE BLAME, and weather or not i got "caught" or not , it was STILL cheating, when you make a vow to love, and honor and be faithful to someone and you break that vow, it si CHEATING, i am so thankful that my wife forgave me and chose to give me another chance, and i will NEVER EVER do something like that to her again.     I CHEATED and i own it!!!!

... it's the Devil who made me do this. It's all his fault. lol

-- Modified on 7/23/2015 2:14:41 PM

How we mean it won't change how most people hear it. I don't use those terms myself because I'm not comfortable with them, and I think they should never be used in a "civvie" setting for exactly the reasons you state. But I also won't criticize anyone using them here unless they're doing so in a plainly derogatory manner, which unfortunately is the case with OP, and often elsewhere. And that's really a damn shame.

I sometimes wonder what others might think, jusy for curiosity's sake.

Looks like the answer is no.  It's been a while since I've seen someone so thoroughly shot down and still not get it.  Kudos!

It seems quite compulsive.  As for your comment, yes, actually it does mean you're wrong.  I guess everyone's out of step but Smalltimemonger.

She committed to being loving and intimate and withheld both for years. I don't regard getting it somewhere else as "cheating" under those circumstances and I don't feel "guilty".

Now that is funny. I would love to see that ceremony batch of providers lining up to promise you and your wife not to tempt you with sex.

but no one is holding a gun at your head forcing you to stay married.

Lot of folk on this page are quick to pass judgment but not clear they walked in the shoes of the judged.

But I ended it.  Anyone who says "staying together for the children" is noble -- or good for the children -- deserves their misery.

Yup... divorced twice, and it's a hell of a lot harder to be a single working woman than a man today and make enough money to pay the bills... even with one or two degrees. Ask anyone who lives in the Florida Panhandle how many fks they give about your degrees lol.  

That said, divorce wiped me out completely, but it was worth every penny. Like I said, we all make life choices. You made yours, I made mine. As long as you are content with your life choices, who am I to judge? But if you come on here like OTM and alternatingly berate others for their choices, and then whine in the next sentence about how hookers need to "share the guilt" if anyone tries that kind of crap, you can bet they will get an earful of "judgment" out of me.

Everyone's an expert. Everyone shoots from the hip.

And how is it relevant for the other 99.99% of people on this site.  Sorry for you situation, but please!

You and I just had this conversation the other night! Lol  Yeah, it's a choice and buying your freedom (divorce) is priceless if you enjoy sex and intimacy(if your spouse isn't doing you) If either spouse doesn't want to put out then IMO they should get out. 2 way street in a marriage.  If I were married my husband better fuck me or I would either divorce or cheat. I wouldn't feel guilty one bit about either one.
It's not like hookers seek out the OP,  he sought them out apparently  
Hugs and kisses
TL


-- Modified on 7/23/2015 10:57:52 PM

Every situation is different.  Blanket statements based on ones own frame of reference simply blinds them to the reality so many other not like them face.   I've seen more people go through divorce than most people and all I'll say is I get a little weary of people thinking because they've gone through one of their own that they know everything about it.  I don't know all that much about it either, though it's not because of lack of exposure to it. It's because so many situations are different.