Okay, here is the deal...I am 35 years old, married for 6 years but with the same woman for nearly 12 years now...she is two years younger than I.  

To be perfectly honest, the first two or three years of the relationship were great but only hobbying has gotten me through the last 8 - 9 years and that is pretty sad considering that I have only been married 6 years (so was hobbying before I was even married).

It seemed like we were finally going to call it quits recently but now I am getting mixed messages from her.  Meanwhile, I have been working out like crazy, have dropped a dozen pounds and I am starting to attract attention from women.  I have even registered on an online dating website and there are so many women I would like to meet...so many of them seem to have common interests while my wife and I don't seem to have many common interests (guess you could say we have grown apart over the years).

Now, I have met a 25 year old woman who I see on a monthly basis for business purposes and she is totally into me and even gave me her private e-mail address a couple days ago.  She works (and probably lives) just a couple miles away from my home, and she has a great body and with the braces on her teeth she may pass as about 22 years old.

Meanwhile, my wife and I have a dozen issues to work out and she is carrying around all this resentment.  We do own two homes so I am confident that I would stay put and that she would take the other home.  Still, it is a difficult decision to give up half of what I have worked for during my lifetime (although she has also worked very hard so I am not bitter about it).

I have gone as far as asking my wife to move out and told her that I wanted to move on with my life.  Only now is she finally starting to come around and is kissing my ass to try to save the marriage.  Basically, she tells me that if I make this decision that it is one that I will forever regret...she is overweight but is finally doing something about her weight/appearance and could, again, realistically be very attractive as she was up until we married.  She makes great money but she bitches constantly about how hard her career is and is looking into something a little less demanding (and, likewise, lower paying).

We just have a very tempestious relationship and it is often a rollercoaster ride.  I get sick of the nasty comments.  No, I am not perfect but I do own a couple businesses, one that requires me to travel out of the counry a couple times per year for about a month at a time.  She is not accompanying me on this next trip for the first time ever and this is basically top notch luxury travel that many women would love...instead, I will be going with myself after I chickened out of having a female friend join me.

Am I wasting my time here in this marriage?  I suppose if my wife miraculously went down to her pre-marriage weight that I could be very attracted to her again, but what is to say that she does not dump my ass because she is so bitter at that point?

I am at an age where it is not too difficult to still go out with women in their mid to late 20's and even plenty in their early 30's are very attractive to me (when they are educated, well traveled, successful, etc.).

I feel that my hobbying is a result of an unsatisfying marriage and that if I was to experience new love, especially with a woman in her mid-late 20's, that I would not hobby 1/10th as much (I am maybe hobbying about 5 - 6 times per month presently).

Divorce would be difficult but I do think that I would be able to retain my live-in housekeeper and that would definitely help.  Given that I am working out 5x per week right now (a couple hours each time), we are rarely seeing each other anyway.  The only hesitation on my part is that my wife is really gorgeous when she is in shape, she is very intelligent, very sociable, makes a great income, is a great cook and we share dogs together.  Then, none of that seems to matter when I consider that I am basically in a sexless marriage (my choice as I cannot force myself to sleep with a woman who is 50 pounds overweight) and the frequent (verbal) fighting.

I figure that this will all come to a head for sure by the time I return from my next business trip in early December.  Perhaps I am best off waiting until then?  Meanwhile, however, I am unable (unwilling) to go out with this 25 year old hottie and I do think something nice could develop with her.  She does have at least a bachelors degree and a respectable job and that, in my opinion, is pretty good for a 25 year old woman, especially when combined with the fact that she has a sexy body and seems really into me.  Even if it does not work out with her, there are just so many women out there but really, most women in their 20's don't seem to want guys much over 35, so I do feel like my expiration date for these younger women is quickly approaching.  It could be a few years of fun before I settle down again???

I have a beautiful home, a luxury car, exotic (work) holidays and I am confident that I am better than average looking.  I do give up 12 years of history, but, in all honesty, there have been as many bad times as there have been good times.  I also give up about 40% of the household income and a nice property.  I used to think I would be a loser if I were to get divorced, but now I am thinking that my life is passing me by and that I am more of a loser if I stay in a bad marriage than if I divorce.

So what would you do if you were in my position?

Thanks.

I'm not sure; you gave a lot of mixed messages. Why don't you ask the professional -- http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/messageList.asp?boardID=20 -- the Love Goddess?

You've got way too many issues to sort out here on your own.  You need help, the wife needs help, and the two of you need help.  

Face it, buddy:  you have no idea what's important to you, no scale against which to make your choices.

The fact you're seeking advice here suggests you don't have a support system (friends, family) to turn to.  That's unfortunate.  Try to get professional help.

...do your wife a favor and dump her.  She'll thank you for it down the road.

It's clear that you married a woman you had no intent to be faithful to, and have made no obvious effort to make the marriage work.
If you make enough money, dump her & get yourself a size 2 trophy bride.  You won't be any happier, but you think you will be, and I suspect you will be doing your current wife a huge favor.
After your trophy wife leaves you for bigger game you can take a bit of a break, and grow the hell up...

It sounds to me like you are ready.  You will never be 100% sure, even after the divorce, and you may always love your wife a little bit.  Even years down the road, you may wonder "what if?"  But that is just life.  It really sounds to me like you are ready, and that your wife will be better off emotionally with another partner, anyway.  Of course, it will hurt in the beginning.  Here is the other hurt about divorce, you not only lose your wife, but you tend to lose a set of friends and family to whom you have grown attached, and certain traditions that gave your life form.  That is why the first year or two away from her can be hard.  But weighed against constant fighting, it's worth it.  You may find you feel a lot better once you are out of it, even within the first couple of weeks.  Like most men contemplating divorce, you have a Plan B (another woman), while when we women leave, we tend to just jump out of the plane w/o a parachute.    If you want the divorce, you'll probably have to be the one to leave the house.  Resolve yourself to this. You should talk to a lawyer and a tax advisor, arrange for a mediator financial stuff, make plans to move out (quickly--do not torture her by dragging this out once you have made the decision), and get your papers and affairs in order.  Don't fight over "things" like CDs and what not.  Walk away from it.  Your freedom is more important than your "stuff."  Fights over things are just another manifestation of the doubt and difficulty infused in ending a relationship.  You can get a separation agreement as soon as you're out, but don't see any women publicly until it is signed.  After you move out, don't go back and sleep with your wife for old times sake (many people do this).  This would be considered cohabiting, and it can affect the way the divorce is settled.  I would talk to a lawyer about making the financial arrangements as favorable as possible for your wife.  This will go a long way to making your divorce easier to settle, and I don't think you will regret the loss of assets down the road...it will come back to you.  Keep out of court, if you can, by making the settlement as good as possible up front (b/c since you stopped sleeping with her, she does have some cards she could play, if she wanted to),  including (now, take a deep breath) generous alimony.   Asking her to move out will NOT work.  If she's smart, she won't leave the house--it would work against her in divorce proceedings--and most women know this.   I would not mention to her the weight as an issue in the divorce, in fact, I would discuss things as little as possible at this point, and try to make as clean a break as you can.  There is very little you can say or do to make this easier for her, other than not being a schmuck about the financial stuff.  If she wants to know why, you could say the fighting.  You're right, as a young man with good prospects, you will make out just fine after the divorce.  You are nowhere near your "expiration date."  You can continue to date women in their 20s for decades, if you wish, but when you settle down with a life partner, eventually, I would select a woman that is closer to your age, as 25 year old women are not ready for serious commitment.   Women have a lot fewer options after divorce, so I can understand why your wife is pushing hard to make it work.  Let her be, be kind, respectful, and a gentleman, and you will have nothing to regret down the road.  Good luck!

You have already made up your mind, you are just scared and trying to make logical sense of it all. Whatever you had with you wife is lost, you will never get it back. Save the suffering for you both and cut it clean and take advice in the other post re lawyers etc.  If you have any feelings of care for your wife or respect, make it as easy on her as possible and don't resent your efforts to to make her path a little easier.  It is fucking scary facing life alone after so long together especially if you are the one rejected.  It may also ease the guilt somewhat.  Also, the sooner you get out there and enjoy your freedom, sexually and otherwise the better, to help change your headset and move on.  Just be descreet, maybe someone in their 30's (via the online match sites) will be more able to deal with your current situation without making complications.

than the Hell you don't know.

 Unless the BOTH of you want to invest a LOT of effort and sacrifices into saving the marriage you might just as well suffer through the uncharted waters of divorce and see if you can each find your own Shangri-La.

Some detractors here may say for you OR her to "grow up". I got news for ya'; I just turned 50 and I've not yet met a certified "grown-up".

 As a species; homo sapiens are co-dependent polygamists. I guess our superior ability to "reason" is supposed to make sense of that conundrum.


 Good luck

To your final question....."so what would you do if you were in my position?"....

First, please do your wife a favor. Cut her loose so that she can find a man who will appreciate her qualities. One who's first and (apparently only) consideration is not the number that pops up when she steps on a weight scale. She might hate you now, but she'll thank you for it later.

Second, go and stand in front of a mirror and repeat after me, "I'm looking at the problem".

Allow me a moment to point out a few contradictions in your circular thinking. You stated that your hobbying began before you married. You also wisftully recall your wife's "pre-marriage" weight. It sounds as though even when she was trim and fit, you had already begun wandering into other bedrooms. This doesn't jibe with your statement that you have to hobby because of your sexless marriage, which is brought about because you can't force yourself to have sex with a woman who is overweight.

Second, you stated that if you could find a woman that you could experience "new love" with, especially if she was in her 20's, your hobbying would be cut to a fraction of what it is. In essence, your idea of bliss is to find a perfect woman, while still having no intention of being faithful to her. If you were to find such a woman, why would you need to hobby at all? If you can answer that question for yourself, you'll solve 90% of your problems right there.

The problem though, is that you won't find such a woman. You might find her for a moment, but in only a few short years, she won't be that woman anymore. She'll be in her 30's, she'll add a few pounds, and your search will begin all over again.

You can at least cheer up on one point though. There IS no expiration date on a man if he's got enough money. If your businesses continue to be successful, and your wife doesn't clean your clock in divorce court, you can rest assured that you will always be capable of finding a 20-something with dollar signs for eyes. That part is the least of your worries. If you can find happiness in trading in a current trophy for a new one every few years, then more power to you because it can certainly be done.

The question you need to ask yourself though, is as the clock ticks and years pass by, are you willing to give up the other perks that come from a solidly built relationship based on mutual respect and satisfaction as opposed to age and looks? If the answer is no, then get yourself some help. If the answer is yes, then stop worrying, and get busy working on finding your trophy GF (one tip though: don't marry them because that is when it gets REALLY expensive. Just give them enough 'prezzies' to keep them hanging in there until they hit their expiration date.)

your wife.  You are worried about what you might loose in a divorce....  let me tell you, by marrying a woman that you clearly did not love, you already lost it.  What I read was a history of self absorbance that might only be matched by MOST of our politicians.  Gimme a break....   Were I a woman, I would stay as far away from you as would be humanly possible....   As from your post, you have absolutely no intention of being faithful (or for that matter even honest) with the next trophy wife in line....  

Yea, you lost when ya married the lady.... and I will give her the benefit of the doubt on the "lady" lable as we are hearing only your take... and what do you want to bet that she knows about your indescretions... and it hurts her deeply?  

12 years of History?  you mean 12 years of infidelity....  

Geese, dude, you need to reorganize your priorities before you go attach yourself to anyone other than Anna Nichole Smith.... she seems to do just fine with your type....

-- Modified on 10/1/2006 10:42:39 AM

Thanks for all the feedback so far.

I realize that I am far from perfect and have plenty of my own issues.  I am more wondering if I would not be able to "reinvent" myself by starting fresh somewhere else.

Also, to clarify, I do not believe I would need to leave my home as we own two properties and I know that my wife would want the other property (closer to her work and family).

I am having pretty serious talks with my wife on an almost a daily basis for the last few days, including one since I posted the original message.  Basically, she feels that I am very attractive, very good in the bedroom, very generous, and a good income provider but that I am not family-oriented, have never really loved her and that I am very irresponsible with money.  She is asking for a 180 degree turn around to make the marriage work...meanwhile, I think that if I did not spend a couple hours a day on dating websites, porn websites and other websites that I believe I am on due to a non-existent sex life that I would be more responsible and spend more time on managing the finances.

I think the best thing may be to ride this out for a few more months and make a sincere effort...if nothing else, it will give me the opportunity to drop a little more weight, get in great shape and make myself much more marketable to elite women (high income makers, attractive, educated & well traveled).

The last thing I want if my marriage should come to an end is to sacrifice on my lifestyle too much.

I do want to be in a committed relationship and NOT hobby but I do think it will be difficult no matter who I am with just because I am already spoiled by hobbying.  Can anyone ever really turn their back on hobbying 100%?  Hopefully I will be able to get by with only an occasional (once per month?) FBSM that will have the dual purpose of a legit massage and a happy ending.

Thanks and I do appreciate any additional feedback.

He's on this board asking for advice and thathas got to be the height of egoism. I suspect that he posted it for kicks. Does he really think life with a 20 something and braces will cure his real problem? NOT! He does need help and lots of it, but I doubt that he'll really listen. And he's made for Anna Nichole Smith.

"Can anyone ever really turn their back on hobbying 100%?" Sure you can, if you found someone you love so much you would not want to take any risk in hurting her. Better yet, you enjoy her so much that you have no desire to be with another woman. It happens.

Thanks Heather for breaking it down to the fundamentals. Now watch someone say he only hobbies once in awhile so how can I be an addict? Your wallet is the only other determining factor.

Jennesequoi,

Thanks for taking the time to respond.  You have definitely expressed some of the things that I am currently feeling (and that my wife is likely feeling, as well).

Latest development...had a mostly positive lunch with my wife until at the end of the lunch she just thought she would tell me that her younger sister hates my guts...not that I am hurt over this revelation but it is just kind of a stupid thing to say...I am not very fond of the little sister, either.

However, also during lunch my wife told me that she told her friends that this is so difficult for her because even today, after 12 years of being together, that if I were to walk into a room and she did not know me that she would get so turned on by me and that besides being good looking that I just have a very strong presence that demands attention.  She added that she told her friends that my endurance is incredible and that goes for working out, working and sex, as well.  

While the above is all flattering, and I don't suspect that half the women I meet will feel the same way, it still does not make all the problems go away...however, it does give me some hope in this marriage...my perceived egotism/narcissism is really nothing more than my own insecurity so it does help when I hear these things from her mouth.

So it is still a bit of a rollercoaster right now but at least the hostilities have stopped...just a few months ago half of the things out of her mouth directed at me were of the four letter variety but that has definitely stopped.  I just will not allow myself to be in that kind of relationship and I think she realizes that now.

Hopefully I may again fall in love with my wife...kind of a case that I love her but I am not "in love" with her.  I do think that four weeks away from each other will have a definite impact on our relationship and will allow us each sufficient time to take our individual lives into consideration.  I will often be in places with no phone reception and I don't think I am going to take my satellite phone along as I do need to take plenty of camera gear and the weight limits of these small planes is quite tight.  I am a freelance photographer/photojournalist in addition to my two businesses and my many passions for life have created frictions at time but I have told her over and over that she must discover who she really is and to develop her own passions, whatever they are, since she does not always share my passions.

I have no idea where this will end up but I do appreciate all of the feedback, positive and negative.  Fortunately I have not had the time to sit there and watch Anna Nicole Smith on television to see whether or not I would be perfect for her...too busy with my businesses, my hobbying, my photojournalism, etc., but I will take others word for it...meanwhile you guys who brought up Anna Nicole Smith may want to put down that remote control and get a life.

Cheers.

You can always make mony publishing your story as a movie of the week or paperback novel. Perhaps if there is a Loren Bobbitt type ending, which would only seem right.

Your wife should know by now that a leopard does not change his spots.  If she never felt loved by you before, she will not start feeling loved now.  People do not make 180 degree changes unless they are self-motivated (and not even then, usually).  She's in denial and I feel for her, because she sounds great.  If you are using this time to become more marketable to other women, that does not sound like you are trying that hard to make a sincere effort on your marriage, does it?  Does that tell you something?  There is nothing wrong with getting in shape, but women are attracted to what is inside the man more than what is on the outside.  That is how we are wired.  Things we find endearing and lovable (and hot) you would not believe--sometimes it is what a man perceives as his physical imperfections that make us love him all the more, that is, in the case when he is loving, responsible, demonstrative, caring, and committed.  

I agree - key is his assertion that he can use the time to "make himself more marketable"  - When married I did not cheat on ms. Superdude... she cheated on me...  But while I recognize many who are married (hobbiest and provider alike) partake, the partaking I do not criticize, it is the attitude with which this one chooses to partake.  Here is what I infer from what he says:
1) he is too good for his current wife.. even though she contributes to his lifestyle through income to the marital assets.
2) he has no intentions of being faithfull to anyone.
3) he feels that it is others "duty" to make his relationships work (wouldn't want to work for him).
4) he has attracted someone who will use him to get "ahead"!  good for her.

Good luck to him and good call Duchess!

I appreciate what you are saying...some of it is spot on while other parts are incorrectly perceived.

1)  I do not think I am too good for my current wife IF she would just get in shape again and was a little more grateful for the things I provided her with...yes, it is also her money, but do you know how many cheap husbands there are out there who in a similar situation will not do 1/4th as much for their partners as I do?   Every Valentines Day, Birthday and Christmas, my wife may count on a $5,000 piece of jewelery...okay, so I am not wealthy enough to do better, but that is not too shabby...I went in to buy her brake pads for her car about a year ago and ended up buying her a new $85,000 car instead...whatever money I have, she is welcome to help herself.

2)  I would LOVE to find a woman who I may be completely faithful to in a relationship.  Does a legit well needed massage with a happy ending really count???

3) I accept responsibility for making a relationship work.  I have begged my wife to lose weight for years...when I met her she was a bit heavy (this back in college) and I personally trained her from a size 10 all the way down to a size 4.  She leveled out at about a size 6, but then went to 8, 10, 12, 14 and finally 16!!!  She is now at about a size 14.  I have allowed her to hire personal trainers for $60 per hour in the past to no avail...she has finally sought professional help and is making some good progress.

4)  I realize that these younger women may "use me" to get ahead but I am alright with that.  I am spending close between $600 - $800 per month right now for FBSM's (w/ occasional average BJ's) and while it is a pleasurable experience, 5 minutes afterwards, I am still lonely.  Let me have some 25 year old woman and allow me to put her in a BMW or Audi for $600 per month and to take her shopping, on vacations, etc.  It will be a 1000% improvement over the current situation and may totally reinvigorate me.

I am a mess but I am keeping my wits about me.  After NOT e-mailing a single woman despite joining an online dating service a couple weeks ago, I finally e-mailed a couple women...one was in response to her own e-mail to me but the other was a woman that I would love to be with...early 30's, graduate degree, world traveler, Christian, very good looking (blondish/reddish hair & blue eyes) and seems like a very sophisticated woman yet down to Earth.

I don't know...I just think that if the relationship with my wife was going to work, it would have worked itself out long ago.  She has gone through the last 5 years as a size 14/16 and in doing so she basically abandoned the marriage.  Yes, I was occasionally hobbying when she was a size 8/10 but I don't think I ever hobbied when she was a size 4/6 as our sex life was fantastic but that only lasted a couple years.  Size 8/10 is fine if a woman is the appropriate height/build, but for my wife, size 6 is about the maximum she should be.

Bottom line, I am looking for more out of life...my wife is tired of the world travel and wants to be at home and spend more time with her family.  Her family hated me for the first 5 years of our relationship for no other reason that I am a different ethnicity (her family is from the Middle East) yet when we got married then everyone was fake and acted like they loved me.  Bullshit, I don't buy it and I don't like being fake.

Obviously, a lot of issues here...I would ultimately like to end up with someone who shares many of my passions and really has an interest in the world at large.  I just think that my wife and I have grown in different directions and appreciate different things now compared to when we were younger.  Also, for whatever it is worth, my wife picked me...I did not pick her...while that does give me some security, it also is like a tumor in my head that reminds me that I did not take the initiative to go after the woman I really wanted.

Yes, maybe I am an asshole...selfish, insensitive, etc., but I have one life to live here and as others have pointed out, I certainly am not doing my wife any favors by staying with her.  Maybe it will somehow work out, but I am very tempted to sail off into the unknown and take my chances.

Thanks again for the feedback.  Much of it has been very enlightening and helpful.

Cheers.

My advice- while you take household inventory and make plans for an equitable split, each of you should see one counselor separately and then together.  There was some reason why both of you married, and you seem to have lost it, or it's slipped in priority.  Give the counseling a shot while you assess the financial impact on your potential divorce - at least in a few months, you will have more information about your assets and your relationship to make a decision.
Wish you the best of luck, -2

I find this post and it's replies fascinating on several levels. First you have the conflicted guy. He doesn't need advise, he knows exactly what he is going to do irregardless of what anyone says. However, the only sure thing in all of this is, they will both lose weight and they will both get fat again. I actually find some of the responses more interesting. I would comment, but, the hypocrisy is more than I can bear...........

1.  Am I seeing this clearly?  Your posts suggest a lot of confusion.  You are definitely trying to work things out in your own mind but that may not be the clearest place these days.  I generally don't care for shrinks but having seen one a few times I realize that their chief benefit is helping you see through the haze to get a better picture of yourself and your situation.  Sounds like you need that here.
2.  Is the hobbying helping or hurting right now?  With everything else you mention, it seems to me that the hobbying is only complicating things and taking you off on tangents you don't need right now.  As a perennial quitter and restarter of this hobby I can say that sometimes you do need to get clear of it.  This may be one of those times (and as much as I'm not one to jump without a net I don't think you ought to put too much stock in having a provider become your rebound girl once this is over--you might be a whole different person once this is done).
3.  What's important to you?  See question 1.  Until you answer that one, no one on this board can really help.  If you really want freedom, get your stuff together and get on with the divorce.  If you love your wife and want to work it out, tell her you need more and be willing to give some more of yourself.  If what you want is something altogether different from the first two alternatives, figure it out and do what you can to get it.
'Nuf said.

I honestly can't recall a post that could possibly be more self absorbed, pompous, and flat unrealistic. Your first post was a hoot, but this second one has simply left me breathless. The irony here, is that I think you actually think you are being reasonable and responsible in thinking this out. What you completely fail to see though, is how skewed your view of relationships in general is.

You've been spoiled by the hobby? Of course you have, it IS a service. Try asking the lady you are enamoured with for a free session. See if she'll go for a NSA weekend getaway off the clock. Perhaps her response will wake you up.

Furthermore, you think working out is going to make you more marketable? Your first mistake is thinking that looks are a commodity to be marketed. Your second mistake is thinking that your looks will do anything more than get you a phone number or get you that all important first date. If you want to keep a lady's attention, you better bring more to the table than a buff solar plexus. You speak of "elite" ladies, yet you are stuck on the outside appearance only - both hers and yours. You are setting yourself up for nothing but one serial, generic relationship after another.

And you round out your self absorbed analysis with "hopefully I will be able to get by with only an occasional FBSM". This one really takes the cake. Here you are, preparing yourself to set off on a grand adventure to look for the love of your life - and your best hope is that you will only cheat on her once a month. I NEVER question the men that I see and wonder why they are with me rather than their wives. Its not my place. There are many reasons why a man will choose to hobby while in a committed relationship. Your mistake though, is that you don't seem to need a reason. You seem to need a reason NOT to hobby more frequently. If a woman is truly all that you are looking for, you shouldn't need to hobby. I honestly sympathize with any woman that might get involved in a relationship with you, but I take comfort in recognizing that any woman with half a brain, and an ounce of self esteem will drop you in a New York minute when she realizes she's with someone who's philosophy consists of "well, I like you alot, just don't get any older, don't gain a pound, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, its YOUR job to make me happy, not mine, so get busy".

Seriously, get some help. Your issues with relationships are way too deep to work out on this message board.

seriously we all have issues here.
you have a big investment in your life

You need to work on that ego, do you even love her?
The answer is simple, if you love her stay and work on it, if not, leave - I am a bit unsettled with your War and Peace rendition... if she IS kissing your ass, she probably still loves you but it is hard to see why through all of the self pumping up you do.

If you honestlt think begging your wife to lose weight is 'taking personal responsibility for your relationship' you are hopeless. Begging her to lose weight is placing the responsibility squarely on HER not on YOU, Mr. Clueless. You are 99.99% focused on looks and superficial things.  

I agree with the other posters: do your wife a favor and leave.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I see a lot of parallels between my former life (just before divorce) and Zorro's.

For all his faults (and I don't critize anyone for tossing the brick bats, Zorro did ask for it by coming on here) he is to be commended for doing so and coming back for more.

This has given me a lot to think about in regard to my own situation, and I dare say, I am not unique in that regard.

man, grow up. if you're not man enough to decide for yourself, she's better off w/o you. you sound very insecure as well. grow up. before anything else, i'd get a penis enlargement as that would do most for your fragile ego.

I agree with everyone else who has said that you should do your wife the favor of leaving. I would hate to break it to you, but real relationships are not magic. They take countless years of effort and real communication to approach anything even close to an honest and loving environment.
You keep mentioning your wife's weight like it really the only thing that matters: if your happiness is based solely on her appearance, I would hate to break it to you, but marriage is probably not for you. People get old, and most people gain weight when they get old, some more than others. You should be concerned for her health first and her appearance second if you truly love her. Maybe if she felt like your motivation was genuine and your love for her was true she wouldn't have waited so long to do something about it.
If you have been cheating on her from the start, then your relationship was never truly valid and I feel sorry for you. If you want something that works, try sitting down to figure out who you really are, what you really want out of life, what you want from your prospective mate, and what you are willing to compromise in order to keep that mate. If you cannot be monogamous, there are plenty of women out there who do not require it. There are plenty of women out there who are very concerned about their appearance and will do anything to maintain it throughout their lives (although, you seem to have extremely specific tastes so I hope you are willing to pay for the surgeon's knife once she passes a certain age).

I am just floored by your logic and you seem to not have any grasp of what a meaningful relationship entails. Noone is perfect, and you will never get every single thing you are looking for out of just one woman. Be honest with yourself and you will find the person or persons you are looking for. Realize that a typical relationship may just not be the right thing for you. Also remember that all of these women that you are talking to know will have plenty of their own baggage, you just can't see it yet.
Fidelity does not necessarily equal monogamy. Honesty with your mate about your actions and intentions means more than anything, IMHO.

if you were already hobbying before your marriage, why did you get married in the first place?