The other day I was with a provider and during our chat she said referred to herself as a Wh---.  Man was I shocked to say the least.  Or maybe I shouldn't have been but it just seemed so low class (IMO).  Even though this woman was nice and seemed to really enjoy the hobby it just sort of stung me as stupid.  I would NEVER refer to a provider as a Wh---.  EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But then again as a Black person (who never uses the word N-----) maybe it is not my place to correct her.  Which I did not.  The whole situation reminded me of Whites saying "why are Blacks referring to themselves as N------".  Well its really nobody's business.

Don't turn this into the N word debate please.  Whites refer to other whites that are not on the same socioeconomic level as themselves as "white trash"  "trailer trash" and others.  So we are all to blame for being ignorant.  I know that's where you were going so don't go there!!!!!!!
 
So I just shrugged it off and finished the session.  But couldn't help but think about it.

Do those of us in this hobby/business think of ourselves as less than others who don't engage in this activity?

I also don't think of non-hobbyists as better than me. A provider can call herself whatever she chooses, just like a black person can call him/herself whatever they choose. I'm not going to jump on the "bandwagon" and call them that in either case. Some words/phrases I personally refuse to utter unless really provoked to the extreme, then I would have second thoughts about it. But that's just my opinion on the matter.
jhb

Personally, I have heard the word "WH_ _ _" when talking to my provider friends and I just try to laugh if off. However, I don't like that word. I think it is degrading and wouldn't want to be called it. To each her own, I guess. It's not the word itself. It's the undertone of it. I think anyone who has respect for herself wouldn't use that word but then again I feel differently than a lot of people.

It is just like calling my friend the "N" word if I were black. I still wouldn't do it. It's a matter of respect. But some people just don't get it. They might think I'm being too picky, but the word "WH_ _ _" is unfortunately a deragatory word in the English language. It means someone who will sleep with anyone and is below 'grade.' I don't care if a lady tells me she thinks it's funny and it doesn't affect her, well -- it does me. Sorry, but it's the truth. I was raised a certain way and what to say and not to say. It has nothing to do with cursing (which I do occasionally). But cursing happens when I am mad. Saying "WH_ _ _" is belittling someone intentionally. And, usually when women use this, it is to try to cover up her insecurities of being an escort. If women think it is empowering to do this as a living, then call it something more respectful. You'll get more people's attention that way, instead of using a word/term that men created to demean women. Think about it!

Hugs,
Ciara



-- Modified on 9/22/2008 12:54:26 PM

but I try very hard not to insult people.

especially when referring to some of the women I meet through this hobby... most are really just that - ladies.  I think of the donation, in most instances, as my part in facilitating meeting them... and if you want my breakdown - for a civie date where there is NO SEX and only a dinner and a movie...

Babysitter for her kids - $50.
Gas to get to & from her house or cab fare for her - $50.
Cleaning her dress... etc.  $50.
Some gift (if a first date), wine or flowers... $50

So I've spent $200 - even before I've seen her or paid for our entertainment (dinner, movie or other activity)... I would rather pay an escort - have a great time... and let her spend this money in any manner that suits her...  

I think of whore, as someone who does not do this to be responsible, but rather as a way or means to be IRRESPONSIBLE... and lets be honest, that includes streetwalkers and SOME CL gals... who spend their income on coke, heroin, or other drugs... many of the ladies I see are very limited in their use of drugs (mostly a sip of wine)...

But mostly, the the W word defines how a woman sees herself.... and not how I see her...

But I have been told - by a great lady... that I am a romantic... at heart.

-- Modified on 9/22/2008 3:31:44 PM

but I can't imagine a provider using it to describe herself. She has very little respect for who she is or what she does and is obviously not comfortable in her own skin.

I feel sorry for a lady like this because she feels she has no way out and is at the bottom of the food chain.

I am very comfortable with who I am and what I do. What I don't know is if others who know me in my Private life found out would the word cross their lips no matter how much they care for me.

I have heard some of my girlfriends discuss prostituion when it was in the paper or in the news and they had nothing nice to say.

Sometimes you do feel like your living a lie!

Kisses Haley

It's all a matter of preference because words have different meanings to different people. Personally, when I think of a "whore", I think of my lying, cheating ex-wife. I think of a "hooker" as a street walker. I like "escort" or "callgirl" when I think of providers because they seem more high class.

The truth is though, every woman in the business is every one of those words and more. No matter what you call it, it's the same thing. The only difference is in how you perceive it. I mean no disrespect.

to describe the ladies I have met in this hobby. They have all shown themselves to be caring ladies & that inculdes the young latina who was my first experience. She worked in a massage parlor & I was so scared I couldn't keep it up. We talked about it being my first time to cheat on my Wife and she felt so sorry for me that she gave me back some of my money - she had real class & compassion as have all the ladies I've seen. I respect you ladies for what youdo & am so thankful for the time you give me.

in exchange for money, does not make you less than you are, what is sad, is that some who are whores - and are the biggest whores of all, are those who marry for money (and fail to admit it!)... they fail to love their husbands... and wonder why their husbands cheat.  I would be willing to bet that in a lot of sessions, men will state, that they simply do not talk with their wives... and it is a great session if the lady in their presence just makes them smile.

I know when I got back into this hobby after my divorce, it was just that - making me smile in the presence of a beautiful woman - who treated me with some respect and dignity - that made me feel human again... and yea, I know it is about the envelop - but just as I switched dentists because the one I went to made me feel like an ATM, the ladies can also make me feel that way.... happily I've met few like that, most genuinely seem happy that I am real - and respect them as what they truly are - ladies.

-- Modified on 9/22/2008 4:45:44 PM

-- Modified on 9/22/2008 4:46:45 PM

-- Modified on 9/22/2008 5:14:57 PM

Help, I can't remove this stupid mistake.  See the real post below.

-- Modified on 9/22/2008 5:56:13 PM

Sorry I don;t know how to remove this.  See the real post below.

-- Modified on 9/22/2008 5:57:09 PM

I am not a John or a trick and I don't see whores or prostitutes.  When I think of the ladies I have seen, these names just don't fit with them.  I prefer "professional ladies" or "professional women" though I will use "provider" in context since it seems to define mechanistically our roles (provider/client.)  It is impersonal and non judgmental, but when I think of a specific person, she is a lady, a friend, a professional. I can't match some of the truly great ladies I have met --ladies that I am proud to be with-- with words that sound base to my ears and demean me as well.

He says words are just words. In and of themselves they have no intent. It is the meaning behind the word, the "intent" of the speaker that has all the power.

Some could argue that the perception of the word is what matters, and for some that may indeed be true. I believe that those people just take the word alone and not even notice the tone of voice or emotion (or lack of) in the speaking.

I don't have a problem with any words at all, my problem is how the person is saying it and their feelings behind the dialogue.

b-

Whore is a favourite word & I find it especially hot dirty talk.

I have a little t-shirt that says "Fuck me, bite me, lick me, spank me....Treat me like the whore that I am...Then get the fuck out!"

**Loves Agent Provacateur**

Weee!
BB

Personally, I like when a girl (provider or not) talks dirty while sex. I really like it when she says, "Fuck me like I am your little wh---!" That sets me off!

I never refer myself to such, but I've seen a lot of providers do.  I stopped thinking whether it's low class.  Different folks, different strokes.

-- Modified on 9/22/2008 11:51:18 PM

Much ado about nothing.

If it was not big deal, why post?  

I would have let it go and thought nothing of it. In America, Black/White crap is never going to go away until both sides starts to think of it as nothing.

Actually, those who think they are above it all seems to be the biggest problem.

Let it go, I mean, don't analyze the meaning of every word anyone says and make something stupid of it!

it's even on my fee ticket. As a physician I bet you are referred to as a provider as well.

I am with you these are relationships with real people in a unique context. I do use the term provider at times when I post but I do not even like that term. I respect the women I see and we will have a much better time if they respect me as well.

Whores, prostititutes, johns and tricks reinforce ridiculous stereotypes and I will have no part of that.

-- Modified on 9/23/2008 2:48:25 AM

i have used the "w" word to refer to myself at times...and i am by no means low-class, or find myself lacking in value or worth. the word itself is not demeaning or degrading...those are just the connotations that some attach to it. technically speaking, i am a whore. and personally, quite proud of it. just the other day, one of my favorite clients told me he thought of me as very noble. and i truly believe that when you come into this biz the way i do, from a place of service and compassion, it is a noble profession. yes, a whore can be noble, imagine that! lol.

why do i use the word? because i tend to be a very logical and literal thinker...making "whore" a far more accurate term for me than "escort." and there's another reason...it just sounds freaking hot. i mean really, which sounds sexier..."i love being your little whore" or "i love being your little professional companion"??


(btw...i am an AA who would never ever use the "n" word in speech, and cringe when blacks use it amongst themselves, yet i do allow white clients to refer to me that way in erotic moments...go figure)

I am a member of the "you can call me anything you want as long as you have a smile on your face" club. I don't get hung up on words per se, it's their real meaning that I pay attention to.

I am far from politically correct and I use the "n" word, the "w" word, the "f" and a host of other words regularly, but I don't use them to offend, nor do I use them in "polite" company.

This whole thing of politically correct speech is a crock of s***. oops that was not P.C.Let freedom of speech be allowed and it is for each individual to interprete the true meaning of the speaker, even if you are 100% P.C. individuals are going to spin your words to have the meaning that they wish them to have.

I have to agree with you Ciara. If you look any of those words up in the dictionary urban or Websters, they all have a negative connotation and I've never heard a man use the term whore in any way but to demean(even if he has a smile on his face). The universe help any guy if he ever called me that in a session. I don't care what a woman calls herself or for what reason, but you will NOT hear me call myself that disgusting "W" word.

Your message, although I am not necessarily disagreeing with you, is exactly why I hate that word (unless you're using dirty talk in bed). When you say you wouldn't use this word in polite company, then I'm taking it that you meant people who would be offended by it, right? Obviously, you wouldn't (or I hope you wouldn't) use it at a dinner party with socialites. But, whose to say we are not classy people, too. I was raised "not" to use that word, and throughout history it definitely has a deragotory meaning no matter how you look at it. But then again, I treat people with respect and would hope that they would me.


Hugs,
Ciara





-- Modified on 9/23/2008 1:34:32 PM

In the course of my normal day to day life I interact with all sorts of people. With some everything is fair game and some rather coarse and unPC language is used on a regular basis. With others I would never use that type of language as to not offend them.

To me it's not the indvidual words that are important, it's the intent behind the words that is important to me. I do however understand and respect the fact that what is acceptable to me can be offensive to others and act accordingly. Except on the P&R board, no one gets respect over there. lol

Ciara, You are a true courtesan who knows how to make a man smile.  You are a truly great lady who is also a very good lover.  Be safe.

It is a shame that people use this word likes it's a joke.

Hugs,
Ciara

-- Modified on 9/24/2008 8:34:12 AM

and my feelings are hurt. (wink)

You are a naughty girl with all the dirty talk.  Now let's see... how do I plan a trip to L.A.?

Love your initials btw.

Cheers,

BBxxx

Don't even think about trying to drag someone as nice as Ciara over to the P&R Board. lol