For the last 20 years or so, since I learned how to be [I hope] a decent lover, the majority of the ladies I've been with, both civvie and providers, have told me that I'm very "gentle" as a lover.

I always take this as a compliment, but i wonder sometimes if i'm not fooling myself. I recently asked a young lady, a provider, what she meant by this, was this a good thing?  Her summarized response ws that it showed me to be considerate of her needs and desires.

But I'm wondering:  every sexual encounter has it's own unique dynamic.  Is the term gentle, when used to describe a male, the equivalent of males saying about a woman "she's got a great personality"?

I've also been referred to several times as a 'gentle' lover, and I sometimes wonder if that is another way of saying 'not exciting'.  But,  I wonder if it could also mean non-aggressive, considerate, respectful.   Who knows, it could also mean 'average'.  I guess I'm curious as to what they mean when they say that, too.

Here is my breakdown, as a provider.

A gentle lover is someone I enjoy far more than someone who is "aggressive".

A gentle lover understands that our female bits are actually attached to our bodies, are not made of steal and DO get very irritated when played with too hard. A gentle lover uses their bodies and mouths to stimulate us in a caring and gentle manner and almost ALL women appreciate a man who is a gentle lover because the VAST majority of men are not.


Case in point I will describe the differences between two clients.

#1 Gentle Lover

He spends time touching me and when he finally finishes his exploration when he DATY he starts of gentle and GENTLY builds the intensity of his "technique". I really enjoy when he books be because it is so very enjoyable and such a vast difference from "most" men.

#2 Aggressive Lover

This person comes over and starts undressing me the moment they get into the door. (not that I mind that) and the action immediately starts. Once he gets his lips locked between my legs he is repeatedly asking, oh do you like that, is it good. I'm not about to say No. His tongue is everywhere and he tries to suck the lips right off of my female bits. If he finds the clitoris he never stays very close to it. But he continually pulls back the hood of my clitoris to expose it and I suppose he thinks it, too, is made of steal because he all but tries to chew it off. THAT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD. IT IS COVERED FOR A REASON.


Okay so I hope I have made it clear. Being a gentle lover does not mean you are a "bad" lover. It means you are intuitive to your partner and women who have told you that they like and appreciate it are NOT lying to you. Trust me. I would take a gentle lover over an aggressive one any day of the week.

-- Modified on 11/10/2007 7:53:19 AM

My experience has been that most providers prefer a gentle considerate man for a client. A fav of mine tells me that the two most frequently asked questions she gets from other girls seeking a reference are "is he too rough" and "how big is he".
Here's a hint "yes" and "really big" are not good answers...

Yes Bostonguy57, those are the two things that I never want to hear. IMHO a gentle man is pretty much what the lady said earlier in this thread. It is a compliment and not a general statement for "boring".

OK, i've nailed gentle, and i'm willing to struggle along with plain old "big" [sigh].  LOL

A gentle lover is defined as a giver.  He is AS INTERESTED in pleasuring you, which is soooo hot!  The sheer tenderness of it all…the caressing, slow deep French kisses, delicate touching, etc...that’s good stuff!

I have a strong preference towards this type of gent and it often results in a much stronger connection as well.  Unless you’re into BDSM, being aggressive is a turn off.  No need to jump all over me as soon as you enter the room!  We both know why you’re there and you will get it!  Just be patient.

So to all the “gentle lovers”, take it as a HUGE compliment!  Keep it up!

Smooches,
Cami~

When a woman compliments you, thank your lucky stars you are getting it right... when your love making is complementary with hers; one supplies the other; there is a mutuality going on that's to die for... I don't know many women that don't like the attention and gentle affection of a true lover and I don't know many women who don't like it a little aggressive some times... It's about the flow and when natural chemistry takes over and she wants it; give it to her they way she wants... If that is outside of your nature, learn to let go of who you are sometimes and above all, don't worry about being labeled... most men would love to be considered a gentle and attentive lover... I had never tried anal before a lady friend insisted... It didn't feel right at first because I had no experience in that arena... I summoned all of the love gods and did my best... She told me it was the first time in all the times she had anal that it was orgasmic... See what I mean...



-- Modified on 11/10/2007 8:50:30 AM

I will take a kind gentle lover over rough sex,every time!!

It means:  Not so hot.

8o)

Anal.... in a totally kind, gentle and well lubed kind of way?

I've had a couple experiences lately where the gent has tried to maneuver my body in ways that are painful.. of course the common pet peeve of pushing ones head down for oral.. this is a really good example of aggression that detracts from, not enhances, our ability to pleasure you. Sexual aggression is never good, in my book. Assertive- yes. When you know what you want and approach it confidently and passionately- hell yes. But physical aggression, while not intended to be violent or painful, can be really uncomfortable. I hate it when I have to remind men that I am delicate or sensitive, and they act like I'm insulting them or infringing on their rights to passionately maul my body. I love one finger gently sliding in once I've gotten wet and worked up- I despise three fingers jammed in and twisted this way and that, especially without proper lube. I love licks and sucks around my clit, over the hood.. but will pull back in pain if you go for my urethra or pull back the hood and attack the head of the clit itself. Why some gents think this is pleasurable or desirable is beyond me.

My most recent experiences with men treating me roughly have been more general and are not always directly sexual. For example, the most common is pulling me roughly to him, his arm tightly around my neck, pulling me in for a kiss. Many men do the arm around neck, certainly not intending to hurt me. But please realize that I am smaller and more delicate than you, and would rather have a man's strong but gentle arm wrapped snugly but softly around my shoulder or back, or a hand lightly caressing my neck or face. Another one is pulling my back towards him in an unnatural arch, or moving my neck or torso sideways at a strange angle.. I am not a doll, and much prefer to control my own gross motor movements. If you'd like me in a certain position, within reason, tell me verbally or demonstrate with your own body. But there is no need to spend the entire experience attempting to pose me and mold me and maneuver my body exactly where you think it should go. This is actually really uncomfortable and offensive.. don't try to maneuver my body- I'm perfectly capable of doing so myself, and when I do it myself I can do it in a way that is natural and comfortable, rather than forcing my muscles or joints in directions and positions which they don't naturally go in.

I had an experience recently where a gent was using teeth on my tits. My nipples are very sensitive and this was not feeling good.. I said something politely like "gently please" or "I don't really like teeth, but tongue feels so good," and his response was "But *I* like teeth!" I said, oh you like teeth on YOUR nipples? And he said, that's not what I meant, I don't know if I like it or not on my own nipples.. I like using my teeth on your nipples" I proceeded to give him a demo of the different sensations of tongue vs. teeth, and when I used my teeth he pulled back in pain and said "Point taken."

A good rule is that if you don't want teeth on your penis or nipples, chances are we don't either. There are exceptions, but trust her to tell you if she likes it rough. Err on the side of gentle and sensual, which the majority of women swoon over, and the small percentage who are aroused by a rougher touch will tell you so. I've also heard it said that you should think about how you would naturally go about such things- pressure, speed, force- and then decrease it three to five-fold. If you really want to pleasure me and spend time stimulating me, do it gently.

Coming from me, a gentle man or a gentle lover is the best possible compliment.

XoXo
Marea
spelling edit

-- Modified on 11/10/2007 11:41:07 AM

Hmmmm.  This male would rather share a bed with a woman with a great personality than a woman who is "model material" but has no personality.  An intelligent woman with a great personality - there is the perfect playmate.

-- Modified on 11/10/2007 12:29:12 PM

-- Modified on 11/10/2007 12:29:37 PM

She spared your feeling and allowed you to feel good about yourself.

Face it -- "lukewarm" or "tepid" would have instantly given the game away [LOL].

If you treat every lady with respect and see only respectable ladies you will not have to worry about secret meanings behind what they say.  There won't be any.

oh no, my anal door is bricked shut and has crime scene tape all over it!!!

Words Women use

Words Women Use:

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an
argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this
means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five
minutes if you have just been given five more minutes
to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This
means something, and you should be on your toes.
Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't
Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a
non-ve rbal sta tement often misunderstood by men. A
loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and
wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for
the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous
statements a women can make to a man. That's okay
means she wants to think long and hard before deciding
how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question,
or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous
statement, meaning this is something that a woman has
told a man to do several times, but is now doing it
herself. This will later result in a man asking,
"what's wrong" , for the woman's response refer to #3.

Ignorance is just...well, ignorance. Experience and an open mind however are two very useful tools of the trade in this hobby...

oh heres one I throw out to my kids,
Never mind, I will do it myself!!
IT MEANS THEY WILL LOSE THEIR GAME SYSTEMS, IN LESS THEN 10 MINUTES IF THEY DONT RESPOND!!!

I have used that on occasion myself.

And I have heard that from ladies as well.

But in the realm of human sexuality there are members of both sexes who to put it bluntly like it rough. I overheard a discussion a while ago between two 20 something who were discussing one of their new boy friends. The comment that sticks in my mind was "I really love it when he grabs me by the hair bends me over and slams me like the little bitch I am".

Like the saying goes different strokes for sifferent folks.

-J
and for all you readying the flames I am NOT advocating physically abusive sex on anyones part.

The ultimate question (generally irrelevant in the case of providers) is whether you want the particular woman in question to be turned-on by you in the "chemistry" sense, that cocaine-like high that most women crave so badly in relationships with men and ultimately use (on a subconscious basis) to make the go/no go decision of whether to either start or continue relationships with certain men.

That chemistry w/o much doubt flows not from modern rational conscious logic but from the primordial based urges operating subconsciously and carried forward over millions of years via their genetic baggage, and in it simplest form it directs females toward males increasing their (the females)ultimate odds of genetic survival.

It is highly unlikely that the dominant Alpha high volume seed spreading males for the first 3 to 5 million years of man's exisence, (the most desirable of all males from a female attraction standpoint), would have been gentle in their sexual conquests.

So while you will may get praise, in terms of having a woman "fall in love" with you in the chemistry sense the odds are very high it will be detrimental to sustaining the relationship.

Selectively roughing-it up a bit more now and then would be the wise choice if the relationship matters.  

i just remembered this clip of rough sex