I usually only book when pushed to by my wife. I am not that big into variety for its own sake. I do sometimes feel a bit detached from my wife because of the lifestyle we live and I work hard to fight it.

I make sure I make time to take my wife on a date each week just me and her. Like we did when we are dating. I also make sure we talk just the two oh us each day she is not out working. Every Tuesday we go on a family outing to maintain closeness and we are seeing a couples counselor every other week to work out our issues. That come from this hobbying life style.

If it was not for my wife wanting me to hobby I likely would not do so. It is fun, but it is not what I signed up for when I got married.

There are happily married men, just like there are happily single men.  I doubt the custom or institution makes them that way.  Some married men may be happy, but it is despite the marriage, not because of it.  

Anything can be habit forming, including marriage.  I remember a line of dialog from an old movie, Walter Matthow said in character, I think.  It goes something like, "A wife is overhead, a hooker is a reoccurring expense."  Come to think of it, there really isn't anything in between, is there?

Hence it is called a hobby, i.e., sex for fun and exercise.

My marriage was "happy" up to a point because my (now ex) wife and I just avoided issues and managed to maintain a working household, but it was devoid of feelings.

I think I am happier now with the freedom I have and the opportunities to see various providers, but I would be being dishonest with myself to say that constitutes the development of a good and happy relationship.

I'm in the midst of doing a lot of questioning on this subject right now, so I'm very interested in seeing what others say.

Obviously, that can be overcome by other factors, since many people encourage their partners to have sex with other people.  To answer your question, yes it can be emotionally distancing.  It's something that each couple will have to struggle with.  But it is unrealistic for either person in the couple to think they won't have to deal with this sooner or later.
Underneath it all, we are primitive creatures (which, to be fair, can also be a helluva lot of fun sometimes, right?).

If you're really serious in asking about this, and not just looking to brag about the fun with the hotties, you could talk to a good counselor about it, and/or go to couples counseling with your wife.

My wife and I were always the model couple.  Best friends, worked together, always each other's first choice for a partner in any activity...  except, amazingly, sex.  We had very little sex.  It was not unusual for months to go by without sex.  We'd talked about it, and joked about it, but never got around to actually doing it.

A few years ago I got to know a provider.  Never hired that particular woman, but curiosity got the better of me and I tried it out with a few others.  Not many.  Maybe once a year I'd hire someone on a lark, just to try something new.  Never developed a romantic attachment, never even found it tempting.  Still deeply loved my wife.  The hired sex was just, well... sex.  Kept it all secret from my wife, however.  Of course.  

Then a couple years ago, while living/working in Europe, I got into a real relationship with a provider.  By 'real relationship', I mean full-blown off-the-clock affair.  It was getting quite serious, and my wife knew something was up.  All my friends at home knew something was up.  It was obvious I didn't want to be back here in the U.S. when I was here.  I lied to the provider also -- told her I wasn't married, led her on.  But you can only cheat on two women simultaneously for so long.  Eventually, spread over about 6 months, all the shit hit the fan.

Long story short ...  This is how it's amazingly all shaken out:

The European provider and I agreed to never see each other again.  My wife, incredibly, has no hard feelings against this particular woman.  In fact, they have a sort of weird bond and once in a while my wife still reams me out for being such a shit to both of them.  The only woman my wife really hates is another provider who also became a relatively close friend.  This provider wanted to have a romantic relationship with me, but I consistently refused.  But she had the bravado to call my wife and actually defend me after my other life got exposed.  I still get an occasional email or text message from her,but I have to ignore them, because she is number one on my wife's shit list.  I know a bunch of other European providers, a few who I had some sex with, but many who I did nothing sexual with -- just drinking pals, mostly.  Or people I worked with in various ways, mostly schooling, some pandering.  My wife's feelings toward them are mixed.  Some are sort of OK, some are not, depending on whether my wife thinks there might be any romantic threat.  In general, I'm heavily supervised around other women.  This dog is on a short leash.

BUT (to get to the point of this post)....

Despite the fact that I will always be in the shithouse for cheating and lying, my wife LOVES what I've learned about women, relationships, and sex, and both of us love the new honesty in our relationship.  She wasn't so happy with the trajectory of our relationship either, and wanted it to work better.  Now we talk about sex all the time.  We have sex all the time.  And honestly, it's way better than anything I ever had with any pro -- and some of those pros were really really good.  I have absolutely no secrets from wife, and it feels great.  The women I knew and things we did are important parts of my life, and it felt horrible having them all bottled up.  Now, my wife and I talk about all that stuff.  We also talk in general about the psychology of relationships, the sociology of prostitution, the relationships we've had and continue to have.  Both of us have totally re-done our wardrobes and dress like celebrities.  We go out all the time, have re-connected with our most artsy, fun, and interesting friends, etc.  It's 100 times better than the 'dream' marriage we already had.  Basically, we are continually working to make each other fall in love all over again, every day.  We don't take our marriage for granted any more.

I know it's 'cool' among guys to sometimes badmouth their wives or marriage.  But it's actually not cool.  It's stupid.  It makes you look like a moron.  I will also tell you this -- and ladies feel free to back me up on this -- ALL women, even providers, find it hot when a guy really loves his wife and treats her right.  You want to make hot women want you?  Exercise (!), use some soap, trim those nose hairs, and don't be shy about showing that you can treat your wife right.  BE NICE TO YOUR WIFE!  SHE TOLERATES SHIT THAT I GUARANTEE YOU CAN NOT BUY.  I just spent 5 hours helping in the kitchen for a party we're having tonight.  Now my wife's at the gym.  We had great sex this morning.  I have a BJ promised for 4PM.  I need to go take a shower, maybe trim my nose hairs.



-- Modified on 12/12/2010 8:44:38 PM

-- Modified on 12/12/2010 8:50:18 PM

"If you are married and your spouse gives you permission to have sex with(not date)other women, are you destined to become emotionally detached from her?"

No. Becoming emotionally detached would require two things. First, for your spouse not to meet your emotional needs. Second, for another woman to meet them consistently.

"Am I in danger of becoming addicted to this type of activity?"
Depends on the person. Some people are just prone to addictions, and others aren't. If you aren't generally prone to addictions, it probably isn't a risk.

"Married men?;(and there are many of you)are you addicted to 'others'?"
No. No addiction at all. If there were, I wouldn't be able to do it on the schedule I follow.

"Do you blame your spouse for this addiction?"
There is no addiction.

Fundamentally, I am responsible for my own behavior.

True, behavior occurs within a context in which one's spouse plays a role; but ultimately booking a provider is too complex an action for it to be incidental or accidental. It is done with planned intent.

Can you have a happy and good marraige with honesty.. You are not attracted to your wife, She is not attracted to you or the sex betweeen you is just not good for one or both. Someone is honest enough to own it and say I am not an a sexual being. I need this in my life...

Otherwise the marriage is good..
We all need to feel, needed, wanted, loved, attractive, and worthy...We all like variety at some point in our life.. As the ex BF used to say. I love cheesecake but sometimes I want strawberries.. Woman want it too. We just are not allowed to express it or talk about it.....

I'm happily married...but in a sexless marriage.  By that I mean, we have sex maybe 3 or 4 times a  year.   We get along fine otherwise, but physical intimacy is limited to non-existant.  Make no mistake, this "hobby" can become a difficult to kick compulsion.  If not addictive, it is at least habbit forming.  Sex can evoke a dopamine response in the brain, much like a narcotic.  You can chase this like a drug.  I've always been an adrenaline junkie so this is right up my alley unfortunately, and difficult to stop.