This is not a work of fiction, this is my actual life.   Sorry that it's so long, just skip to the 2nd to last paragraph if you want to cut to the chase.

Here's the background. I rekindled an old relationship with someone who "got away" some time ago.   She was actually my high school sweetheart, when we first started dating in high school (a million years ago) she was still a virgin, and since then we had been together on and off several times over the years, usually with gaps of years in between.  As "life happens" we couldn't keep it together because we went to college in two different places, then we moved to two other different places, then we got ourselves locked up in our careers in two different places, then she had a kid, etc.  But basically every 5 years or so, we would get back together, where we would always have the best sex that we have each had in our entire lives.  One time we woke up everybody in a hotel when she had a really loud screaming orgasm.  I haven't had sex quite like that with any other woman, ever.  We used to have sex in public too, and on the side of hot tubs, and anywhere else, sex was always a fully charged experience between us.  On a scale of 1 to 10 it was usually an 11.  

I eventually married someone else cause you know the song says, if you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with.  But I secretly wanted to kick myself for not sticking with my high school sweetheart years ago, she was really the one.  Despite my subsequent successful career, etc that comes after years of effort, not being with the one who "got away" was really my only real resentment in life, and it always really bothered me.  The only reason I really hobby is because I haven't had a meaningful married relationship with my wife for about 7 or 8 years.  These days we don't even sleep in the same room.   The last time we even had sex, we literally had an argument right in the middle of the act of intercourse, I just stopped what I was doing and stormed off because this was the last fucking straw, I just couldn't take this anymore, I was so frustrated that I was ready to kill somebody because of the fact that this is how things are now, plus on top of that, I had major blue balls and I was pretty fucking aggravated about that too.  I haven't slept in the master bedroom of my own house since then either, and that happened 5 years ago.  So in order to not become a monk, I saw escorts more regularly.   I am now finally in the process of getting divorced, which is something that is many years overdue.

So here's the deal with the one who got away who is suddenly back in my life...  We recently connected by email then by phone, and after about a year of not talking to each other, it strangely seemed like we just picked up a conversation from where we last left off, as if we just spoke yesterday.   I know that makes no sense, but that is how it was.  We talked for about 4-5 hours on the phone as if it was nothing.  I realized that I've actually never had a deep conversation like that with my own wife.  The one who got away, just like me, was tired of being in crappy failed relationships too and after some serious self reflection, she said that she also resented not making it work between us years ago, and she wants to give us another go at it if I want, and I told her that if it works out this time, let's not just say "bye" and go back to our separate lives.  As I am now getting divorced, this happens to be perfect timing for me to actually consider a life change like that.   Physically, she is still hotter than hell too, as she took really good care of herself over the years, unlike my wife who didn't.  (We are in our 40s now).  She looks about 15 years younger than her true age, do the math, that means she still looks and has the body of someone in their 20s, no joke.  Some people are just that way, I don't get it.  I also happen to look quite a bit younger than my true age, but not that young.

Want to know about her?  She became a kind of new age type of person, kind of like me, actually.  However she completely outdid me in the new age department, she is now into tantric sex and wants to teach me how to do it, it is sex on a whole new level, it will likely turn me into a sex addict as it has already done to her, and she really wants to get us to that level of sex, but can only do it with another new age person like me since it requires two to make it work.  (So my brain is saying: Did I just hear that right?  Where she wants to take me, you don't come back from that place, ever, I am in big fucking trouble!)   She took classes on stuff like how to do sensual massages and as she needs to keep it in practice, she needs someone to practice it on and said it should be me.  Want another one?  She wants to explore role playing with me, she came up with a dozen different suggestions and told me to pick some of them and she will get the appropriate lingerie or whatever.  You know, nurse, naughty secretaries, school girl, french maids, sluts, those sorts of things.  Plus if we want to do it dangerously like what we used to, we could just have sex in the bathroom of a club or something, that element of danger could be a major turn on.  I mean that is the type of stuff I used to do when I was a hell of lot younger and crazier.  She believes in taking care of her man sexually so that he won't go out looking for other women on the side, she is completely enlightened in that way.  She thinks other women are complete idiots for not taking care of this.  If what I said so far didn't do it for you, then have another one... She told me that if I ever get bored and want to pick up other girls on the side, I can't just go off and fuck them, she won't allow it... so instead I would need to pick up two of them, one for me, one for her, and we'll just do a 4-way.  She is not just some sexual dynamo, she has brains too, she is smart and independently successful.  So long story short (or shorter in this case), in a few weeks we are meeting up in a neutral tropical place literally thousands of miles away from where we both live, where we will both be away from work and everybody that we know, no pressure, just to see what happens, although unless you happen to be a complete idiot, I think we all know at this point what is going to happen.  It will be a week of complete sexual debauchery because we have a lot of lost time to make up for, and if I even survive that, then aside from rekindling an old relationship, I would consider ending my hobbying activities forever.  You know why?  Because hobbying wouldn't cut it for me anymore, and that is so fucked up to even hear myself say that.  Until recently, I never expected to say that in my lifetime.  If it happens, I want to say that this is what did me in, and pulled me out of our world of hobbying, and I will have a big fucking smile on my face when I leave. This is not a Penthouse forum letter that someone made up, and this is not one of those cheesy romance novels either.  This is the reality of me fixing my life by ending a bad marriage and finally fixing a mistake that I made a real long time ago.  How fucked up is that?

So being that this is the TER General Board, let the replies begin, I want to hear from people who will tell me that she is not good enough for me and that I should dump her immediately!

-- Modified on 7/19/2015 4:56:06 PM

and you once again found the one with the praline.  

Good for you, go for it - you may not live long enough to see this chance come around again!

Or maybe she's reviewed here?

Let me know and I'll give you my thoughts after I see her pics.  They are current...aren't they?

END OF MESSAGE

go for it. Keep an open mind, if it does not workout you can always come back to the hobby. Never say never. I think you already know the answer and just want to share your story or you want to make us jealous

And give her my phone number.

-- Modified on 7/19/2015 6:17:08 PM

... buy a lotto ticket!  Maybe your incredible luck will hold for a little while longer.

END OF MESSAGE

Sounds like this one is right up his alley.

Tantrica...check
Kinky shit...check
Older MILF...chec

Good on you mate!  I say Kudos and congratulations. I hope it is everything you want.  I'm jealous.   I'd do it ifI had the chance..a and ya never know, you may end up seeing providers together.  Lucky bastard.

I am also a Circuit Court Judge!
 

....couldnt read a word. Even the second to last paragraph was too daunting. The last paragraph was ok though - she is not good enough for you. Dump her.

if she has a daughter over 18 can you email contact info?

Haven't you heard of the Unspeakable Law? It's a corollary of Murphy's Law that goes "If you tell others about it then: if it is good, it goes away; if it is bad, it happens." You just couldn't resist spreading it around, could you. Good luck -- we'll see how long it lasts you

When you said: "...I would consider ending my hobbying activities forever.  You know why?  Because hobbying wouldn't cut it for me anymore, and that is so fucked up to even hear myself say that.  Until recently, I never expected to say that in my lifetime.  If it happens, I want to say that this is what did me in, and pulled me out of our world of hobbying, and I will have a big fucking smile on my face when I leave."

What I hear you saying is, "I will have found something more fulfilling than hobbying"  and what's wrong with that?  Good for you for finding someone who is giving you a new outlook on life.  These things don't happen to everyone, after all.  

I really hope everything works out with you two, and like another reply said, who knows, maybe you two will end up seeing providers together.  Hobby couples definitely exist and they share something that not too many hobbyists have the pleasure of indulging in!  

I sure hope you don't delete your TER account before you post your happy ending update!  That's happy ending... without the quotes, hahaha.

Considering that the two of you aren't trying to escape your individual situations, I say go for it. We only fear what we don't believe we can handle. You can handle any outcome so be authentic t yourself. Great luck!!!
xoxo,  
Caitlyn

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."  
-Sydney J. Harris

END OF MESSAGE

I would say go for love!!

Good luck, mon ami!

Wow! Awesome!

I never understood why people get married in the first place when obviously they are not fit for each other. But in this case those first marriages just prepared you two for each other!  

If you guys really are going to tie the knot keep in mind that divorce is really expensive. It might seem nice now since you two are obviously not broke but in the event one or both of you get taken to the cleaners then its a whole different game. Seriously. Anyways blah blah all the best!

Are you counting that paragraph as just one, or the 14 it would have normally been with proper punctuation

END OF MESSAGE

Go for it!

Hang on to her so tight that not even god can pull you two apart.  Seriously.  

I've been married over 30 years and have never experienced what its like to live with a woman.  I've never felt someone's arms around me as they snuggled up to me in the middle of the night.  She shares my bed but it feels empty.  She has never slept naked next to me.  I've never seen her sit on the end of the bed combing her hair or putting lotion on.  I love those little things a woman does.  I appreciate those things.  But its not in my life.

 My wife has only put lingerie on maybe 6 times in over 30 years.  Any lingerie I bought was returned unworn.  

Honestly, I no longer think of her as a woman.  Its sad.

2 years into our marriage she got pregnant and that's when everything went to hell.  There was never any time for me.  The first 15 years of our marriage she never touched my cock.  Imagine what it would be like to marry the woman you love and she never wanted to give you any kind of physical pleasure or intimacy?  Usually attempts at sex led to her screaming at me.

The next 15 years were a little better but never once have I ever had a normal sexual relationship with the woman I love.  She won't give a hand job because when I cum it makes her gag.  So of course a BJ is out of the question too.  She has no arousal mechanism.  Nothing makes her horny.  Sex for her, is her submitting or doing her duty as a wife.  She can orgasm but she doesn't care for oral so its usually her rubbing her clit while I'm inside her.  I love giving oral more than intercourse.  I'm good at it, too.  I'm a giver in bed...imagine being with someone whom you can't do anything for?  

Over the years I bought toys that I thought would be fun...those all got thrown away unused.

I love hearing a woman's fantasies or hearing about anything sexual that she cares to share.  My wife has no fantasies...brings nothing at all to the bedroom.

Most of the time when we were going to make love I'd be in bed all excited and she would come out of the bathroom and pick some kind of fight.  I felt like a shmuck allowing myself to get all excited only to get kicked in the teeth again.

I finally said enough is enough and I will never, ever have  sex with her again.  That was about 6 months ago.  

I can't leave her...she can't support herself and her family is totally insane (seriously).  It would destroy her.  It would cost me a half million dollars, too.

She has no job skills...most of her life she has been able to be at home and I supported her.  So I'm stuck faced with getting older every day....each day another step closer to the grave...and thinking about how much I've missed in life with not experiencing the simple pleasures of being with a woman.

Its normal for sex to wane some as you get older.  But hopefully people can remember back and smile about how wonderful sex was in the first years of their marriage.  I have no such memories.  

I started hobbying a few months back.  Its not the same as making love to a woman you love but it does help the soul.  

But I can tell you...if I was ever to be loved by a woman like you describe...there is no way I would ever be with any other woman.  Each day with her would be a gift.  You should cherish her and make sure she always feels special.    

Hang up your hobby boots and go live life.  You're a lucky man.  The fact that you still think about hobbying concerns me.  Please realize the gift you have in this new woman

If she's who you really want...

CuriousSort do you realize that reading your story makes lots of people sad, let alone many men depressed due to their unhappy marriage?  I feel your pain brother, except I have been in this marriage for 11 years, not 30.  May be neither one of us has the courage to walk away.  For me, had we not had children, I would have left a long time ago.  Perhaps when they get older.  

I've had plenty of clients say goodbye to me with all kinds of dramatic reasons why only to return all full of guilt because they can't stay away from the hobby.

Guilt is a useless emotion.  

Then again, haven't we also heard from the guys who say,  "I've been away for eight years in a relationship", but most of them do it once in a while, once or twice a year.

I'm not at all convinced that human beings were meant to be monogamous

8o)

But seriously forks,

This could go either way:  Be the most magnificent relationship there's ever been, or a gigantic blow-up on account of each party expecting too much and over burdening the relationship.

I would council a more slow and steady approach.  It's hard to tell what the underpinnings of both parties are in terms of handling a relationship.  There's a lot of "what" in his story (well written), but not a lot of "why".

Still and all, it's better to regret the things you have done rather than the things you haven't done, so go for it.

As the Beatles crooned:  ....the love you take is equal to the love you make

Don't worry a bit about leaving the hobby to pursue this.

We'll still be here if and when you ever need us again.

5,000 + years and still going strong

END OF MESSAGE

If what you’re saying is even a little bit true, I’m happy for you. Congratulations. But be careful. It’s been all highlight reels to this point. You have 20  plus years of fantasies and frustrations and big promises built up. That’s all fireworks stuff. Some day, reality will sneak in. Quirks, annoyances, farts, laundry. You might start feeling like something’s going wrong. Fight that feeling. It’s just a lighter form of “life happens” stuff.  

And I hope the fact that it’s me saying this doesn’t make you run in the other direction

END OF MESSAGE

A big Amen on that shit lol. Gawd.

Dish about  it!  Make all of us married guys more jealous than we already are!

Good luck bro!

...or, you can wait a few years for the sex to get stale and then bring it up!

Good luck, but I hope you have the proper expectations going in. The common reality is that you'll have a hot honeymoon period, and then you'll inevitably fall into the humdrum and ennui that challenges all LTRs.

..a good one. I can easily see a lot here on TER are out for your happiness as they can relate to all the bad that can happen in a relationship gone wrong in the bedroom (if ever good at all), but you got two things going for you in pursuing this woman after some years:

1. In your youth she’s a great memory

2.She’s strongly interested in seeing you again, looks great in your eyes and wants to take it to take love making to a higher level.  

Does it get any better than that? May the above to be your ticket to success and happiness!

 


-- Modified on 7/20/2015 11:57:25 AM

Thank you for sharing, it's lovely and inspiring to hear something so positive and full of hope!

I think I can deeply relate to her- I believe sexual liberation is necessary to lead a happy, healthy life, and of course that amazing sex is necessary for a happy, healthy relationship. Without exploration, communication, openness, and just plain having fun, what's the point?! I also somehow missed out on the jealousy gene, and I love sharing other girls with my partner

I hope your getaway goes as amazingly as you hope, and that you do indeed find a lasting and transcendent relationship. I'm sure you know this already, but remember that she's human and fallible just like you are, and be generous in tolerating her inevitable faults!

Well, I do pity you, but I don't empathize with you. If you can't man up, that's your issue. Life is full of trade offs. I felt trapped in an unhappy marriage many, many years ago, and I could have thought of a thousand reasons why I "couldn't" get divorced, not the least of which was it would (and did) wipe me out financially.

To make a long story short, I sucked it up, made the hard decision to buy my freedom at any cost and have been ecstatically been happy for the twenty some years since that decision. People tell me all the time how "lucky" I am. Well not to be harsh, but luck had nothing to do with it. I made the conscious choice to reclaim my life, and if you don't have the guts to do so, don't expect my to join you in crying into your beer.  

Do you really want to be this guy in an another 19 years? if not, man up and do something about it.

Personally I am a shallow pig and I LIKE it here, but for you guys (and girls) looking for something more, Why the fuck don't you go find what you are looking for?

I have to agree with London, there really are a LOT of whiny little bitches here pretending to be men. Anyone unhappy with their life has free will to go do something about. Either that or quit your fucking whining.

The decision is easy if you can't stand your wife.  But what if you truly love her and have a great life other than miserable sex?

You come at things with a filter based on your life.  You can't apply your situation to someone else.  It has nothing to do with man'ing up or whining.  Sharing one's life experiences can sometimes help someone else on their path.  There is a lot a person has to weigh when making decisions.  Especially when kids are involved.  

 

You can live your life however you see fit.

Just don't ever call me "lucky" for my life choices and yourself "unlucky" for yours.

You've already admitted that money has at least something to do with it, not to mention a bunch of other cop out reasons why you are still together. You new this early on in your marriage, crying about it thirty years later is hardly the time to do so.

Yes, I loved my wife, but I knew a few years into our marriage that I would end up just like you if I didn't take steps to reclaim my life. For the record, I not only loved my wife, but I actually liked her as well, but that doesn't change the fact that we would have both been miserable if we were still together, I am absolutely thrilled with my decision twenty plus years ago to buy my freedom, can you honestly say the same?

The only really meaningful thing in life is being loved.   I would only call you lucky if you have a rich full life with lots of people who love you.  

As for me...you can say what you like I really don't care.  You won't dissuade me from trying to help someone else.
 

I mean, dude, you sound so totally miserable it's sickening.  And I'm sorry but if you keep on living with a woman who hates sex you have no one to blame but yourself.  So why would you tell the OP to stop fucking around?  I guess misery loves company.
Myself, I've been divorced and never want to live with a woman again.  Any woman.  I love playing around with young women, then going home and doing exactly what I fucking want. I don't have to lie to anyone.  Life is good.

Never been married, and plan to keep all that dating shit out of my life because I actually have some pretty hot sex here without any guilt while having an SO...

But just something to think about, so there are no surprises. You never got the chance to get that "seven year itch" from living with her. But, if you really love her, maybe you'll love her enough to look past the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I know nothing about marriage, but have been warned never to marry just to marry.

In my case, I'm just going to get the tubes snipped lol.

Good luck, and good luck with the new age stuff. A spiritual connection is pretty important. Perhaps you can "activate" her spirituality, and she can help you tap into yours a little more, since you seem to be open to her, and vulnerable to her.

I read the whole thing, and its really cool to hear a happy ending for once in the "long lost lover" category.

Just be ready to see it all. (These are words from someone I just had a conversation with - " No matter who you are, it's always hard work. Don't run away when the work starts up!" Lol)

Congrats!

-- Modified on 7/20/2015 6:57:26 PM

I don't think it sounds harsh at all. I think eating a little lead delivered at high speed would be preferable to living the life he lives, if you can even call it a life. No wonder he is jealous of the OP, any hope for a life must have sailed in those first few years when he might have had the balls to get out of the life sucking trap he has endured for the last thirty years.

END OF MESSAGE

That chick will leave you in a snap.

I see that happen allll the time. Guys get lazy too after a few months. I reconnected with a guy I had great sex with a few years back after a long while. (Not a John, i wasnt seeing Johns then,) Got a super nice hotel, served him selflessly, and he didn't give two shits about whether I orgasmed or not. The blue ball effect does not just happen with guys. With girls, its like being blasted with a 2x4. We re entered a sexual relationship, but the sex was torture! Just - real bad. He became selfish and just wanted blow jobs and massages.

If she really gives it to you that good, make sure you give her your hundred percent back.Eve-ry time. Women are not the only ones who stop working on the sex. There's something to say about no orgasms and the occasional surprise dick in the face with no financial support, or no orgasms, kisses, and special touches.

If I ever did click enough with an SD to the point of only us, and I don't see another while I'm seeing him, and he stops trying to please me, it will fall apart. Mostly because when I am sexually frustrated or neglected, I can be kinda bitchy lol.

So you do your part. At the three month mark, if she's giving you silent treatments, re evaluate your efforts to give her your utmost affection, adoration, and start eating that pussy again! Lmao

-- Modified on 7/20/2015 8:36:49 PM

We married the same woman.  Mine has a job.   That's the only difference. That, and yours puts on lingerie more often.  

Seriously... What would your freedom be worth?  After 30 years, you shouldn't have any CS.  I'd sit down w/ a lawyer.

would anyone stop eating pussy ????

that's dumber than booking an overnight and watching a hooker sleep...

There was some genuine happiness, envy, jealousy, advice, some arguments among different repliers, and of course some sarcasm in the replies.   A real cross section of people replying here.  I really did ask for sarcasm in the replies too, and some of you guys definitely delivered on that one.  This is the TER General Board, so I expected no less.  

So the real advice I got was:
Top reply:  "go for it" (7 replies said that)
if it doesn't work out, come back to the hobby (naturally I will, it has always been "my" hobby too)
dump her immediately, and forward her phone number to perfectstorm (I will keep that one in mind)
buy a lottery ticket
email her daughter's contact info to expertiamator, but only if she's 18 (that may not happen, sorry)
don't tell anybody about this (don't worry, nobody else knows, so let's all keep it a secret)
don't delete my TER account so I can post an update later (that's actually a good idea)  
divorce is expensive (that one I know already, because I'm doing it right now and it's worth it)
I need to use better paragraph breaks and punctuation in the future (I will agree with that)  
Hold her tight and never let her go
I need to get the hell out of here  
Just bring her into the hobby too (that may actually happen)
Tolerate our faults
And the piece de resistance.... keep eating her pussy.  (The most sound advice here, and don't worry, I will do that)  

I think I can do, um, most of these things that were recommended.  Thanks for the replies!

… and if only the many “can see it all,” from the start. Imagine how many would never dare get married if they had that insight….Lol!

But every now and then I get "inspired" by maybe an old soul deep down inside. That or I've been warned a lot by others lol.

But the spiritual connection stuff is intriguing. Some people just need the right person to bring them out of their shell.

and the guys slacking when he realizes his woman is a servant in the sack? That I've seen many times IRL, and many other ladies talk about it all the time. Yes, guys here seem to thoroughly enjoy the Y, which is very nice.

I like a nice pounding too, so he needs to make sure he gives her some pounding too, and not just take all of her energy.

END OF MESSAGE

END OF MESSAGE

…as I’ve never been married, but you do come across as an observer.

Look, hypothetically, if I was the last person on earth, never, ever to have human contact again, but for some fluke I’m given the opportunity to meet just one opposite, however incompatible, maybe I’d learn to take a liking and just maybe I’d form a bond, even it doesn’t seem right.

In life, with millions of people about (many do form bonds), they go with the one in proximity or the one that took a liking (maybe persistence plays a role?) that seems okay, never fully understanding what they’re getting into. Some make it work for their lifetime, but many wind up in divorce. Even though it may have been good for each other from the get go, he/she acted or behaved differently or developed difficulty with the finances (believe it or not, finances are major), which lead to a break-up.

In a sense, there is no guarantee, hence I understand the skeptics. But me, I’d rather go for optimism, at least in wishing the best for others pursuing others, anything less is a bummer. Even if it does goes south, so be it. Anyway, why not wish positive instead of negative and I understand the caveats.  

Also, as good as marriage/relationships can get, they still have that element of unpredictability. Even though I never married, I learned it’s best to be at peace with my choice. I certainly will not take for granted what others have put up with in marriage, and it’s not only important to understand what they’re going through, but to empathize with the difficulty. It’s what makes us human.  

So I do like where you’re coming from, and what you’re doing seems to work for you as you make contact with others and get rewarded.

In the scheme of things, I have to accept that we are social creatures and it is in our best interest to make contact, as it can make life so much better, so much more meaningful, than being alone for long periods of time. This, loneliness, can be the downside of being single.  (But I also remind myself, I can be more alone in the wrong relationship or marriage, then being single and alone. So, I take it in stride.) As far as spirituality, it’s more individual; although if two people come to agreement about it, that’s okay. However, I don’t think it makes a difference from anything else that two people agree towards, but trying many things and agreeing to them heightens the experience or takes it to another level, at least in experimentation.

Thus, in place of a girlfriend, or significant other, enter the provider; you do make a difference. As far as the “Y” it is a part of you that makes you beautiful, but second to your figure and face; you are so much more, too; you are company and companionship (even if it’s for a short time). Also, there is nothing more fulfilling in lovemaking than to give and receive pleasure

Some people do repeat, "we're still on our honeymoon" at 50 year reunions. However I'm sure there were ugly times through those years where they wanted to run.

This relationship seems to have gotten used to saying goodbye after short periods of time, multiple times. It may be good to consider the breaking out of that pattern can cause some surprises.

I was serious about the guy not getting lazy with a very sexually giving partner. That causes other problems that don't have to happen. And with us women, as you all say you don't understand... Some of that is sexual frustration, but it comes out in being pissed off about a dish in the sink.

-- Modified on 7/21/2015 6:38:46 AM

If like minded, then some self-maintenance and maintenance towards the other to keep it going is positive if it has a longer life-span towards pleasure and enjoyment. (Now, how many here don’t relish in pleasure and enjoyment?) Yet, maybe ideally, the influence will always be in each other’s company...

END OF MESSAGE

She sounds awesome!!! Don't screw it up this time