I just found out tonight that someone I have grown to care about passed away of a heart attack. The night I saw him. I had flown to DC for the day to be with him. The last message he sent me was he loved me and was glad I was home safe. I found out beccause I called to see when he would be arriving here this week, and his work informed me that he had died. I have all these feelings and dont know what to do with them. Have any of the other providers been though this?
Thanks

First -very sorry to hear this. Can only relate because one of my favorite providers and friends died suddenly a year ago. If you want to talk about it, happy to chat. Email me here on TER and send me some contact info. Hope you can make peace with it.
Rick2

if you wish to backchannel me maybe we can help each other in understanding such. I am only basic so backchannels will have to go through my website email

-- Modified on 11/27/2004 8:18:32 PM

-- Modified on 11/27/2004 8:22:10 PM

Reeath of a friend

I am so sorry to hear about that.  It could be anyone...

Hugs to get you through a difficult time.  Your sensitivity is refreshing.

This will be hard for you, I'm afraid.  For one thing, the traditional means of dealing with the loss, a wake, comforting the family, the funeral...are not normally open to you. Seek friends in the hobby for support, start with this thread.  If you could find any other hobbyist or provider who knew him, perhaps start a closed discussion group to deal with the loss, a kind of virtual wake.    

One of the things about this life, being physically intimate with so many, is that you're often also psychologically intimate with them, too.  I dread the thought of one of my lady friends dying, yet I know that one day, nothing will stop it if I, myself, live long enough.

/Zin

The circumstances were such that I felt guilty (whether I should have or not), as well as shocked and sad.  I cried and cried and was a little freaked out.  It haunted me for a very long time.  It still does (just writing this is hard), but time has helped a lot.

That probably doesn't help you much, except to let you know that you are not alone.  What Zinaval wrote is spot on and good advice, I think.  Please feel free to PM or email me, if you like.


-- Modified on 11/27/2004 2:17:31 AM

Reeath of a friend

Im so sorry to hear about your loss hun.

Reeath of a friend

Felt that as an older hobbiest (56) I would provide you with a thought as well.  I consider some of the ladies that I have been with friends.  Some of them have provided me with a perspective that I think that ladies outside of the hobby - just do not have.    Were one of them to die - it would sadden me - just as it gladdens me to see some of them do well - in a career - or marry or whatever they do for themselves.  

For the most part, I have found these ladies to be kindhearted and giving.  If I were to die after seeing one of them, I would only ask that they realize that they brought some happiness into my life...  I have written in several reviews that I consider this to be like the "end of a date" a very good date (and for several of you, if you read this you will know who you are).  From this perspective, I have experienced that some of the providers that I have been with have also acted in a similar manner - that is they enjoyed my company.  So, if they are sad - they should not be - because I would not want anyone to be sad when I go.  Just remember me as a kind person who did care and with whom you shared a moment.  And, oh yea, treat the next guy extra nice.... make him wonder- you will then brighten his day!  and yours too.

Reeath of a friend

I , too, am sorry to hear about your loss!  

The responses here are very good!  I have some training as a Grief Counselor, and would be telling you the same things in person as these responses have!  

I recently lost my Father and found it difficult to deal with, even though we had been expecting it for years.  I found that it was best dealt with after talking with people that my father had worked with who are members of my Church!  Talking with others who also knew your friend, if you can find them, is one of the best ways to complete the grieving process!  You can talk , and I personally reccommend this, about the good things that you remember about them! Especially if they knew him in the same way that you knew him!

Good luck in finding a few of his associates!  Write me if you need to talk more about this!

Reeath of a friend

I am sorry to hear of your experience. I lost a friend in a tragic accident that was in line with his chosen hobby (*auto racing*) I found out after he had been gone for almost a week, as we were inable to keep close ties due to our relationship and his position. Try to remember the best of times that you had with him and do your best to get through each day.

Beware of a possible pit fall. If you are notified that any mention of yourself  was  in any will: GET A LAWYER and remain in the shadows!! I suffered additional grief that was even worse than the original news when I was drug through the will. Eventhough at  the time it seemed like an act of endearment by him, it in fact turned into a nightmare once the family, etc.. learned of the relationship. Let an attorney handle it if you find yourself in that situation!

Just my 2 cents. And my sincere sympathy to you.

Your posts have helped me so much. Each in the own way.It is wonderful yo have a place and people like on Ter to turn too. Thank you so much

-- Modified on 11/30/2004 10:28:12 AM