HolyFuckSnot Batman!!! You FARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do too(t)!!!!

Humans fart.
Why do people act like they don't?
I wouldn't care. How would you hold it for all those hours anyway? How would you know, especially if you are sleeping? Anyway it wouldn't be a big deal to me. We'd probably laugh about it. Unless you made the whole room smell like the sewage treatment plant

I actually used half of my session one time taking a shit and a shower, and thought that my time only starts when I am ready. LMAO.

What's funny about your situation is, you were overly cautious about you tooting, that you've actually lost sleep over it. Man, next time, just let it go, the louder it is, the better. Holding in a toot is not good for you.

Everyone toots, and if you spend enough time with them, they'll toot. Its natural, and if men don't get that by now, well, I don't know what to tell them. Were you also embarrass to take a shit too? Holding a shit in can cause major internal damage, that's why, when I gotta take a shit, I don't hesitate to take a shit a providers incall.

On your second occasion, the client had a smirk and a look of disgust on his face. That's no real man. If he was a real man, he'll match you with a louder fart.

A link to a youtube website is attached that is humorous in nature about public tooting.

a while back. We both thought it was a good thing. That means there is a certain comfort level

i took a lady out to dinner. we ordered carefully to avoid her food allergies but... you can't control what goes on in the kitchen.

anyway back to her place for the second round and her food allergy kicked in with a toot. she was extremely apologetic as if it were the end of the world.

i told her to not worry about it. it made her human and therefore sexier.

That's so cool!...

As a matter fact, just this morning(Saturday) I was glad I wasn't with a lady. I had one of those store bought frozen pizzas and had the bright idea of emptying a jar of jalapenos on it. Ate the whole damn thing and my bung-hole paid for it this morning, lmao!!!  

Another story. I used to do a lot of coke and of course it was cut with manitol(baby laxative). It'd make me fart and my ex didn't appreciate it too much. We'd do some lines, watching TV and drinking and I'd rip one. She'd look at me with disgust, and I'd tell her 'You bought the shit.'

So we'd be halfway thru a movie and she'd let one go, tell me how you like that?

I LMAO and told her it was cool as fuck she was comfortable enough to do that infront of me!

Ladies, here's the deal. I know you fart. I know you get bed-head. You don't always have puppy-breath when you wake up. Sometimes your pussy isn't as pristine as you want and you need 2-3 cups of coffee before you get your shit together in the morning. So fucking what? Welcome to the club!

Here's a little ditty one of your sisters sent me. I think it fucking rocks and I'm sure most will appreciate the tone...

Say it was a Queef.... Queefs are hot!

Queef:  "My pussy talks.. it just said, 'Hi!' " lol

Just don't toot during a 69.

At least that's what I tell my kids.  I don't get why people are so hung up on letting one rip.  Good lord it's completely human and everyone does it.  Do people get embarrased when they say "I have to go to the bathroom?"

No harm, no foul.

If any guy thought that unusual, then he hasn't spent many nights sleeping with women, such as girlfriends/wifes.  Women have a normal human digestive tract and that happens.  Some foods can cause distress and I try to stay away from those.

And it's so funny the way women refuse to admit to them.  My ex never farted around me, but would excuse herself to go to the bathroom.  Once I found her there on the floor on all fours in her "farting position."  That ended the subtrefuge.
On a related note: why does it seem, no matter what I eat (or don't) before a session, that while she's giving me a BBBJ that I have an almost uncontrolable urge to fart?

Wise guy cuts a loud one while standing in line next to a very proper older couple.

The proper gentleman takes umbrage and says to the wise guy:  "I take offense to your farting before my wife."

To which the wise guy responds:  "Sorry mister, I didn't know it was her turn."

ba-doom.

As for farting, I try to get up and relieve myself in the bathroom if at all possible, but sometimes, shit happens.  (Not meant literally.)

Avoiding gassy foods before a date and while on a diner date is a good idea too.

In any case, despite a few farts on both sides of the fence, I've never experienced any real angst over it.

Besides, as anyone who knows me will testify, my farts smell like roses.

8o)

...and it happens. The guy looked askance at you and disgusted?! Really? What a knothead! As if he never had gas and passed it. We're adults. We know about these things. What's the big deal. Though I have to point out that it seems to be a woman thing, guy thing. The people that usually have a problem with it are the ladies. It's unladylike. Most guys wouldn't care. Yes, we'd likely laugh.  My attitude is the same as MP67. See below. I agree with what he said 100%. I'll add that when you get older the things that aren't important don't matter anymore. It's no longer important to convince everyone you're the perfect human being with no foibles. A fart, so! Under the circumstances you describe it's perfectly normal and not a big deal.

Quote, "Ladies, here's the deal. I know you fart. I know you get bed-head. You don't always have puppy-breath when you wake up. Sometimes your pussy isn't as pristine as you want and you need 2-3 cups of coffee before you get your shit together in the morning. So fucking what? Welcome to the club!"

...if women couldn't bitch, they'd explode..

I find it funny you woke yourself up both times.

I usually deduct $20 off the fee, for every fart a lady let's loose while in my presence. The flip side I will charge a lady $20 for every fart I let go, its amazing I get like like half the fee back sometimes.

I don't know if the two are related, but I can't get a lady to book a second date ever. I get the same blah, blah, blah about gas prices on the rise, and she almost lost money on our last date, damn economy.

LOL

I can't even believe I'm sharing this but...

For overnights/weekends I will just have like, protein shakes and fruits for the day leading into it and I'll pack a mini aerosol air freshener.

I consciously choose my meals as not to upset my stomach or provoke tooting.

I always wake up before the client to get freshen up or shower, wash my face, comb my hair and handle all of the bodily functions as not to make him aware of it.

Unless I know someone and have done long dates with them several times I barely sleep on these engagements and literally schedule time before and after for rest because of all the effort I put into just being pretty and fun - and without bodily functions or requiring too much food.  

It may be a little extreme but I understand your embarrassment lol.

hahahaha!