Have any of you guys been in the hobby so long that you don't really know how to behave in a "regular" relationship?

Here's some background:  I'm in my late twenties and have never been with a woman who is not a provider.  I've been told that I'm a fairly good looking, articulate, and overall attractive man, but for some reason or another fate had conspired to keep me a virgin until I discovered the wonderful world of TER a few years ago.

Recently I met an extraordinary woman in my personal life, and the possibility of it escalating to a romantic level is very real.  I'm not trying to get ahead of myself here, but I do like to be prepared for any situation... and I'm just wondering what is acceptable behavior.

If things are starting to get hot and heavy, and I begin working my way down to DATY, will she flip out and think I'm some kind of sexual deviant?  Is this common among average "civilian" types or will she be disgusted by my shocking lack of good taste?  

I know I must sound hopelessly naive here, but I've been exclusively in the fantasy land for awhile now and my sense of the real world is a bit skewed.

I welcome all advice and criticism, even if you just want to flame me and tell me I'm an idiot.

Mithran

If your question is just about sexual practices, then in all likelihood your "extraordinary woman" will be delighted you do DATY and pleased at your experience.  But as in any relationship, all people have boundaries, limits and preferences.

The potentially more fundamental and difficult question is whether the hobby is such a part of your lifestyle that you will continue it if you develop a relationship with this woman.  While it would be wonderful to achieve a level of intimacy with a woman in which we, as hobbyists, could say, "Gosh, darling, I had a great session with my ATF, let me tell you about it, perhaps you'd like to join next time...." that rarely happens, and is understandable.  You'll have to decide whether you want to live with a level of commitment that excludes the hobby or have a "private" side of your life.  

While I have heard a lot of rants about men who are in committed relationships but hobby on the side, it seems to me the real issue is how you manage it:  if you manage your private life in a way that it doesn't hurt your SO or interfere with that relationship, and you can live with yourself, then what's the harm?  Only you can answer those questions.

If you watched you would know that "regular" women like all the same things that our wonderful providers like. Hmmmm, maybe our providers are real women? LoL.

I think it has been said many times, communication is the key. A good question is "what do you like in bed?" or on the floor, or the counter?, etc...

Gently push for what you like, but be prepared to read how she responds and back off, if you feel that she isn't open to your wants.

Remember there are advantages to both kinds of relationships. Get tested, play safe and always fully relinquish yourself.

Your no idiot. If your an idiot then so am I! LOL!
Seriously though, I'm in the same situation. Same background as yours too. I think communication though is the key. Just talk to this new woman that you met and ask her the questions, "What does she like in bed?" "What turns her on?" Then maybe you can tell her what you like too. Main thing is too take it slow. Remember in this situation, you won't be on a clock.

I know their are certain women that would be turned off by some of the things you mentioned but It seems most women like the idea of giving and getting Oral Sex. Whether they are a provider or a girlfriend/wife, They like sex just as much as us (GUYS).

One of the providers I've seen in the past put it great, we were discussing the women in my workplace and she said "They probably like sex just as much as I do, if not more."
Without even knowing them, She was so true with that statement!

Good Luck!

Guz

It's a valid question.  My advice is to take it nice and easy and go with what instinctively feels right.  If you're interested in heading south on her then I'd suggest that you work your way slowly in that direction to see how she responds.  Believe me, if she doesn't want you to go there you'll know it.  If she doesn't try to stop you then dive in and enjoy.  As for explaining your interest in DATY if she should ask, tell her it's something you've tried a few times and like doing.  I once had a girlfriend ask me where I learned how to do that so well and my reply was, "I read a lot."

And remember, it's a shared experience.  Don't do it just to impress her with your ability or expertise.  Do it because you want her to have as much pleasure as you.  In my opinion, that statement is applicable with ladies in or out of the business.

civilian women like all the same things providers do but you have to be VERY receptive to them guiding you as to what they like.  The odds are lower (but not nill) that she will fake it so be sure to please her too!  Seduction takes time and starts with the mind and works down.  Your experience solely with providers may be misleading so maybe buy one of those sex guide books (really!!) to get some bearing on the civilian woman.  I would think that some of the providers that contribute to this board might be willing (for their normal fee) to give you an hour session on 'real' sex, although I can't speak for them.  What do you think Michelle?  A sort of rehabilitation.

after a year of seeing a provider as an ATF, she was a national favorite going by her reviews, we gradually found ourselves moving into a real relationship. Took it cautiously and slow. We got psychological testing done to make sure we weren't nuts. Checked each other out with a fine tooth comb. Turned out to be the coolest realtionship I ever got into, pro or civilian. We laugh about it a lot now. Almost never discuss the old days when she was working in the hobby. Fight a little but never stay mad. Sex is good but we talk so much we kinda flow from talking to sex and back to talking. Now we communicate a lot without even talking... life is good.