"Working" through a time of loss...To tell, or not to tell. I have spent many times with "friends" who had recently suffered a loss. I'm always super compassionate and sensitive, as I'm sure most women here are during that time. I've listened when needed or quickly changed the topic when signs have presented themselves, Ive had nights with nothing but intimate massages and talking, and others with more champagne than we could count. Some guys have opened up and felt a release, while others have wanted to forget about reality during the limited time we have together... But WTF do I do when the tables are turned and I'm the one suffering?? My dates usually involve me getting dressed up, drinking bubbly, laughing & flirting  and getting lost in someone that makes me feel amazing. I want that and miss that! But I'm so worried that any alone time with myself or quiet moments will trigger feelings of sadness and all the allure of will be lost...
I feel like I should hide until I'm back in full fantasy mood, lol
But I wonder If some healthy healing can come from spending time with a stranger...
.... I might delete this tomorrow after the wine is gone

I have become fairly close to a number of providers. One of the constants seems to be that almost all have been very isolated. I have no idea why, but that's not healthy. Everyone needs a support network. A sense of community.  
I'm sure that some do. I know of one that has a life outside of work.. but most have been alone and dont welcome anyone into their inner sanctum.  Too many secrets..

You are bringing up a very germane topic.

If you're looking for real emotional support in transactions like this you are woefully looking in the wrong place. You need some real-life friends and family to console you, not johns. If you don't have that I am truly sorry.

I knew that no matter what I said,  someone would find a reason to criticize me.  I think that just goes along with the boards here.. you cant help yourself.  
No I didnt fall for anyone at all.. I observed.. it's part of being a human being.. .and that observation was fairly consistent..

I didn't fall for anyone you F-ing dumbass. I'm a provider (a damn hot one! ) I lost my father and Im hurt and sometimes the kind words of a stranger are a much needed break from all my loved one's watching me hurt.

-- Modified on 3/24/2021 9:51:31 AM

IMO it is nothing worse than dropping 6 bills on a lackluster session for whatever reasons that may have caused it.  Seeking counseling also may help, can't keep things bottled up, even counselors have counselors.  

Most of the rest of us knew where you were coming from, don't pay any attention to comments from people who clearly don't know how to read.

He was talking to the OP herself. Yes, I know his post makes no sense directed at her either, but he's old and senile which is why his posts make no sense and he hasn't been laid in year which explains why he is always in such a bad mood.

I avoid piling on, but in this case GA, you are absolutely correct.  

As one who has experienced a great deal of loss, (Death of mother at 13, first wife at 29, child with autism at 40) perhaps I can be of help.  

Being over 70, I have lost parents and my wife.  

Sorry for your loss. Ignore the dumbass negative post(s) and focus on the good times you had with your father. The pain will linger, but it will pass. And I also agree with Melissa's advice in this thread.

-- Modified on 3/24/2021 9:37:06 AM

Why don't you go shove your head up CaCa's ass?

So maybe just 3 bills... lol jk

Second of all, I looked at your pictures and (assuming they're an accurate depiction) you ARE hot.
Third, I'm sorry about your dad. If you'd been clearer in your OP I hope I'd have been gentler.
Last, I stand by what I said about looking for empathy in the wrong place.
The REALLY funny part is our arrogant, judgmental Board Know-It-All playing the empath. Anyone who knows him is well aware what a fraud he is.
Anyway, best of luck.

I mean that and wish there were more I could do than offer cliche', yet sincere, condolences.

I've been calling you my piñata for quite some time.
As for fucking up this board, I've been here consistently for about ten years. Where the fuck have you been? Oh, right. Polluting the P&R Board.
Dumbass.

I have a regular who's been dealing with several deaths in the family, as well as the loss of some favorite clients in the past year. While she hasn't cried on my shoulder yet, she knows that she can reach out to me and vent any time she needs to. If you have some regulars who you're close to, they might be your ideal clients until you can get back to being your bubbly self.

Thanks for all the kind words and even the stupid one's for taking my mind off stuff. I am surrounded by friends and family in my real life. But when it comes to work... Most people are able to share and have it understood by their peers or colleagues that they're going through something. My "profession" makes that a little sticky I was just hoping for some similar words from both sides to kinda help me navigate. And I obviously enjoy the comfort of strangers LOL.

So don't lump all us "assholes" together. I might be an asshole. Ok I AM an asshole, but I can still be a sympathetic asshole who can lend a comforting ear to someone in need without feeling the need to kick her while she is down.

If this is true, maybe you could start a new post to address this issue.

First, my sincere sympathy on your loss, and I hope you fine comfort in the memories of your father and that time heals. I’m a complete stranger seeing you here first in words before I checked out your profile, but I believe there is empathy among many because the loss of a loved one is universal understanding. However, vis-à-vis is the chance you take when coming across a stranger because many is not everyone, and many have different degrees in expressing empathy, and then there are the few far removed from it.  Even the replies here vary in understanding, or not so much understanding towards your pain and sorrow. Yet, sometimes words fail, and a person held compassionately can be comfort and healing, too, Marissa. Please accept my cyber hug on the loss your Father.

hides a good point to seek out friends and family.

Everyone grieves and heels differently, but it takes time.

I meant those who were being asshole-like directly to the OP.    (even if it was the result of poor reading comprehension)

I wouldn't want to see a provider that was hurting on the inside, even if she was all smiles on the outside. Unless you have some very close regulars, take the time for yourself.  

but yes, I will confess I knew what you meant the whole time.  

When dealing with that clown, it’s important to consider the source, in his case a bitter old man with no empathy.

Despite the outward "flash"--being a provider is not an easy profession. The OP makes an excellent point--frequently they have to listen to the johns ruminating about their personal problems. They have to be an armchair psychologist AND a sexual fantasy all rolled into one.  Having to do this day after day in an "underground" existence that still carries a lot of stigma has to take a toll. There is a lot of isolation, it seems, unfortunately in the "life." Not easy to develop a support network.

But I just got a hard on looking at your pictures.  Damn.  Just damn.

You fit right in with CaCa. Two titanic hypocrites, joined at the hip.

Don't flatter yourself you dolt
I've been watching you fuck up this board for 10 years
The P+R board is where I bitchslap pussies like you and your master Laffy
routinely

3 bills is a lot more recoverable than 6 lol

Which is also where you dream of getting reamed by your mommy.

I'm an expert at consoling "young" widows on the loss of their much older husbands, but I have no experience helping someone deal with the loss of a parent.  My condolences go out to you, and I'm sorry I can't be more help in this situation.  

He is on my ignore list, and been that way for awhile. I would suggest the same, its remove the mind clutter - especially when somebody climbs up in your head and takes a crap. Some of can keep it out, but for many it stinks up the place. My mind is fresh as a daisy - and this reminds me why.

F-ing LOVE it!!

My deepest condolences for your loss. I understand how painful moments like these can be, and I have no quick fix advice to offer, as I'm sure you're seeing the path forward is probably long and there are no short cuts when dealing with loss and grief.  

My condolences.
.
As for shoulders to cry on, friends need to be cultivated.  That takes time and energy.  There's no real shortcut.  Clients might be "friendly" but if every minute is on their dime, most believe it is only a fantasy friendship and will standoff accordingly.  The guys that don't see that boundary are the ones all the providers end up complaining about -- either time wasters or clingers.  The kind you probably want as friends are the ones that stay at arms reach off-the-clock.

I can't find the reply I mean to reply to, but most of us have circles of friends.
( ... ( 8  (  7  ( 6  ( uber driver ( bartender ( anonymous TER ( family ( SELF ) 2 ) 3 ) 4 ) 5 ) 6 ) 7 ) 8 ) ... )  
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For some problems, family is too close.  Sometimes a more detached perspective is the most helpful. Or a more experienced listener (bartender?) is helpful. Even TER can be helpful at times, but you have to take the bad with the good.  
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I'm sorry for your loss. Think back to the good times. Any funny - happy stories to share? Learning to ride a bike? Best birthday present ever? ... or maybe the worst one! Getting caught coming home late from a date?
.
Good luck!

Fucking pussy.

Agree with Gambler's advice 100%, Marissa.

Thanks for posting this.  I mention the five stages further up the post chain, but this visual says it all.