I've seen a provider for 7-8 times now and there seems to be a spark between us(at least on my part). I'd be interested in seeing this lady on the outside and taking it beyond a business level.  I gave her my voice mail number and said "feel free to call me".  She called and left a message but did not leave a return number. Do you think she is also interested in pursuing a relationship or perhaps she feels this is a way to cut out her agency fee? Would appreciate comments and feedback from anyone who was/is in a relationship with a provider and how you went about establishing that relationship. Thanks

This can only lead to heartbreak or worse! How many times do we have to say "this is a business"!

If you read my post below, you know I'm in a long time marriage with a provider who I met when I was her client. That certainly doesn't qualify me as an expert in YOUR situation, because everybody is different. But, I do have a few suggestions for you and for anyone else who is interested in establishing a personal relationship with a provider.

1. Clear and honest communication is critical. Make no assumptions about how she feels. Ask her. It is very possible, even likely, that she wants to meet you "on the outside" so that she can collect the money that now goes to the agency. Many agency women feel that, after a few encounters, you belong to them and not to the agency.

2. Go slowly. Let her know you would be interested in getting to know her better, perhaps become friends and spend more time together, but that you will still pay her for the sex at the same amount you have been paying her. This is important because every provider has to deal with manipulative or egotistical clients who expect that they can get it for nothing after a few meetings. If she wants to change the financial aspects of the relationship either way, she'll let you know. If she asks for additional money as compensation for the additional time together, you'll know her motivation is primarily financial.

3. You can have a very wonderful relationship with a provider where she becomes your true friend and you continue to pay her for the sex. It is akin to becoming a good friend with or a golf buddy with your lawyer, your accountant, or your doctor. It is a "friend with benefits" situation where the benefits are paid for.

3. Above all, respect her limits. Understand that working as a provider is how she earns her living and that there is a good chance that it is how she wants to continue earning her living. Look deeply into your own heart and make sure that you would be truly comfortable with a provider as your girlfriend. This is an issue that most men can't handle and it is where most relationships with providers implode. If you have serious doubts about this, walk away now. You would be unfair to yourself and even more unfair to the provider if you allowed her to fall for you and then you demanded that she get another job. If you don't respect how she choses to support herself, you don't truly respect her as a person.

4. Don't get your hopes up. The fact that you "click" sexually with a provider doesn't mean that she will find you compatible in other ways. And if she enjoys the sex with you, chances are she enjoys it with others as well.  Having good sex with a provider plus some enjoyable personal conversation creates the illusion of more intimacy than what actually exists. As in any other budding relationship it is critical to be patient and to take the time to genuinely get to know each other.

As in any relationship, it is important to take the time and effort to get to know who she is as a total human being beyond the initial fantasy and for you to be open in sharing fully who you are.  My wife and I are living proof that a relationship with a provider can succeed, but this board and others are littered with the stories of those that ended painfilly.

For some of us guys, there is a direct link between our "unit" and our heart. In my opinion, and experience, this link should be mentally severed at this point, and probably the relationship as well, depending on how well you can handle your emotions and heartbreak. You need to ask yourself, ultimately, how far you are willing to go if the relationship blossoms, and how well you can manage your emotions if it doesn't go the direction you want.  Also, what do you have at risk?  Wife, kids? If she is honest (sometimes very hard to tell), then communication is key.  But again, first sit yourself down in front of the mirror, have a good look at yourself, and ask yourself the above questions.  If you move forward, take it slow and stay in control.

you have a chance for success.  Don't stop thinking. It is
rare enough for any relationship to succeed.  I surmise,
from observation and personal experience, perhaps 5% or
fewer 'cross-over' relationships succeed, last more than a
few months, or evolve into something else.

I don't want to paint an ugly picture, just letting you know
the odds are against you; but failure is not guaranteed.

Give it time, if you indeed your interests are reciprocal,
it could happen!

Regards
ML

There is no love on this playing field! Get out of it what you can (that cuts both ways) but do not allow yourself to get emotionally involved with a provider.  I have loved dozens of them, but they all wind up with a sad ending.

Enjoy them, spend your money, and live the good life, but don't ever forget that you are only renting a fantasy.

Check the other boards for further discussion on this subject.  

Neutrogena

-- Modified on 8/28/2004 12:07:38 PM

If you read my post below, you know I'm in a long time marriage with a provider who I met when I was her client. That certainly doesn't qualify me as an expert in YOUR situation, because everybody is different. But, I do have a few suggestions for you and for anyone else who is interested in establishing a personal relationship with a provider.

1. Clear and honest communication is critical. Make no assumptions about how she feels. Ask her. It is very possible, even likely, that she wants to meet you "on the outside" so that she can collect the money that now goes to the agency. Many agency women feel that, after a few encounters, you belong to them and not to the agency.

2. Go slowly. Let her know you would be interested in getting to know her better, perhaps become friends and spend more time together, but that you will still pay her for the sex at the same amount you have been paying her. This is important because every provider has to deal with manipulative or egotistical clients who expect that they can get it for nothing after a few meetings. If she wants to change the financial aspects of the relationship either way, she'll let you know. If she asks for additional money as compensation for the additional time together, you'll know her motivation is primarily financial.

3. You can have a very wonderful relationship with a provider where she becomes your true friend and you continue to pay her for the sex. It is akin to becoming a good friend with or a golf buddy with your lawyer, your accountant, or your doctor. It is a "friend with benefits" situation where the benefits are paid for.

3. Above all, respect her limits. Understand that working as a provider is how she earns her living and that there is a good chance that it is how she wants to continue earning her living. Look deeply into your own heart and make sure that you would be truly comfortable with a provider as your girlfriend. This is an issue that most men can't handle and it is where most relationships with providers implode. If you have serious doubts about this, walk away now. You would be unfair to yourself and even more unfair to the provider if you allowed her to fall for you and then you demanded that she get another job. If you don't respect how she choses to support herself, you don't truly respect her as a person.

4. Don't get your hopes up. The fact that you "click" sexually with a provider doesn't mean that she will find you compatible in other ways. And if she enjoys the sex with you, chances are she enjoys it with others as well.  Having good sex with a provider plus some enjoyable personal conversation creates the illusion of more intimacy than what actually exists. As in any other budding relationship it is critical to be patient and to take the time to genuinely get to know each other.

As in any relationship, it is important to take the time and effort to get to know who she is as a total human being beyond the initial fantasy and for you to be open in sharing fully who you are.  My wife and I are living proof that a relationship with a provider can succeed, but this board and others are littered with the stories of those that ended painfilly.

Why would she do you for free when she's already got you shelling out the benjamins? Take a cold shower, slap yourself in the face, wake up and smell the coffee.

She wants to cut out the agency fee and see you on her own. Tons of agency girls do this but only with select guys they know well and feel comfortable that it won't bite em in the ass later (ie...agency boss finding out about it). Looks like you made the cut.

-- Modified on 8/28/2004 1:57:38 PM

Just because you feel a spark, doesn't mean she feels one.  If she called you and didn't leave a return number... it wasn't an accident, it was intended!

I know a certain provider who had a regular client. She gave him her cell number because he does certain tasks or errands for her and she cuts his fee in return.  Now, he calls her all the time and won't leave her alone... he invites her on trips (doesn't want to pay her) asks to fly out to her and spend a week at her place, etc. etc.  During my appointment with her he called, and she finally had to hang up on him because he couldn't seem to understand what "I can't talk now" meant... he just wasn't getting the clue.

So why did she still see him? Duh... his money pays her bills! Like she told me, she wants to keep him as a regular client so she tolerates the calls and is nice to him, but she wants nothing else to do with him.

So, take my advice... if she doesn't pursue you, she doesn't want you.  If she doesn't call you, she doesn't want to talk to you. If she doesn't give you her number, she doesn't want you to call. If she doesn't ask you on a date, she doesn't want to go on one with you.... get it?

She is interested in a relationship beyond the client provider? A single phone call is not a valid indication of wanting to go to the next level. Unless she has told you that she feels uncomfortable taking your money and you are off the envelope routine, nothing is there. It's business as usual, minus the agency.

Another question is why do you think she did not leave a call back number? Already has an SO? Some other reason?

I do meet your criteria btw. I had a two year live in relationship with a provider. But that is another story and really has no bearing on your question. You're not even close to that point yet IMO.

She isn't sending you messages that she wants you as a boy friend. She is just comfortable with you and now would like to cut out the agency. You may be able to see her for less out of pocket if you cut out the agency but it will still be
          "All About The Money"

   Cm.

-- Modified on 8/28/2004 5:26:31 PM

i,m going to state my thoughts on this in a way that is truthful and simple,yet honest,so if any of what i,ll post seems a little blunt,forgive me,just trying to save a broken heart.

my friend,i,ll give it to you straight....if this girl had a romantic interest in you,she would have pursued YOU and willingly and eagerly giving you her phone number and you two would be spend personal unpaid time together at this very moment..but,even though she called,she didnt leave a return number,which shows she is trying to gently appease you because you are a client,but not interested in crossing that reality border.we,the ladies are entertainers,and we love to entertain,but we have a defined line between  the time and people we entertain,and the life that awaits us at home afterwards.we have to have that line there so we can keep our sanity and everything is in order.

i,m sure you,re a wonderful person with the best intentions,but you met and interacted on a business level and thats where you,ll stay..unless of course one day she approaches you,unprovoked,for something different-but that something different will not come by hinting of romantic feelings--it might just make her nervous about how to deal with the situation...thats one of the unfortunate downsides of being a female entertainer...sometimes you meet people who want to take things furthur and you have to find the best words and ways to not hurt a persons feelings or break their heart...alot of ladies will discontinue seeing someone if that person puts TOO much emphasis on the wanting of a relationship or romantic time.it makes them uncomfortable.

i hope that you DO find a lady out there who will true love you though...take care

I have had several outside dates with girls I met at MPs, and one longer term relationship.

Unlike most of the other guys, I say try to talk to her again and see if something develops. Just don't expect it to go very far.

A couple of examples:

One of my all time favorite MP girls gave me her cell number after several visits. I called, we set up a date, and took her to a French restaurant and a concert at the House of Blues. We both had a blast. But it was obvious that there were language problems and other incompatabilities, so we didn't see each other away from the MP again. However, our sessions (about 1 per month) afterword were more fun, more intimate, and more of a GFE experience, longer sessions. We got in the habit of buying each other gifts for holidays. It was all still business, but just a much nicer experience for both of us. She stopped working so I haven't seen her in a couple of years, but I still have the Versache shirt she gave me that matches the color of my eyes. Very thoughtful.

On another occasion, a VERY popular MP girl with lots of reviews gave me her cell number after seeing her for the 2nd time. I called her, and she invited me to her place. After arriving, she immediately undressed and got down to business. So I thought she was just working independent. After we were done, I offered her a tip, and got a horrible look from her. We got to talking and it was obvious she just needed a friend, not a customer. We started dating for a few months. Romantic bike rides on the beach, trips to San Diego, or just staying at home and watching videos. She quit working at the MP and got in to a legit business so jelousy wasn't an issue. The problem was, she started getting VERY serious, and I blew her off. My mistake. I treated her like crap because I wanted to keep it casual, and she stopped taking my calls. I've had regrets ever since. She was one of the nicest women I've ever met, and definately the best lover I've ever had. She is one of my favorite memories.

So you see, getting to know a provider away from work can be a good experience. You just have to be careful and think it through.

-- Modified on 8/28/2004 6:54:48 PM

Unless you know this girl inside and out for many a year.....
then put your slippers on and make your own bed.

Geez, when is everyone going to wake up and realize this is not the "Pretty Woman" movie - she's not Julia Roberts, you're not Richard Gere and you're not going to sweep her off her feet and live happily ever after.  By the way, for you trivia buffs, the original script for Pretty Woman had a different ending where she was dumped, the millionaire leaves and her friend overdoses on cocaine.

What have you got to lose? Why not give it some time , think it out. You can't have any succes in this world without risking the possibility of failure. If you really think it could work and she feels the same way then go for it