Hello all, and here is my dilema.  I'm married and I have met two providers before.  The first 6 years ago, and then 4 years ago, both while married. After the first time I was so wracked with guilt, I had to see a shrink b/c I thought I contracted something, despite taking numerous tests that said I was clean and healthy.  Second time, I pulled a Bill Clinton, but it still ate at me, but not as much.   Marriage is OK, I think we have a good relationship, except for in bed, where I want more and she wants less.  

So here I am again.  Thought I had kicked it the last time, but still fantasizing about the wild side of things.  It's almost the rush of going through with it that gets me charged, lots of nervous energy.  I guess I am asking if one can really separate just meeting providers from one's home life, or is it just too much of a slippery slope.  I would love to hear from people that have been able to deal with this.  Anyway, thanks.

This looks like a job for the Love Goddess.

Kinda, if you will look to the left, click on The Erotic Highway, and post your message there. I am certain the LoveGoddess could offer you some valuable insight.

these comments were directed at a potential newbie but they mihjt be helpful

For me I had to answer 3 questions
1.  Did I want this bad enough?
2.  Can I keep it to myself basically forever?
3.  Can I live with my secret comfortably?

I scratched my itch, and it felt pretty good.  Eventually the itch goes away.

...rather than stand around watching others have fun, grab a sled.

of whether you stay together or not?

You have already broken the vows, so that ship has sailed.

What you have to do is decide whether you want to continue breaking the vows, end the marriage to be free to do what you want, or stop all together.  

What would you want your wife to do if SHE were in your situation?  Would you want her cheating or would you rather divorce?

And just a point here if you are truly religious, you know that a sin of the mind is as real as a sin of the body.  So dreaming of cheating and envisioning yourself with another woman is as sinful as being with another woman.

Quote: "I guess I am asking if one can really separate just meeting providers from one's home life, or is it just too much of a slippery slope.  I would love to hear from people that have been able to deal with this....Marriage is OK, I think we have a good relationship, except for in bed, where I want more and she wants less"

Perhaps speak with her about it.  Talk openly.  Do you have kids? Is that making her run-down, less into it?
Why not take her away for a weekend, get a room with a jacuzzzi tub, mirror on the ceiling. OR make a 'date' with her, build it up all week, leave notes, tell her she is lovely, how you loved  her in a certain dress and how you want to let the 'animal' out in her!

In answer to the question: "can really separate just meeting providers from one's home life?"

Of course you can.  Just be careful. Women are not dumb when you THINK that they don't know....watch an episode of CSI and you know how that ends up...YIKES!

We are, like it or not, in a kind of free float era where laws and conventional morality are shot full of hypocrisy, where fundamentalists proclaim their righteousness while sinking themselves in "sin," and where one's moral compass depends pretty much on the complexities of a given situation, rather than moral absolutes.  If breaking vows means "forsaking all others," about 50 % of all American men, religious believers or not, and a nearly equal percentage of women are sinners.  Are they all bad people?  Of course not.  We need to grope our way through to new moral criteria, not absolutes, and not set in stone commandments and religion-based laws that come not from God but the people who happen to have political power.  OK, this is difficult, but let's start with trying to expose and do away with hypocrisy and intolerance.  For those who cling to religion, let's start with this, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."