I'm choosing to believe that the question is coming from a place of genuine curiosity. A lot of people don’t know how relationships intersect with the work, and it’s fair to wonder. That said, whenever I’ve been asked this by a client, it has almost always contained a subtle second layer that isn't necessarily neutral... which is totally human.
First, with respect to how many providers have a spouse or significant other? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? The world may never know. But I can think of a couple dozen providers who are partnered or married and an even split on whether they are partnered/married to men or women.
Second, I'd argue most clients know what this is, and still for many the fantasy that's created rests on a kind of exclusivity. Knowing a provider has a partner can disrupt that because it reminds them we have a life outside of their fantasy. It rubs up against the ego in a not so good way and brings the fantasy back to earth quick, fast, and in a hurry (re: “this is a service"). But that's normal because we're all human. And I've been honest enough times to recognize it and the look of disappointment instantly. But on the other end of the spectrum, some men have the opposite reaction. They’re turned on by the “hot girlfriend who cheats” dynamic, the home-wrecking storyline, or the idea of sending me home to someone else afterward. So same question... opposite projection. I digress.
As for me, I’ve had two long-term relationships during my time in this industry, and both were great and super supportive. Were there times that were made more difficult because of my work? Absolutely. But they knew their limitations and they knew how to communicate, and we ended because we wanted different things. One partner wanted to relocate to the Deep South; I didn’t. I may be from there but that doesn't mean I want to go back. The other wanted marriage and children. Frankly, I’m still too selfish with my time, money, and freedom to step into the role of "wife and mother" now or in the near future.
Anywho, in my opinion, the real question behind your post isn’t actually about a provider’s romantic status. I think it should be about how the fantasy a client seeks intersects with the reality of a provider’s personal life and that’s a far more interesting conversation.
I had a six-year relationship with a provider who was married. I met her husband, we were friendly but never close. He was always supportive of her. She said that one of the reasons she provided was that he was older and didn't have much of a sex drive. I think it was money. But who knows? Not my business.
Here is what was most interesting to me: She and I had an intense emotional relationship, super sex and great adventures together. All stuff she didn't do, or didn't do much of, with her husband. Her life with her husband was suburban and middle class. But he was her guy. No matter how crazy I was for her, no matter how much I supported her as a provider or in her alternative career, no matter where I took her or how much money I spent, he was the guy she loved profoundly. That never changed.
And that's how I learned that providers have stable relationships in their own lives and that their jobs are their jobs. So what else is new?
Yes, and I have been with him for 7 years. Yes he is supportive with my business. I bounce business ideas off him and he is my partner with the commercial property. I am more part time now as a provider because I am going back to school and also because of the commercial property commitments.
75% of adult females are either married or living with a partner, and this includes sex workers. For most of us sex work is our job, not an identity. It helps pay for my life style but it does not dictate or describe my life style, if that makes sense.
