Would appreciate any feedback on this issue.
After my date with a lady, I ALWAYS ask permission before I post a review. I just think it is courtesy after sharing an intimate experience with someone. I also offer to show them the review before I post it. Some people may say this will slant the review. Trust me...it doesn't.
There have been a couple of instances where the lady AND/OR myself have been uncomfortable sharing the experience. As strange as it may sound, when I feel I have made a personality, intellectual and sensual connection with someone it feels weird to "kiss and tell."
This situation has arisen very recently for me. I will not be posting.
Has anyone else had these thoughts or ran into this situation? I am very interested to know.
It's amazing...the longer I hobby the more issues come up.
I completely agree. I don't show her the review, but I discuss how detailed or graphic she does/doesn't want it to be, and generally what I will say. I will listen to her thoughts, and as with you I have found that more Ladies think I am too generous than complain I am too hard.
My absolute favorite is often reviewed, and I often review. But I don't think I will ever write one about her because I believe we have crossed over some line to a more personal relationship. Not "dating", but more than client/provider.
I also have eventually declined to review someone when I can't write a review that respects her level of discretion and reveals enough to pass the TER screen.
Long winded way of saying: while we all like reviews, you don't owe it to us, and some situations make it inappropriate. my view.
might think they are so "special" that they shouldn't write a positive review for you!!!
Amazing how you can take both Hueyfan's and OldTraveler's posts and make them into a shmuck.
Both of them, as also with my clients, show consideration for their ladies regarding their reviews, and I certainly appreciate that, as do many others.
This hot weather has many of us cranky, myself included, but you are seriously in need of a 'chill'.
indignation. Nothing wrong with that. I like your sincerity.
My guys ARE special - every single one of them.
So there!
I wonder at times if you read the posts you reply to.
"My absolute favorite is often reviewed, and I often review. But I don't think I will ever write one about her because I believe we have crossed over some line to a more personal relationship. Not "dating", but more than client/provider."
Well, you have demonstrated that you can use the cut & paste functions. Personally, I never questioned that (or even actually thought about it). Good for you! Unfortunately, let me point out that the skill in the use of the cut & paste functions doesn’t imply logic on the part of the user.
I am not going to go into length on this, mostly because I don’t come to these boards to get into diatribes with people who seem more interested in being sarcastic, snide, and negative. You must have a rather miserable life if your comments are reflection of your real persona. If they aren’t, then I don’t understand why you get pleasure in injecting negativity for the sake of negativity. Or why you seem to think anyone else gets pleasure from your comments. I think you would be amazed at the replies I have received, because deep down you really think you are the superior spokesman of this board. You’re not.
I am sure that if you read this you are likely to reply with some additional adolescent angst-related quip, and think to yourself how bright and witty your are. Go ahead if that’s the way you see your self as productive. But I find it humorous, in an almost pathetic way, that you have such astute insights on the topic since I can find no reviews by “GLisHJ”. I would be interested to read them, if you have any. But of course you will have multiple explanations of that, I’m sure. THAT would make for an interesting thread some day. But that digresses.
Thank you to all who weighed in on this issue. I was surprised to start such a dialogue.
To clarify...it was clear to me that she was uncomfortable with my reviewing her. I ALWAYS ask the lady before I post a review, out of courtesy. This IN NO WAY effects what I write. This is the ONLY time I have not posted a review.
For the record, this lady is terrific!!! I would not refuse to publish a review if it was negative, out of respect for my fellow hobbyists. She is charming, intelligent, has a great sense of humor and is very sensual. The review (had it been posted) would have been AWESOME!!!! There are several fantastic reviews of her already (many recent) so I didn't feel my one little story would make that much difference.
I have been hobbying for quite some time (years) and do not kid myself into thinking that there is anything more than a business relationship between a lady and I.
What I was merely trying to convey was that on some dates you connect more with the person than others. The times when you connect on different levels (not just sexual) IMHO are MUCH BETTER than when you do not.
Thank you, Sedona, for the kind words and moral support.
Thanks to all who gave their ideas.
Are you implying that relationships are always only business? While I certainly agree that the VAST majority are, this board is full of discussions where at least one person believes it has evolved to more. And I grant you, that in most of those cases, it is still just business and the person is mistaken.
However, if—as I know happens—over time a situation arises where:
--Maybe half the meetings are business, half are no charge
--Personalized gifts flow both ways
--Clocks really don’t matter; the quality really is more important than the quantity
--Some business meetings are no more than dinner and cuddling on the couch
--Neither side is looking for a ‘deeper commitment”, but does enjoy each other’s company. No confusion by either that there is “exclusivity” involved
--Sometimes meetings are months apart, sometimes days apart
And when such a situation goes on for years (I know one where the people involved just had a “10 year anniversary” of meeting), then I would stick to my earlier post that the relationship has moved to something more than business, less than girlfriend/boyfriend.
Does this happen to everyone? No. Often? No. But I would expect it happens more than many on this board give credence to. Do I personally know of a couple cases (not involving me)? Yes. Have I had that situation? I’m working on one, but it hasn’t passed the “long term” test (yet).
It sounds like (strictly my speculation) that you have been burned on this. If so, I'm sorry. It seems to come across strongly in your posts.
The point OT raises is a very valid one but is beyond the scope of my original question. The question: relationship crossing the line beyond client-provider would be an excellent one to discuss.
I have never been in the situation where my seeing a lady was anything other than a business relationship. Does that mean that I don't value each person as an individual? Absolutely not.
When I do business with anyone in my civilian life, you could characterize me as a "warm and fuzzy." I like to know all about the person I am working with, including names of SO, kids, pets, hobbies, background, etc. I enjoy getting to know people. It is one of the reasons that I enjoy the hobby so much, meeting many different types of interesting, intelligent and attractive women. There are many fascinating people I never would have met.
Just one person's opinion....
You’re right. This part of the thread has drifted. I’m sorry.
I was tagging onto the “kidding yourself” reference. I think we do it both ways: we often imagine a thing is more than it is, and sometime imagine that things can’t ever be more. But I’ll save that for some other post.
This one has been thought provoking. Thanks for starting it.
I have posted reviews each time I have spent time with someone. Admittedly, that hasn't been often comared with many "old timers" on here. However, I think of anyone possibly wanting to see a provider, and I think that my review might provide them information to make that decision with.
If a provider specifically asked me not to post a review, I would gladly not post. However, no matter how great the time I spend with someone is (and a few times have really been great), I wouldn't have met these women without the reviews provided on here, and passing that insight on to someone else is, to me, what TER is all about. If is is a great time, it will only make the provider look that much better and help her business.
As for it meaning so much to the guy...well, let's just say that I always remember that this is a business, and this woman has to have other clients to survive, so I never flatter myself to think that a great time that I share with a provider is so different from other times she has with other hobbyists. If it registered with the provider that strongly, she will either ask you to not post a review, or she will show her appreciation in other ways. 
The rule of thumb would be to always review unless there's some compelling reason not to. Of course the lady's request to not be reviewed is, to me, compelling under almost all circumstances.
It the service was sub-par and with a bad attitude, I'd ignore the request. If the lady had multiple pages of reviews but asked ME not to review her, I'd have to think about it.
As for "kissing and telling", c'mon. In order to be eligible for review on TER she has to have an ad somewhere on the web. So you're not telling anything we don't already know except how good she is at it.
"As for "kissing and telling", c'mon. In order to be eligible for review on TER she has to have an ad somewhere on the web"
i'm pretty sure her ad will not include the kind of specifics that are presented in the ter gory details. and that is the kind of thing that (i think) some of the ladies object to.... detailed descriptions of illegal acts, in print.
for my own part - if i visited a provider and got ripped off, really poor service, or was drastically misled about appearance or service, i would post a very detailed review. i feel i owe that to my fellow hobbyists, and i certainly don't care how SHE feels about it. so far, that has not happened to me.
if i received great service and if i felt the provider deserved a good review, i would ask her permission first. i feel she earned the right to choose, and if she prefers her privacy to some good publicity, so be it.
for anything in between, i guess it would depend on the situation.
Since you are sharing the review with her anyway, why not let her decide? You could always co-author it if you want.
Even ladies with multiple pages of reviews like to have new ones come up once in a while. Just to let people know they are still out there and still hot
Seems like a lot of discussion on this topic lately. Maybe it's just me, but I think TER members should contribute to the info pool for each other. I've met a few people in chat who won't post reviews under almost any circumstances, and discussed it with them too. The review process not only helps other members, but builds your credibility in this community.
This is not to say that the guys I met in the TER LA Chatroom have not given me solid leads, and indeed I've met at least two great ladies based on their recommendations. These guys are without doubt contributing to the pool of knowledge by allowing other people the benefit of their experience. The fact that they do it in the chatrooms or on the boards make them a little less visible and more comfortable, I think. However, if you do not spend the time to hang in the chatrooms, you've lost out on their experiences. In the same vein, you look at their discussion board posts, realize they have no reviews, and if you don't know him, then you probably won't take his word.
The worst offenders, imnsho, are the ones who are ripped off or otherwise treated badly and *still* refuse to post reviews. In effect, protecting the lady's reputation while leaving her the opportunity to rip someone else off (or have a subpar time with her).
Another thing: a review posted for a lady that has oodles of reviews does serve a purpose. It tells the rest of us she's still around, still is (or is not) worth seeing.
Only exception: if you have a great time with a well-reviewed lady, and she asks you NOT to post one, then that'd be okay. No problem there, the lack of a review is not going to weigh on anyone's thinking.
I've never had a negative experience, thanks largely to the efforts of past reviewers, and I thank them all for their work. My position here is clear: reviews should be posted. Period. Sorry LR, OBE, and other nonreviewposters, but I think I've thought this through and if I gotta be one way or the other, this is it. You guys are great sources of information, but only to a limited crowd.
I do not neccessarily need the graphic details, but I use the reviews to see if the provider is worth the time to go see. I am not looking to wild, off the wall, hanging from the ceiling sessions, but I want someone who is warm, friendly, and like minded. Most of the time, I can determine that from the review. In the one review I have written, I honestly reported the details as the provider indicated it brings her business, but I felt somewhat wierd about it. But without the reviews, I would not know what kind of session that provider provides.
As a side note, I was not going to write a review, but decided to because in the event I see other providers, I would like to point them to the reviews I have written in the past so they can see what I am like during a session and what my interests are. I think it will make for a better experience for both parties.
The way I think & what I practice is this:
First of all...I would NEVER show the review to a gal for her approval. Hell, might as well let her write it & me just 'sign' it.
But what OldTraveler said is what I WILL do. There may have been certain things took place that she doesn't want to be common knowledge, & that could be for several reasons..most likely not wanting to be expected to offer the same to every client. Therefore, if it's not something in her profile (or if she's new) I am likely to sound her out to see how she feels about that part being being made public. No, I'm not naive enough to think I'm the only one to have been treated "special", or who might be ib the future, but that still doesn't mean she wants to go the same route with everyone.
I don't write many reviews, usually only when the gal is relatively new & has few or none...or unless my experience was substantially different, good or bad, beyond the typical YMMV.
I have a few times had a gal request after a completely statisfactory experience specifically to not write a review...this without any discussion on my part. In those cases, I respect her wishes.
But if the experience was not satisfactory, I'll write a review..trying to explain why without unduly slamming the gal.
Well, it’s interesting to see how many comments this has accrued.
I believe that if you look at some Ladies’ sites, they are much less detailed/graphic than what seems to be the minimum to get posted as a TER review. If a Lady is not comfortable putting those details on the web via her site, why should she want me to do so?
I agree with several posts that essentially say the same etiquette doesn’t hold for an out and out rip off. That kind of post should be made.
I would estimate only 1 in 6 or so Ladies do not want a review, for a variety of reasons. Often because they aren’t seeing new clients right now. So that leaves the majority of them to be reviewed.
And Graywolf, you have it exactly right about the situation with my favorite Lady. I no longer know what she and I do that is indeed over and above her normal service, and if I can’t tell the difference, I don’t want to make her life more difficult by having another client see her with false expectations. There are too many people out there who would take that as good enough reason to beat her or worse. NOT something I am about to risk.
The question is no different than any other information service like TRW (Equifax) and other credit reporting agencies.
The questions are ... what information is important and what isn't? What actions really WERE between you and the provider and what actions are part of her norm?
I suggest that you simply think about the other guy ... and wht he needs to know. If, for example, you've seen the provider a number fo times, each session got better, you brought her flowers on occassion and on the latest visit, she went the extra mile .... ask yourself ... is a person who is a first timer for her going to get the same service? If not, why ruin his expereince with false expectations?
Bad service, bad attitude, flaking out, not looking like her pics, etc. are all more or less factual data. If she has a lot of good reviews ... one so-so one won't kill her. If there's a commonality among the reviews ... we'll all get the idea.
I would always tell a provider that I INTEND to write a review ... and perhaps she might ask me not to mention the part where I strapped her spread eagle to a ceiling fan because that's not the norm for her ... but I sure wouldn't let her tell me what to say or let her approve it.
The only conflict I have in posting reviews is that I know it could lead to more hobbyists calling on the provider and creating fewer opportunities for me to see her. Jealousy is not pretty.
That said, I think its important that reviews are provided even if your review isn't going to be significantly different than the others. Consistency is something that some others may find comforting, knowing that the provider will more than likely show the client the same type of session as she has most others. Others may find that the consistency is a bit of turn-off interpreting it to mean that she is more into a routine rather than exploring what excites that individual.
I also think that if you receive something special during your session that is not mentioned in the profile its better to keep the specifics to yourself and maybe just put something in the review to indicate that the provider went above and beyond.
It is worth remembering that a provider can choose to not be listed at all. If a provider allows themselves to be listed, then fair reviews, positive and negative should be listed.
The process of review helps keep this honest. Clearly some discretion is needed, and we all have to look to protect providers from physical danger.