For the first time in my years in the hobby, I found a provider that really rang all my bells, enough so that I wanted to see her again and again.  She seemed to have had a great time and we e-mailed back and forth after our meeting.  She even gave me her personal phone number.  I thought it responsible of me to tell her I was married and that, though not a very passionate relationship, I wasn't planning on leaving it.  Still, I told her I really wanted to see her whenever I was visiting her town.  That was over two weeks ago and she has not replied, even though I wrote again and proposed another rendezvous when I was going to her town.  Did I do something wrong?

You forgot the cardinal rule of hobbying.  This is a fantasy--suspension of disbelief--exercise and when you told the lady about your personal situation, you raised the spectre in her mind that you may, on some subconscious level, have forgotten the barrier between life and the hobby and that you may be expecting more than she is interested in giving.  Her distance may be a message to you that you need to keep your emotional distance.

You know, I think you're right.  I don't know what I was thinking.  Just got swept up in the moment, I guess.  Too bad.  I enjoyed her company but really didn't expect anything other than seeing her when I was in her town.  I've learned my lesson!

Time for him to move on. There are plenty other providers who would love to see him. He will have to remember they will be just memories. Can't put a price on that.

It is possible that she simply gave you her phone number so it would be easier for you to reach her directly and not have your calls lost in the many she receives, because she liked you as a client.
When you then replied with a statement about being married, it not having passion but that you would not leave your wife, it could have seemed to her that you had read way more into her giving you that phone number, or that you were having thoughts of mistress or more in your head and were setting your own ground rules for a more "personal" relationship.  

By replying as you did it may have caused her to think that either you wanted more than a client / provider relationship...or that you thought she wanted more (that you thought you needed to be "responsible" and tell her about your marriage makes it definitely seem you do think she wanted more), but either way, for a lot of ladies that is very taboo and she may have decided that she needed to distance herself from that.

If you really do assume from her giving you another phone number that she wants more with you than a "business" relationship, it is completely understandable why she may be pulling back from correspondance with you...whether you were right or wrong in your assumptions.

There are at least three providers who I had seen and really liked who, for no discernable reason, decided to cut off any contact with me, despite the fact that at least two of them continue in the biz.

Do like me and move on.

the possibility she's preoccupied with some issue in her life outside the profession and doesn't have the time(or mood)to respond? My suggestion is to wait for awhile longer before reaching any conclusion.

you gave her the wrong vibes when you mentioned that you "didn't want to leave your wife", but wanted to see her whenever she was in town.

Instead of saying like that, you should say...I will be making an APPOINTMENT with you when you are in town.

You forgot to mention the moooooola...lol

This is a business and her line of work...never cross the line, unless there are MUTUAL feelings for each other.

Looks like is one way street here...and you are on the wrong side.

BDG

Yet, an appointment is all I want, that and to enjoy her company again.  Now, I'm stuck.  Can't e-mail her or she'll think I'm batty.   Can't call or she'll be afraid I'm harassing her.  Can't ask for an appointment because since she hasn't answered, I have to assume she doesn't want to hear from me.  Guess all I can do is wait and/or move on (which I am doing, anyway).  Geez.  I thought being honest was the way to go here.  My bad!

Sometime I think (I am guilty of this also) we are over thinking this hobby? If you are interested enough call her on the number provided to request another appointment.  Her response will give you the answer to the real and important question (will she like to see you again) you seek.  If it is negative, just move on.  At that point seeking her reason or explanation is pointless.

My conjecture is that you know that your statement that you were not planning to leave your wife could have easily been negatively interpreted by her especially in the context of your described relationship with this provider.  This is especially so since your express attitude was in order to be responsible you needed to tell her you were married.  WHY this attitude in this hobby ????. Do you think she wanted more as WT implied?? If she also thought that was what you were thinking her lack of responses is understandable. But than it may be her failure to respond is as simple as that she been on vacation for the last 2 to 3 weeks.  You never know unless you call.


-- Modified on 5/8/2006 7:51:55 AM

Perhaps you didn't give us complete information, but based on what you told us the problem is not on your end. The earlier replies might have read too much into her reaction; rather than speculate, I'll go with Warren BT's explanation.

you crossed a line - an invisible one - but a line none the less.  In chat, e-mail and phone conversations I have noted a "frosting" on occasion to what I say - either some comment taken as an insult, getting too personal, wanting too much (I am soooo needy) or whatever.  It can be pulled back - and the "frosting" can melt - but you have to be aware - what makes for a thaw?  the good ole cash dispenser.  X for Y.  In short keeping it a business.  

If you think that you want more, you can bring that up, but be totally prepared for the lady to cut it off.  Ladies in this profession are very much aware of obsessive behavior and the danger that that can bring with it (if I can't have you, then no one can, etc).  If a lady thinks that you are or could in the future become posessive, she will understandably "disappear" from your life.  This is totally understandable.  Bounds there are bounds....

While I do discuss my personal situation, it is kinda non-threatening... and kinda a blanket statement.  have I ever become obsessed with a provider? yes.  It came up all of a sudden on me.  Did I do stupid things? yes.  Were they harmless? yes.  What were the stupid things...  Trying to schedule a third date! lol!  What I am trying to say, is that everyone, based upon their own experiences, looks at the provider-hobbiest relationship and makes a judgement call with respect as to what they consider as a potential problem relationship.  I suspect that this provider made such a call.  If Warren is correct, calling for a specific appointment with a price- might put her mind at ease, or it might give her the opportunity to say to you that she feels uncomforatable with you as a client.

Now, I will give you another possibility.  Your wife found out.  Has contacted this provider and you, my friend, are in deep, deep do do!  How secure is  your e-mail account where you contacted the lady!?  You need to find that out pronto.

...that I have a crush on them. Other than an occasional dousing with pepper spray, I haven't had a problem yet.

Disclaimer: Alias used to protect the identity of providers involved.

Met a provider that rocked my world like no other women on this planet.  Started seeing her very frequently (4 times in 3 weeks).  Last two dates spent the night free of charge with no playtime as agreed. Both of us had a great time on every date  (unless she is the greatest actress in the world). Had direct phone number and talked frequently on phone. She made verbal and nonverbal hints that she was looking for something more.  Me, I started out only to enjoy the fantasy but became aware that it was becoming more intense. Called to make fifth date and was told not to ever call again and then it got ugly. Go figure.  

A friend told me that when a relationhip developes between a provider and a hobbyist, the hobbyist becomes a danger to some providers. This is because, if the provider starts having strong feelings for the hobbyist, than it could affect her business in a negative way.  

The question that is going thru your mind right now has to be, "why am I being treated this way after all the great times we had together?"  It can only be one of two things.  One, she became too fond of you and couldn't handle it.  Two, she is one hell of an actress and didn't honestly care as much as you thought and is afraid you will fall or have fallen in love with her.

The best way to get over this situation is to let it go,try not to figure it out and find another provider like I did.  As soon as I found a better provider (Oh Baby!), that I only see every two weeks,I discovered there are other ladies that can rock my world to!

Just my 2 cents.

Same here. I saw one exceptopnal provider with great reviewes.(Oc) She is a high dollar hottie with skills! Go figure after 10 dates and a dinner date  now she is not returning my calls and emails. She gave me her Cell # and last time I saw her she told me that she had a very good time and the best sex she ever had. I just want to see her again and be good to her!

Thanks, buddy.  I appreciate the time you (and the others) have taken to respond to me.  I'm moving on.

I would not catagorize what you did as wrong. There are probably as many reasons why she didn't respond as there are grains of sand in the sahara, but the only one that matters is hers. The only way you will ever know fully is if she tells you.

Don't assume anything, but have the patience to find out. If you never de hear from her, them create a story that inspires you and you will never be bummed. Like she found true love and is now living in bliss somewhere. Or she has been accepted to NASA and is getting her shot at space travel.

Any of those are as real as any of the other thousand made up ones you can come up with, without ever getting ther truth from her.

So don't sweat it. You told her the truth asnd that is the important thing. This way she can make her decisions based on what she deems important.

exactly. The word I dont' want to hear starts with 'L', when they say, 'I love you' it's boot time.

Usually the constant phone calls, the pleading emails; 'why don't you reply...', the cheezy gifts by the front door. oh oh, the classic line 'but I can save you from this...'. This is of course after they've fucked you into next week a few times.

I've done a similar thing you did and realized it was a wrong thing to do whether or not she's treating you a little extra special. If she was, then you had hurt her feelings by telling you the way you did even if the intention was a kind one. If she wasn't, she might suspect that you actually had feelings for her (why bother saying things like that if you didn't or thought she did?). Just move on. You've only seen her twice. There couldn't have been too much emotional attachment in the first place. In my case it was after I've seen her like 20 times.