Heya,

Just curious if you've ever asked a provider what they thought of you after your session? Whether you meant physical attractiveness or performance.

Yes, but put yourself in her shoes... what would you say?

Yes. But don't expect many of them to be honest with you. Women learn very early in life that if you tell a man he is good looking or good in the sack he will always belive it. So that's what they say. She may even mean it, but odds are if you're no good she won't tell you the truth. Most providers look at us guys as a walking wallet. They may be pleasant and nice and you may even have had the best sex of your life with her. But she will only tell you what she thinks will get you to spend more $$$ on her. If you want honesty, get a SO. If you want fantasy, use providers.

No, I already know I'm irresistable 8^)

I had a client ask me just that about a week ago.  I told him the truth -- he was a lovely gentleman, and I thoroughly enjoyed his company.  I feel this way whenever, I am treated well, whether by a fellow with movie star looks, or Mr. Average, whether by someone who was able to go all night, or by a fellow who just had a good time and shared it with me.

Perhaps that's too simple, but it's the truth!

Abby

-- Modified on 12/25/2002 6:08:22 PM

Not that I have to, but I like variety.

Is the handle love jones because you can't even get any when you pay for it?

And you are using an alias for what purpose?
Are you a coward?

I can appreciate that you enjoy the company of anyone who treats you with the kindness and respect with which a true gentleman should, however, I have been known to ask about my performance for educational reasons.  I truly seek to improve my ability to satisfy or at least provide good "service" for my partner.  I have a much better time if I know my partner is enjoying herself.  I realize that it is a much, much more enjoyable experience for me, but I want her to have fun too. It is also helpful for a guy like me with no S.O. to be able to learn and improve in preparation for any opportunities that might arise in my personal social life.  
    I tried to explain this to a beautiful young provider I was fortunate enough to meet for an afternoon encounter.  I asked her to provide some vocal cues during DATY because I was inexperienced.  Although she responded with convincing moans and gyrations while I tasted her sweetness, and even told me afterward how much she enjoyed my efforts, I'm not sure if she was just being supportive and stroking my ego.  I can't believe I'm just a "natural".  Maybe she doesn't believe that I was sincere in my request to improve my technique and was afraid she might hurt my feelings                                                               Do you think you it is inappropriate for someone to make a request like I did.  Can't you tell if someone is truly sincere in such a request - and would you agree to instruct him?  Shouldn't you know as well as anyone how someone can improve their performance?  Reading articles in books and magazines may help, but I would prefer hearing it directly from a woman who knows.

Fair enough.  I don't think anyone can learn to be a good lover (in the technical sense) without feedback and guidance.  It also isn't a totally generic thing...the precise touches I might enjoy are not necessarily those your next lover would.  In fact, I know that the forcefulness that is required to bring me over the top at one session (or even one moment) may be different at the next.  Every lover (male or female) therefore owes her partner the necessary feedback in order to ensure the best possible joint outcome.

However, one of my first partners taught me that there are right ways to give this feedback, and wrong ways.  The best way is "in the moment," and always with a positive spin.  I don't tell my partner that he shouldn't do something, but rather guide him to what he should do.  Note that I usually don't know exactly what would be best, but if he's doing something that isn't pleasurable, I try and steer him to do something else that has been more successful in the past.  The "in the moment" part is important as well, since the goal is so immediate.  Later debriefing is okay, again from a positive perspective, not a negative, but it's only going to have an effect the next time, so why not make it more timely?

I appreciate your desire to become a better lover, but remember also that physical technique is only a part of success in this endeavor.  As you already seem to realize, the mind is the most important organ, for both partners (or all three or four, as the case may be!).

Abby

-- Modified on 12/26/2002 4:24:32 AM

I'm with AbbyLane on this one, in both her posts.  But, let's be realistic too - a good SP is probably also a good diplomat, and you can always find something nice to say about someone.  Asking for the unvarnished truth in a customer/client situation just isn't going to happen - can you imagine going to your bank and asking them if you've been a good client and do they still want you to deposit your money there?

As far as I'm concerned, my clients should leave an appointment feeling great, feeling like a King, like the studmaster of the universe, and critiquing technique just isn't going to do that.  I do realize what you're saying, you honestly want to know how you're doing, but I don't think this is really the context for that unless you have a very close relationship with an SP on a personal level.

-Anya

I would appreciate honest answers to this question from SPs, as well as hobbyists who have had the benefit of having gone through this:

Question- What are you feeling when you ask a client to meet you for dinner afterhours or give him your private phone number?  Is he enjoyable, uncomplicated company who conveniently pays for dinner?  Or are you looking at him as possible relationship material?

Recently, I've been puzzled by an increasing number of very desirable SPs give me their private cell numbers or ask me out to dinner when their workdays are done.  How strict is the separation between enjoying your business, and possibly real feelings for a client?  I'm under no illusions that I'm Brad Pitt in looks or Bill Gates in bank account size, though I'm attractive, professionally employed and educated.  Although I have dated several SPs and dancers, I've never really shared experiences with those with more knowledge of The Hobby.  Thanks very much for any input, positive or negative, anybody cares to share!

Excellent question Birdie - I am wondering the same thing. Not bragging but I also seem to end up on a "real" date with Dancers/Providers and it is very confusing.

I'm in the same boat - not great looking or rich - BUT good looking with some $.

Wake up guy.  Do you watch the news?  Some of the biggest Hollywood stars have gotten in trouble for paying for sex!  Some of these guys could have slept with almost any woman they wanted!  I know my wife was hot for Hugh Grant before he was caught with that hooker.

The Gyppo Man

or Charlie Sheen but we see providers for all the same reasons!

Their looks and status eliminate the "need" to pay for it. My sparkling wit (LOL) does the same. I still love this hobby!

I think it was Charlie Sheen who was quoted saying he doesn't have to pay girls for sex, he pays them to leave.  Many people are willing to pay in order to have a less complicated sure thing.  I for one, augment my dating with the occasional provider visit.  Sometimes you don't have the time or inclination to deal with dating and still want to have a quality time with a quality lady. Just my two cents.

It was hard for me to bring up the subject of a relationship transition which in a couple of cases is what I think they wanted.  Its probably also confusing for them since they're not sure how you see them (I'm very open-minded and accepting but they may not always pick up on that).  Also, many of them have more than their share of issues (surprise!)  I'd be very hesitant to date a dancer or provider again.  I recommend dating only civilians.