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TER General Board

Review Pet Peeves
741512th 34 Reviews 2113 reads
posted

Feel free to join in with your own observations, but these are a couple that just bug me:

1.  It is a review of the provider, not a Penthouse letter.  I don't care how masterful you think you were, I just want to know how she was.  I am also unlikely to believe you are eleven inches long and nine inches around.  Save the exaggeration for the women.

2.  She wasn't preparing for Hurricane Andrew.  She "shuddered."  She didn't "shutter." (If she actually shuddered at all - see #1).

3.  Past tense is past tense and present tense is present tense.  If it happened yesterday, then you DID, it WAS, and she SHUDDERED.

4.  Its OK to tell me how she treated you badly, but please don't tell me how you treated her badly.

Slow_on_the_uptake929 reads

but I thought you were preparing to go through a list (i.e. review) of things that bothered you about pets.

Way Slow - LOL

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sleepydasher533 reads

Thank God I'm not on your sh** list- looked back at my last review and I had spelled shuddered right!  Even got the tense right!  Don't want to dissapoint you, send me your guide to review writing when published!  :)

I do however agree with you on the braggy stuff and the macho pounding her stuff- no place for that in a gentleman's view.

I try to write more about the experience and affect the fantastic lady had on me- wish TER didn't require nitty gritty detail.  How many times can you creatively describe the same basic positions and acts!



-- Modified on 10/31/2007 3:54:17 PM

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dreamweaver7513 reads

Do we really have to know that you fancy calling your penis:

- Lt. Light Saber
- Mr. Pop-Up
- Bald Commander
- Mr. Happy
- Grand Poobah
- Professor Pole

Surely seems to be in violation of some aspect of Rule #1...

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Slow_on_the_uptake343 reads

Little Brain, Little Head, Manhood and referring to the "family jewels" as boys.


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anon90210480 reads

That was review #1.

-- Modified on 10/31/2007 4:15:09 PM

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dreamweaver7394 reads

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ForEsmeWithLove699 reads

...because I'd have to suffer through HIS reviews when looking for a local provider.

Some samples:

"Is that clock set correctly? queried I"

[Egads, said I.]

"I asked if I could do some tongue spelunking..."

"On went the elastic friend and away we went..."

"...she is a damn good suckstress..."

"We switched to the position favored by evangelicals ministering to far away savages..."

"...lost wood because of my antipathy for the jimmy hat..."

"Decent tug on the Bald Commander..."

"Hokey Smokes, Bullwinkle!"

"while having Lieutenant Light Saber fully in..."

[Oh brother!]

"I have caviar tastes on a corn dog budget..."

"...stroked the Mayor of Happy Town..."

"...kissed me with some tongue tango..."

"...a wonderful BBBJ which got Captain Cylinder's immediate attention..."

"... she lightly stroked Professor Pole..."

"...she sucked Congressman Willie...."


-- Modified on 10/31/2007 6:24:35 PM

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sleepydasher463 reads

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741512th248 reads

Good point.  I am well rebuked.

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sleepydasher482 reads

Better you work on writing skills than critiquing!

"Holy smokes, Bullwinkle"?????????????  You have got to be kidding!

-- Modified on 10/31/2007 5:01:30 PM

-- Modified on 10/31/2007 5:04:26 PM

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Kornlover1193 reads

Let's at least get it correct:  "She just lay there."  "Lay" is the past tense of "lie."

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channelguy324 reads

When I first started reading the reviews on TER I mostly thought "BORING!"   I vowed to do the following
1)  Never be impolite or nasty to the lady
2)  Tell the truth about the performance
3)  Give enough other details that it is interesting reading.  I really get tired of "mish, doggie, CG, RGL, she came, I came. Said thanks and left.  I'd repeat.  Geez, I'd rather read the cars for sale advertisements in the local rag.

This is, after all and entertainment site too.  
I am probably guilty of the "too cute" review.  

And here I thought I was Hemingway reincarnated.

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741512th373 reads

Actually, it was "Hokey Smokes, Bullwinkle."  One must be of an age to fondly remember Rocky the Squirrel and his moose pal, Bullwinkle, to appreciate Rocky's famous expression of surprise or discovery.

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741512th689 reads

Well, I must admit (after reading the responses), that I am guilty as well.  The cutesy penis names are a bit much.

Never mind.

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anon90210509 reads

It was all in fun, 741512th. I actually enjoyed reading them.

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dreamweaver7500 reads

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sleepydasher284 reads

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741512th1129 reads

As Richard Nixon said, slurring drunkenly as he boarded his helicopter for the last time, "Just because I'm guilty doesn't mean I was wrong." (or maybe he didn't say that, but it sounds good)

My point was somewhat valid despite my obvious hypocrisy.  Weird bragging, recurring, annoying errors, and the self-reporting of piggish behavior can bother a fellow.

Captain Cylinder reporting from the train wreck of his own post.

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