Feel free to join in with your own observations, but these are a couple that just bug me:

1.  It is a review of the provider, not a Penthouse letter.  I don't care how masterful you think you were, I just want to know how she was.  I am also unlikely to believe you are eleven inches long and nine inches around.  Save the exaggeration for the women.

2.  She wasn't preparing for Hurricane Andrew.  She "shuddered."  She didn't "shutter." (If she actually shuddered at all - see #1).

3.  Past tense is past tense and present tense is present tense.  If it happened yesterday, then you DID, it WAS, and she SHUDDERED.

4.  Its OK to tell me how she treated you badly, but please don't tell me how you treated her badly.

but I thought you were preparing to go through a list (i.e. review) of things that bothered you about pets.

Way Slow - LOL

Thank God I'm not on your sh** list- looked back at my last review and I had spelled shuddered right!  Even got the tense right!  Don't want to dissapoint you, send me your guide to review writing when published!  

I do however agree with you on the braggy stuff and the macho pounding her stuff- no place for that in a gentleman's view.

I try to write more about the experience and affect the fantastic lady had on me- wish TER didn't require nitty gritty detail.  How many times can you creatively describe the same basic positions and acts!



-- Modified on 10/31/2007 3:54:17 PM

Do we really have to know that you fancy calling your penis:

- Lt. Light Saber
- Mr. Pop-Up
- Bald Commander
- Mr. Happy
- Grand Poobah
- Professor Pole

Surely seems to be in violation of some aspect of Rule #1...

Little Brain, Little Head, Manhood and referring to the "family jewels" as boys.

That was review #1.

-- Modified on 10/31/2007 4:15:09 PM

...because I'd have to suffer through HIS reviews when looking for a local provider.

Some samples:

"Is that clock set correctly? queried I"

[Egads, said I.]

"I asked if I could do some tongue spelunking..."

"On went the elastic friend and away we went..."

"...she is a damn good suckstress..."

"We switched to the position favored by evangelicals ministering to far away savages..."

"...lost wood because of my antipathy for the jimmy hat..."

"Decent tug on the Bald Commander..."

"Hokey Smokes, Bullwinkle!"

"while having Lieutenant Light Saber fully in..."

[Oh brother!]

"I have caviar tastes on a corn dog budget..."

"...stroked the Mayor of Happy Town..."

"...kissed me with some tongue tango..."

"...a wonderful BBBJ which got Captain Cylinder's immediate attention..."

"... she lightly stroked Professor Pole..."

"...she sucked Congressman Willie...."


-- Modified on 10/31/2007 6:24:35 PM

Better you work on writing skills than critiquing!

"Holy smokes, Bullwinkle"?????????????  You have got to be kidding!

-- Modified on 10/31/2007 5:01:30 PM

-- Modified on 10/31/2007 5:04:26 PM

Let's at least get it correct:  "She just lay there."  "Lay" is the past tense of "lie."

When I first started reading the reviews on TER I mostly thought "BORING!"   I vowed to do the following
1)  Never be impolite or nasty to the lady
2)  Tell the truth about the performance
3)  Give enough other details that it is interesting reading.  I really get tired of "mish, doggie, CG, RGL, she came, I came. Said thanks and left.  I'd repeat.  Geez, I'd rather read the cars for sale advertisements in the local rag.

This is, after all and entertainment site too.  
I am probably guilty of the "too cute" review.  

And here I thought I was Hemingway reincarnated.

Good point.  I am well rebuked.

Well, I must admit (after reading the responses), that I am guilty as well.  The cutesy penis names are a bit much.

Never mind.

It was all in fun, 741512th. I actually enjoyed reading them.

As Richard Nixon said, slurring drunkenly as he boarded his helicopter for the last time, "Just because I'm guilty doesn't mean I was wrong." (or maybe he didn't say that, but it sounds good)

My point was somewhat valid despite my obvious hypocrisy.  Weird bragging, recurring, annoying errors, and the self-reporting of piggish behavior can bother a fellow.

Captain Cylinder reporting from the train wreck of his own post.

Actually, it was "Hokey Smokes, Bullwinkle."  One must be of an age to fondly remember Rocky the Squirrel and his moose pal, Bullwinkle, to appreciate Rocky's famous expression of surprise or discovery.