Had a very interesting encounter tonight...met one of my provider buddies during a multi hour date just for fun...I honestly had no expectations in regards to the session, did not expect to join in or be commercially engaged in any way...just wanted to hang out for a while and I made that clear before I visited them...

I love meeting people and I am clear that in our world of P4P, I fill a specific niche that a select few appreciate...Not every man desires my type and no type is universal...

when it was time for my friend to get playful w/ her date, I got ready to leave. Her date and I understood what he was looking for in this arena and I was OK that, his fantasy was her,we are very different, I wasn't it...the guy and I were too alike, same age, same background and too many things in common, to be frank to this gentleman I was not a fantasy but something all too familiar ( frankly I wasn't intrigued by him either )so I got ready to leave...my girlfriend was sure I was angry and could't understand I was sooo cool with it.My ego wasn't bruised and I felt no rejection. I get that there is no universal attraction and that the hobby is about fantasy and to some men I may not be it...so my question is why do providers take these things personally...It certainly was not about me and my looks or skills but it was about what HIS fantasy was...and if fantasy is what men seek how can women ever be competitive as we all bring such diversity to the table?? When we are not picked it is not because we are not good enough,it is because this is about deeper things than that and not all shoes fit all feet..

What an insightful, instructive post. We could all do with a dose of your sense of self. There would be a lot less neurosis in the world.

Good story and even better message. We all would love to think that we are desired, wanted, even loved to a certain extent, but the lesson is always, different strokes for different folks. If a provider or hobbyist ever feel slighted in the P4P arena, they had better suck on a bottle of booze to get past it and quick. I am renting space in your love booth. A ticket means may mean that I get MSOG, but not necessarily. It also does not mean she's in love with me or even likes me (I was once told I had a pretty cock, but that's for another day). Imagine being with two women who you like and like you, but not each other. That's the strangest mix I have ever been in and it was just okay and no where near the fantasy that I had always cultvated in my brain. I tend to stay away from duos. The only experience I have had in the P4P space was a bit contrived. Sure, they worked me over just fine, but the interplay between them, was just a wee bit mechanical and staged so poorly that I just laughed and got soft, imagine that... We are all lepers in someone eyes and you are damn lucky when someone let's you know up front.


-- Modified on 1/28/2007 6:23:09 AM

I agree with Miki 100%. If you don't have a strong sense of who you are and like that person you'll never keep your head on straight in this business. You have to be a grown up woman in every sense of the word to survive AND thrive as a provider.

As you know, she and I are both on the mature end of the scale. Me the more senior again. So we both had to deal with the fact, that despite our skills and our experiences in life, we were not going to be everyone's fantasy. I'm a Leo and I want EVERYONE to love and adore me. (smiling as I write this) The hobby, more than anything else in my life, has taught me, NOT to take being ignored by 80% of the hobby population personally. Many who don't want me to be their fantasy sometimes have become my friends. In a way, that is even better. One can't have too many friends in life.

What is so helpful for me, as a provider, is to have friends like Miki. She and I have had this discussion many a time. And being mature providers, we are the only ones who can understand our unique perspective. It's a great comfort to know that you're not the only one when you're dealing with an issue that affects not only your livelihood but your self-esteem.

I was married very young. I never truly had a sense of who I was nor any confidence in myself. He wasn't a cool guy. I got a LOT of help after  I left him. Looking back I don't even know the woman I was then. Becoming a provider has given me MORE confidence than any other decision I've made since I became single. The financial security that my business has given me is a big part of that self confidence, granted. So, even though you ALL don't troop through my door I focus on the ones who do and have one hell of a good time.

Perhaps it because she and I both love people and we have a clear understanding of the service we offer and we LOVE that service. I've never felt a sense of shame or wrongness in what I do. I embrace my sexuality and enjoy sharing it with you. I see myself as a caregiver as well as a part time girlfriend/lover/courtesan/mistress, etc. whatever you want to call us. I'm PROUD of what I do and that is another reason for me to hold my head up high when someone chooses another gal instead of me. As Miki so eloquently articulates, I wasn't HIS fantasy. My wish for he and the woman he chooses is to enjoy that fantasy to the fullest.

We have an opportunity as providers to experience being with some of the best lovers in the world. I have met some absolutely incredible men and that never would have happened if I'd stayed in my safe and predictable civilian world. So, how could I feel rejected when I am so blessed?

Smiles and Kisses Always,
Anneke

-- Modified on 1/28/2007 8:25:05 AM

Thank you Anneke and Miki for posting this so eloquently.  I too am a mature provider and I know that I am not every man's cup of tea.  But I love what I do, and feel so rewarded when I meet the men that I do click with.  I've made some wonderful friends, met alot of great people, and I too feel blessed.

A very intereting and instructive post.  But, not every experience with providers is fantasy, which implies creative imagination, unfulfilled dreams, etc and not reality.  The very term MILF implies strong fantasy.  Yet, I am very fond of a provider who is attractive, warm and friendly, skilled, interesting, in late 20s but mature and understanding.  Where's the fantasy in that? I think she's a rare person and that is at least as important as the physical stuff, at which she excels.  Comments?

How could you not be ANY man's fantasy Miki? That was the best post I have read on this forum

What a great post Miki.  Sometimes life is not about us.  It is about what others perceive.  And acceptance of this fact could eliminate much pain caused by expectations.  Your insight can be translated to many walks of life....not just hobbying.

You are one savvy, perceptive, and together woman.  

-- Modified on 1/28/2007 5:28:38 PM

Only a leo could possibly have that much to say.... my gosh.

kisses, Lisa

I think for some it's a competition thing and they feel rejected. Also, some have low self esteem and take it personal.

Like you said, it's all about fantasy or trying something you normally would not. Such as a consertative white men picking a black or Spanish provider when you would assume he would want the blue eyed blonde.

Other times you just click with someone and it's not always about looks or skills.

See, we CAN be brief.

Smiles,
Anneke

Very well put both Anneke and Miki; so insightful.  I have visited Anneke several times and enjoyed every minute of my time with her.  If I were to go to NYC, I would try to see Miki.  Very true that every hobbyist is different.  Speaking for myself, I am not attracted to only one type of woman.  If you scan my reviews you will see that I have had great sessions with everything from MILF's to 20ish spinner types.  It is not "one size fits all" all the time.

I agree with you utterly on this, as I've mentioned... you are so lovely, both inside and out.

Every woman brings something different to the world, every woman is unique. And every man appreciates something different... it isn't just about money, or blonde hair, or a vast lingerie collection. It's about who we are, and how we connect, on a deeper level.

And sure, sometimes it's about something mindlessly, gloriously physical, without words, without thought. And that's okay too.

I think that being voluptuous has some extra benefits in this business. My slender friends can sometimes be insanely jealous and competitive with one another. Being on the curvy side of things teaches you that there are always men (and women!) who will appreciate everyone, regardless of the details. I have a niche that I fill; I am totally different than anyone else. I am not envious of my fellow providers, because I am comfortable with who I am, and know that I will be appreciated for who I am.

I think that's the key to jealousy... whether professional, or in one's romantic life. We have to be confident with who we are, accept that we are "good enough" with ourselves, and loveable and desireable as we are. We must trust that the world will see us that way, too.

xxxooo
Beverly ;-*

Thank you for underscoring this, Miki.  Especially when I know of a recent incident of a lady forced to retire due to dirty tricks by a "competitor."  I know of other battles as well, but that one sets a new low for threats and disgusting tactics.  

Really, it's sexual behavior before it's a  business.  Turf wars, niche wars, and vanity competitions should have no part in it.      

Of course it's not always about fantasy. Many times I think it is about having someone who is real and approachable, someone you would and do want in your life on a regular basis, but without all the hassle of a "real" relationship. I think the point of this post, though, is to remind us that no single lady can be the ideal for every gent, regardless of appearance, mentality, or bedroom skills. It's all about chemistry....

Maybe it is totally obvious and a cliche, at least to you. Maybe you've had better therapy than I!

I know for me it took years and years for me to learn these things, for me to come to accept myself and feel good about who I am. Cliche, maybe... but such things become cliches because they have a root in truth and reality. But perhaps that's obvious, too! LOL

I also know that there are many, many women in this business who are still afflicted with the jealousy and competition bug. So perhaps not everyone can see what is so clear to you...

One might go so far as to suggest that another cliche could be critical comments delivered by someone using an alias..... {wink! }

xxxooo
Beverly ;-*

that thought was straight to the point.  I have visited your site and I think too bad I am not in New York.

I wasn't disputing the wisdom of your comment, only suggesting that while true, the reality might be like the line from the Three Penny Opera, "we crave to be better than we are, but sad to say this never yet has happened."  LOL.

How delightful! What a wonderful quote. And it certainly is true... I myself am in a constant struggle.

Walter Benjamin wrote that "the Threepenny opera makes it clear how intimately the counter-morality of the beggars and rogues is bound up with the official morality."

I wonder what Benjamin would have said if he'd seen TER... LOL

xxxooo
Beverly ;-*