So...is it me? Maybe it is the pool I chose to play in?

Do you guys really find your "dates" to be significantly better looking and / or hotter in bed than your SOs?

This hasn't been the experience for me. In my limited number of hobby encounters (about 15...which is limited compared to many of you guys), there have maybe been two girls who I really thought were better looking than my SOs at the time, and two girls who were more fun in bed. And none (so far) who were better looking than the BEST looking SO from my past, or a better lay than my HORNIEST SO from my past.

Now, I don't think my SOs are all that good looking. I'd say they are average to slightly above average for their age(typically mid 30 to 40)...certainly not "hot" especially compared to the typically early 20 something or late teen you might see walking down the street in any major North American city. My SOs look decent for their age...I don't chose relationships based on looks primarily, because experience has taught me that is a mistake.

And I must also admit that I don't spend tons on money in this "hobby". I am not looking for expensive escapism fantasies with an unattainable woman, or for "pay as you go" ongoing relationships. I'm just looking for sex, typically at a time when for some reason I can't get any, whatever that reason might be. Thus, I tend to play in the $$ to $$$$ range

Having said all that, when I see a gal with reviews averaging "7" for looks...which is supposed to be "attractive" and "7" for service, which is supposed to be "Hot Time", I'm expecting to do "better" than I can at home. But that usually isn't the case...in fact, usually I can do better at home (especially regarding BBBJ...I am amazed at how many pros have no idea how to BBBJ...).

My question is...does this occur because

A) I am shopping at the wrong price point?

B) I am luckier than I know on the home front, and my SOs are unusual as women go.

C) My SOs aren't all that unusual, and neither are my escort experiences...per functionary performance from escorts is typical, after all, it is what they do for a living. They aren't driven by a particular atteraction / passion for me.

I mean, I just assume that if they are PROs, they'd be BETTER than average both looks wise and in the sack. Or...am I out to lunch here?

I guess I am asking…should I just stop hobbying altogether, because I am only going to continue to be disappointed? Are my expectations out of line with what is typical for the average hobbyist? Does the fact that I have a relatively happy sex life away from the hobby just screw up the whole equation…is that the problem?




-- Modified on 6/24/2003 12:24:55 PM

With some excellent thought and questions. I'd really rather reply to this privately, but you're not VIP. Here's my email address: [email protected]  if you're interested..

If what you have at home is better looking and you get better sex than what the hell are you spending money for in the hobby. As far as providers go and BBBJ either you are seeing the wrong providers or you have been very lucky with SOs.  One thing almost all of the providers I've been with can really do is give a tremendous BJ  BBBJ or CBJ.  Most I have been with really like to do it and that makes all the difference.

Really?

I've come close to blowing my wad only once with a provider...by comparison, my last two SOs do / did AMAZING BBBJ...and the one before that thought she was good (she wasn't, though I didn't know it at the time until I met the next woman) and loved it so much she'd beg me for the oppotunity to do it....and would show far greater enthusiasm than I have seen yet from a provider.

To answer your question, I guess I spend money hobbying because I NEED sex. When I want it, I want it, and I am not always willing to go without because of logistical reasons (SO out of town, SO on the rag, SO pissed off at me). I just am not one to deny myself. So yeah...sex when I get it at home is pretty good to great, but I don't get it all the time when I want (who does?). Still, I am trying to figure out of it is worth three bills to get mediorce sex on demand, versus just wating until I can have decent sex with the SO. My last experience has me giving this some thought...I might be in th wrong hobby...

-- Modified on 6/25/2003 10:03:17 AM

That is to say,

Decide . . . which lifestyle will ultimately bring you the greatest happiness and fulfillment. Vacillating between two extremes is seldom rewarding -- and never fruitful.

Conquer . . . your desire to pursue other avenues once you've reconciled your romantic direction.

Obviously, this strategy is more easily prescribed than implemented. And, it's simple for a schmoe like me to dispense seemingly sound advice from such a comfy vantage point.

But, you did ask.

You strike me as a reasonable fellow. I'm confident you'll see your way through this personal dilemma.

Party-On, baby!

-- Modified on 6/24/2003 12:45:12 PM

A seven should be average or a "C" and not attractive or hot time.  I think at the price range you describe you would expect to get an average looking american woman.  Whether you get a perfunctory response or the date of your life time is most likely how she feels and responds to you.

The more you pay assuming you are staying within class (indy vs. Agency) IMHO, the more likely you are paying for the look of the provider and that as we all know is very subjective.  Paying more may also have nothing whatsoever to do with performance since that is very hard for a provider to charge for.

You seem really happy with your SO's except for an occassional inconvience when one is unavailable.  I am not sure a "step up" in cost is where you want to go since you say you don't care about the fantasy aspect.

You could just revel in your S?O and be content with the fact that for you the grass is ot greener on the other side.

Condoms ruin the exchange of body fluids, which IMHO is the most satisfying part of sex. Practice with the same partner does make it better.
Providers can certainly be more stimulating, given the infinite variety available. They allow us to have it all, love and variety.

Providers provide real sex as a basic service.

Our S/O's and special providers provide love making which includes sex but also something else.  The sex may not be as good but the emotional bonding (including exchanging fluids as you put it) is what really makes it special, at least IMHO.

-- Modified on 6/24/2003 3:11:33 PM

If you want to have beauty with the beast than a higher price may get you that.  Like so many parts of our culture real beauty usually demands a higher level of reward or price, but does that mean better sex. Depends how much that beauty affects your sex drive or level of pleasure.  Because it will be you not her, I have not found great looks make for a better sex partner, in fact there may be some factors like conceit that make that less of a possibility.  
  As I've said before my best raw sexual experience BBBJTC CIM, Mish, doggie, did I mention BBBJTC CIM was with a 24yo girl who had been doing this for 6 weeks.  Not the most beautiful provider but she loved sex and we spent over 2hr. on a Thur. and 3hrs. the next Sun. and all for the huge sum of $100 each session.  Yes my tip was generous

SlowStart

My point is simply that BB (unprotected or real) sex is physically better than condom sex.  Orgasms are electric and simultaneous, at least with practice. Unprotected sex with a provider is Russian roulette at worst and at least a threat to a significant other or that relationship. But providers do offer forbidden fruit which can't be had at home. I think there is a place for both. Each variety offers psychological attractions.

For me, the majority of the providers I've seen have been as good looking, if not better, than the "civilian" ladies I dated when I was younger.  The main difference is the quality of the sex.  Providers are so much better than any of the women I've dated that I'm afraid I've become spoiled now.  Providers are less inhibited, willing to do more things, and always make you think they enjoy it.  I couldn't imagine ever going back to a non-provider relationship.  Sedagive.

I am probably what one would call a "frequent flyer" in this hobby.  And your posts bring a few points to mind that I thought I'd add my .02 to your thoughts.  I will not give you advice, but rather share what came to my mind reading your post.  Take it any way you wish, they're simply my own ramblings.

Our most important sex organ is the brain.  The fact that you evidently have no trouble getting off with your SO, and experience difficulty with a provider is, to my mind, a sign of some moral dilemma, caught between fidelity and your need for sex that can't at all times be fulfilled by your SO.

As far as $$$ is concerned, for me that is the going rate, and probably a fair estimate of the average rate for providers of the ilk we find here.  My experiences have been very different from yours.  I have met and had very fine times with many, many providers, most found here at TER.  And most, to me, were very attractive.  I did my research, and found these providers based on looking at their reviews, and comparing other reviewer's comments relative to my experiences when we've seen the same provider.  Yes I have had some bad experiences, and once even took one for the team.  But by and large the experiences you describe haven't happened to me.  

I don't have an SO, and have not had one since the passing of my wife 6 years ago (I was not in the "hobby" at all during my marriage).  So I cannot offer a direct comparison.  My reasons for being in the hobby are also somewhat different from yours, in that the sex is important for sure, but also very important is the companionship and intellectual company.  I'm sometimes at odds as to which is more important.  This "duality" of service is what you are probably getting at home, and not getting in a one hour "date" with a provider.  Since you haven't elaborated on your "dates" I cannot know this for sure, but that's what it sounds like.

I don't know if this helps, but your direct and honest post struck a chord here, and I thought it appropriate to respond.  I hope you'll be successful in resolving this dilemma.  And please, this is NOT in any way a critique, or even advice.  It's just some thoughts from a guy in the hobby with too much time on his hands.

F.

I recommend that you do some TER research and find the hottest (on paper) 2 providers you can and pay whatever they charge.  If the best providers can't surpass your SO then consider giving it up.

I'll admit I have a problem with women.  I seriously cannot tolerate them in a relationship.  I just can't put up with their sh*t.  If I could I would.  I do love having sex though and have had some truly amazing provider experiences.

If I could have an SO as you do, I wouldn't be in the hobby.

As an observation, I did find your struggle to quantify and reduce this to a simple pleasure/money equation fascinating.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

Cheers