For the first time, somebody asked me this the other day.  The question was sincere and from a friend who did not disapprove or object to the activity.  She was simply quite curious why I would choose to do this.  I, of course, have my reasons, and I gave her those reasons as best I could.  But I found it harder to put my reasons into words than I thought it would be.  Now I think it's pretty obvious why the married folk pay for sex, but I would like to know why other unmarried hobbyists pay for sex.  I'll share my reasons after I hear what others have to say - in case your reasons are better than mine!

I pay for them to leavea after they've had their way with me!

After three years of hobbying, I just figured it out last weekend, and finally managed to put it into words last night, see thread below titled "What I learned".

Mine might be an extreme case, or at least for different reason than most. However, I wondered about your post, how many men tell friends  or family about their activity in such a hobby, and what the reaction typically is.

told my shrink a few months ago (the only person that knows so far)

his response: "this may the BEST thing for someone like you!"

LOL

I am single, 40, average looking, and making only a "moderate" income.  I am not at a place in my life where a relationship of the type I want is feasible, and I don't have the looks, money, time, attitude, or desire to go out and try to pickup civilians for sex.  As I can't have the relationship I want, when I can afford it, I spend money for the companionship of a woman with the personality or looks that I will enjoy.

I am 37, married, and my wife knows that I have sex with other women.  She actually tells me that she's turned on by it.  I'm extremely passionate about sexuality.  I need a LOT of sex (must be my Italian upbringing...all the hugging and kissing...I don't know).  

I pay for sex for three reasons:

#1:  It's the shortest distance between two points.  I don't have the time to spend romancing anyone to get sex, and since my wife fills all my romantic needs, sex is all I want anyway.

#2:  No strings attached.  The last thing I need is for a woman to not believe me when I tell her that I'm happily married and begin pursuing me.  And, yes, with my wedding ring in full view, I get hit on a lot.  I always say "no thanks."

#3:  The sex is waaaaay better.  With few exceptions, this has been my overwhelming experience.

Here's MY question.  Given the above reasons, why WOULDN'T you pay for sex?  People who have a problem with paying for sex, I think, believe that this is admitting that you can't get it for free.  Not true.

Have fun guys,


Jacksonlips

You know, I can cook fairly well, but I still like to eat out to try new things, or things that I feel like eating but don't feel like cooking. This, I pay for.

I am an excellent driver, but if I am in NYC, or London, or Bangkok, I take taxis or hire drivers. This, I pay for.

I love my house, my garden, the city I live in, but I enjoy interesting hotels and seeing new places. I pay for this travel.

I pay for variety in companionship because (1) I can, (2) its easy to do so, and (3) I save time. Simple.

O.

I don't "pay them to leave" as is attributed to Charlie Sheen (not even sure if he's the first to have said that, but it doesn't matter).  The main reason if pay for it is for them to not attempt to tie any strings as almost all "civilian" women are prone to do when they know you're unattached..as I am.  Actually that's what "drove" me to this hobby in the first place, & I'm no great prize so if it happened with me it must not be unique.  It's one thing to hear from a provider who tells you something that's nice to hear, but quite another thing to hear the same thing from an aforementioned civilian.  

Another reason I found (after a while in this hobby) is that there are a lot of really nice gals who are providers...all you have to do is discover that they are real people, as much so as any gal in some other walk of life.  Sure, there are exceptions & maybe I've been lucky enough to have made good choices, but I've found some who are simply a lot of fun (sex aside) & very comfortable to be with...a big part of that is probably because there's no bullshit involved in coversation or (particularly important) expectations.

Oh!!  Did I say that??   :-0

I liked your post about "what I learned" by the way.

The reason I pay for it, is cuz I can't get it any other way. Duh. I'm sometimes amazed at young women, for example, who ask me why I seem to have a hard time finding a date. "Well, will you go out with me?" "OMIGOD I didn't mean ME!! I meant ... SOME OTHER girl." LOL It's not so much the rejection, as the hypocrisy, that kills me. But I digress ...

I am LEARNING not to HAVE TO pay for it. It's a slow curve, something I wish I had my dad, or a brother, or my crazy Uncle Eddie the Vietnam Vet involved in. My dad doesn't have a goddam clue, his wife (yes, my mom) is overweight and unattractive and doesn't work and he seems miserable about it, despite how good a mother and a cook she WAS when I was growing up, but now as dad ages into a fairly sexy, cute, very successful middle-aged man, he seems to have given up, just thinks his life in the sack is "just over because that's what you're supposed to do," so I guess I'm glad he's not offering his advice on picking up women, LOL. Instead, I have to get "the concept" from internet bulletin boards, and from books I pick up in the "Relationships" section of Barney-and-No-Bull-dot-com. And, don't be mistaken, what the system SAYS is the effective way to get what you want, is quite often very very bad advice: be nice and respectful and gentlemanly, make sure she knows you care, open doors and pay for dinner; or, be the bad boy, be dominant and aggressive and smell of testosterone -- none of this is intelligent commentary. Or this one: "just be yourself." Hahahahah ... if being myself for fifteen years failed to get me laid, why will not changing anything suddenly bring about some new result?

So, I pay for because I "have to." I suppose, if someone kidnapped me and held a gun to my head and reminded me that technically speaking I didn't "have to" have sex at all, I could bloody well do without sex and learn to like it. Likewise, I'm sure lots of overweight people could change their diets, but don't; I'm sure smokers could quit, but don't. Where you draw the line between what is "worth" changing (like, giving up sex) as opposed to what isn't (because of the quality of life it provides) is a subjective tangle. But, ASIDE from that, and presuming I choose not to give up on what reasonable things that I want out of life ... including sex with people who are physically appealing to me (and yes, I include physical appeal as a necessary, a _sine_qua_non_, because it's OK for me to act like a heterosexual human adult male Homo sapiens, because I AM one!):

Then why do I pay for it? Because women won't let me get it for free. They WANT IT. In fact, they enjoy it probably more than I do. They NEED it, to build stress-free lives and balanced relationships. But for some damn reason, the thing they most appreciate is also the thing they most reject. I'm learning to get around the bullshit, and beat them at their game. I haven't quite succeeded yet. Not just yet, but just they wait, I'm loaded and dangerous ...

It's really a pity, how much anger and invective I can bring up out of my heart about women if I'm given a chance. I don't WANT to be a misogynist ... I wasn't raised a misogynist. Politically, I tend to vote for people who would want women and men to have equal pay for equal work, and aside from a few odd jobs (like, heavy-duty lifting in certain positions in the US military) I think a female is pretty much just as good as a male, given adequate training and intellectual abilities and so forth. So, you might even call me a "feminist" in that respect! I didn't have traumatic experiences as a small child at the hands of strange man-hating ultra-feminists. Sure, there were some warped PE teachers, but those problems cut both directions fairly evenly, just like any normal childhood. I haven't been castrated or something (although some people suggest the fact that I'm circumcized might have something to do with it). But then, as I came into my own, I started to try to have a normal, decent life ... try to treat people OK ... try to be an adult heterosexual human male living in North America ... and all I had to do was OBSERVE REALITY and I automatically became a misogynist.

I don't want to be a misogynist. This is a sad thing. Is there some way around it?



-- Modified on 7/24/2003 6:45:54 PM

and I like really really really bi woman. I hate that run around game at bars and clubs.
Lets get serious and hiring escorts is the easiest way!


Shaye

I always get the message "Your a great friend and I don't want to ruin our friendship".  Women flirt with me, but that's all they will do....besides, most women my age are already married or don't EVER want to get married again.

Besides the ones that know I do this, don't care.  They get a bigger laugh out of hearing about my time with the ladies.  You can also make the argument that you always pay for it.
Taking a woman to dinner
Buying her drinks in a bar
Getting her an engagement ring
But of course, I could just be justifying it too myself that way.

When you have a physical disability women WILL NOT give you a chance. In fact most people dont even want to be friends.  And it does not matter ( that your disability is quite mild ) they just can get past it.  It also does not matter that you have a great job, make good money, and consider your self to be goodlooking.

THATS WHY I HOBBY.................  

ray  ( lonely in chicago )

First of all let me thank you again for the travel tips you gave me, a stranger to you, almost two years ago.  You may not remember that, but I do..which proves nothing other than even some of us older dudes don't have to have fading memories.  LOL  But on to what I really want to say in reply...

You seem to be very hard on yourself, & that's a mind-set you need to rid yourself of, if you don't it will permeate & destroy things which you may want & may well be otherwise possible in the 'real world'.  I recall, not specifics but in general, other posts you have made, & IMO that seems to often come through between the lines.  

Most women, civilian or otherwise, can detect a lack of confidence & self respect in a guy the same way that a wild animal can detect fear in a potential prey.  Come across as needy & I can almost guarantee you it's a turn-off.  I don't know if you've set your sights unrealistically high or not...that's something you might examine as well as it could be a problem if that's true.  

Frankly there are gals, including providers, who aren't necessarily the dream of every guy with a hard-on, who are still very complete women & simply very enjoyable to be with.

NO guy, including you, should ever feel you HAVE to pay for it...but if you feel you must, then & only then do you have no alternative.  I'm a very ordinary guy like most of us..some strong points, some not so strong, but I could get laid in the civilian world easily enough without much problem...mainly because I know & probably reflect that---certainly not because I'm some studly hunk.  Does that mean some of the beautiful ladies I've seen would "do" mean under those circumstances?  Certainly not...I'm not that big a fool as to think so!  But do I believe those same gals might simply enjoy my company?  Yes, I do think that.

A lot (most?) guys get certain compliments, which we rightfully toss off as part of the biz, but the ones I've felt are most sincere are those having to do with me as a person...one I remember in particular was that I was a "realist"--her words, not mine.  

Geez, I've gotten more verbose than I intended...but I'm simply trying to say that everyone has something to offer whatever it might be--look inside yourself & realize that & good things are likely to follow.

just ask any LOSER! it just doesn't work ... believe me, i've tried it and look where i ended up? hobbying on TER!  LOL

i vowed years ago (while still relatively young) that i would no longer play the nice-guy "dunce" in women's hypocritical relationship dramas. i also believe [you watch, they're going to throw me to the wolves for this!] that MISOGYNY HAS GOTTEN A BAD RAP!  

H.L. Mencken, a confirmed misogynist said: "Men destroy themselves trying to satisfy the financial needs of women" and he called marriage "slavery with man as the slave" ... i mean HELLO!? ... LOL ... is he THAT far off the mark?

the ancient Greeks (bless the little buggers) were virulently misogynistic and look at their legacy: philosophy, mathematics, logic, art, literature. of course in even more ancient times misogyny was not really hatred but more an attitude of ambivalence towards women (such was the case later with the Romans for example). but with passage of time things turned very dour: in the Middle Ages, Christian dogma which suffered from sexual guilt blamed all women for being the conduit to the devil, harlots the whole lot of them! and things didn't change for couple hundred years until the Renaissance but even then it was mostly good-natured ambivalence and curiosity as to what their rights should be. the rest of misogyny's evolution is within recent history, so no need to rehash it: the 18th century, the Romantics, Victorians and fin-de-siecle Colette and later Anais's flowery sensualism where virile men found a particularly "queer" role to play. and nowadays the Andrea Dworkins of the world who would like to castrate us all ... has anyone ever noticed how THEIR misandry is tolerated while our alleged misogyny is condemed SIX WAYS TO SUNDAY!?   LOL

the anger in your heart is justified. as Dr. Phil would probably say: "embrace it. make it yours" (well, maybe he wouldn't say exactly THAT!) but you have to FEEL it to be alive. with every pulsating throb i'm reminded of the whys and wherefores of our situation and our role in this perverted drama.

--

now, i'm most likely doomed because of this post. but i'd be surprised if YOU don't get REAMED for this little jewel:

"I think a female is pretty much just as good as a male, given adequate training and intellectual abilities and so forth" -- book_guy

pretty much?  LOL

I WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU~!!!!!!!!  Lmao


Boobies in your face and all *sigh* Maybe in September.

1) reliable action with beautiful, otherwise unapproachable young ladies;
2) fantasy adventures not usually available in regular relationships (Greek, BBBJTC, DATY, multi-shots)
3) no strings!  (if I'm not a sap and falling in love with an ATF)

As for #3, I struck out completely on Adult Friend Finder, but an email conversation with another, successful hobbyist revealed that 1) it may be "free", but it's hard work to coax an email answer and then set a rendezvous and 2) this guy had fun, but had one clingy, and one scary episode [he didn't elaborate].  As a hobbyist, I've been stood up, been misled, been upsold, been "ripped off", but when it works.....WOW!

From your posts on the board you seem like a fairly articulate guy who expresses him self well.  One of those talk show guys ther are potentially 20,000 compatible mates for each person in the USA.  If you take the tack there is no one right person for you but that everyone is possibly a good match it may open your eyes a little to the possilities around you.  I wouldn't necessarily "lower" your sights either.   You want an intelligent woman who can appreciate you for what you are.  And they are out there.  I think you may be feeling too sorry for yourself for whatever reason to notice them.  When I was single there were any number of women I missed the first time I met who I dated later once I got to know them better.  Don't think there is going to be this big sign from God saying "This is the One".  That's like the old joke about the guy who drowns while waiting for a sign from God when God had already sent a row boat and a helocoptor, the guy just didn't notice

I would recommend that you rent a silly little movie called "The Tao of Steve".  It is a fun little comedy if you haven't seen in and you might just get some insight from it.

Oh, and feel free to make any grammatical or spelling corrections you choose, I ain't gonna kare.


-- Modified on 7/24/2003 9:44:08 PM

Because I have standards that I wish to maintain.
I like beautiful women who dress sexy and are not prudes. I hate selfrighteousness and hypocracy and value honesty and straight-forwardness. I like to "pick" the woman of my desire, not  settle for what "chance" or "chemistry" has to offer. My job demands odd and sometimes long hours limiting my access to many social venues for meeting "civilians".
 Although "Paying for sex" tends to keep this working man perpetually broke. When I look back at my years spent in so called "marital bliss" I recall being just as "broke" and the sex was less frequent and Ho-Hum at best.

Because I make really bad choices in dating and I'm really bad at the dating game.  I'm usually thinking with my d*** anyway.  By choosing the hobby route, at least I'm being honest.  

It is funny, with my ATF, we can spend am hour or two talking, and I'm not having to think, "are we going to?" which makes me more relaxed and having a good time.  Then I can make a move and it's successful every time.  

When I was young I had a friend who visited massage parlors and had some great stories, and I thought "I'm not going to pay for it".  Now I think if I had occasionally gone it would have been good for me.

For basic instincts such as this, I would imagine that it's all  genetically preprogrammed. As far as I know, prostitution goes back at least as far as recorded history.

Indeed, the earliest case of prostitution that I've seen is anthropology studies of chimps (this is where the Bonobo Schlong would come in, if he were still around), where a male chimp gives the female some fruit, and while she's eating he mounts her.

In today's society, males give females tokens (i.e., paper money) that can be exchanged for a wide range of goods and services. These payments can be either be done for a short-term rental basis (envelopes filled with cash on a dresser) or long-term lease (marriage - 50% surrender charges on divorce). I think the basic idea is that the females of our species, and indeed our progenitor species, basically wants everything males have that isn't nailed down. Obviously, she needs all of these things (or thinks she does), so that she will have sufficient resources to raise her offspring.

The amazing thing to me is that, given how much we poor males desire females, they leave us anything at all.

In light of the hourly prices found on TER, though, one could of course argue that even on a short-term rental basis that females aren't leaving us all that much. Guess it's too bad that fruit doesn't work anymore.

-- Modified on 7/24/2003 10:46:42 PM

-- Modified on 7/24/2003 10:48:05 PM

complicated not to mention much much less expensive financially *and* emotionally.

You guys pay us to leave...not to come over, so end of potentially sticky complicated situation, hence no strings! How much better can it get?  Man on his best behavior, woman on her best-definitely worth it!

Most time we are paying for sex anyway.  Think about a civilian as a undercovered escort, who wouldn't accept cash as payment.

Let me explain

We are either paying in money or time or effort or maybe love.

example--most of us paid for the dinner we took our date, then we brought the flower, don't we, then we had to make them  feel good mentally.  
So a regular woman you had sex with just take our money in different ways, as goods, services we brought them, or a marriage we offered to them.

I know some of you will say "I didn't have to do anything to have sex with so and so"

but the fact is, you are either paying with your look or your charm or your whatever.

Why don't you make a offer to your friend that you would like to have sex with her in some kind of exchange?

yes, I you two are both right! My apologies. I was thinking here in my hometown.
September!!! Yes, I will take you BOTH on!

Missing you both....Shaye

EVERY good relationship is based upon need or desire, and our species of human has probably out-survived the others because of male sex drive. Given that drive, the use of a common denominator to create relationships would seem only natural.  

Young women who have not had children typically do not have the same sex drive, so they will usually look for something else that they want or need, such as fun, fame, fortune, or an LTR. They are probably the Yin to our Yang of this successful species. If women had the same sex drive as men, the species might not have survived.

Creating any relationship is a matter of understanding someone elses needs and desires. Providers desires are simply clearer than those of civilians, so relationships are easier to form.
IMO, maintaining relationships are a matter of focusing each relationship on needs and away from desires, because needs control real gratification.

YMMV.

lot's of business, family, charity and friends "events" that I deal with, so my time and energy level is very precious to me. I just have a need to get immediate gratification when the opportunity arises.

than what I told my friend.  As far as making her an offer?  Well, she's a good friend and I have no intention of ruining that friendship with the visions of a relationship that such an offer would create in her mind.  (Besides, she's not my type!)

Sex is a funny thing. We all do it, yet very few are very good at it. So I go to a professional. When I want the job done well I use a professional lawyer, a professional doctor, a professional accountant and a professional lover. I want a woman that has learned the skills of fellatio, a woman that has exercised the muscles in her vagina so she can suck the last drops from me, a woman that knows enough about her body to experience the pleasures of my giving her cunnilingus. In hiring a courtesan I know that I am going to spend time with a woman that is skilled in the art of making love.

I think of it like this; I pay to have them leave.

The responses were great, all of them. I particularly like Jacksonlips (why WOULDN'T you?), and Ozymandias' answers, but they all were great.
And some that were a little chilling..

My main reason is this. Sex is very important to me but it was always left up to her whether we did or not. A female comedian I once saw took a jab at us guys by refering to how nervous most of us guys are on dates wondering if we're going to get lucky when the girl already knows. My sexuality is too important to me to be left up to the whims and desires of a woman. One day you're a hero, the next you're in the doghouse and most of the time it's not because of something you did or said, or didn't do or say. It's what's known as UMS (ugly mood swings) and women have them much more frequently than men.

When an attractive, sexy provider shows up at the door, I'm always relived to know that the damn chase is already over with. We cut straight through the crap that singles must go through to get laid, and get laid.

not one normal regular [date-able, marriage-material] guy in LA   - go figure

Let's say, I own a Porsche {4S or TwinTurbo will do]
Let's say some days I might want to drive something else:

  a Ferrari 360 Modena [fast & tight, but not an every day car]
  a Laborghini [over the top in all aspects, it owns you, you dont own it - kinda like being married to Madonna, one would think]

  an Aston Marton Virage  [hot for Elizabeth Hurley?}

  a BMW Z8 [Heidi Klum push your buttons?]

  What I own and what I may want to take for a test drive on occasion are different things.  Some men may never want to own - short term lease, rent by the day, week, month, whatever. I have my own favorite fast car, and she gets special care in my garage [alas, only room for one on a permanent basis]. Oh yeah, there is a cost of driving, whether owership, rental or otherwise [no free lunch, right, Paul Samuelson?].  Gas, regular service and maintenance, detail and polish - new tires, the list goes on.

 There are far more many beautiful and/or sexy women than there are fine automobiles.  Some of you simply want to own and drive one particular car - over and over.  Personally, I enjoy the wide selection of sporting models, each is fabulous and thrilling in their own right.  TER is my Road & Track, a guide to fine motoring experieces and test drive reviews of sports and racing cars.

For every lady who has given me a thrilling ride in her macchina [italian for automobile] - thank you so very very much.  Each such experience is enshrined in my Hall of Memories, and shines among the brighest moments of my life.

Happy and Safe Motoring, all  

Interesting replies to my points, three so far.

Briefly -- I don't actually feel TOO down on myself. I assess myself well, highly even ... I'm pretty proud of myself. It's the women who don't assess me too well. No, seriously, I think the "down on yourself" thing is a function of the writing style as much as anything else. In real life I bet I come off different ...

Second, although it might be nice to "change" my interests from the idealized beauties I fantasize about, to a real girl who has a complete personality but less than a 10 body, I have to say I tried it, didn't like it, and couldn't make it work. Maybe this is a flaw in my character, or a weakness, or some kind of adolescent outlook that I'll eventually outgrow, I dunno. I've just never been HAPPY with dating wonderful women who were 7s. (I use the whole number-rating system advisedly ... it's puerile, but useful shorthand, and I'm being brief here.) So, been there done that got the t-shirt, it didn't work. In fact, it kind of broke my heart to have to get out of relationships in which the mitigating factor was my own inability to get OVER the woman's appearance as a detriment to my sexual and romantic desire. I felt the flawed party, as though I had let her down by getting her all involved "on false premises," those premises being that I could maintain a relationship with her even though I only assessed her as a less than ideal beauty, physically.

So, although I recognize y'all's advice is given in good heart, I have to respectfully reject those two aspects of it. I've seen "Tao of Steve" -- haha, funny you should mention it. Steve's is most definitely NOT the sort of experience I would want, or ever had. I may sound like a womanizing schmuck, but fact of the matter is, I'm socially quite stunted. Virgin until 25, only providers in my life for years at a time, few skills at making friends or girlfriends out of the interesting people I meet. THOSE are the things I'm working on ... that I mix into the equation a desire for physical stunners, is just a little icing on an otherwise quite natural cake.

Greywolf's commentary about confidence and a sense of self-worthiness is the most useful, and (to me) the most correct, of the lot. That's exactly what I'm working on, mostly through recent understanding (thank you therapist) that I come from an upbringing with issues of co-dependency. (I won't detail the sob-story here.) And Singleton's historical misogyny is not what I meant, by my own frustration. His survey of Western Civ. is rather biased -- for example, the huge hiatus in the Renaissance leaves a monstrous lacuna right about at the "courtly love" concept, which, to me, is perhaps the greatest single problem in the gender-wars that our current culture has to grapple with. Not the Greeks or the Romans, or even the Victorians, should we look to for explanations and understandings, but the Quincento sonnetteers, with all that bonding without fucking.

I do have good bonds with people. I don't have good fucks. That's the issue. I've distilled it, some of you have followed me (and that's nice! it's great to have friends) through my posts, but I'm not always as clear here on the boards as I can be in my head, on the couch, or with my real-life friends. As always I welcome your commentary.

Oh, and Greywolf, I hope your travels went well. I do remember ... barely ...


-- Modified on 7/25/2003 8:41:22 PM

I've heard these arguments, but I reject the idea that there is ALWAYS an exchange involved ... an exchange of money for sex, or provider-goods-status-for-offspring for sex, or even just looks-and-charm for sex.

Sometimes, a woman gets so goddamned horny she's gotta get it, and if you are the one who made her that horny she's gonna GIVE YOU things to get the opportunity to get in bed with you. Or, at the very least, she's gonna make herself available for "free" of exchange value. The trick is to know how to make it so her horniness is calibrated in her own mind to how close she is to you. You make her want you. She won't, unless you know how.

So, we males have to initiate, and know the game. She doesn't even know she's in a game (most of 'em don't, at least) and, if she does, she thinks it's an exchange game. Therefore, we have an upper hand ... as long as we take it.

Problem is, the game is so damned complicated it's hard to manage to make the right outcome. But I'm learning, I'm learning ...

"#3:  The sex is waaaaay better.  With few exceptions, this has been my overwhelming experience."

Not for me. With few exceptions, girlfriends (in the early throes of an interaction, when the passion is still there) are MUCH better than providers, because

A. I know them, chose them, befriended them, drove the intensity level up high through weeks of flirting and anticipation;

B. They aren't leaving immediately, so the digital clock is off;

C. The self-respect is there for me (an issue many hobbyists don't have ... and don't call them "hobbiests"!);

D. Most important, pleasing me isn't a business proposition, it's an obsession!

But you left out another good reason to hobby, reason 4:

4. Because the women are better looking that what you get in civilian life.

Dammit if only I could beat item 4, I'd be home free!

and so far no provider has laughed - they somethimes ask after wards why a great guy like me isnt married.... sigh...

5. we get to treat our providers like GF's and our girlfriends like GFE's!

;@

(that's Zen for "ying-yang")

Well, it does seem that the fire is dying down on this one.  When I first sat down to read these posts, I figured that, as usual, the first few would be trenchant commentary and the last few would be mountains of steaming horse sh*t.  I think that I gave too little credit to everyone who posted for, in truth, everyone seems to have a story to tell.  This is the case in any hobby that bears the brunt of social rejection ("Why do you do drugs?"  "Why do you drink?")  Everyone will always have a story to tell, because we all have our own problems.  On those occasions when someone has found out about my hobbying, I have personally used most of the answers that you guys have posted in response to this question:  avoiding emotional baggage, getting to have the one I want insted of just the one who wants me, variety, and (my personal favorite) "We all pay anyway."  If I had a dollar for every time I've said that one.  At any rate, my opinion is that all species of animals (including our own) are subject to the laws of natural selection.  Simply put, human females get to select which human males will pass on their genes.  Supposedly, only the best from amongst a group of candidates will be allowed entry.  End of story.  It seems easy and fair enough.  Until you wake up one morning and realize that you haven't gotten in because you just ain't on the list.  Many of us are really being weeded out and we are avoiding the pain and discomfort of evolutionary lonelyness by anesthetizing ourselves with the adult entertainment industry.  Yes, I'm sure that some of us can and do get laid for free, but many (or most) of us (hobbyists) can't.  For some reason, most likely due to our genetics, we are losers (for lack of a better term).  Either we are socially awkward, poor, unattractive, unfashionable, have body odor, are overweight, have a poor physique, have a small penis, are very short, etc.  One or more of these "conditions" can conspire to make us unconfident, and keep us from being promiscuous, thus limiting our reproductive opportunities.  I can tell you that I am a young man in New York City and that dating civilians here is probably harder than almost anywhere else on earth.  Women seem more wary, money-hungry and image-conscious than anywhere else that I have been.  I have never gotten laid for free and probably never will, for all the reasons that I have delineated.  But at least I have a reason why, and I know that I'm not lying to myself.  I don't hobby much anymore, but I haven't really kicked the habit yet.  As a student, I simply can't afford it regularly.  And that's the reason I give for NOT doing it.  But at the end of the day, in this addiction and all the others, everyone still has a story to tell, demons to slay, and solutions to find.  But I don't think that anyone has ever found a solution to a problem at the bottom of a bottle.

Someone else may have already made this reference, but in the movie "Shadows and Fog", Woody Allen stumbles into a brothel and makes the statement that he's "never paid for sex". Madonna, in the role of a house hooker, replies "Honey, you just think you haven't".

Pardon if the quotes are not exact, but the sentiment remains the same.....

Forget that evolutionary shit dude. If that were true, why do so many women sleep with abusive, woman-hating low-life's. You gotta admit that there is no accounting for tastes in this world and what one woman finds attractive another finds unattractive.

Since you want to go the evolutionary route, try this one. No matter where you go in nature the sex ratio is in the range of 49% male to 51% female, which means this old addage is true.

Every dog has his day!

And besides when it comes to evolution, women are decades ahead of us guys!

Although I wouldn't call myself ugly... I'm no Tom Cruise either. I am suave enough and attractive enough to pick up the average looking chick and have a short physical relationship, so I'm not going to pay for sex with an average looking provider.

I have some personal rules and criteria when it comes to this hobby and I should make something clear as to why I am in it.  I am not after sex in and of itself.  I am after sex with a certain female body type.  I crave the perfect female body... slender, firm, toned, young, tan with large symetrical breasts (I love enhancements)...Courtney of VIP Companions or Porn Star Kelly Jaye are examples of what I look for. I won't pay for anything less than that.

Unfortunately, I live in a rural area in the midwest and most ot the available women here are pretty cornfed if you know what I mean.  All the hot women are either already spoken for or they have such a pick of good looking men that when my skinny ass approaches them, they laugh me off.  I too have had many providers ask me why I am not with someone and I have been surprised at how many "hot" providers who refused to believe I was still single.

Anyway... I don't pay for just sex.... it has to be sex with a playboy body style... and I only want sex.  My idea of an hour appointment is 60 minutes of non stop thrusting.  I don't want conversation or GFE... I want non stop sex and then be done!

Just my opinion

Actually you are right on the facts but wrong on the reasons.  Firstly, those women who are involved with abusive boyfriends are quite typical.  I don't mean that the typical woman is abused by her boyfriend, but rather that women look for MASCULINE men.  Men who have testosterone pumping through their veins.  These men who women seem to prefer (they seem to be referred to as "bad boys" today) are far more likely to be abusive, than, let's say, your average ponytail fag.  As to why a woman would stay after being abused, I don't honestly know.  But, evolutionarily, these wife-beaters are the winners, not the losers.  They get to pass their genes on.  Obviously to you and me, they will always be losers, but not in the game of genetics.  The losers are the wall-flowers, nerds, poor guys, and ugly guys who simply don't get laid (for lack of confidence or whatever).  If being poor or ugly makes you lack confidence, then you won't get laid...and you just lost!  
Oh, and by the way, if you are still reading this, just because there are a roughly equal number of men and women out there does not mean that "we all get some."  Studies of college and graduate students across the country have consistently concluded that women are MORE LIKELY to be sexually active than men are and that they have sex at an earlier age; And those relatively fewer men who engage in intercourse in their youth are more likely to have MANY partners.  Thus, in plain English:  most women get some sex (starting at an early age); most men get little or no sex (at an early age); a small, select handful of men get ALL THE SEX (at every age).  And who, may I ask, are these lucky few men?  Write back.