Hello everyone, I am new to all this, and am so glad I found TER for its reliable information. My question is of great concern for me personally. I'm a big guy, by that, I mean I am medically classified as super morbidly obese, weighing right at 400lbs. At only 5 feet 8 inches tall, I am sort of a mix of Chris Farley and Fat Bastard. I am pursuing a gastric bypass, but would like to have a night or two of fun before surgery, just in case the unthinkable happens, you know?

I keep myself as clean as possible in the Florida humidity, I'm not one of those people you might see on Maury who don't shower or never leave the house. I dress decently, never wear sweatpants or things that emphasize my size. But I am wondering if providers would be somewhat discriminatory towards me due to my size? Not really getting into it, or not giving their full service. I know that mileage varies. But I'm very open, honest and have a great sense of humor. Which most women say is a turn-on. I am respectful of providers and their services. I am certainly leaning towards a well reviewed provider who puts people at ease, has little to few restrictions, loves to DFK, and one I know wouldn't rip me off.

Knowing that the majority of America is overweight, I'm certain that any provider who's been around has had her share of big guys. It just concerns me is all. Any input or comments (besides any obvious fat jokes) would be greatly appreciated. Especially feedback from a provider.

Thanks,
Jimbomania

When contacting a provider, why not tell her about yourself and diplomatically ask the question about your size.  Ifyou do your research and chose a provider that has a quality reputation, I would hope that they would be as honest with you as you were with them.

Since you say you're in Florida, you may want to consider posting this on the local board closest to you, inviting providers to respond back channel if they have no issues with your situation(I assume you're a VIP member).  I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the response.

Good Luck with your provider search and your upcoming procedure.

from what I've heard, and I'd be willing to bet your surgeon has them down pat.

One must always have realistic expectations! ... money can  only  do  so  much, how can a provider get  into dfk if  their client does not look  good? some  dont even kiss at  all no matter what you  look  like and  they have their own  personal  reasons, i'v  been told  by providers that some  guys demand much  more than what they can  get  for  their money., the truth hurts if  you  are not happy with the  way  you look go  ahead and do  what ever  it  takes to change your apearence . obviously  the better  you  look the better service you'll get  and  ask  yourself  this  question  .   ''WOULD I  GET  EXCITED WITH  A NAKED WOMAN WHO WEIGHTS OVER 400 LBS?  " And you  will  find  the answer to  your doubts, i wont say  is  discrimination if  they dont wanna deal  with  someone  whos  overweight ,  they sometimes are honest and might prefer  not deal  with you and wait for somebody  else , than putting  themselves trough  that., and... at risk of getting a  bad review,  see the truth as  truth! do what ever  it  takes to  lose weight and  look for  someone who will love you for  your charming sense of  humor and honesty! a provider most likely don't care about  that  kind  of beauty, as we don't care about who they really are., if they don't look  good enough we are  out of there.  Right?   take care and  good luck my  friend.

And I really don't mind...They are almost always the very sweetest, most gentlemanly guys around.  My only thing is hygiene.  I am very turned off by body odor, and bad breath.  As long as you are clean...and some big guys may take a shower at my place, but not be as clean as they think....I'm not sure why that is, but I would suggest the provider washing you down....  That way, she will ensure you are squeaky clean, and it will be a nice ice breaker so you won't feel nervous...Good luck in your search, and on your surgery.

Sexy Sofia of Atlanta

Like you, I am also in the same ramge for weight, but I am also 6'2" in height (a small consolation).  I myself am a cross between John Candy and John Belushi (without the drug problems).  I also keep myself impeccably clean and find that I rarely have a problem with the providers I see.

I have NEVER been turned down or turned away at the door because of my size.  When I contact a provider for the first time, I just tell them about myself (weight, height, etc) and everything is just fine.

As for the bypass, I am also considering the same and I understand that the success rate is extremely high.  Just get ready for the drastic change in lifestyle that comes with it.

Finally thought, once the bypass is in place and you are on the way to losing the weight, the providers are going to love you all that much more.  Just be your sweetest self now and later you will reap additional rewards.

Good luck.
Loarthan

Common? Well, it's getting there as more and more obese people take the final plunge into an attempt at a permanent solution. The secret is finding a quality surgeon, and more than that, one who has an outstanding follow-through program of support. It takes lots of disciple to make the surgery work. It's just a tool, it is not a quick fix, but it does work when used properly.

By the way, Nixon has to watch Deep Throat three times before he could get it down Pat.


Jimbo

Thanks. Thinking back, I should have just left the comparison to Chris Farley (also without the drugs.) After I posted last night, I caught some of Austin Powers in Goldmember with none other than Fat Bastard. I don't look like that, slimey and greasy. Not me, I'm dry and clean.

If you do pursue the surgery, I urge you to find the best surgeon and support team available. You'd be amazed by the lack of proper support out there. It is a drastic change, and is for a lifetime. As the saying goes, if you want to do something different in your life, then you have to do something different in your life.

Honesty upfront, as Billy Joel sang, it's such a lonely word, hardly ever heard and mostly what I need from you. I was thinking that being honest and upfront is the ONLY way to go. Showing up to have them open the door (or me) and them get the shock, and I get what I call, "The Sean Penn Look" would not be pleasant, and to me, misleading and totally dishonest.

Thanks again.
Jimbomania
PS. The Sean Penn Look is what I describe as when someone is looking at a menu and doesn't like the food. If you've seen any of his movies, you've seen The Look.

Thanks for the reply. I've read it a few times, just to make sure I don't go off on some tirade. I'll try not to, but do have a tendancy to get longwinded. You do have very vaild, arguable points, I'll give you that. In fact, I'll strike my comment about discrimination for now. If they don't or won't then so be it. In the end it's their loss, not mine. For every dozen or more that won't there's one or two that will. So cool. I'm happy.

But I must ask this: you say to have realistic expectations, money only does so much, and how can they get into DFK if the client doesn't look good?

Well, I feel I do have realistic expectations and concerns also, that is why I am doing my homework in this matter and not just setting up a time hoping for the best and setting myself (and her) up for a let-down.

Secondly, yeah, sure money only does so much. As they say, money can't buy happiness. But I say whoever said this phrase originally didn't know where to shop. If you know what you're looking for, seek it out and find it, sample it some and if you find it truly to your liking ... is that not a success? Or at the least, a Hot Time? Remember, as a big guy, I don't take an escort, or girlfriend or getting some for granted. I am more thankful than a vast majority, I'm sure.

Third, how can they get into it? If they DFK with most of their clients, and it is requested nicely, not "demand"ed as you stated above, then if the answer is NO, fine. Again, their loss because one thing I can do well at 400 lbs. is kiss. However, and correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't they in some form or another creating a fantasy environment? Hence the whole GFE. Went the extra mile? Forgot it was service? It's an illusion, it's a gimmick, it's an act. Some are better at it than others is all.

Being open and honest upfront, as I intend to be, would get me much farther than not letting them know "a little bit about me before we meet." As Sofia states in her post, she has found us big guys to be sweet and gentlemanly. Why? Because we are. I've been to strip clubs, and am so appreciative of a woman who comes over, introduces herself and spends some time with me. Regardless of her looks. I know I'm not the greatest catch in the ocean, and we all know how many fish there are in the sea. She came over to me is the bottom line. If she's been dancing for any length of time at all, she'll know the big guys are sweeter, more fun to be with and treat them better. It's the good looking, thin, can get it anytime guys (I'd venture to bet not much unlike yourself) that make us other good guys look bad.

Lastly, you state: "obviously the better you look the better service you'll get and ask yourself this question. WOULD I GET EXCITED WITH A NAKED WOMAN WHO WEIGHTS OVER 400 LBS? And you will find the answer to your doubts." Your name wouldn't happen to be Hal, would it? Obviously you say? Are escorts and people so shallow to give better service to me later after surgery, than they are now before surgery? See above for creating an illusion.

As for asking myself about a 400 pound woman and getting excited. If I were an escort, and that was my job, my career, my chosen path of how I put bread on the table and paid the rent, then you bet the farm I get excited. WHY? Because, it's my duty as a quality provider to set the best mood and create the best experience for her as I can. And not only for her, but wouldn't I get better reviews, have a regular friend and possibly some referrals? Sounds like good, basic business practices to me. Not to mention knowing I made someone else feel special. How often do we get to do that on any given day? And if we do get that chance, then how often do we really follow through with it? Using your gifts, whatever they may be is a secret of happiness.

Again, thanks for your input, I do appreciate it very much. And I will be posting my question to the local Florida discussion board. I found it later after I posted and knew I should have posted it there instead. Hind sight is 20/20.

Take care and thanks for the well wishes. I am so looking forward to surgery and a new me that I've never experienced.

Happy Hobbying,
Jimbomania

I get great satisfaction from being a provider because I like to please and fulfill someone's desire(s).  I feel that it's part of my job to make people feel as comfortable as I possibly can and it makes me incredibly happy to know that for one hour, I made someone feel as if they are the most important person in the world.  Sure, this might be an illusion of sorts, but they still felt that way and I was the one who made it happen.  If you stay the same guy that you are now, weight and all, and a provider refuses to see you, then it IS her loss, not yours.  Make sure that the surgery and losing weight is something that you are truly considering for yourself, not because of others' opinions of you.  And finally, if you do decide to have the surgery and you do lose the weight that you need to lose, stay the same caring, sensitive, honest person that you seem to be with that great sense of humor that you have and you'll have many rewards.  

Good luck in whatever path you choose!

Jaclyn





-- Modified on 6/11/2003 11:01:26 PM

Nice post Jimbo, good luck with the surgery and I'm sure you'll find a great date!

PS

I'm not exactly a small man either, yet I find if I do my homework and treat the woman nice, everything goes very well.

Thanks jaejae, especially for affirming my thought process in doing my homework and treating a provider like a true lady.

Jimbo

PS. I also want to thank everyone for thier support with my surgery. It has been over a year now that I have been fighting to get the insurances, approvals and everything to line up to go ahead with the procedure. You'd think they'd see a 400 lb. guy and help him up on the table, wouldn't you? Ah, the systems of American healthcare, and lack thereof.

Jaclyn,
Thanks very much for the compliments. I appreciate them, and I assure you, I am what I appear to be: caring, sensitive, honest, etc. Even better in person

I also wish to let you know I am doing this for me, looks is a bonus, it is my health, employment difficulties (in landing the job and keeping one) and the possibilities of diabetes, cancer, high bloood pressure and all the other wonderful co-morbidities that accompany obesity. I will be 31 this September, I wanna stay around for that many more, at least. Lots to do, many gifts to share, I just don't have the physicality to back up my mind, you know?

So, yes, this is for my health. It's in the hidden benefits such as your looks, your attitude, confidence level, employability and little thoughts of things, like buying clothes in ANY store, or fitting into any car, booth, ride, etc. that the real positives of the surgery come shining through. To do what normal people do on a daily basis, and take for granted.

Nice website by the way, very well put together.

Thanks again, and take care of yourself.
Jimbo

Thanks for the sweet compliments.  Good luck!!!  You sound like a real sweetie.  If you ever get to Atlanta... I'm sure Sofia and I could show you a good time, surgery or no surgery!

Jaclyn