For those of you in a loving, open relationship, perhaps one with a provider, how does it work for you?  What are your thoughts when sharing her attentions, when she leaves, when she talks on the phone to her next encounter?  PMs on this topic of first-hand experience very appreciated.

Dating a provider is not as great as you might think.  It's not just the fact that she's having sex with other guys because that's hypocritical.  

It's the fact that at the end of the day she's just too tired of sex to do much with you because it feels like work and she'd rather just receive a massage or sit in the bath tub.  

Or you are worried about STDs so you don't feel comfortable doing her without protection.

Or you constantly worry that your buddies on TER will find out about your special relationship and that can open up a whole new can of worms that I am hoping to avoid.

You know you'll be tempted to read her reviews and learn about other guys doing stuff with her that you were hoping she would only do with you.

Now even if the guys she sees are verified with references and you know them from TER as being good mature gentlemen, it's still kind of unsettling.  I know a buddy of mine has a provider girlfriend and I've seen her professionally and just don't feel comfortable knowing now it's his girlfriend.  She's awesome but I won't see her again.  I won't even write a review of her.  It just feels really weird.

Now I would be perfectly happy dating an ex-provider or maybe a very low-volume provider who does it on the side.  But dating an active full-time provider just isn't all that great.  As I'm sure some women wouldn't want to date an active hobbyist who sees a lot of women.

But then again, I don't know how I'd feel if she somehow was a provider but managed to hide that from me.  I think I'd rather know.

just my $0.02

If you are living with a provider and she is supporting you by paying the rent, your car payment, food, etc, you thus become her defacto pimp. If you drive her to even ONE appointment, in most states it is a felony.

two words, MOVE ON!

A very wise provider, a beautiful girl in her early 30's, once told me there are two types of boy friends she could date if they knew of her profession and if she lied about what she did that was no basis for a true relationship.  The two types are:

The first doesn’t approve of what she did and demanded that she retire and that wasn’t going to work for her.

The second accepted what she did, but after a short time she would ask herself that if her partner truly cherished her how could they accept her doing such interment things with others. So, that didn’t work either.

I would like to hear what the Ladies think about this subject

-- Modified on 11/5/2006 3:02:03 AM

. . . we are talking about pimps here.

. . . if I am considered an SO, but I am in a special relationship with a provider. She is low-volume, UTR and have other activities outside of the hobby. I met her a little over a year ago; she is looking to retire soon.

Although I see her 5-6 days a week to hang out, I still give her an envelope every session. We might change that by some special arrangement. I never ask about her clients but she does tell me when she have appointments. Sometimes I'm around when she talks on the phone with clients; it does not bother me much more than an SO in another professional who needs to go to work when we could be together. Besides, she declines many more appointments than she accepts.


-- Modified on 11/5/2006 5:59:31 AM

Years ago I dated a girl that worked at a massage parlor. I met her there and after a few months of our relationship I asked her to quit. She did and then her bills piled up and went back. At that time I couldn't accept that and I broke up with her.

But Ms. Fisher and I have been making it work for over a year now.

I find her profession facinating, and she loves to hear about my other companions (providers, all), so it works.

The key is focusing on what is important and not letting yourself be swayed by what society says you should be feeling.

Bev and I share a very strong chemical and social bond; I knew it within minutes of meeting her; and I suspect she did to.

I nearly fainted with disbelief when she said she would be my SO.  Sometimes I still feel that way.

Maybe part of the reason is that it is a long distance relationship.  We get together for  a day or two every couple of months, on average.  How it would work if we lived under the same roof is a whole other question.

Sorry I can't PM right now as I'm not on VIP status.

Excellent points were made on the sexual challenges of becoming personally involved with a provider.  There are many other inherent problems.  She spends her time being "perfect" for her clients, hair, nails, dress, etc.  Dressing for a special occasion, for you is a big deal,  for her, it is hard not to have it be routine.  Gifts, which you would pick up to show that you care and are thinking of her, are things she gets from others ten times a week.   When she goes out for an evening appointment, any gentleman hobbyist (and at this level, most are) would take her only to the finest restaurant and have only the best concert seats and be on his very best and most financilly liberal behavior.  All of that is to create a wonderful evening, but what do you do for her birthday?  This "hobby" which we all enjoy, and the wonderful personalities whom we see has dynamics far beyond the physical and affects our lives and the lives of all involved or touched, far beyond the "moment" to which all the attention is focused

Since you don't leave an address for PM, here is a bit of truth. Loving anyone in an open relationship takes a lot more than "love." It's key that you and that person evolve year to year as well. What I've learned is that women love to fuck as much as men, but sex is inculturated differently for women and when you find one that can really handle an open arrangement, then you have a jewel. I have dated a couple of providers outside of their profession and because I met them that way, I continued to make regular donations. In one case, our dates were a lot of fun because we could concentrate on dating and not wondering whether I was going to get laid. I did sleepovers now and then and they were very special because she always treated me the same way as if I were making a donation. Overtime, she didn't take my money, but I made sure got very nice gifts and did repairs around her house when I could. She ultimately left the profession and got married and has children so xmas cards and phone calls a few times a year are the rule. My second experience was not that good. Suffice to say that she was a lot less mature and in the end really wanted me to leave my situation so she could quit. Alas, that went up in flames. I've know some civvy freaks, but that is another matter altogether.

sounds just like a favorite client.  I'm not you, so you have a better feeling of what is going on, but as long as there still is an envelope, no matter how much is in it, you are still a client to me.  I know  a few guys that really get hooked in sometimes, but let's get real, if the envelope is taken, it's business.

Good points East Side but we all know that it should not be the big bucks that make a true meeting of the minds between two souls but the karma which is created between them.  So if nice dinners, etc. are really the most important thing to the partner then it will never work.  my .02 - W

It is chemestry or some hard to explain bond that brings two people together.

It is the satisfaction of building the relationship on top of that out of loving actions that keeps it going.

Gifts are nice, but as a token of the esteem you feel.  They are not, in and of themselves, the essence of the relationship.

well, i've never let myself get into a "loving" open relationship the you are describing.  Had various chances over the years with some very attractive providers where it could have gone that way.  I guess if you are destined to be with someone you would work around it, but after pooning for so long, i don't know if i even believe that anymore!! of the irony

and please do not take offense. You know your personal relationship better than anyone.

I looking from the outside, do not see a SO thing here with you and Bev. If you both say it is, then it is. But if you are just seeing each other for a couple days every 2-3 months, why is that really not just and ATF.

I suppose you don't pay comes in the reasoning, but even then a long distance thing and not seeing each other but 6 times a year does not relate to SO. What am I missing? Just curious.

Bev and I do communicate nearly every day by email and stay in very close touch with all the minutia of our lives.  This takes a considerable amount of time as well as energy, but it is very well spent as our understanding of each other has increased along with our commitment.

I did not communicate with my wife this much during my twenty years of marriage, by way of comparison.

As for financial matters, we have an arrangement since I am in a position to do so, of making sure that things are balanced, and I will leave it at that.

She is an ATF and an SO.  No reason to leave it to one or the other.