In another thread I posted about my experience as a chubby guy.  It was a side issue and off the main topic there, so I thought I'd run it by the crowd on legs of its own and see if the situation rings true to others in this arena.




I read an article many years ago in one of those sexology publications that really made me feel better about my sexual side.  

I had tough times as a teen in the dating department and was rather resigned to being a sexual non-player.  Well, as years passed I got my chances and found that my partners liked the oral and manual attention I gave them even if I wasn't the best guy to have lying on top of them in mish.  The word didn't exactly spread like wildfire, but my self confidence rose and I became more active sexually.  The girls I saw seemed to be OK with repeat performances and I was pleasantly surprised.

Then I found the article.  It essentially said that guys who are over weight have developed a need to please because of the relative lack of attention paid to them by the opposite sex compared to the jock types.  This makes them the best and most giving lovers. The jocks, on the otherhand, have come to think of themselves a desirable based on the social attention they got.  They are more self-centered in lovmaking and therefore do not focus on pleasing their partners physically. They tend feel that their just being there is enough of a thrill for the lady.

There was much more said about the psychological process behind this but that was the take home message.

I'll never forget the time I actually beat out one of my more studly friends for the affection of a lady with whom we had both had the pleasure.  He just couldn't understand how she could possibly make the choice to accept dates with him to places where she could be seen in public (and spend his $), but I was the one to was spending the nights in her bed.

When this issue came up before, I didn’t have time to respond, but here goes…I’ll try not to get OT.
The subject earlier, as I recall, was if seeing a provider should be motivation for loosing a few pounds. Many gave their .02 worth about the topic, but I didn’t recall seeing the most obvious reason of all. Quality of life, and self-respect.

Anticipating my first meeting with a special lady in Los Angeles, I started working on the physique a couple of months before our time together. Although not near were I wanted to be, I was a lot closer than if I had done nothing. Being trimmer helped with not only my stamina, but also my confidence level and a more satisfying experience. BTW, she had only nice things to say, and was a real sweetheart.

I continued on course with a regular exercise program, while continuing to watch my diet. The results have found many areas of my business and personal life positively effected by my change of habits.

Here are a few facts out of the August issue, of Men’s Health magazine, that helped motivate me:

Compared to normal weight guys, over-weight men are…

- 50% more likely to develop heart disease (obese men, 100%)
- 250% more likely to develop diabetes (obese men, 1,020%)
- 16% more likely to die of a first heart attack (obese men, 49%)
- 9% more likely to have a stroke (obese men, 17%)
- 70% more likely to develop high blood pressure (obese men, 170%)
- 58% more likely to have total cholesterol of 250 or greater (obese men, 122%)

- 183% more likely to be mistreated by coworker (obese men, 400%)
- 67% more likely to be mistreated by their employers (obese men, 422%)
- 3,610 % more likely to get passed over for a promotion
- Earning $4,000 less a year (that’s a lot of one hour sessions!)
- Worth $6,976 less in total net worth

- 120% more likely to be mistreated by their spouses (obese men, 267%)
- 50% more likely to have erectile dysfunction (obese men, 200%)…ouch!
- 14% less attractive to women (obese men, 200%)
- Spend 37% more a year at the pharmacy (obese men, 105%)
- Stay 19% more days per year in the hospital
- Pay $4,200 more over their lifetime for medical care (obese men, $9,400)
- 20% more likely to have asthma (obese men, 50%)
- 15% more likely to develop cataracts (obese men, 25%)
- 14% more likely to have osteoarthritis (obese men, 34%)
- 8% more likely to have macular degeneration, the leading cause of blindness in older Americans (obese men, 92%)
- 590% more likely to develop esophageal cancer (obese men 1,520%)
- 40 % more likely to develop gallstones (obese men, 130%)
- 120% more likely to develop stomach cancer (obese men, 330%)
- 35 % more likely to develop kidney cancer (obese men, 70%)
- 5% more likely to die from prostate cancer (obese men, 21%)

OK, I’m sure there are those on this board who would dispute some of these numbers, I don’t care. My point here is some of these numbers should scare the hell out of you, as they did me.

I’m grateful to my favorite lady in L.A. for motivating me (and for a lot of other things), and we continue to see each other often, as part of my regular exercise routine If all this typing helps motivate just one of you guys out there, then it’s been worth it. Got to ask yourself if you want to finish out you life in the shape you’re in, and maybe become one of the above statistics, or to make some life changes and gain some of that self-respect back.
At 41 years old, now over forty pounds lighter, I feel like I wasted a few years. Now I can feel the difference in my attitude, health and confidence level in every level of my life. It’s a great feeling to have people that have known me for years, compliment me on not only my appearance, but also my obviously changed outlook on life. Even better to get up in the morning with more energy than I’ve ever known what to do with!

If it’s a “teddy bear” she wants, get her one for her shelf, you may live longer. You’ll still have those skills you developed as the “big guy”, and you can find out what’s it like to be on top!

Good luck – Don't mean to sound preachy here, just make the change in your habits and start living again!      

 
CI

Since I’m not usually this serious, here’s a picture of me, at the gym….

Damn!  Now I really feel great!  Here I was thinking I'd get some discussion about how good I was at DATY and now I'm just going to blow my brains out.

You put a lot of effort into putting all that info in a msg, which I'm sure someone here appreciates... but frankly, I don't come here to be preached at about my eating habits.  I get inundated with this sort of propaganda far more than enough in the mass media, my wife, my doctor, etc. ad nausium.

Those of us who are overweight are either working on it, or want to have some places we can go to get away from all the propaganda about working on it.

I'm sure you're going to get slammed - two whiners already did. Those who are overweight and want everyone to love them are in denial. Physical appearance counts. It's just a fact of human nature.

Food is fuel. Deal with it.

I love men. I love men of all shapes, sizes, colors, and backgrounds. I LOVE MEN!

I do not need a man to try to "buff up" before he comes to see me, and believe me when I tell you that gentlemen who are overweight... well let's just say I have never noticed any problem in the stamina department there whatsoever.  

Now whether or not someone would choose to try to change their shape is up to them and has NO RELEVANCE to me whatsoever. I for one know how hard it can be and I am not here to judge anyone. I am here to make people feel GOOD, not bad.

I honestly don't feel like your preaching about weight loss was really an appropriate answer to the question. And please don't come back and say something nasty to me... I'm curvy honey, it just bounces right off. Besides, I already know how gorgeous I am

Hugs*
Nicole

Let that get to you. JEEZE. C'mon now you KNOW better. Buck up baby! Having someone work out for months prior to coming to see me would honestly NOT impress me... I'd wonder why the heck he felt he needed to go thru all that.  I do not care what any gent looks like... and I love big men! It has been an amazing experience for me in the past year, to meet all different kinds of men, all different shapes and sizes... and many, that I would think... Gosh I had a FANTASTIC time with him. But a year ago if he'd approached me in a bar, would I have talked to him or taken him seriously???

It's done amazing things for how I view other people, I can tell you that much.

Well, I would say more, but if I do I'll just start a huge flame war, so .... :X  Please feel free to email me anytime! ([email protected])

Hugsssss*
Nicole

I don't want everyone to love me. There are so many people out there whose love isn't... well.. WORTH much.

I'm much more concerned with making those around me FEEL GOOD. And that doesn't include beating anyone up for any reason. This board is about having fun... NOT about putting people down.

Nicole

their weight when we are dealing with matters where weight does not affect performance (eg: secretarial employment). On the other hand, it is not right that an obese person take up his space and half of mine on an airplane. It is acceptable to require them to buy two seats, just as it is reasonable for me to have to pay extra for overweight luggage. Naturally, as a human being, I have the right to be with whoever I find attractive, and if overweight people do not appeal to me, I am not required to seek them out. The key, however, is that everyone should be treated with respect regardless of weight, height, skin color, religion, etc., and many people have forgotten this point when it comes to the obese.

I prefer big heavyset guys myself, big, strong and hairy turns me on. I like my guys husky, portly, sturdy, stocky, don't even mind a pot belly. Maybe up to around 40 lbs overweight is ok depending on the guy. 100 lbs overweight is way too much because it starts to interfere with not only health but performance as well. Too much blood flow diverted away from the "important" areas and too much groin fat shortens the penile length and some guys can't spare the extra inch buried in the chub, know what I mean?

If you're actually the shape of the Pillsbury Dough Boy, that's sorta cute. If you're more like Chris Farley or John Candy, that's too big.

I don't even think this is about respect.. because for me at least, respect is EARNED, and not something freely given. What IS freely given at least by me, is COMMON COURTESY... an art form which seems to be DYING, especially on the web, where small people can take anonymous pot shots at others to make themselves feel better.

I will say it isn't just on the web though... these days if a store clerk says "Thank you, have a nice day," after I buy something, I *always* notice it. Because people have forgotten the basic forms of courtesy which make all of our lives more pleasant. I am constantly running around thinking "Didn't your mother teach you any MANNERS?" these days.

The overweight concept has been beaten to death on these boards, and I do mean beaten. So let me say now that I am overweight. I do not seek sympathy from anyone, or their respect (until I earn it, which given the opportunity, I WILL), or any frickin' favors. I do not think it is anyone's DUTY to come see me (GOOD LORD).  And I certainly DO NOT want anyone to bend over backwards to be politically correct (another HOLY MOLY!).  I do expect common courtesy... which is, I think, a reasonable expectation. And hopefully I'll continue to be upset when I see a lack thereof, vs. becoming jaded to the folks who would rather make low blows or lecture.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."  Basic, basic, manners that all of us (I HOPE) learn from our parents by the age of four.

Sincerely,
Nicole

Seems like he was just trying to help out the original poster.  He's been there.  Seems like you are being overly sensitive you say he was "preaching".  I thought he made a lot of good points.

The providers walk a thin line - they have to appear to
be nice to all potential customers, including the obese.
Especially these days since so many people are fat.
But we all know that if all other things were equal -
personality, hygiene, and ability to pay the fee -
the providers would only see those of us who are in shape.
The obese, like many 'special interest' groups, are looking
for acceptance of their deviant lifestyles.
Hopefully the tough advice will change someone's life for
the better.

post a lecture, and is this really not courteous?

To me, choosing to be overweight is like choosing to smoke.
Number one, it's a choice.  Number two, it's unhealthy.  For the sake of those who care about you, don't smoke, and don't be overweight.  They want you to stick around!

Never said I was trying to impress anyone, it was only a self-evaluation of what I had let myself become. Not just my physical appearance, but also, more importantly, my health.

Sorry, but the majority of stats I posted had to do with strokes, cancer, cataracts, high blood pressure and heart attacks, what I would think anyone would consider serious health risks. The balance of the numbers are perceived by me, to be social dysfunctions, not anything that I have any control over, except of course, for my own actions.

I may be guilty of posting this under PDB’s post, and seemingly “beating him up” or “putting him down”. Those that truly know me, and there are a few providers here that do, know that is not my nature. So to PDB, I would apologize if I offended, certainly wasn’t my intention.
But to any one else who needed to read those stats, and is complacent thinking forty extra pounds doesn’t really hurt anyone, its life changing. Just like loosing it for me, was life changing.

I almost died twelve years ago in a motorcycle accident. Broke the same bone as the actor Christopher Reeve did (thankfully, no complications for me though). Long time recuperating, in many different types of apparatus, to get me healed. I see people on the street today in the same halo brace (pins in their heads, lots of metal rods) and instead of glaring stares that others give them; I can offer them some hope! “Hey look at me, you’ll be free of all this someday and life will be good again”!
I guess I was trying to offer the same bit of enthusiasm here…

This board has been recognized as a community, were we help each other, which was my intention in the first place. To pass on some helpful, hopefully motivating, bits of information.  

My thoughts don’t always go from my head to my keyboard clearly, but to those of you who read it for what is was, thanks for the support!

“Thank You and Have a Nice Day”  

CI  

First of all, there are exceptions to every rule. Some of the stereotypes you believe in do not apply to all of us ladies, and guess what? Some of us are really, honestly, just nice people.  

1)I don't like seeing people being rude. To me that post seemed rude, intentionally or un.  The poster didn't seem to mean any true harm... but yanno what, sometimes we really should THINK before we post.  If I came on here and started making comments about how, "Bald guys REALLY don't do it for me, but hey I'm just being honest!" it would be rude and people would be offended.  Common courtesy!  (And of course that is not true. But substitute "bald" for whatever your personal insecurity is, and you'll see what I mean. Why bother hitting someone where it hurts?)

2) I am overweight. Now what kind of HYPOCRITE would I be if I wanted men to like me, but I couldn't like a guy carrying some extra weight? OOOOOOOOOOOH Hypocrisy is my PET PEEVE!!!!

3) "The obese, like many 'special interest' groups, are looking
for acceptance of their deviant lifestyles."  NO, they aren't. As someone who has struggled with her weight since the tender age of 8 years old, I can tell you that all they want is a little simple COURTESY.  I wouldn't walk by you on the street and yell "Betcha gotta teensy weensy!" Why would you make a fat comment? Tough love??? PUHLEASE. It's just RUDE!  Didn't YOUR mom teach you any manners? And btw, are all of your friends and family at their ideal weights?

4) There are other people reading this who agree with me... just not so many who have the balls to call you guys on it.  I just DO NOT see the point on being unnecessarily rude in a hurtful way on this board.. is that REALLY what this board is here for? Are your own lives so sad that you guys really NEED to take potshots at someone to make yourselves feel better?

5) For me this has nothing to do with the 'biz... what kind of good can it do me to sound like the ranting bitch I sound like right now, hmmm? This has to do with.. COURTESY. I don't think it's too much for ANY human being to ask from another.  

I'm done posting on this, but do not put words or intentions in my mouth. I think I've explained my intentions pretty clearly and there shouldn't be any doubt in your mind that I mean exactly what I say.

Sincerely,
Nicole

If it were that easy, this country would be filled to the brim with nothing but size 6, super healthy women, and 30 inch waisted men, and NO ONE would smoke.

If only it really WERE that easy. If only I had the metabolism of about the 20 past people I've met... who can pig out on whatever they want and just burn it right up... 'cuz they were BORN that way.  

Does anyone really think that people just "choose" to be fat or that it's that simple? Can people really misunderstand on such a hugely deep level? Obesity is an EPIDEMIC in this country... I guess all of those people... and ESPECIALLY all of the gazillions of children (like I was) who "CHOOSE" to be overweight at 8 years old are just bad and need to be spanked.

Oh well.

I'm done!

Nicole

Not so fast.  Does anyone need to smoke?  Does anyone need to eat?  You see, one can choose not to smoke but you cannot choose not to eat.  Beign overweight is very much more complex than substance abuse.  Witness Oprah.  She has been very up front about her battle with weight and still has her ups and downs.  She has also clearly had the motivation and the money to try many things and, I think, found that there is no "cure".

Well this went in a different direction than I imagined.

I was interested in the psychological effect that being overweight has had on sexuality.  I think that we pudgy guys tend to try harder to please because we aren't so appealing and (though I don't know from personal experience) the hunks tend to not try to please because they are so physically desireable.

To address some of whats been said here:

I am about 232lbs and stand 5'-10 1/2".  So I can fit in an airline seat just fine and do not like the very fat people spilling over into my seat either.  But probably because I think fat, I do not say anything unless I just can't stand it.

Those statistics are, if accurate, quite revealing and not to be taken lightly...so to speak.

I think that the goal of shrinking is a good an noble one, but much more difficult to achieve than thin people would imagine.  I don't think that obesity surely isn't in the catagory of smoking.  One of my friends used to say that quitting the drinking habit was like trying to lock a tiger in a cage.  Quiting bad eating habits is like taking that tiger out for a walk three times a day.

I think that all overweight people wish that they were normal size.  I  found an ATF provider about a year and a half ago and noticed that I have done just what was suggested above.  I find myself thinking about the next session and trying to "get in shape" for her!  It's been really interesting.  My SO has not said much about this but my ATF has noticed.  She has given me motivation and I have lost size because of her.  Though I'm never likely to get thin, I have gone from 280 or so to what I am now (I didn't weigh then so not sure where I was but my pants have gone from  a tight 48 to 42).

So the bottom line is that I think that the hobby can bennefit from chubby guys.  The sex and attention is a good motivator for the guy and the ladies are getting the most attentive clients!  Or so I'd prefer to think...LOL

a tiny 91 lbs at 5'-0" to BBW's.  My ATF is 5'-1" and about 125 lbs.  She's not thin but so cute and very sexy.

Sounds to me like you are on the right track....my journey has been very similar...

After spending my youth childhood being "the pudgy kid", the coach of my HS JV football team got me to try out, just because a I was big. Turned out I wasn't a bad athlete...good balance, reflexes, that stuff, so I did ok. Worked out as part of the requirements for the team, got in better shape so I had fitness to compliment my natural athletic ability (which isn't much mind you, don't get me wrong), and ultimately had some success in HS and college football. Not a star, didn't even get a schloarship, but I got to play. Enjoyed it.

Graduated from college, got married, stopped working out (the workign out had become "work" and I resented it). Went from a fit 235 to 240 lbs (I'm just a tad taller than you..about 5'11.5) to a not so fit but still ok 250 to 260 lbs. Was happy with myself..I didn't need to Mr. Olympia.

Towards the end of my marriage the stress began to take its toll...went from a Teddy bearish 250 - 260 to 280. High Blood Pressure as a result. Thanks to my weight gain and an old football injury, started to have severe back pain. Between the two (HBP and backpain) sex became a chore. Became up happy.

Got divorced, got bored, started eating even more. Found obessive, freak GF, which took awayany incentive to lose weight to make myself more attractive. She gave me food and sex as her main means of making me happy...would cook anythng I asked, often suggested dining out. Went from 280 to 300.

Met new girl, she lieks me, whines about weight. I don't do anything about it just to spite her.

Got a new job, which was highly stressful, and moved to New York. No time to eat right. Go from 300 to 320 lbs.

About 18 months ago, meet new girl. She also whines about weight, but unlike previous girl, offers a solution. Introduces my to her personal trainer buddy. Now have time to train because I now work for myself, set my own schedule. Train 6 days a week, but since *I* control it, I no longer think of it as "work" like I did back in school. I enjoy it.

I first started on this most recent chapter about 7/2001 @ 320 lbs. I am now down to 250, but more importantly, I am much more fit. I am not a hardbody...I am not obsessed enough with it to take myself to that point (nor am I that vain). I am doing it for my health...a bit of remaining spare tire is something I can live with. I am after fitness...I am down to 38 waist slacks, which after getting up to 46, feels great. Can bench press 325 lbs for two sets of two, which is less than I could do when I was in school, but more than most guys (most guys can't even bench their body weight...) CAn do 8 chin ups...most guys can't do 1. 50 miltary pushups (military = chest touches ground).

If it sounds liek I'm braging, well, I am. I'm proud of myself, and YOU SHOULD BE TOO. You've come a long way...232 from 280 is TREMENDOUS. if you've done this just through just dieting (I dieted as well a little bit..Weight Watchers..but I wasn't anal about it...I didn't even go to meetings) then working out will yield a TON of benefits as well. You might not even lose more weight, but you'll "shrink" as you get more fit.


My guess is that you are still "stuck" in the body of your old self. That you aren't giving yourself enough credit for how far you've come, and it is holding you back a bit, insofar as your outlook. Your orginal post left everyone with the impression that you were really, really big...turns out you're just a big guy...the sort of guy MANY ladies love. You have NOTHING to be concerned about, IMHO...go forth and hobby with confidence, and more importantly...go forth IN LIFE with confidence as well. There are ladies out there who DON'T charge by the hour that can be an inspiration as well...

I'm very stoked for you guy! As someone who has been there, I know it is tough, but I also know the rewards are tremendous. You've come so far...yet you still have concerns. I really recommend working out to help you learn to really like your new improved body and learn all the things it can do!!

Since when is being overweight a deviant lifestyle?  Deviant lifestyle means, like psychopaths that bring harm to people and themselves.  Have you been harmed by an obese individual?  Has it changed your life?  How dare you imply deviance for any physical attribute, especially one that may be out of the control of the individual?  You, sir, are a deviant for thinking that way.  Obesity is not a special interest, it is a physical attribute, and your implication that providers in general would discriminate against overweight clients is, in my book, bigotry, plain and simple.  And you can take your "tough advice" and shove it you know where.  With an attitude like yours, you should be posting on a KKK board.

Please don't throw the 'gland problem' at us. That's about 0.001% of overweight people. Obesity isn't a physical attribute like hair color or height. It's a choice. A very wrong choice.

The correct definition is anything that falls outside
of normal social or moral behavior. Filling your face with
junk food is hardly socially acceptable. At least not to those
of us who care about our health.

Food is fuel - deal with it.

And you show your true colors by resorting with the cheap name calling instead of debating the issue.

There is nothing to debate.  Who are you to tell anyone what choice to make in their life.  Sure, thinner is healthier, but believe me when I tell you that it is not easy. Even if someone elects to be that way, it's his decision.  Last I checked, this is still a free society, despite the efforts of some of our elected officials. If you elect not to associate with someone who is overweight, or God forbid, obese, then for both your good, don't.  But don't call THEM names, don't take other people's inventory for them, but rather mind your own business, not others.  It may be a decision they made, it may just be difficult for that person to lose weight (for whatever reason), or in some cases may be medically impossible.  But for whatever reason, it has nothing to do with you or your life, so you deal with it.  You have an opinion, and you are certainly entitled to that.  But you have no right to tell anyone else how to live, who to fuck, or what to eat.  You are correct, if you look up "deviant" in the dictionary it will regurgitate what you said, but that's not the way it's used, certainly with regard to being overweight.  Yeah, I'm overweight too.  So put me in a camp, tatoo a number on my forearm, and label me as "deviant" and a risk to society.  And don't you dare tell me what's a wrong choice or a right choice.  Last I checked it's still my life.  Fuck You.

5'10 and 232 lbs is just big and cuddly/ At that size, as long as it's not interfering with your health and performance, I wouldn't consider you fat.

I agree with MLAM - you've come a LONG way losing all that weight! You should be VERY PROUD of yourself. Rest assured there are plenty of us who like big guys.

…is that nobody mentioned anything about my new ”buns” or my weight lifting abilities
Actually, I have my hands on my head to cover the “follically deficient spot” on top of my head, but I won’t even get into that one in this thread!

Thanks for the support, there never was any intention to offend, as I mentioned in my second post.
I bow down to #1 and worship the ground you walk on! (Can I kiss your feet too? I love toesies……)  

CI

I really don't think you meant any harm, but I still feel like your post was inappropriate as a reply to the original poster. Had he asked for help to lose weight, it would not have been.  If, for example, I posted an advertisement on the advertising board, and you replied to my post saying "You should lose weight girl, here's how I did it, why can't you?", I would have been offended by that as well. I have never had anyone be so cruel, and hopefully never will.  Why is this any different?

The implication of your post, especially with those stats, was that overweight people don't know the risks associated with being overweight. Which is essentially saying, "If you are fat, you must be stupid, to not know these very BASIC things, and obviously if you weren't so stupid you'd understand that THIS is how you lose weight!" Perhaps it is not what you meant, but I assure you that it came off that way. NO ONE knows more about the risks and effects of being overweight than an overweight person does! I'd also venture to guess that your average American has not tried the zillions of diets that overweight people have, or done the hours upon hours of reading and research on HOW to lose weight that overweight people have. Like I said... if it were that easy, this country would be full of six 6 women and slim waisted men, wouldn't it?  

I must say I especially liked that stat about fat people earning less money.  Doesn't that go hand in hand with the whole "fat people must be stupid" concept?

I am not trying to beat you up anymore... I *am* trying to make you think about the things you post and the implications they may have.

Sincerely,
Nicole... who actually disagrees with the beautiful NOSC for the FIRST time! =:O