your help is needed on this one
allow me to set the stage for you:
I am traveling on business to a rather small city, more or less East coast. having the hotel room for the night and cash in hand, I naturally decided to find myself an outcall. No well known and/or reviewed ladies can be found in this town, so against all better judgement, I call an agency with an ad found in both a local weekly paper and yellow pages. Making the arrangements, a petite 19 year old brunette is my choice of those available to be sent out to me.

When this cute, young, "girl next door look" arrives, I'm not even sure if she is 19, possibly younger. We go ahead and proceed with business as usual, and I find out she is actually very intelligent, and a good conversation. However, she is extremely nervous, and finally reveals to me, as we continue to chat, it is only her second night on the job.

Then, we continue on with our session, she is prepared to give a FBSM and HJ. somehow, because of her inexperience or that she was  so cute and fun, I don't know what exactly posessed me to do it, I introduced and led her through the idea to upsell and "earn some tip money".(noramlly hate this practice) In retrospect, I believe she only agreed to FS out of desparation for money. I came very close to even getting BBFS, before I came to my senses and covered up. afterwards, she quickly jumps up goes to the bathroom and shuts the door. she is cleaning up, running water for a several minutes, I think I hear her sobbing and blowing her nose, while I just relax and recover from the wonderful experience. But then when she comes back out into the room, it is obvious to me she has been crying her eyes out.

she collects the extra tip money I placed out on the table for her, and the cell phone rings. it was the agency, our hour was complete, and she received directions/instruction for the next appointment. After a quick hug, she exits leaving me to realize that I think I may have just taken this girl's innocence, and been her first ever FS.

I don't know what to think. I know she agreed to it, but I feel like I took advantage of her. I'm just have this very guilty conscious feeling that wouldn't let me sleep all night. what do I do, or can I do anything. when I saw her face, tried to look her in the eye, I actually feel like I raped her.
please help, what do I do?

Perhaps you're assuming too much. She could have been crying for any number of reasons.

However, assuming that what you are assuming is true:

a) It would have occured sooner or later.
b) That she was lucky that it was with an experienced, honest and obviously sensitive person.

In that sense, perhaps you did her a service.

Are you trying to say you think she was a virgin or that this was her first time selling it.

It is hard to believe the former simply because I can't believe she would sit in an outcall setting with a naked man even if it wasn't for sex if she had never been witha man before.

As for the latter, adults make choices, unless you actually raped her and threw a few dollars her way afterward, you didn't do anything more wrong than having sex for money and everybody on this board does that.

Easy solution, no providers under 40, little chance you will break someone in that way LOL

Hopefully, the agency that this young girl works for has some experienced ladies that can help her through whatever emotional turmoil she experienced on your date.

Since you feel responsible, why don't you call the agency and let them know how you feel? Beyond that, I'm not sure that you can (or should) do anything.

I doubt she was a virgin, but certatinly inexperienced, it must have been very painful for her. Probably first time selling it I would imagine; should have chose my words more carefully, but the lack of sleep at that time, well you know...

Even after sleeping on it, I still have trouble thinking about, or  dealing with this. It is always my intention to just have mutual fun and both parties involved enjoy the hobby time together. To even think that I hurt or abused someone, I could not live with myself.  

You've violated my rule of thumb - steer clear of the very young.  30+ for me.  40+ preferred.  I feel for you and and least you're a sensative gentleman who can see the situation clearly.  None of that angst for me thanks.  Best of luck to you!

I prefer mature women.  You seem like a real nice guy, and I would have felt just like you do.  I can't stand to see a woman cry.  

No more 19 year olds, kay?!!!

Jacksonlips

Sweetie you did nothing wrong.  She made choices and good or bad she lives with them.  Stick with older providors for a while and if you sense nervousness in another next time, take a pass.

It's part of the process she neeeds to go through on her second day on the job.  There will be good times and bad times for her (gee .. hmm .. just like any other JOB) as she gets the haang of it.     Give her a good review on TER!


hmm .. come to think of it ... now that you mention it ...  ALL the girls I see are crying by the time I'm done ......

I think I would agree with those that suggest older and more mature providers. I cant help but wonder how many girls "try" this profession only to realize quickly they do not have the emotional capacity to handle it. A slippery slope indeed for some I imagine. I personally couldnt imagine the first date and the fears associated with it from a providers POV.  I suppose there is even a bit of trepidation for seasoned providers as well as they prepare to meet someone for the first time. Kudos to you for recogizing the "feelings" of a provider. They are, above all else, people with "real" feelings and that needs to be remembered.

You may also want to call her agency and give them the heads up on her trepidation.  If they have any sensitivity at all they will re-think sending her out until she is sure she can do it with happiness.

There is a possibility that this girl is "in over her head", but that is her responsibility only.  In my time, I met some ladies of the evening "the old fashioned way" (streetwalkers), and encountered this exact scenario...young girl, inexperienced, desperate.  To make the decision to get into the "entertainment" business, you really have to consider all options.  It is hard for me to believe that she did not think beforehand that she potentially was going to be propositioned for more than what she initially intended for her dates.  As such, it was her decision entirely to accept.  

If that decision was difficult for her, and IF that was the reason for her being upset, I agree with Gentledude that she was fortunate that it was with someone considerate like you are.  In all likelihood, if all this was the case, that was probably a significant reason as to why she agreed to "upsell" with you in the first place.  It may have been "symbolic" to her, and it may be a choice that should have been made at a later date in her life when she was more "ready" to deal with the big picture, but if she was in that position, it was bound to happen eventually, and she fortunately had a relatively gentle time of it.  Now, it is up to her whether she thinks she has gone further than she is ready for or whether now that she stepped over the line that she can adjust and use it to her advantage.  

If you truly care about how all this plays out with her, you can attempt to contact her again (although, dealing with an agency, unless you can schedule another date with her, it may be unlikely), or at least contact the agency and tell them how great she is.  For all you know, her doing what she did was totally on her own and she could get in trouble with them for doing it (maybe she would have to splt the additional fee), and she may not want her personal info shared with them, so I wouldn't mention the details of what happened.  If you have the chance to see her again, though, and you really want to make sure that she is okay, regardless of cost, do something nice for her...get her some flowers and offer to take her to dinner and spend most or all of the date talking with her.

Really, when it comes down to it, if her outburst was relative to your date, I think you did this girl a favor.  She is either going to change her mind about how she feels about this biz and leave it, and will do that based on a relatively gentle experience (the time she spent with you), or she is going to get over it and look back on your time together as a lucky break that it happened so gently.  Either way, I don't think you could have done much better...you weren't pushy or insensitive, and you were genuinely concerned with her.  You can follow it up as much as you feel the need to, but there is little you need to feel that you did wrong.

when you are done Pig, but is because either she or you has to leave. You're just such a stud. (lol)

Time will help her sort through her emotions.  That is the unfortunate part of this business.

In reading all the comments, I could not agree more with:

30+, 40+ even better

It seems to me the mistake was 'talking her into' more.  You stated yourself that she seemed even younger than 19!   Maybe 17?  Maybe statuatory rape?  You have remorse after the fact but her nervousness was such a clear sign.  The 'almost BBFS' was another!  No provider short of a complete novice or a junkee would offer that.  You came to your senses to potentially protect your own health (and post-session stress) but put all these signs together, it seems like her crying afterwards was to be expected.  I am not too sure I agree with the opinion that you are a sensitive guy.  It seems you did not pick up on any of the signs (of which there were many!). She was only prepared to do HJ and the like...she said it was her second day (translation?=first time).  I don't want to 'flame' you...just an opinion of the situation as you spelled it out.  She would have been luckier if you took her out for a milkshake and a hamburger and gave her the big tip---gee whiz...it be like being in high school again!  Now there's an experience!

I think what happened between you two shattered the illusion she had built up for herself about this business.  (It is hard for a young lady to accept the fact that she would do those things just for the money.)

I have had situations similar to this whereby I sort of pushed the envelope.  I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to see those ladies several times afterwards and frankly talked about how we felt in those situations.  They felt a lot better knowing that I was not someone who simply took advantage of their need of money; in fact, there are conflicts within myself about wanting to treat them nicely and fulfilling my desires.  In a way, I have given them a reason for what happened - (They are not just doing it for the money.  They did it because they kind of like me because I am a nice guy.), which could also be the truth.

Don't know whether this will help you or not.  Good luck.

the guilt you're feeling is entirely misplaced and frankly i'm having trouble understanding your grief. YOU didn't bring her there, YOU didn't force her to do this (for money) and for all YOU know that may've been a song-n-dance number designed to fool YOU (there have been such cases).  these girls are not dumb you know, they realize how alluring the thought of "fresh new meat" is to most guys

yes, go with mature providers if that bothers you, but i "break in" nervous fresh-faced 19 year olds (for an agency) on a somewhat routine basis and have seen this drama numerous times.  the agent knows that under my gentle tutelage they will learn. i take these 'P.retty Y.oung T.hangs' through the ropes and teach them what to do (and most importantly what NOT to do). afterwards, the agency even asks for feedback ("you think she'll make it?  what was she like with X?", etc)

while it's not something i particularly plan or look forward to doing, it ain't exactly an offer i turn down either! (btw, none of this is FREE and i always tip well).  heck, i even took one of these PYTs out to lunch once
 

Most men do not even pick up on the feelings of a provider nor do they care. I have been in the business for several years, & when I was 18 just starting off in the business I ripped men off for a year straight, just doing strip teases & leaving. I felt dirty about just doing that, much less having sex with one. The girl is probably around 18 sexually UN-experienced just going out into the world. She will either deal with it & keep doing it, or that was her last night. My first show I wEnt into the bathroom & threw up cause I was so nervous. Its a tough business thats why we get paid the bucks. It is a last resort for most women, what they do in desperate need of money before they loose it all.

Ouch! no flame intended, but the truth can really hurt, especially seeing the words "statutory rape".
you are correct sir, I paid no attention to her signs of novice behavior. I thought only of my own needs and desires, and must now live with those actions.

Is it really desperation that drives women into becoming providers??? I just laid into our poor soul here who is feeling guilty.  But now I am too.  I would like to know if most providers out there feel like they do what they do as a last resort!  I cannot believe this from the ones I have met...and yes, screened as they do.  If the majority opinion is yours, then I quit!

Mr Man, for God's sakes, pull yourself together !  It's ok...she will be ok.  Call her back if you feel so bad(ly) and take her out for that damn milkshake!  Take her out to the best restaurant in town and give her a little peck on the cheek at the end of the night.  But do not go on tortuing yourself.  My remark about statuatory rape may have been extreme.   It is a legal definition...so is prostitution.  So is a blow job in the oval office.  IT all depends on what 'is' is!

Speaking for myself I was never nervous (even on my first call) and the money is not the driving force for being a providor.  I am college educated, have a well paying day job but need some fun and excitement in my life so I choose to escort.  I am also 37 with life experience behind me and am not a kid.  The key word is choice .... get into this business not as a last resort but becuase you choose it.

-- Modified on 10/4/2003 9:01:18 PM

yep, for me, a level of desperation THE FIRST TIME AROUND...  I wasn't young, I was already in my 30's and had walked off my very excellent job and after months of them leaving me on the payroll they suddenly decided to terminate my employment.  My housing was at risk and my car was in a state of disrepair.
(Ford Taurus' SUCK the big Watusi!)

(I had an advertisement in the personal ads.  Just decided what the heck and put in the word generou$$$.  I didn't need dinner dates, I needed dates that ended with a gift.)

I am aware that I have certain personality traits and characteristics as well as an inner resourcefulness that other ladies don't possess.

I'm not saying that I was disgusted with what I did. My first contact had me speaking every language and was a repeat almost every three days for about four weeks.

We were pretty good friends for awhile there, seeking out other couples and doing the swing thing together.

I have always had a very high sex drive.  There was merely a fear factor regarding who I was seeing as I had no mentor and I was "winging" it the first time around.  I kept knives in between my mattresses and had absolutely no screening in place other than gut.

SECOND TIME AROUND


I basically used Eros guide as a dating service.  

By this time I'd re-established my monthly income, and I had met a lady that had told me about Eros and Exotics~~ so I just wanted to utilize the gifting as my boundary.  

I wanted to date, however I wanted no strings, no lies, no promises, no attachments.

No worries, no stalkers, no personal questions.  Also, the gifts obviously helped me make ends meet.

I'm sure there are ladies that feel this is the "profession" they were meant for, without considering anything else first~ no desperate feelings involved.

The majority of the women I've met feel this is their only option for one reason or another.  That said, those same women really love what they do and feel they're meant for this type of service.

They feel it's much more than the gift and the sex.. there's an entire psychological component/need that we understand we fulfill.

That's a two way street.

Elise [email protected]


-- Modified on 10/4/2003 9:05:34 PM

For anyone interested how this situation turned out

First, I would like to thank all of you for your comments and suggestions. Your thoughts and opinions are very much appreciated, for I have taken something from each one, especially one sweet, kind lady who PM'd me, (wink) and it has helped me through this.

Because of the agency who I get the impression would most likely not have been supportive or helpful, I decided not to try and make any further contact with her. I have left town and returned home; the long drive last night gave me time to reflect on the entire last day.

Many of you felt I was being a bit too hard on myself, but I somehow feel it was necessary in this case. I have always felt like the hobbyists that participate in this forum hold ourselves up to a high standard of decency and respect to be called gentlemen. I can only wish to be like many of you someday; but this time, I failed miserably at upholding those standards. I acted shamefully and irresponsibly, thinking only of my own selfish desires. This hobby community has always taught me that each encounter is based on things like mutual respect, honesty, and trust, to be beneficial and hopefully enjoyable to the two mature adults that have made conscious decisions and choices for themselves.

In this particular case, someone was taken advantage of just because she was naive and unsuspecting. This is/was a harsh way of being introduced to the reality of the business despite what others said about being gentle or sensitive. Sure it was bound to happen sooner or later, I only regret that she was not able to take things at her own pace and decide for herself when she was mature enough to be comfortable with her choices. The tip money was only used as a justification for forcing this innocent, young lady to do something she did not want to do, and only agreed to out of fear to say no. The word rape was even used, and although maybe not textbook definition, the painful emotion and hurting will remain the same. I may have sugar-coated it too much in the original post, but I have no other reason to believe that I am responsible the tears shed that night. In retrospect, I could tell by the look of fear in her eyes when I made the first intimate contact, she probably wanted to cry or scream for help right then and there but was not able.  

Although ashamed of my actions, I have managed to accept what I have done and try to learn from it. I have a new found respect for the emotion that these ladies go through just for a guy like me to have an hour of fun. Furthermore, I will take some time off from hobbying for a while, until I sort through this and other issues I have.

I can only hope and pray that this will be a learning experience for the both of us. To Nicole, if you should ever happen to read this, I am sorry for what I have put you through. I feel in the long run, you may find it in your heart to learn from this as I have, and please forgive me.

Everyone else, please take care of yourself; love and support one another. I hope to return soon. mr.man

(directed at hgwells)

I should have continued my previous post to state that I have accepted my actions and will deal with it in an appropriate way. I am sure this provider will work through her emotions as well, and decide whether or not this business is for her.

(see follow up post at end of this discussion)