Subject: Husband 1.0

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.  Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.



Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command:  C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.WAV files.


DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program: Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating System.


In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance.  I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5 combined with such applications as Boob Job 3.6D  And that old standby... Lingerie 6.9 (which have both been credited with improved performance of his hardware).


Good Luck,
Tech Support

Thanks for the [shudder] flashbacks.  

DVB

unfortunately it is not within my powers to move it!
gnd?

At times, you might want to deinstall Husband 1.0 and try installing a trial version of Recovery 6.0 that comes with flowers and chocolates. This version, if ran on the system of a mate program, performs a lot like Husband 1.0 but on your system, it performs like Bad Ass Muther 8.0. When you're done, deinstall it, do a defrag and throw away all traces. Chances are you'll get that same disk in the mail next week. Unlike mail order CD's, there's no commitment and you don't have to buy 6 in a year. Thank goodness for male order.

HB

PS. Don't hesitate to try an older model Recovery. There are always bugs in the new ones.